Sometimes you can’t outwardly tell if someone is struggling with depression. Look for subtle changes, like how they talk about their mood, energy, or daily responsibilities. Other signs someone is depressed include mood swings, behavioral changes, or a more negative mindset.
What Is Depression?
Depression is more than just feeling sad–it’s a cluster of symptoms that include guilt, hopelessness, sleep or appetite problems, and poor energy levels. Depression affects nearly 5% of adults worldwide, and depression symptoms can look different for everyone and fluctuate over time.1
Depression symptoms may include:
- Expressing a negative or hopeless outlook
- More irritability
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Changes in appetite
- Fatigue
- Problems with concentration and focus
- Thoughts about suicide or dying
- Sleep issues (insomnia, restlessness, hypersomnia)
- General discontent
- Excessive feelings of guilt
- Anhedonia (losing interest/pleasure in activities)
10 Signs Someone Is Depressed
Many people don’t realize they’re experiencing depression, thinking their reactions are a normal response to stress or relationship problems. Sometimes, admitting you’re depressed can also be challenging. Some people are used to hiding their depression, making identifying symptoms even more difficult. Look for shifts in behavior, self-talk, and socialization if you think you or a loved one struggle with depression.
Below are 10 signs someone may be depressed:
1. They’re Acting Differently
Some people can mask their depression symptoms and appear to function well in everyday life. Other times, however, masking isn’t so easy. Someone struggling with depression may be more withdrawn, guarded, or irritable. They might seem like a different person, even if they deny anything is outwardly wrong.
People with depression might also seem different because coping with symptoms leaves little energy for anything else. Their day may feel consumed by trying to check items off their to-do list. Interacting with others might feel draining, even with close friends or loved ones.
2. They Seem More Negative
Depression affects cognition, which controls mood and thoughts. Because of this, someone experiencing depression may adopt a more negative perspective on the world. They may appear more moody, cynical, or jaded than typical. Sometimes these negative perceptions come out as sarcasm because people often develop a sense of humor to cope with their emotional pain.
Everyone experiences some negativity from time to time. But someone who’s depressed might present as consistently negative. For example, a person may have no interest or joy in participating in their usual activities or tasks. Sometimes, this behavior can be off-putting and frustrating for loved ones to tolerate.
3. They Talk About Suicide
Depression doesn’t always coincide with suicidal ideation. However, most people who experience suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide have a history of depression. Talking about suicide (even joking) could indicate a person is struggling with their mental health. They may also be gauging other people’s reactions.
Suicidal thoughts can be passive or active. Someone who passively experiences suicidal ideation may think, “I’d be better off dead,” or “I hope I don’t wake up in the morning.” Someone who actively experiences suicidal thoughts has an intent and possibly the means to carry out their plan.2
4. They Seem More Withdrawn or Disconnected
When someone feels depressed, it can be hard to commit to social obligations. If getting out of bed feels difficult, spending time with friends can feel downright arduous. As a result, people with depression sometimes present as withdrawn. When they are physically present, they may appear emotionally absent.
Someone who is depressed might also be unreliable when making plans. They may text back and forth regularly, only to suddenly stop responding altogether. Such behavior can also frustrate other people, as they aren’t sure what to expect from commitments.
5. They Neglect Their Hygiene
Depression can affect concentration, motivation, and self-esteem, leaving some feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from their minds and bodies. They might neglect basic self-care activities like brushing their teeth, washing their hair, or showering. These struggles can transcend into other issues like difficulties with laundry or keeping a clean home.
Mental health problems can cause hygiene indifference in the early and latent stages of a condition.3 Completing every task associated with self-care often feels insurmountable. If someone is depressed or even suicidal, the thought of taking a shower may seem overwhelming.
6. They Become More Irritable
Even though sadness is typically associated with depression, some people experience heightened irritability when they’re depressed. They might be more cynical or judgmental, and you may feel like you’re walking on eggshells in their presence. Sometimes depression can be explosive, and people may become violent.
There is a strong connection between depression and anger. For example, people who feel depressed may project their internal anger outward, causing them to lash out at others or cause fights. This increased aggression may occur because depression magnifies negative thoughts and feelings. A person can feel out of control, and anger can allow them to release challenging emotions.
7. They Act As If Everything Is Okay
People can be depressed and present as highly functioning–the inside may not always match the outside. Some individuals may blatantly deny they feel depressed even if a loved one expresses concern, possibly due to shame or worry about how others might respond.
Sometimes, acting as if everything is okay is a survival response. Having feelings and emotions invalidated by others often leads people to disregard how they feel. They instead focus on “powering through.” Someone might also be so disconnected from their feelings that they don’t even register their depression.
8. They Seem Apathetic
Another sign someone is depressed is a lack of motivation, emotional expression, or enjoyment in daily life.4 For example, someone who is apathetic may have the same vague reaction to everything, even when something exciting happens.
Apathy can ebb and flow. Someone might experience more apathy with a more severe depression than a mild one. Sometimes people feel apathetic only about specific tasks (like going to work or socializing), whereas they still may feel motivated or excited about other parts of their daily routine.
9. They’re Using Drugs or Alcohol Problematically
There is a strong relationship between depression and substance misuse because many people use substances to self-medicate. Drugs and alcohol provide initial relief and allow for a sense of distraction. However, substance abuse can lead to serious addiction problems and exacerbate depression.
You might recognize that someone is depressed if they relapse after significant recovery. Or, someone with depression may suddenly escalate their substance use, even if they have never seemed to have a problem.
10. They Perpetually Seem Stagnant In Life
Depression can cause people to feel stuck. Depression can block motivation and prevent people from feeling capable of achieving goals, causing someone to look stagnant. It can also trigger intense feelings of incompetence or unlovability.
Loved ones may feel frustrated by this effect. They might see that the person seemingly has all the resources and skills they need to succeed. However, depression doesn’t necessarily run on logic. The emotions and mental gravity of chronic depression can distort the ability to focus and execute goals.
How to Help Someone Who Is Depressed
You can’t force someone into seeking depression treatment. However, you can be supportive and encouraging when discussing depression and professional support. The first step is being honest. You want to talk about your feelings and concerns openly without shaming the other person for their experience.
Even children and teenagers can be prone to depression. Express your love and evaluate various treatment options when helping your teen with depression. If you’re concerned about a friend or romantic partner, consider being upfront with what you notice while validating their feelings. Keep in mind that some people may worry about being a burden.
Here’s what you can do to help someone who is depressed:
- Talk about what you notice: Outline and share the symptoms you’ve seen in your loved one. Express your concern for their well-being.
- Explain depression: Emphasize that you recognize depression as a mental health condition and that the symptoms aren’t their fault.
- Practice active listening: Truly listen to the other person without judgment. Let them know you are willing to provide support at any time.
- Talk about lived experience (if applicable): If it seems appropriate, talk about your own mental health struggles. Just make sure you are not one-upping stories or putting the spotlight on you.
- Ask how you can be supportive: Emphasize that you want to help and provide support and are open to feedback.
- Ask if they’re willing to get help: In a non-judgmental way, ask if your loved one is willing to seek help for their depression. If they aren’t, try to learn more about their fears regarding treatment.
- Talk about professional treatment: Discuss the benefits of therapy and talk about seeking treatment for depression.
- Don’t just give advice: Although tempting, try to avoid advice like, “You should exercise more,” or “You need to think positively!” These statements can come across as invalidating.
- Believe them: Don’t assume that depression is just a phase or that they’re overly dramatic. Trust that their experiences are real and legitimate.
When Signs of a Depressed Person Are An Emergency
Depression can quickly or gradually escalate into an emergency. Knowing the warning signs of suicide, including social withdrawal, mood swings, researching plans to die, or making jokes about suicide, is crucial.4 If you are seriously concerned about someone’s safety, call 911 or take them to the nearest hospital.
How Is Depression Treated?
Depression is not curable, but treatment can help you manage symptoms. Treatment methods for depression, often a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes, can help people live meaningful and fulfilling lives. Symptoms may fluctuate, but getting help will prepare you for managing distress when it arises.
Therapies for depression focus on understanding the triggers and underlying factors maintaining depression. Therapy also provides support, guidance, and practical coping tools for managing depression symptoms. Therapy can be short-term or long-term, and the length of treatment will vary based on your specific needs and progress.
Common types of therapy used for depression include:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for depression focuses on changing negative thoughts, which can help improve your overall mood and behavioral patterns.
- Exposure therapy: Exposure therapy can be helpful if you have comorbid anxieties or phobias with your depression. This treatment provides a desensitization effect to triggering stimuli.
- Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): ACT focuses on helping people understand their values and stay in the present moment, which can help reduce depression.
- Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT): DBT for depression emphasizes distress tolerance, interpersonal skills, and emotional regulation, all of which can help people experiencing depression.
- Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing: EMDR for depression targets specific memories, negative beliefs, or traumas impacting depression.
- Interpersonal therapy: IPT helps people strengthen their interpersonal skills, which can improve their relational satisfaction and decrease depression symptoms.
- Psychodynamic therapy: Psychodynamic therapy helps people connect present-day patterns with past experiences, providing insight into the origins of depression.
- Art and music therapy: Art therapy and music therapy offer creative interventions for cultivating insight and improving self-esteem.
When to See a Therapist for Depression
Individual therapy provides people with a safe, supportive environment to talk about their depression and receive guidance on coping with symptoms. Group therapy offers a sense of camaraderie for people experiencing mental health issues. If you’re struggling with depression, consider seeking professional treatment. Both in-person and online therapy options can help you feel better about your life. You can also use an online therapist directory to help find a therapist.
In My Experience
Depression is relatively common and can feel debilitating, even if you present well on the outside. Many people try to “tough it out,” but you don’t have to suffer in silence. Seeking help can be one of the best decisions you make.
How to Tell If Someone Is Depressed Infographics
