Intimacy Exercises to Strengthen Intimacy in Your Marriage

What Is Intimacy?

Intimacy in romantic relationships grows with an effort from each partner to establish positive experiences of physical and emotional closeness for the other.¹ In other words, intimacy is derived from a series of encounters with someone. Each interaction, whether verbal or non-verbal, contributes to a couple’s sense of connection.

There are several different types of intimacy between spouses, including:²

• Emotional intimacy
• Physical intimacy
• Spiritual intimacy
• Intellectual intimacy
• Sexual intimacy

The value of each type of intimacy in the relationship is influenced by multiple factors, including a couple’s values, beliefs, life stage, and cultural background.

How do Intimacy Exercises Work?

Intimacy exercises are activities designed to bring you and your partner closer together. They do so by encouraging communication, providing opportunities for more physical connection, promoting emotional awareness, and cultivating a feeling of safety. Intimacy exercises require time, patience, and mutual commitment to practice effectively.

12 Intimacy Exercises to Strengthen Your Marriage

Couples may navigate multiple pathways toward strengthening their intimacy and improving their relationship. Considering all couples are unique, some exercises resonate more than others.

Here are 12 marriage intimacy exercises to try:

1. Do Something New Together

Navigating the unknown requires a certain amount of vulnerability. Couples that try new activities together can enhance their bond by sharing that experience of vulnerability with each other. Some new things to try with your partner include:

• Learning a new language
• Cooking lessons
• Meditating together
• Painting/crafting classes
• Visit new art exhibits at your local gallery or museum
• Attending a new theater or music performance
• Couples yoga
• Hiking
• Playing a board game
• Starting your own book club for two
• Dancing lessons
• Volunteering together

2. Turn Off the Phones

While cell phones improve accessibility, they may sometimes do so at the expense of in-person communication.³ Try designating phone-free zones or establishing “technology-free” times when spouses agree to put aside devices. Dedicating even 30 minutes or more every week to “no phone time” can improve intimacy by creating opportunities for more connection.

The lure of these devices, including the programming developed for them, can be difficult to resist. Preoccupation with the internet and social media, sometimes described as internet addiction and social media addiction, may make this exercise even more challenging for some.

3. Daily Hugs

A hug can be an easy, immediate way of experiencing and sharing a moment of physical intimacy. It has the benefit of being doable, even on those busy days when schedules are packed, and couples feel exhausted.

4. Question & Answer

Develop an ongoing list of questions for exploration in your marriage. They could be around future plans, past experiences related to worries and frustrations, or even identifying activities that bring you joy. When ready to start the exercise, choose one question and allow time for the first person to answer it while the other listens and eventually reflects on what they heard. Repeat the process for the second person.

5. Focus on Touch

Whether you are looking for a way to reconnect physically or methods to enhance your familiarity with what makes your partner feel good, an exercise involving physical touch might prove useful.

In this exercise, one partner focuses on touching the other for 5 minutes to explore what feels most pleasurable to their partner. The task for the person being touched is to allow themselves to focus on their own enjoyment. Switch roles and repeat. Couples can limit areas for touching, including restricting touch to non-erogenous zones.

6. Get Nostalgic

Pull out the photo albums, videos, and keepsakes from years past, and take turns describing moments in your journey together. Potential topics could include; your first meeting, when you felt attraction growing, how you described your feelings to others, and when your partner made you feel safe.

Your intimacy can grow through this shared experience, and its practice may even remind you of forgotten aspects of your connection.

7. Truly Listen

Take turns sharing worries and concerns while the other listens. While this may seem simple, couples are often surprised by how much effort it can take to listen to their partner actively. Instead of thinking about a response or developing a rebuttal, try to understand what the other person is communicating.

8. Go on a Date

Dates are often how many couples begin their relationships, but the frequency can diminish with the daily pressures of work, family, and other obligations. Dates give each partner a chance to put their best self forward, learn about each other, and flirt and play while enjoying each other’s company.

Re-establish dating as a priority in your relationship. The dates don’t have to be expensive or elaborate experiences and might not even require leaving your home. Eating takeout and snuggling up to watch a movie, going on a long walk, or having dinner at your favorite local restaurant; each offers the opportunity for strengthening intimacy.

9. Kissing Time

If sex can enhance your bond with your partner,⁴ it follows that participation in regular sexual activity might continue to do so. A kissing exercise is designed to highlight a method for promoting sexual intimacy outside of the actual act of having sex. Set aside some time (even 3 minutes) to enjoy just kissing each other without any other goal in mind.

10. Express Gratitude

Reflecting on and expressing appreciation for your partner builds intimacy by demonstrating your awareness of who they are and what they do. It tells them they are seen and valued.

11. Go To Bed Together

While couples may have different sleep requirements and schedules, there can be benefits to practicing this exercise regularly. It offers the chance to be physically close, whether lying next to each other or cuddling. It also gives you and your partner another opportunity to communicate.

12. Schedule Sex

The simple act of planning sex might increase the chances of actually having it. Doing so allows couples to dismantle the false belief that sex must occur spontaneously.⁵

Instead of waiting for both partners to be simultaneously “in the mood” with equal freedom to act, without worry or constraint due to other personal, familial, or professional demands, couples can prioritize their sexual intimacy by liberating themselves from their resistance to scheduling sexual activity.

Re-establish Connection In an Existing Relationship

Most healthy relationships, romantic or platonic, require effort to maintain a connection. Take the example of friends meeting again after some time. Each might wonder whether the other is the person they remember them to be. They might guard against exposing their more vulnerable parts and wonder if the relationship can be as it once was. Like old friends, couples may need experiences that remind them of their connection.

Upon reuniting, that first hug or smile may be all it takes to reignite the bond. For other friends, it may take longer. They might need evidence of the other’s ability to listen without judgment and time to rediscover their strength as friends.

When to Seek Professional Help for Intimacy in a Marriage or Relationship

Sometimes, the intimacy hurdles feel too great to overcome without help. Whether due to long-standing dynamic issues or the impact of increased stress due to major life changes, such as childbirth, death of family members, and job loss, the path toward rebuilding intimacy might feel less certain. 

At such times, marriage or couples counseling might prove beneficial. Couples therapists can help clients identify their intimacy issues and begin working on a plan for rebuilding that connection. The therapy is available both in person and online, and you can use an online therapist directory to find an in-person or online therapist.

In My Experience

Continued use of intimacy exercises can help partners build stronger bonds. They encourage couples to slow down and push aside all the daily distractions and demands for their attention, even if just for a few minutes. Doing so gives couples the chance to focus instead on nurturing their relationship.