How to Help a Teenager With Depression: 10 Tips for Parents

Symptoms of Depression in Teens

Depression is exhibited in teenagers much like adults but with a few key distinctions. Teenagers are more likely to display extreme irritability, low self-esteem, frequent self-criticism, and risky and impulsive behaviors such as self-injury or drug use.¹ Teen depression symptoms may resemble typical teenage angst but are more extreme and negatively impact their functioning in areas such as school or their ability to attend to their basic needs.

Symptoms of depression vary from person to person. Although mood disturbance is a key sign of depression, the presentation varies. Teens may present as frequently tearful or sad, flat or disinterested, irritable, or a combination. Changes in appetite and sleep are also key features with variability in presentation. Some may eat more and gain weight, while others will experience a loss of appetite. Some may experience extreme tiredness and sleep excessively, whereas others will experience insomnia.

Common symptoms of depression in teens may include:²

• Mood disturbance occurring more often than not
• Frequent tearfulness
• Irritability and outbursts of anger
• Decreased interest in activities and social withdrawal
• Sleep disturbance
• Change in appetite
• Suicidal ideation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of worthlessness and excessive guilt
• Decreased energy or restlessness

Is It Hormones or Depression?

As teenagers experience hormonal fluctuations that impact mood and behavior, it can be difficult to differentiate between signs of depression and changes due to normal adolescent development. For example, sleeping more, emotional fluctuations, withdrawing from parents, boundary-pushing and argumentativeness are all normal teenage behaviors that can be challenging to live with but are usually not a cause for alarm.³ Experiencing the above symptoms occasionally and without impairment in functioning indicates your child is more likely experiencing normal challenges of adolescence.

If your teenager is sleeping most to all of the day, experiencing mood disturbance more often than not, ceasing to engage in most to all desired activities, and has withdrawn from peers in addition to family members, these occurrences could indicate your child is struggling with depression. Additionally, suicidal ideation distinguishes typical behavior from depression and should be addressed with a safe adult or a mental-health professional as depression is the biggest predictor of teen suicide.⁴

10 Tips for Helping a Teenager With Depression

Depression is treatable and providing support to your teen while they are struggling with depression is essential. Family cohesion and good interpersonal relations are protective factors, which reduce the risk of depression and lead to more resilient outcomes in young adulthood.⁵ Parent connectedness reduces the risk your teen will experience suicidal ideation or attempt suicide.⁶ Showing care and concern with curiosity and warmth helps your child process what they are experiencing, understand that help is available, and tap into their inherent resilience to promote recovery.

The following are 10 ways to support a teen with depression:

1. Be Attentive and Open

Name the changes in them that you see. Let them know you care about their well-being and are available to talk.

2. Take It Seriously

Even if you don’t understand why they are depressed, remember they are struggling in real ways. Teenage angst is challenging on its own and the struggle is compounded when depression is in the mix.

3. Express Curiosity

Ask open-ended questions about their experience such as “what are you finding difficult right now?” This shows a desire that you want to understand them and aren’t making assumptions or passing judgment. Additionally, it helps you to address depression as a team.

4. Have Regular Check-ins

Talking about how they feel and what they are struggling with is highly beneficial for your teen. Having a regular check-in normalizes talking about feelings and difficulties and takes the pressure off them to come to you. Discussing how they feel is a vulnerable experience for your teen. Make it part of the regular routine to reduce stigma and incorporate it into everyday life. An excellent place for this is in the car as many find it easier to open up when not sitting face to face and there are minimal distractions.

5. Practice Active Listening

Make gentle eye contact, give undivided attention, and validate their feelings. This helps your teen feel cared for and understood and helps you empathize with their experience. Experiencing empathy helps them feel less alone and that their struggle with depression is not a personal failing, but a part of the lives of many, which reduces feelings of shame.⁶

6. Respect Their Boundaries

If they don’t want to talk, don’t push it. Let them know you are available when they are ready and check in at a later time. Offer to help them connect with a therapist or other trusted adult if they are unwilling to talk more with you.

7. Give Them Choices

Adolescents naturally want to exercise some control over their lives and will be more cooperative in the recovery process if you let them have a say in some decisions (e.g., about what extracurriculars they engage in or which therapist they see). One approach is giving a list of safe and healthy choices and letting them choose what they prefer.

8. Encourage Socialization & Participation in Activities

Brainstorm ideas with them that they would find enjoyable. This could be a club, a sport, volunteering, or a new hobby. Discover what interests them and encourage them to go for it.

9. Highlight Their Strengths

Show them the goodness in them that they may not be able to see for themselves due to their frequent self-criticism. Focus more on internal strengths such as the effort they put into something rather than transient external traits or accomplishments such as appearance or a good grade. This creates a more stable self-concept, builds a supportive relationship with you, and fosters their inner resilience.⁷

10. Build Their Coping Skills Toolkit

Discuss ways to manage stress, sadness, and normal life challenges. This could include practicing mindfulness for teens, increasing exercise, taking a social media break, and pursuing an online teen-therapy platform, like Teen Counseling. Teen Counseling is a subscription-based online therapy platform for teens in the US where your teenager can attend weekly video, phone, or live texting sessions, as well as access messaging with their therapist in between live sessions.

What Not to Do When Helping a Teen With Depression

One common misstep when a parent is trying to help their child who is struggling with depression is to skip over responses that foster connection and dive right into “fixing the problem” with things you shouldn’t say to someone with depression. This can look like quickly giving unwanted advice or trying to get their child to see the positive side of life. Despite good intentions, approaching your teen’s struggle with depression this way often leaves them feeling misunderstood, alone, and ashamed that struggling with depression is their fault.

Below are things to avoid when supporting a teen with depression:

Minimizing Their Experience

Avoid making statements such as “it’s not that bad” or “you’ve got a good life, how could you possibly be depressed?” This jeopardizes the connection your teen needs by making them feel at fault and misunderstood.

Letting Your Own Emotions Get the Better of You

It is normal to experience anxiety and concern for your child when they are experiencing depression but if your own feelings are not addressed appropriately they can spiral into guilt, fear, and panic. This worsens the situation with your teen and destabilizes what could otherwise be a stable base for your teenager to lean on during their time of difficulty.

Having the Attitude of ‘What’s Wrong With You?’

It is best to avoid passing judgment on your teenager at all times but particularly when they are already struggling with depression which often comes with feeling worthless and being highly self-critical. They are likely already struggling with substantial self-judgment. They don’t need you to reinforce that harmful narrative.

Invading Their Privacy

As tempting as it may be to go through their phone or journal to get more information about why your teen is struggling with depression, this is a major breach of trust. A relationship with a trustworthy adult is greatly valuable as your teen is recovering from their depressive episode and this kind of breach jeopardizes their willingness to come to you. Unless under the guidance of a mental health professional, such as doing a room sweep as part of a clear and strategic safety plan, respect your teen’s privacy.

Giving Unwanted Advice

You may have helpful suggestions based on your own experience, but what worked for you may not work for them. Avoid over-identifying with their experience and making it about your life and what you think. Focus on listening to and exploring with them instead. Your teen likely doesn’t care to hear what you have to say. If they do, they can ask you for advice. If you think you do have something that would help them, ask if they would like to hear your advice before giving it.

When to Seek Professional Help

It is important to seek professional help for your teenager if their depression is impairing their functioning such as their ability to eat regularly or getting adequate sleep, as well as performing daily tasks such as attending school. Other red flags include engaging in risky and harmful behaviors such as self-injury or experiencing suicidal ideation.

Therapy for depression is helpful to teenagers as they need the support of a safe adult but may not feel comfortable sharing personal information with their parents. Although peers are an important source of support for teens, they do not have the resources to provide the trustworthy and consistent help your teenager needs. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for teens is a well-documented treatment option that can benefit your teenager struggling with depression as it helps identify and change patterns of thinking and behavior contributing to depressed mood. To find a therapist for your teenager, you can contact their school counselor, visit your child’s pediatrician, ask for a referral from your insurance company or search for a provider in this online therapist directory.

In My Experience

In my experience, regardless of what mental-health challenge a person is facing, experiencing connection with a trusted individual creates a solid base for that person to surmount and recover from the challenge. I frequently encourage parents, and anyone who has a loved one struggling with a mental health issue, to practice “connect then redirect,” a concept developed by Drs. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson that helps parents regulate their child’s strong emotions.⁸ Practicing curiosity, active listening and empathy fosters the connection and creates that solid base of connection. The redirect encompasses the changes necessary for improvement. Change is needed when your teen is struggling with depression, whether it’s a change in perspective, relationships, or coping strategies and this change is more likely to be received when offered from a place of connection.