How to Practice Self-Care for Postpartum Depression: Advice from a Therapist

Why Is Practicing Self-Care So Hard With Postpartum Depression?

Parents with postpartum depression experience a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, fatigue, impaired concentration, guilt, and indecisiveness that may also make it hard to begin and maintain self-care activities.¹ Feelings of worthlessness may make the person feel as though they are not worthy of having a self-care routine, while lack of energy also makes it difficult to carry out basic self-care activities.¹

Why Is Self-Care for Postpartum Depression Important?

Untreated postpartum depression can lead to a poor child-parent bond, negative parenting practices, fights with your partner, and poor physical and mental development of your child.¹ Good self-care can help a new parent deal with postpartum depression and prevent it from worsening. Healthy eating habits, stable sleep routines, incorporating exercise, and Vitamin B6 intake are all associated with improving postpartum depression symptoms.¹

One study found that mothers often shift their priorities to focus on their children rather than themselves.² Postpartum depression self-care can help a new mom to re-focus on her own needs and priorities, thereby protecting her from developing depleted mother syndrome. Taking a break can provide the opportunity to come back to her child in a more restful state of mind.²

Types of Self-Care for Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression self-care should incorporate multiple areas of a new parent’s needs. Some needs to consider include physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Remember, postpartum depression self-care will look different in each area for each person, and exploring the different types of self-care is important for finding what works best for the new parent.

The different types of self-care for postpartum depression include:

• Physical self-care: Physical self-care includes strategies for soothing your body. These activities will calm your physical body (often through the five senses) and help you return to a more restful state. Physical self-care can include basic hygiene practices like showering or bathing, movement like taking a walk or playing a sport, giving yourself a massage or facial, taking time to stretch, or drinking a warm beverage.
• Emotional self–care: Emotional self-care includes strategies for soothing your mind. These activities will help you feel more emotionally stable and regulated. Emotional self-care can include attending therapy, writing in a journal, meditation, saying affirmations, breathing techniques, reframing thought patterns, or grounding yourself.
• Spiritual self-care: Spiritual self-care includes strategies for feeling connected to yourself, others, and the world around you in a meaningful way. Spirituality is sometimes connected to organized religion or a Higher Power, and other times, it is found through connecting to the world around you through purposeful activities or rituals. Spirituality self-care can include prayer, religious rituals, meditation, activities in nature, or artistic expressions.

How to Practice Self-Care for Postpartum Depression

Someone who experiences postpartum depression must deal with the pressures of parenting and cultural expectations of parenthood, as well as general symptoms of depression on top of that. Postpartum depression self-care routines might incorporate some general self-care activities. However, it is also helpful to include activities that may help foster good self-esteem around parenting, improve partner intimacy, and strengthen parent-child bonds.

Here are seven tips for how to practice self-care when experiencing postpartum depression:

1. Make a Self-Care Box

A self-care box is dedicated to items that enhance your self-care activities. A good postpartum depression self-care box might incorporate items that will help you provide yourself with physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care. Knowing that you have a dedicated space that is private and reserved for you can help make you feel grounded and secure.

Here are some ideas for items you can put in your self-care box:

• Gratitude journal
• Scented candle or therapy putty
• Your favorite craft
• Religious or spiritual items (ex. rosary, incense, worry stone, mini statues of religious figures, mini copies of religious texts, etc.)
• Tea, coffee, or other powdered beverage packets
• A list of positive affirmations
• Photos from significant positive life events

2. Shift Tasks to Partner or Trusted Others

There may be some instances where postpartum depression is caused by having too much on your plate. Lack of social support can be a major cause of postpartum depression.¹

Learning to ask for help from your partner, family, or friends can help you delegate less important tasks to others.

Here are some common tasks that could be given to your support system:

• Doing children’s laundry
• Completing household chores like dishes or cleaning
• Help with changing the baby’s clothes or bedding
• Help preparing bottles or food
• Asking someone to prepare or drop off a meal for you

3. Engage in Self-Soothing Activities

A general rule of thumb for self-soothing activities is to find things that calm your five senses. Self-soothing activities include anything that feeds your physical or emotional needs. It can help to have activities that can be used in different environments, whereas some activities might be less flexible (ex., you can’t light a scented candle while you’re out and about.) It can also help to have activities that take varying lengths of time.

Here are some common self-soothing activities:

• Drinking your favorite coffee or tea
• Putting on your favorite lotion
• Taking a long shower or bath
• Giving yourself a hand or foot massage
• Doing some gentle stretches

4. Rediscover Joy in Hobbies

Prior to parenthood, you may have had more time to devote to hobbies. One study looked at effective examples of maternal self-care and found one woman who gave her infant to her partner when she felt overwhelmed so that she could focus on a hobby that gave her joy.¹ Rediscovering hobbies is a wonderful way to positively shift your attention to a task outside of your role as a parent.

5. Identify Core Values

Core values are the ideals you prioritize in your life. These values often guide your goals and draw your attention toward what you consider most important. Identifying your core values can help you foster good self-esteem, which can combat the feelings of worthlessness sometimes associated with postpartum depression.

Here are some examples of core values:

• Honesty
• Family
• Success
• Love
• Humor

6. Focus on the Concept of Body Neutrality

If you birthed your child, sometimes the relationship with your body can shift toward the negative. Body neutrality is the concept of viewing your body as more than its appearance. Body neutrality is about focusing on appreciating your body’s accomplishments and functions more than its appearance. Body-neutral affirmations are a form of postpartum depression self-care that can encourage positive shifts in self-esteem:

Examples of postpartum body-neutral affirmations:

• I acknowledge the strength of my body after performing childbirth.
• I appreciate that my body has carried human life and continues to support it.
• I respect that my body and mind are going through hormonal changes.
• My body is resilient and capable of recovery.
• I am in wonder at my capacity to give and support life.

7. Join a Parenting or Postpartum Depression Support Group

Support groups often offer the opportunity to both learn and feel validated. Research identifies group support as one effective type of treatment for postpartum depression.⁸ Groups are offered sometimes just to birthing parents, just to non-birthing parents, or to both.

Postpartum depression support groups or parenting support groups can help you gain an education while also developing new relationships and processing emotions. Sources to ask about support groups include your primary care doctor, your therapist, local hospitals, or even community centers.

Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care for Postpartum Depression

Attempting to begin a postpartum depression self-care routine can be difficult when you have time constraints or struggles with sleep. Some parents may also be the only adult in their household, leading to feelings of parental guilt or selfishness when they take time for themselves. Additionally, a lack of financial or social resources can stack on top of physical and emotional recovery from labor.

Educating yourself and your support system about these common barriers to self-care can help you create more space for yourself to develop a routine. Once your support system also knows about these challenges, they might be able to provide support in maintaining your routine.

Here is how to overcome common barriers to self-care for postpartum depression:

Sleep Deprivation

One study noted that the highest maternal health concern for women was sleep deprivation.³ Sleep deprivation was stressful because of its association with poor infant sleeping and feeding habits.³ The same study also found that the women’s sleep deprivation was associated with physical and emotional exhaustion levels.³

Leaning on your social supports can help you get regular amounts of sleep, such as scheduling your partner, family, or friends to watch your children so that you can rest. Creating a sleep routine, having a low-lit and comfortable sleep environment, and limiting distractions prior to bedtime can help you get to rest.

Time Constraints

Women often lose the time they used to dedicate to self-care activities prior to motherhood.² One study found that 77% of the women were working either full or part-time and 42% had more than one child, two major sources of time constraints working against self-care.² In this same study, the majority of women relayed that they gave up self-care, such as exercising and socializing, because of a lack of time.²

Although you may not be able to change the amount of time you can dedicate to certain tasks, you may be able to eliminate some less important tasks from your routine.. Take the time to prioritize your postpartum self-care over other less important tasks.

Feelings of Guilt & Selfishness

One study found that women associated selflessness with being a good mother.² This belief can lead to feelings of guilt when engaging in self-care activities. One study even found women struggled with the simple act of taking a shower when they could be with their child instead.²

If this is something you struggle with, you can begin to reframe self-care as a need rather than a want. Self-care practices allow you to recharge so that you can be the parent you want to be. Instead of self-care being viewed as selfish, you can view it as a necessary task for you and your child’s health.

Limited Financial Resources

A lack of financial security can leave you questioning whether your time is better spent earning income rather than engaging in self-care. You might also feel pressure to use the little money you feel you have on your children or partner. One study found that women who struggle with small budgets end up spending money on their children rather than themselves.²

If you have a partner, you can have a conversation about how to allocate a small amount of funds toward self-care priorities. If you are a single mother or parent, learning to budget even a few dollars toward yourself can send a message to honor yourself. For example, knowing that every Friday morning, you will treat yourself to a baked good from your favorite coffee shop.

Lack of Childcare

One study found that women sometimes struggle with finding someone to watch their children so that they can engage in self-care activities.² In the same study, the women discussed fears that neighborhood babysitters may not have adequate skills to watch their children.² Not having a trusted form of childcare can be a huge obstacle to engaging in self-care.

Learning to broaden your ideas of childcare can help you discover resources. For example, if you are only using family members for childcare and no one is available, you may need to explore other avenues, like using a babysitting service. If you are nervous about leaving your child alone, you can invest in a nanny cam and read reviews prior to hiring.

Fears of Accepting Help

Some parents might struggle with accepting help, even when it is available from family and friends.² One study found women who were worried about leaving their child with their partner and recognized they felt they could provide better care than their partner.²

For men who develop postpartum depression, one risk factor is feeling excluded from parent-child bonding.⁴ Women who refuse help from their male partner may actually harm the relationship more than help it. In one study, men reported feeling isolated from mother-child bonding moments, such as breastfeeding. As a woman, learning to allow your partner to help in moments of bonding can help strengthen the family unit.

Physically and Emotionally Recovering from Childbirth

Women experience significant hormonal shifts and bodily changes following childbirth.³ One study documented women’s fears associated with juggling self-care while adjusting to bodily changes, physical exhaustion from labor, and hormonal shifts.³ Some studies suggest that men who experience postpartum depression also have documented hormonal changes, such as changing testosterone levels during a female partner’s pregnancy.⁴

With both partners experiencing so many changes, marital relationships sometimes experience conflict during this early after-birth period.⁴ Learning to speak directly about the changes you are each experiencing in this new stage of life can help you both plan for how to physically and emotionally support one another through parenthood.

Pressures to Breastfeed

One study found that pressures to breastfeed in a timely manner were one of women’s main concerns following the birth of their child.³ Breastfeeding can also be time-consuming, tiring, and painful for some women.

Breastfeeding or bottle feeding in a relaxed, calm environment is beneficial for the parent and baby. It can also help to soothe your body after giving so much to your child, such as taking regular baths or showers, warm compresses, or breathing techniques when overwhelmed.

Building a Support System to Help With Self-Care for Postpartum Depression

Lack of support is a risk factor for postpartum in women and men.^{1, 4} Research indicates that educational support groups for parents together are more effective than groups for women alone.⁵ Forms of support might include partners, family members, friends, and groups.

Social support from family and healthcare providers is an evidence-based way to mitigate symptoms of postpartum depression.¹ Healthcare providers can give positive parenting education, which helps increase parent-child bonding.¹ Research also indicates women who feel supported by family and friends have lower perceived stress levels.⁶

Here are some examples of how to ask for support in your self-care for postpartum depression:

• Directly ask your partner for help with a specific task so that you can engage in self-care, such as “Can you feed the baby so that I can go take a shower?”
• Ask your primary care provider for resources for support groups.
• Offer to watch your friend’s children in exchange for watching your children so that each of you can engage in self-care on different days.
• Ask your therapist if you can complete a self-care wheel in your next session.
• Ask a fellow parent if they will practice self-care with you, and learn to encourage one another when you struggle to find the time.

What to Do When Self-Care Isn’t Enough

If postpartum depression self-care does not help your symptoms, it may be time to seek professional support. Some parents who experience postpartum depression have thoughts of hurting themselves or their children. Especially if you are experiencing harm-based thoughts, it is important to let your support system know and make a plan to seek professional treatment through hospitalization, therapy, medication, or a combination.

Treatment Options for Postpartum Depression

Once you decide to seek treatment for postpartum depression, you might have different options offered. Typically, psychoeducation on peripartum depression is one of the first steps in any talk-based treatment. General options for treatment include therapy, support groups, medication, or a combination of these options. Hospitalization might be used for more serious symptoms, including suicidal ideation.

If you are also experiencing physical complications from labor that exacerbate your postpartum, physical therapy and medical interventions may also become a part of your treatment plan. You can ask your primary care doctor if they are willing to consult with your therapist if physical issues are an important part of your experience in symptoms.

Treatment options for postpartum depression include:

• Medications: Antidepressants are medications commonly prescribed to help with symptoms of postpartum depression. These medications work by regulating the functioning of neurotransmitters like serotonin or norepinephrine.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for depression focuses on teaching how thoughts, emotions, and behaviors influence one another. Your therapist may help you learn how to challenge negative thought patterns associated with your postpartum depression so that you can feel and act confident in parenting and self-care again.
• Couples therapy: Research indicates a complication of postpartum depression is marital conflict and feelings of loneliness.⁷ Couples therapy can help you learn more about how postpartum depression affects your relationship and how to communicate better.
• Group therapy: Group therapy for postpartum depression often combines psychoeducation with group support. Through group therapy, you can learn about the symptoms of postpartum while processing felt emotions and feeling supported by others.
• Hospitalization: In some cases, hospitalization may be appropriate for postpartum depression symptoms. Hospitalization can look like attending an in-patient program where you are under the care of professionals 24/7, or some hospitals may offer outpatient services where you can attend daytime programs and then return to family in the evenings.

When to Seek Professional Support

If postpartum depression symptoms are worsening and affecting your daily thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, it may be time to seek professional help. An online therapist directory or online therapy for depression platform can help you find a provider. It may also be a good time to find a psychiatrist and book an appointment. Online psychiatrist options can be a good place to start.