Does Grief Make You Tired? Understanding Grief Exhaustion

What Is Grief?

Grief is the sadness or anguish felt after a significant loss. Everyone experiences grief differently, and the healing process is not linear.¹ However, many report shared experiences of sadness, confusion, anger, or denial. In some cases, grief can also manifest as physical symptoms, such as stomach upset and muscle tension.

Symptoms of grief may include:¹

• Muscle tension
• Digestive issues
• Appetite changes
• Symptoms of anxiety
• Symptoms of depression
• Confusion
• Yearning
• Disrupted sleep
• Physical aches and pains

What Is Grief Exhaustion?

Grief exhaustion refers to the intense and pervasive fatigue that comes with loss. Readjusting to unemployment, divorce, or the absence of a loved one can leave individuals drained, as they must quickly cope with drastic changes. Grief is powerful and affects nearly every aspect of daily living, including spiritual, mental, and social well-being.

The types of grief exhaustion include:

• Spiritual exhaustion: Grief can make individuals question their values and beliefs, sometimes leading to instability in their spiritual journeys.
• Mental exhaustion: Mental exhaustion in grief may result in tiredness, irritability, and helplessness.
• Physical exhaustion: Grieving can drain your energy, resulting in persistent fatigue, low motivation, and physical depletion.
• Emotional exhaustion: Emotions are high when dealing with loss. Constantly shifting between sadness, anger, or yearning can leave people feeling emotionally drained and incapable of coping.
• Social exhaustion: Losing a loved one typically involves funerals, services, and endless social interactions. People can experience social fatigue after spending too much energy or time with others when they should focus on self-healing.

Why Does Grief Make You Tired?

Grief leads to exhaustion and fatigue for many reasons. People experience an emotional rollercoaster associated with loss, including despair, shock, sadness, and even anger.² Additionally, many struggle with maintaining self-care while grieving, leading to physical and emotional drain. Depression also commonly accompanies loss, which can affect sleep and restfulness.

Below are nine possible reasons why grief makes you tired:

1. Insomnia

The grief process is synonymous with sleep issues, with many individuals reporting insomnia, dreams about lost loved ones, or rumination about their loss.³ Some may also struggle with adjusting to sleeping alone after losing a spouse or partner, further impairing their ability to fall and stay asleep.

2. Hypervigilance

Those experiencing complicated grief may become extremely afraid of death. These fears can contribute to hypervigilance, as individuals obsess over the possibility of losing their lives or another loved one.⁴ They may grow increasingly aware of their environments and have intrusive, irrational thoughts about potential dangers. This constant anxious state can exhaust their internal resources, contributing to grief fatigue.

3. Depression

Grief and depression commonly co-occur, as coping with loss can create sadness, loss of motivation, and apathy. Depression also commonly contributes to sleep disturbances, such as difficulties falling or staying asleep. Additionally, coping with comorbid depression and grief can affect the ability to maintain healthy eating habits, self-care, and sleep hygiene. As a result, people may experience worsening grief exhaustion.

4. Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independence is often a trauma response, resulting in an extreme need to remain self-reliant and efficient. These characteristics can lead to grief exhaustion because individuals avoid seeking support as they cope, relying instead on their own resources to maintain mental and emotional stability. Eventually, people may take on more than their bodies and minds can tolerate, leading to overwhelm and fatigue.

5. Poor Eating Habits

Individuals grieving a loss may experience a decline in appetite or an interest in maintaining a healthy diet. Grief can impact the ability to function, as people dedicate their energy toward preparing for their lives after loss. Sometimes, simply eating can seem like an impossible task or a nuisance. Grabbing easy foods or skipping meals can be easy, rather than spending time grocery shopping, cooking, or sitting down to eat. These poor eating habits can worsen fatigue because the body does not have adequate nutrients for optimal functioning.

6. Changes in Routine

Loss can change every aspect of your life, especially in cases of caregiving or employment. Additionally, the end of a relationship can impact your home and social lives as you navigate a new routine without your partner. Immediately adjusting to these drastic changes can deplete your emotional, mental, and physical energy, leading to grief exhaustion.

7. Feeling Overstimulated

Overstimulation can occur after spending too much time with others after experiencing a loss. For example, individuals can easily overextend themselves when jumping from service to service or job interview to job interview. Support is essential when grieving, but lacking time to recharge and decompress can lead to fatigue.

8. Stress & Burnout

Experiencing chronic stress associated with loss affects your entire system, sometimes leading to burnout. For instance, individuals may feel overwhelmed when looking for a new job, recovering from a divorce, or planning funeral services for a loved one. Tending to these responsibilities without taking time to grieve prevents the healing process, often leaving people exhausted and hopeless.

9. Physical Pain

Grief can influence the stress response, and prolonged overproduction of stress hormones can lead to body aches and pain. Headaches, neck pain, or overall discomfort compounded with loss can worsen stress, grief fatigue, and anxiety.²

Is It Grief Exhaustion or Prolonged Grief?

Grief exhaustion is a common symptom of prolonged or complicated grief but does not indicate a diagnosable disorder. Prolonged grief is a condition that encompasses intense, overwhelming grief-related symptoms that impact identity, functioning, and behavior. Individuals should seek professional help if they struggle with long-lasting grief fatigue, as they may require treatment.

Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder include:⁵

• Difficulty accepting the death
• Impaired functioning in daily life
• Difficulty sleeping
• Identity disruption
• Avoiding reminders of the loss
• Anger or bitterness about the loss
• Difficulty with reintegration
• Difficulty developing new routines
• Emotional numbness
• Hopelessness or helplessness
• Intense loneliness or sadness

How Long Does Grief Exhaustion Last?

Everyone grieves differently, so suggesting a definitive timeline for grief exhaustion is inaccurate and unrealistic. Some people may experience fatigue for a brief period following a loss, while others report long-term symptoms. Duration and intensity often depend on coping skills, support, and professional guidance.

How to Cope With Grief Exhaustion

Grief and loss can change your world and leave you feeling lonely, lost, and confused. However, you can find love, hope, and support in others. Accepting your new reality is critical to moving forward and healing. Additionally, reducing fatigue and exhaustion can be accomplished by prioritizing self-care, sleep, and diet. Remember, you deserve to feel good, especially after experiencing a substantial, life-changing loss.

Below are ways to cope with exhaustion while grieving:

• Explore your hobbies: Engage in once-pleasurable activities that help you relax and calm your emotions. Feed your spirit with positive hobbies, such as journaling, exploring the arts, making music, or reading.
• Stay connected with loved ones: Avoid isolating yourself from others when grieving. Your loved ones can provide essential support as you navigate the ups and downs of grief.
• Maintain regular self-care: Develop a new sleep, meal, and hygiene routine to improve well-being and combat grief exhaustion.
• Join a support group: Group therapy creates a community with others experiencing similar situations. This shared understanding can help you feel less alone in your journey.
• Lean on traditions and customs: Reconnect with your spiritual beliefs, revisit cultural practices, or create new rituals of remembrance to promote spiritual well-being.
• Allow yourself to grieve: Accept your loss and give yourself grace as you cope with loss. Sometimes, crying can be good, especially when grieving.
• Learn and practice coping skills: Understanding how to reduce stress with healthy coping skills can help prevent future exhaustion when grieving.

Setting Boundaries When Dealing With Grief Exhaustion

Communicating your limits with loved ones is essential when overcoming grief exhaustion. Family members may offer unsolicited advice about navigating loss or over-involve themselves in your life. This behavior can worsen fatigue, overstimulation, and anxiety.

Calmly expressing and setting boundaries means informing loved ones about what you can and cannot handle when grieving. For example, you can limit visits to once a week or ask them to avoid making employment suggestions. Practice saying “no” when necessary, and remember to honor and validate your needs.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking professional support if you experience worsening grief-related symptoms.

Grief counseling can help you cope with loss, develop coping skills, and establish boundaries. Finding the right therapist is the first step toward healing. You can use an online therapist directory to filter profiles based on specialty, location, and insurance. You do not have to navigate grief alone–support is available.

Below are signs to seek professional help for grief exhaustion:

• Poor eating habits
• Difficulties sleeping
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Prolonged grief
• Poor self-care
• Lack of interest in activities
• Suicidal thoughts
• Preoccupation with death