How to Help Someone With Postpartum Depression: 10 Tips From an Expert

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a type of depression that affects individuals after childbirth. It can develop in the weeks or months following delivery, with symptoms including persistent sadness, mood swings, fatigue, and feelings of worthlessness. Approximately 15% of new mothers experience PPD, which can also affect fathers and partners.¹

While its exact cause is not fully understood, risk factors include hormonal fluctuations, personal or family history of depression, lack of social support, and complications during pregnancy and/or traumatic childbirth. PPD can persist for several months or even longer if left untreated, making early recognition and intervention crucial for recovery and the well-being of both the individual and the newborn.

What Does Postpartum Depression Look Like?

Postpartum depression can present in many ways, and some signs of PPD are more obvious than others. Common signs include persistent sadness, mood swings, fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty bonding with the baby. Signs of PPD can also be physical, including changes in appetite and sleep, as well as physical discomfort. PPD varies in severity, and its symptoms can range from mild to severe.

Common signs and symptoms of postpartum depression are:²

• Persistent and overwhelming sadness: PPD is characterized by an intense, unrelenting feeling of sadness that lasts most of the day and nearly every day, often for two weeks or more.
• Mood swings: Individuals may experience sudden and extreme shifts in mood, going from feeling hopeless and despairing to moments of intense irritability or anger.
• Extreme fatigue: Beyond the usual fatigue associated with caring for a newborn, PPD often brings profound exhaustion that doesn’t improve with rest.
• Loss of interest and pleasure: Activities once enjoyed become uninteresting, and individuals may feel emotionally numb or disconnected from life.
• Appetite changes: These changes can manifest as increased or decreased appetite, leading to significant weight changes.
• Insomnia or excessive sleep: Individuals may struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep, or conversely, they might find themselves oversleeping, even when the baby isn’t awake.
• Thoughts of self-harm or harm to the baby: Perhaps the most concerning symptom, PPD, can involve thoughts of self-harm or harming the infant, though these thoughts are not usually acted upon and should be taken as a sign that professional help is urgently needed.

Recognizing these symptoms is vital because PPD can negatively impact the mother’s and newborn’s well-being. Early identification and intervention can lead to effective treatment, allowing individuals to navigate this challenging period and fostering a healthier and more fulfilling postpartum experience for both the mom and the child.

How to Help Someone With Postpartum Depression

Supporting someone with postpartum depression can significantly impact their recovery journey and well-being. Help begins with listening to the new mom’s needs and providing practical assistance. Offer understanding and empathy for what they are going through. Lastly, reassure them that PPD is treatable, and with the right support, they can begin to enjoy motherhood.

Here are 10 ways you can help someone with postpartum depression:³

1. Ask How They Are Feeling

Asking someone with PPD how they feel is crucial in offering support. It demonstrates your genuine concern for their well-being and allows them to express their emotions. Many individuals with PPD feel isolated and overwhelmed by their thoughts and emotions. By initiating this conversation, you allow them to share their struggles and seek comfort.

Listening also helps you gauge their current state, enabling you to tailor your support to their needs, whether lending a listening ear, offering assistance, or encouraging professional help when necessary.

2. Help Them Find Resources Available to Someone With PPD

Helping someone with PPD find available resources is vital because it empowers them to access the right support and treatment. PPD can be isolating, and individuals may not be aware of the help available to them. By guiding them toward resources, you’re offering a lifeline to information, therapy, and communities that can aid their recovery and reduce feelings of helplessness and despair.

Here are a few resources that are available to someone with postpartum depression:

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): PSI offers information, resources, and access to local support groups for individuals experiencing PPD. (Website: postpartum.net)
• National suicide prevention lifeline: For immediate assistance during moments of crisis, this lifeline provides support. (Phone: 1-800-273-TALK)
• Local support groups: Many communities have PPD support groups that offer a safe space to share experiences and coping strategies. Check with local mental health organizations or hospitals for options near you.
• Online communities: Websites and forums like Postpartum Progress and Reddit’s r/Postpartum_Depression provide a platform to connect with others facing similar challenges.
• Mental health professionals: Seek support from therapists or counselors specializing in postpartum depression. Your healthcare provider can provide referrals or recommendations.
• Postpartum apps: Various mobile apps, such as Calm Harm and What’s Up?, are designed to help individuals track their mood, provide coping strategies, and connect with mental health resources.
• Books and literature: Many books on postpartum depression offer guidance, insight, and personal stories. A well-known book on the subject is “The Postpartum Depression Workbook” by Dr. Shoshana S. Bennett.

3. Provide Practical Support

Offering practical support to someone with postpartum depression can significantly ease their burden and facilitate their recovery. PPD can make even simple daily tasks overwhelming, so lending a hand with practical matters can be immensely helpful.

Here are some ways you can provide practical support:

• Assist with household chores: Help with cleaning, cooking, or laundry to lessen their daily responsibilities.
• Share childcare duties: Give them a break by looking after the baby or children for a few hours, allowing them to rest or engage in self-care.
• Grocery shopping: Offer to do their grocery shopping or accompany them to make the task more manageable.
• Meal preparation: Prepare and deliver nutritious meals that they can easily reheat, ensuring they have nourishing food to combat their depression during this challenging time.
• Errands and appointments: Offer to run errands or drive them to medical appointments, therapy sessions, or support group meetings.
• Lighten their workload: If they have other responsibilities, like work or school, discuss options for reducing their workload temporarily.
• Provide emotional support: Practical support can be as simple as being present and offering emotional reassurance.

4. Promote Self-Care

Promoting self-care is essential in helping individuals with PPD because it empowers them to prioritize their well-being and emotional recovery. PPD often leads to neglect of one’s needs, causing further emotional distress. Encouraging self-care activities, such as taking short breaks for meditating to combat depression, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in enjoyable hobbies, not only fosters physical and mental rejuvenation but also reinforces the message that they deserve self-compassion and self-nurturing.

By incorporating self-care into their routine, individuals with PPD can regain control over their lives and experience moments of relief and emotional stability, which are crucial steps toward recovery.

5. Educate Yourself

Educating yourself about PPD is vital in providing practical support because it equips you with the knowledge and empathy to understand the condition’s nuances and challenges. PPD can be complex, and misconceptions about it are common. Psychoeducation can help you approach the situation with greater sensitivity and awareness by learning about its symptoms, causes, and available treatments. This knowledge enables you to offer informed guidance, connect the affected individual with appropriate resources, and create a supportive, stigma-free environment that fosters understanding and healing.

6. Respect Their Choices

Respecting someone’s choices in dealing with postpartum depression empowers them to have agency in their recovery process. PPD can make individuals feel helpless and out of control, so honoring their decisions regarding treatment, whether it involves medication, therapy, or alternative approaches, reaffirms their autonomy and dignity. It fosters a sense of trust and partnership, allowing them to take ownership of their healing journey. Outside of safety concerns for mom and baby, your role is to offer unwavering support and understanding without imposing your preferences or judgments, which can be empowering and conducive to their recovery.

7. Be Patient & Persistent

Being patient and persistent in supporting someone with postpartum depression as recovery from PPD is a gradual and often nonlinear process. It may take time for the individual to respond to treatment, open up about their feelings, or make positive changes in their life.

Maintaining your presence and unwavering support demonstrates your commitment to their well-being and provides a stable anchor during their tumultuous journey. PPD can be emotionally taxing, and there may be setbacks. Still, your persistence ensures they do not feel abandoned and have a consistent source of comfort, encouragement, and understanding throughout their healing process.

8. If You’re Concerned, Choose the Best Time to Talk & Ask the Right Questions

Choosing the right time to talk about your concerns over a loved one’s mental health postpartum is important. Try to talk about it in a calm, quiet environment without distractions, and approach the conversation with a warm, unassuming, and nonjudgmental tone. Be thoughtful about how you will express yourself, and be ready to listen attentively.

Questions you might ask to guide your conversation include:

• “I’ve been thinking of you and how hard postpartum can be. How are you holding up?”
• “I read an article about how so many moms are struggling with postpartum depression recently, and I wanted to check in with you. How are you feeling? I’m here for you if you want to talk. This season of life can be really hard!”
• “Is there anything I can do to support you right now? Having a baby can be overwhelming. You’re not alone. I’m so glad to help in any way I can.”
• “What has it been like since the baby was born? I’ve been thinking of you.”

9. Don’t Compare Her Situation to Yours or Other Mothers’

When it comes to parenting, it is all too common to make comparisons – to yourself, your sister, your neighbor down the street – but comparing her situation to other mothers’ can shut down the conversation in no time. Be intentional about making all of your questions and words of encouragement about her alone. She will feel understood and validated if you truly listen to her unique experience.

10. Notice the Small Things She’s Doing Well

Mothers dealing with PPD often struggle with debilitating self-doubt, so authentic words of encouragement can mean so much. Take time to observe and notice the small things she is doing well in her new role. The more specific and genuine you are with your praise, the more meaningful it will be to her.

You could say something like:

• “You really tuned in to your baby and soothed her cries just the way she needed.”
• “I love how you’ve found creative, safe ways to sleep when the baby sleeps. Your body needs rest to recover, and you’ve been doing an amazing job balancing your needs and the baby’s. It’s not easy!”
• “I admire how you asked for help around the house, it’s so important to speak up to get the support you need right now.”
• “You know your baby best and advocate for what they need. You are such a good mom.”
• “You look at your baby with such love and tenderness. She is so lucky to have you as her mama!”

What Not to Say to Someone Struggling With Postpartum

When interacting with someone struggling with PPD, it’s important to avoid statements that may inadvertently minimize or invalidate their feelings. Certain comments can dismiss the severity of their condition and add to their feelings of guilt or isolation.

Here are a few examples of things not to say to someone with postpartum depression:

• “You’ll feel fine once you go back to work.”
• “It’s just the baby blues; it will pass.”
• “You should be enjoying motherhood more.”
• “Snap out of it.”
• “Other mothers handle this just fine.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• “You should be grateful for your baby.”
• “Why aren’t you bonding with your child?”
• “Maybe you’re not cut out for motherhood.”
• “Just think positive thoughts, and you’ll feel better.”
• “You’re making this all about yourself.”
• “Everyone has a hard time adjusting; it’ll get better.”

Instead, offer empathetic and nonjudgmental support by listening actively, encouraging them to seek professional help, and assuring them that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone in their struggle.

When to Encourage Someone With PPD to Seek Medical Care

Loved ones should encourage someone with postpartum depression to seek medical care if they notice persistent and severe PPD symptoms, including intense sadness, mood swings, thoughts of self-harm, or harming the baby. When expressing concern, offer to assist with the process, such as finding a healthcare provider or accompanying them to appointments.

Signs that someone may need medical care for postpartum depression include:

Intense & Persistent Sadness

Intense and persistent sadness is a deep and overwhelming emotional state characterized by enduring and pervasive sorrow and despair. It’s not just feeling a bit down or having occasional moments of sadness; instead, it dominates most of their day, nearly every day, for an extended period, typically lasting for two weeks or more.

This intense sadness can be all-encompassing, affecting their ability to find joy in anything, including activities or events that would typically bring happiness. It often manifests as a constant, heavy emotional burden, making it challenging for individuals to engage in daily life and care for themselves and their babies.

Mood Swings

Unlike ordinary mood fluctuations, PPD-related mood swings are intense and often unpredictable. These mood swings can involve sudden transitions from deep sadness and hopelessness to heightened irritability, frustration, or anger. During these mood swings, individuals may struggle to regulate their emotions, leading to outbursts or tearfulness. These emotional fluctuations can be disruptive, both to their mental well-being and the overall household atmosphere.

Thoughts of Self-Harm or Harming the Baby

Thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby are the most concerning symptoms of postpartum depression. These are recurring and distressing thoughts or impulses an individual with PPD may have about hurting themselves or their newborn. These thoughts can be intrusive and may involve detailed plans or vivid mental images of self-inflicted harm or harm to the baby.

Understanding that these thoughts are typically a symptom of the illness, not an indication of malicious intent, is essential. Nevertheless, they require immediate and serious attention. Such thoughts can cause intense guilt, fear, and shame in the individual experiencing them. They clearly indicate that PPD has reached a severe level, and professional medical care is urgently needed to ensure the safety and well-being of the affected individual and their child.

Severe Fatigue

Individuals with PPD often experience an extreme and persistent state of physical and mental exhaustion that can be all-encompassing, making even the simplest tasks overwhelming and insurmountable. This fatigue goes beyond the usual tiredness associated with caring for a newborn and doesn’t improve with rest or sleep. It can lead to helplessness and frustration as they struggle to find the energy to perform daily tasks, including self-care and childcare.

Difficulty Bonding with the Baby

Difficulty forming a strong emotional connection with their newborn can manifest in various ways, including emotional disconnect, lack of interest, guilt and shame, resentment, and anxiety. They may feel emotionally distant from their baby, as if they cannot experience the expected feelings of love, joy, and attachment. This difficulty in bonding can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, as they may perceive themselves as inadequate or incapable of fulfilling their role as a parent.

Neglect of Self or Child

Individuals with PPD may fail to prioritize their physical and emotional needs, often neglecting proper nutrition, hygiene, and rest. They might put their well-being on the back burner, leading to deteriorating physical and mental health. PPD can interfere with a person’s ability to attend to their baby’s basic needs, such as feeding, changing diapers, or providing comfort. They may struggle to respond promptly to the child’s cues or exhibit disinterest in caregiving tasks.

Symptoms Worsening Over Time

The emotional and psychological challenges experienced by someone with PPD, like sadness, anxiety, and mood swings, may become more profound and distressing. Symptoms that initially seemed temporary or sporadic may persist continuously for more extended periods.

As PPD symptoms worsen, the individual’s ability to perform daily tasks and responsibilities, including self-care and childcare, may decline significantly. When PPD symptoms worsen over time, it indicates that the condition is progressing and that the individual’s mental health is deteriorating.

Does Postpartum Depression Ever Require Emergency Care?

Postpartum Depression can sometimes require emergency care, especially when there are warning signs of severe distress or thoughts of self-harm or harm to the baby. Emergency care is crucial if the individual expresses explicit intentions of suicide or harming their child, as these are immediate medical emergencies. Other warning signs include sudden and severe worsening of symptoms, such as extreme agitation, confusion, hallucinations, or a complete inability to function.

Loved ones should never ignore these red flags and immediately seek emergency assistance through a crisis hotline, a healthcare provider, or the nearest emergency room. Suicidal ideation is a particularly alarming sign, and if noticed, it’s essential to ensure the affected individual is never left alone and to seek professional help without delay.

How to Find Professional Support

Finding professional help for a loved one struggling with postpartum depression can begin with their primary healthcare provider, who can provide referrals to mental health specialists experienced in PPD. Online therapist directories and therapy for depression platforms are valuable resources for locating therapists specializing in treating postpartum depression. These platforms often allow you to filter search results by specialization, making it easier to find a qualified therapist who can provide remote or in-person sessions, depending on preference.

Treatment options for postpartum depression include:⁴

• Medication: Antidepressant medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are often prescribed to help regulate mood and alleviate the symptoms of PPD. These medications work by balancing neurotransmitters in the brain, improving mood, and reducing symptoms’ severity. They are typically prescribed under the guidance of a healthcare provider and may take several weeks to show noticeable effects.
• Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for depression and interpersonal therapy (IPT), provides a safe space for individuals to discuss their feelings and develop coping strategies. Therapy helps individuals understand and manage their thoughts and emotions, fostering healthier responses to PPD-related stressors.
• Support groups: Participating in PPD support groups allows individuals to connect with others who have experienced or are experiencing similar challenges. Sharing experiences, coping strategies, and feelings in a supportive environment can reduce feelings of isolation and provide valuable insights into managing PPD.
• Inpatient or residential treatment: In severe cases of PPD, when there is a significant risk to the individual’s safety or the baby’s safety, inpatient or residential treatment programs may be necessary. These programs provide intensive therapy, medication management, and a structured environment to ensure the individual receives the care and support they require during recovery.
• Alternative and complementary therapies: Some individuals may explore alternative therapies for depression, like acupuncture, massage, or herbal remedies to complement their primary treatment. While these approaches are not a substitute for evidence-based treatments, they may provide additional support and relief from PPD symptoms when used alongside conventional care.