Erotophobia is the fear of sex and sexual intimacy. It is more than a blanket fear of sexual encounters as erotophobia is intertwined with fears around intimacy and vulnerability. This phobia can also overlap with and exacerbate the symptoms of sexual anxiety.
Definition of Erotophobia
A phobia is an extreme fear of something. Phobias can be fears of objects, places, things and situations. Erotophobia is a fear of sexual intimacy and it impacts people’s daily lives in profound ways. It keeps them from engaging in anything that involves a close connection and other human experiences such as love, joy, and pleasure.
There are different types of erotophobia, some of which are physical and some emotional. It is possible to have symptoms of all types while having one primary type of phobia as sexual intimacy is complex.1
The four types of erotophobia include:
- Genophobia: This is a fear of sexual intercourse and only impacts acts involving intercourse. People are able to engage in kissing and cuddling.
- Fear of Intimacy: Having a fear of intimacy impacts all types of relationships and prevents people from engaging in even very reserved acts of intimacy such as a handshake.
- Haphephobia: This is a fear of being touched and impacts all types of relationships including professional ones.
- Gynophobia: This is a fear of nudity and can have roots in body image issues and anxiety.1
Erotophobia Symptoms & Triggers
Phobias tend to be rooted in some kind of anxiety or traumatic event which triggers anxiety. This makes phobias more than a simple feeling of fear, rather it produces emotions within the individual that can even be felt physically as there is a sense of doom and danger. Their feelings around their fears are valid and the emotion, as irrational as it may appear, feels very realistic for those who struggle with phobias. Erotophobia is no different, in fact it can make living with the phobia more challenging as it would take vulnerability to share their diagnosis with others, which can create more triggers.
Below are some common triggers of erotophobia:
- Negative attitude toward sex
- Negative reactions to sexual stimulus
- Anger issues
- Trust issues
- Avoiding physical contact
- Self-isolating
- Body image issues
- Low self-esteem
- Absence of a support system2
Erotophobia Causes
Erotophobia often develops after bad experiences with relationships, and often during childhood. Past experiences can prevent someone from getting close to others and can prevent all kinds of intimacy, including emotional, intellectual and sexual intimacy. It is more complex than a fear of intimacy as sexual intimacy can look different for different people.
The following are common causes of erotophobia:
Past Sexual Trauma
Erotophobia may result after sexual trauma like rape or sexual abuse. It is more likely for individuals who develop rape trauma syndrome to also develop erotophobia as a self protection mechanism. To add, sexual assault PTSD is also common in individuals with erotophobia however not everyone with erotophobia has PTSD.
Fear of Abandonment
A fear of abandonment can lead to erotophobia as sexual intimacy is heavily tied with emotional intimacy. When we have a fear of abandonment, we may end up avoiding all kinds of relationships and intimacy, including sexual intimacy. A lot of these fears are rooted in anxiety around being left alone.
Fear of Isolation
Those who have a fear of isolation often find themselves spending time with people just to be with someone. They are afraid of being alone and can end up forming poor relationships. When a poor relationship is formed due to fear of isolation, the relationship can cause a lot more harm for the individual with the fear of isolation. They may engage in sexual intimacy and emotionally feel taken advantage of if that individual is no longer interested in sustaining that relationship.
Fear of Rejection
Those who have a fear of rejection often have a fear of intimacy as well, as they are scared to form close bonds because of the potential of not being accepted. They may end up learning that they have to avoid all intimacy, including sexual intimacy, in order to feel safe.
Pelvic Pain Conditions
There are also a number of pelvic pain conditions that could lead to erotophobia. These conditions generally include symptoms such as painful sex, poor sexual function or other barriers which are physical in nature. When these issues continue to happen, it can lead to a fear of sexual intimacy especially if they are not able to perform sexually due to these conditions.
Types of pelvic pain conditions that may cause erotophobia include:
- Vulvodynia – Pain in the vulva area upon touching the vulva. Since this is located at the vaginal opening, it can cause a lot of pain.
- Vaginismus – Muscle spasms in the pelvic floor are which cause severe pain and contractions with no known origin of this pain.
- Dyspareunia – Pain during sexual penetration and intercourse, often has overlapping symptoms with vulvodynia and vaginismus, as well as psychological factors that may prohibit one from being present during sex.3
Impacts of Erotophobia in Daily Life
Fearing intimacy and sexual intimacy can negatively impact someone’s daily life and relationships. It can keep relationships from going deeper and expanding as sexual expression is important in a relationship. It can also lead to social isolation and depression as one may feel defective or as if they are flawed as a result of having this fear. It can certainly keep people in a state where they are unable to connect and relate to their peers.
How Erotophobia is Diagnosed
It can take a little bit of time to get a diagnosis however there are some significant factors that one must experience to receive this diagnosis. A diagnosis is made by a physician and may involve a psychiatrist and/or an OBGYN.
Criteria for a specific phobia diagnosis include:
- The fear is not a result of another mental health disorder
- The fear impacts other areas of your life, such as dating and friendships
- The fear invokes an immediate response, such as suddenly moving away from a partner during sex.
- The fear is out of proportion to the situation and occurs for six months or more4
Erotophobia Treatment
There are a variety of phobia treatments and coping strategies available for erotophobia. Treating an underlying sexual disorder can help, and the treatment depends on the type of disorder or physical condition identified. This can include pelvic floor physical therapy and dilators for pelvic pain. Sometimes physical therapy is used in combination with medication and psychotherapy, couples therapy and/or sex therapy.
The following therapy may be used for erotophobia treatment:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT helps us identify what our thoughts are around the fear, where it comes from and address that so the avoidance behaviors can change.
- Sex therapy: sex therapy can help people with sexual dysfunctions that are intertwined with psychological trauma or a mental health history which impacts one’s sex life.5
- Hypnotherapy: hypnotherapy can help us work through past sexual traumas and PTSD which may be prohibiting one from engaging in pleasurable sex.
- Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy: You can obtain a referral from your OBGYN for a pelvic floor physical therapist where you will learn about your condition, receive psychoeducation and have hands-on interventions from a physical therapist to help you release tension from your pelvic floor.6
The following medications may be used to reduce erotophobia symptoms:
How to Cope With Erotophobia
Living with erotophobia can be challenging, but there are a lot of coping mechanisms one can try. Everyone who has this condition is different, so some of these may work better than others for you. It’s important to have an open mind and focus on the areas you can control to feel empowered to work through the emotions that come up.
Below are some coping techniques for erotophobia symptoms:
- Relaxation exercises: Meditation exercises can feel very relaxing and help you feel less tense and anxious in your body.
- Breathing control exercises: Breathing exercises can help you lower your heart rate and feel more in control during intimate moments and learning how to practice this regularly can be helpful for coping.
- Journaling: The journaling process of writing out your feelings and goals is important to help you process everything you’re dealing with and can help you see over time the progress you’ve made.
- Yoga: Yoga can be very beneficial for the pelvic floor pain as well as help you stay grounded.
- Home physical therapy program: This can include guidance from a physical therapist for home exercises to do with a dilator set you can purchase to continue your rehab.
How to Find Help for Erotophobia
It can be scary and intimidating trying to find help for erotophobia, however it is possible. It is no secret that sex is important to most people, even those with erotophobia, so finding and getting help is important for one’s well being. Those living with erotophobia may feel awkward and ashamed with their condition and may have a hard time speaking up about it. It is important to advocate for yourself and take control of the sexual life you deserve and can have. To look for a therapist who treats erotophobia, you can look through an online therapist directory and book someone at an online therapy platform. You can also find a provider offering in person sessions.
Therapy can be a good way to uncover the underlying causes of phobia, address them, and learn healthy ways to handle triggers and anxieties. Also speaking with your primary care physician or OBGYN is important to ensure there aren’t underlying medical issues contributing to the condition. If this is the case, pelvic floor physical therapy can also be an option. It is important to consider all types of treatment interventions to help address this.
In My Experience
In my experience, this is a far more common phobia than people may think. Specifically many women struggle with physical issues pertaining to vaginal pain, and that instance is even higher for women of color. Treatment options are wonderful and effective, and those who go to therapy to work through the phobia can learn ways to embrace their sexuality and conquer their fears. Those struggling with the physical discomfort can experience relief with pelvic floor physical therapy exercises and can feel changes as soon as after one session. Many can have a wonderful sex life and the outlook for this condition is good as long as people are willing to stay the course with their treatment plan. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you and you are capable and worthy of having pain-free and stress-free sex.
Erotophobia Infographics
