People with OCD tend to over-rely on seeking reassurance because it can be difficult for them to tolerate uncertainty, which is perceived as negative or dangerous.1 Rather than accepting that we cannot know whether something will or will not happen, people with OCD constantly seek reassurance in hopes of learning for sure whether an event will occur. Reassurance often helps the person with OCD to relax in the moment but causes more long-term harm.
What Is Reassurance Seeking?
Reassurance-seeking is a safety behavior in which a person repeatedly attempts to assure themselves that something they fear will not occur. There are two types of reassurance seeking: self-reassurance and seeking reassurance in relationships. It most often takes the form of asking questions about a scenario but can also include mentally reviewing situations.
Examples of self-reassurance seeking include:
- Going over a social interaction in your head over and over to check if you acted “normally.”
- Doing internet research – either polling others or scouring websites – for information.
- Repeatedly telling yourself that your fear won’t come true.
- Always keep medication on you to ensure you will be safe should you have a panic attack.
- Repeatedly checking to make sure you have turned off the stove or oven even though you have never left it on before.
Examples of seeking reassurance from others include:
- Repeatedly asking someone, “Are you mad at me?”
- Confessing a thought or a previous action in hopes of the other person providing reassurance that “It’s okay” or “I’m sure you won’t get sick from that.”
- Asking whether you think they’d ever be able to harm someone.
- Continually seeking advice from religious authorities to make sure they are performing religious duties properly.
- Questioning someone repeatedly about whether light switches or locks have been appropriately shut off or used.
Is it Normal to Want Reassurance?
Of course, it’s normal to want reassurance! We all, at some point, want to feel sure about events and thoughts and ask loved ones for their help. When the desire for reassurance becomes an overwhelming need, prevents you from completing tasks of daily living, or the lack of reassurance causes you to do lengthy compulsions and rituals, wanting reassurance has become unhealthy.
OCD & Reassurance Seeking
Reassurance-seeking in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental or verbal compulsive behavior that attempts to ensure safety.2 An individual with OCD experiences intrusive thoughts that cause uncertainty. They will try to secure safety through compulsive reassurance-seeking. Reassurance makes them feel better for a moment but ultimately will not stop future intrusive thoughts from occurring.
Unfortunately, reassurance-seeking results in a downward spiral. The more an individual seeks reassurance, the less confidence they will have in their own abilities to soothe themselves. Therefore, the next time the thoughts occur, the individual will need even more reassurance in an attempt to avoid uncertainty and ultimately cause their OCD symptoms to worsen.
What Triggers Reassurance Seeking in OCD?
Any situations that a person with OCD perceives as dangerous can trigger reassurance seeking. Reassurance provides a false sense of security because the reality is an event may or may not happen. Someone assuring you one way or another does not ultimately change the outcome or make it more or less certain.
Common triggers for seeking reassurance OCD include:
- Arguing with a loved one and you leave without the argument being resolved
- Having an answer of “maybe” or “probably” in a scenario in which you feel you need a more certain “yes” or “no”
- Checking rituals that cannot be completed, such as checking to make sure appliances are turned off, or doors are locked
- Fear that you may have harmed someone while driving home from work
- Something feeling not “just right” and needing reassurance that it is okay
- Fear that you may contaminate someone else via your clothes or a disease you may have contracted
Impact of Reassurance Seeking in OCD
Needing reassurance is tiring. It exhausts the individual with OCD because true reassurance can never be achieved, leaving them constantly anxious. It wears those around the individual out because they care for the person and want to mollify their fears but are ultimately unable to.
The OCD sufferer’s family and friends likely don’t know the best way to respond to their requests for reassurance. If they do reassure them, it may lead to more questions and more reassurance. If they don’t reassure them, they may begin a mental spiral leading to more obsessions or compulsions. However, reassurance is only temporary: in the end, the anxiety always comes back.
Treatment for Seeking Reassurance OCD
Reassurance-seeking is treated the same way as any other subtype of OCD, which is typical with exposure and response prevention (ERP). ERP is the first line of treatment for OCD because it has the most evidence for working well to overcome OCD. The goal of ERP is to learn that you can experience anxiety without acting on it, and it will reduce over time.
A comprehensive treatment plan for OCD may include:
- Exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP): ERP is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) wherein an individual with OCD is exposed to their obsessions that lead to reassurance seeking and learn to respond in more flexible ways than using compulsive behaviors in order to lessen their anxiety.
- Medications: There are a variety of medications for OCD, although it is unknown precisely how they work for OCD specifically. It is theorized that their main function is reducing overall anxiety, making it easier to participate in one’s OCD treatment, leading to less reassurance seeking.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for OCD uses a variety of therapeutic techniques to help manage an individual’s overall anxiety symptoms, as well as ways to turn compulsive behaviors, such as reassurance seeking, into more adaptive ones.
- Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): ACT encourages an individual with OCD to begin living in accordance with their values. It helps to bring purpose and motivation to ERP, and the two are often used together in treating OCD.
- Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): While not considered a frontline treatment, EMDR for OCD could be considered if earlier therapies are unsuccessful in treating OCD symptoms. It focuses on target symptoms such as reassurance seeking and has been found to be just as successful as ERP in decreasing OCD symptoms.3
How to Stop Reassurance Seeking
You may need to enlist the help of family and friends to stop reassurance-seeking by asking them to respond differently to you when you’re asking for reassurance. They usually accommodate your requests and answer your questions because they think they are helping reduce your anxiety, but you now know that they are increasing the cycle of anxiety. It’s important to develop healthy coping mechanisms to handle your anxiety when choosing not to act on a compulsion.
Here are five tips on how to stop seeking reassurance:
1. Write Down Your Anxious Thoughts
Writing helps to slow down one’s thoughts, put words to feelings, and often helps to shape a new perspective or come to terms with the upheaval OCD thoughts can cause. If writing feels overwhelming, journaling apps such as Reflectly are a great way to begin.
2. Recognize Negative Consequences
When you seek constant reassurance, you’re unable to expose yourself to feared outcomes and develop self-efficacy and independence. When you’re unable to expose yourself to fears, you stay stuck in the same cycle of needing reassurance as opposed to learning that you can tolerate uncertainty and feelings of anxiety.4 Recognizing that reassurance doesn’t help you in the long run can incentivize you to stop reassurance-seeking when the urge arises.
3. Track Your Reassurance Requests
Using a log or journal to track your requests for reassurance can help you begin to notice when your requests are genuinely for more information and when they’re for reassurance. Considerations you may want to log include how many times you asked, what your feelings were at the time, and whether you accepted the answer you were given.4
4. Ask Your Loved Ones for Help
Lean into your ability to sit with the uncertainty and discomfort of missing out on reassurance by giving those closest to you permission not to comfort you. In moments when you feel calm, remind them that your healthy self wants to reduce the accommodations they make for you. Suggest them to respond in silence or gently remind you that you’ve asked them not to answer those types of questions.2
5. Practice Mindfulness Daily
Mindfulness separates thoughts out as events of the mind rather than intrinsically meaningful things. Choosing a mindful response to your need for reassurance creates space between your obsessive thoughts and your desire to act on it. By noticing how you feel, putting words to the intense discomfort of it, and sitting with it until it begins to decrease, you are able more and more to stave off the need for reassurance.5
When to Seek Professional Support
If you find the tips to help reduce reassurance seeking feel out of reach, talking to a professional may help. You could use an online therapist directory to find an OCD specialist, or you can try an online therapy platform for convenient options you can do from home. For medication management, you can try online psychiatrist options to help find the best medication for you.
In My Experience
Reassurance-seeking can be treated but often requires professional help because it can show up in such sneaky ways. Needing reassurance occasionally is normal; constant reassurance seeking may be a sign of OCD, which, while treatable, needs significant support to feel like progress is being made. Reassurance-seeking can be difficult to understand because it often seems innocuous, but a professional can help you, as well as loved ones, begin to respond differently.
OCD & Reassurance Seeking Infographics
