Learning how to control anger can seem impossible at first, especially if you feel powerless, out of control, or that anger is inherently wrong. There are many kinds of anger, ranging from minor annoyances to full-blown rage blackouts. Regardless of your challenges, controlling anger starts by stepping back, relaxing your body, and identifying the underlying issues.
How to Control Your Anger: 24 Helpful Tips
Controlling anger is not always necessary, as anger can be a good thing and serve a purpose. However, it’s when you get stuck in anger that it becomes toxic. Depending on the cause and type of anger, learning how to deal with and control it may mean processing trauma, changing your perspective, or learning a skill.
Below are tips for controlling your anger:
1. Count to 10 Before Responding
Counting to 10 before responding is a simple but effective strategy for controlling anger outbursts. Our emotions can quickly escalate when we feel angry, leading to impulsive and potentially harmful behavior.
We give ourselves time to pause and reflect before reacting when we take a few steps back to breathe, helping us avoid saying or doing something we may regret later. While we cannot control how we innately feel about most things, we can control our responses. When learning how to calm anger, pause to allow your body and mind time to process your emotions.
2. Take a Time-Out
Taking a time-out before anger turns into rage is advisable. These time-outs allow you to cool down, calm yourself, and stay inside your rational mind. Try developing a time-out plan for when your irritability gets out of hand.
For example, your plan might include walking, writing in your journal, praying, or meditating. Then, when you feel your anger escalating, enact your strategies, and choose to revisit the issue later. Taking this period to relax is one way to help control anger immediately.
3. Identify the Causes
Identifying the causes of anger can be a helpful first step in working on anger issues. Anger is often the result of feeling threatened, frustrated, or powerless. It can also be a response to past trauma or unresolved emotional issues.
By identifying the underlying causes of our anger, we can begin addressing these issues and learn to manage our emotions more healthily. Seeking support from a therapist can also be beneficial for learning additional strategies for controlling anger and overcoming underlying emotional stressors.
4. Relax Your Muscles
When you start noticing signs of anger, try practicing progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)/ PMR involves tightening a group of muscles in your body for 4-20 seconds while you breathe in, then relaxing them as you breathe out until you work through the entire body.9 There are many guided recordings online that can help you overcome anger in the moment.
5. Play Some Music & Shake It Off
Playing music and shaking off your anger can help control your temper when you feel angry. Dancing along to a favorite tune can powerfully and positively affect our emotions because it helps release stress, tension, pent-up energy, and frustration.
Exercise increases the production of endorphins which are natural mood-boosting chemicals in the brain. Additionally, exercise can help reduce cortisol levels contributing to anxiety and tension. By moving our bodies, we can tap into our emotions and release pent-up feelings healthily and productively.
6. Take a Deep Breath
Breathing exercises can be a helpful tool for managing angry outbursts.17 When we are angry, our bodies can enter a fight or flight response, resulting in physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. Exercising breathing techniques activates the relaxation response, helping to reduce these physical symptoms and promote a sense of calm and relaxation. Frequent practice can help you learn how to respond to stressful situations calmly and productively.
Several types of breathing exercises are effective for controlling anger. One example is deep breathing, which involves taking slow, deep breaths from the diaphragm. You can also try box breathing, which focuses on inhaling, holding the breath, and exhaling in four-count intervals. You can use these practices as a regular part of your routine, as a preventative measure, or in stressful situations.
7. Look at the Bigger Picture
Looking at the bigger picture and gaining perspective helps you see situations objectively. When we become angry, emotions can cloud our judgment and make it difficult to approach the circumstance effectively.
One way to gain perspective is to ask yourself, “Is this situation that important,” or “Will this matter in a week, a month, or a year?” Doing so puts the situation into context and reduces the intensity of your emotional response. Another strategy is to practice seeing the problem from another point of view.
8. Write Out Your Feelings
Journaling for your mental health provides a safe, private space for self-expression and voicing your anger. Try expressive writing if you do not want to keep a physical journal. Write for 15-30 minutes and then instantly destroy the entry. Doing so allows you to cope with and work through your anger issues in a healthy, constructive way.2
Morning pages, another type of journaling, involves writing in a stream of consciousness for three pages every morning. Just let your pen move across the page. Controlling your anger starts by processing and expressing these thoughts. If either form of journaling does not quite work for you, try making your own style!
9. Practice Empathy & Understanding
Practicing empathy and understanding can be an effective way to reduce frustration and control anger outbursts. Empathy is the ability to recognize, appreciate, and share the feelings of others, while understanding relates to comprehending a situation or perspective. By exercising both of these skills, you can develop greater emotional intelligence, helping you better control your anger, promote social connection, and reduce feelings of isolation.
10. Express Your Feelings & Anger
Expressing your anger is important for management and control. Identifying and understanding your emotions becomes easier when you openly share them. Additionally, expressing anger is another way to release tension and reduce frustration, which can help to prevent future outbursts. Sharing your feelings in a controlled environment, such as with a therapist or support group, can provide a sense of validation and support.
11. Come Up With an Immediate Solution
When faced with a situation that triggers anger, it is important to have immediate solutions to control anger. One effective method is to take a break and remove yourself by stepping outside for fresh air, taking a walk, or finding a quiet place to sit and breathe deeply. You may also practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment without judgment. Learning how to control anger immediately often starts with taking deep breaths and focusing on your surroundings.
12. Rehearse Your Response Ahead of Time
Rehearsing your response ahead of time can help you be less angry when encountering an expected conflict. By anticipating potential triggers and planning how to react, you can better prepare yourself to manage your emotions. Consider trying deep breathing or relaxation techniques before entering a potentially stressful situation. Another effective method is to use positive self-talk–remind yourself to stay calm, focused, and open-minded. By rehearsing positive responses ahead of time, you can develop greater emotional resilience and be less reactive to triggering situations.
13. Practice Mindfulness & Mantras
Mindfulness is self-awareness and understanding gained through purposeful and non-judgmental attention to the present. Mindfulness slows down the process of anger, making you more aware of its progression and effects. Accepting your reality is another part of this practice, as it helps you let go of the illusion of control. Start by being more present, aware, observant, and compassionate.
Along with meditation, using mantras can also be an effective way to control your anger. Mantras are phrases or words repeated to focus the mind and promote relaxation and calmness. Repeating a mantra, such as “I am calm and in control” or “I choose peace over anger,” can positively impact mental health and well-being, including reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. In the context of anger management, both mindfulness and mantra exercises provide simple and accessible tools for maintaining a sense of calm and control in challenging situations.
14. Find a Creative Outlet
Engaging in creative activities such as painting, drawing, writing, or playing music offers a productive outlet for frustration and can also lead to greater self-awareness. Research shows that engaging in such activities helps to increase positive emotions, lower stress levels, and reduce anger and aggression.18,19,20 Additionally, being creative provides a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, which can boost your self-esteem.21
15. Get Your Body Moving
Like all emotions, anger is experienced both internally and externally.4 Because of this, physical movement is a great way to push emotions out, keeping anger from being stored in an unprocessed state. When figuring out how to control your anger, try a few different physical activities such as yoga, walking, dancing, or even bilateral stimulation.5 Getting your body up and moving is a great anger management technique.
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16. Start a Meditation Routine
Meditation for anger includes setting aside time to sit quietly with your thoughts, and many religions and spiritual practices prescribe a form of meditation as a part of their teachings. For example, some view quiet prayer as a form of meditation.7 However you choose to practice, meditation involves focusing on the present moment. This is often done through deep breathing or visualization techniques, working to ground you and reduce feelings of stress or frustration. Over time, you can learn to better
By practicing meditation regularly, you are better equipped to control your temper in challenging situations. Along with mindfulness and grounding techniques for anger, meditation further fosters relaxation, peace, and tranquility.
17. Take Time to Appreciate the Positives
Practicing gratitude when angry allows you to recognize the positive things in your life. If you already have a gratitude list, try breathing new life into it. Take a moment to appreciate each item instead of simply listing what you’re grateful for.
18. Do Something Good for Others
Kindness and generosity promote positive emotions, such as gratitude and compassion, helping to calm the body and mind.22,24,25 Furthermore, altruistic activities can improve social connections and create a buffer against distress and negative emotions.23 Offering support can move your focus away from anger and regain a sense of control and agency, foster empathy and compassion, and reduce feelings of frustration or aggression.26
19. Reach Out to a Loved One
Talking to someone you trust validates your experience and offers chances to see things from a new perspective.28 Loved ones will provide emotional support and encouragement, possibly alongside useful coping strategies for managing anger.
Studies suggest that people report increased self-worth and overall mood when they seek social support.29 Additionally, a sincere family member, friend, or coworker can help you identify your anger triggers and provide feedback on your behavior. While these individuals can be a valuable source of support, seeking professional advice if anger issues interfere with your daily life is important.
20. Find Some Humor & Laugh
Laughter has a wide range of physical and mental health benefits. Incorporating humor into a situation helps diffuse tension and break down barriers between you and others. Outside of conflict, consider seeking opportunities for social connection and laughter, such as joining a laughter yoga group, attending a comedy show, reading funny books, or watching a hilarious sitcom.
21. Focus on Forgiveness & Letting Go of Anger
Many people may mistakenly believe that forgiveness means restoring a relationship or pretending a conflict never happened. That’s not correct! You can forgive someone and still hold them accountable for their actions. Forgiveness is about letting go of the burdens that hold you down.
Holding onto anger and resentment can lead to a cycle of despondent thoughts and emotions. Conversely, forgiveness promotes healing and emotional well-being. By forgiving yourself or others, you can learn to control your temper by focusing on the positives, improving your relationships, and promoting inner peace and contentment.
22. Celebrate Your Victories
You might feel frustrated when your moments of victory and triumph pass by without anyone recognizing them. Learning to acknowledge and celebrate your own achievements facilitates further change. One way to do this is to create a Victory Journal. For example, try writing, “I didn’t swear at my sister when we were fighting. I am so proud of myself.” It may seem silly or awkward initially, but it’s worth a try.
23. Write a “Dear John” Letter to Anger
A letter to anger will start with “Dear Anger.” Then, thank your anger for how it has helped you. Look back over your life and childhood– you may see how your struggle with anger originated as a mechanism to cope and survive. Acknowledging how your emotions have helped you is essential when overcoming anger.
The second paragraph will address how anger has become a problem for you. You will identify issues in your life and relationships because of your rage and frustration. Finish off the letter by “breaking up” with anger. Writing such a letter can have a very cathartic effect and aid you in controlling future anger outbursts.
24. Create Your Own Anger Management Plan
Creating an anger management plan can be helpful when dealing with anger. You will want to include healthy habits, tips for prevention and expression, time-out activities, and a list of supportive people. Keep these anger management skills handy so you can refer to them whenever necessary. Visualize yourself using the plan, too.
How to Get Help for Anger
If you feel overwhelmed or are “blacking out” when you get angry, consider seeking professional help from a compassionate, competent therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anger can be effective in helping to identify triggers and introducing coping skills to manage your anger.
It may also be possible that you’re dealing with untreated trauma, and a therapist can help you through the healing process. You can find the right therapist specializing in CBT and anger issues by searching an online therapist directory. You can also ask your primary care provider for a referral or insurance company for in-network providers.
Final Thoughts
While learning how to control your anger can feel isolating, remember that you are not alone in your experience. Reaching out to and talking with someone you trust–whether they are a therapist, spiritual leader, friend, or family member–can make a big difference in how you feel.
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