Pathological liars tend to lie or exaggerate without regard for the truth. Many people who lie compulsively exaggerate their stories, grow angry when confronted, and constantly play the victim. Dealing with a pathological liar often involves knowing when to cut ties and identifying the behavior. Seeking professional help can provide support as you set boundaries and limit contact.
What Is a Pathological Liar?
A pathological liar lies frequently and has no regard for the repercussions. They will lie to anyone about anything, whether the lies are big or small, detailed or vague, or orchestrated or spontaneous. Whereas typical lies can serve a purpose (i.e., to avoid hurting someone), pathological lying is persistent, even compulsive, and significantly impairs social, professional, and overall functioning.2
Pathological Liars Vs. Other Types of Liars
Although being a pathological liar is not a diagnosable condition, distinguishing pathological from other types of lying can be helpful for those trying to avoid these individuals. Pathological liars lie for no apparent reason and without observable patterns.
Below are other kinds of liars similar to pathological liars:
- Occasional liar: An occasional liar would likely only lie under certain conditions. For example, they may lie to avoid conflict or avoid an undesirable task.
- White liar: A white liar may tell small lies about insignificant things.
- Compulsive liar: A compulsive liar is quite similar to a pathological liar. However, compulsive liars often lie due to social anxieties or related struggles.
- Prolific liar: A prolific liar may experience a “high” after lying with little distress or remorse.
- Habitual liar: A habitual liar has a compulsive habit of lying, and such behavior becomes a part of their daily routine.
Signs of a Pathological Liar
A pathological liar can conceal their behavior behind a pattern of untruths and vaguery. They often blend falsities with the truth, making their statements challenging to discern. Even when confronted, pathological liars may appear entirely indifferent or unremorseful.
Below are 13 signs of a pathological liar:
1. Speaking in Vague or General Terms
Chronic liars avoid the future distress of having to recall their lies by keeping information loose and vague. Even something benign, like their hometown or high school, can become a long story with no solid answer. Their goal is to limit providing new information that conflicts with past lies.
2. Being Overly Specific or Detailed
Alternatively, a liar may create stories with numerous fine points and details. To a pathological liar, no one could possibly question their legitimacy because the details are so convincing.
3. Inconsistent Stories
Pathological liars do not have a perfect memory, so they will inevitably slip up by confusing one lie for another. Hearing multiple responses to the same question is one way to identify a pathological liar.
4. Failure to Follow Through on Plans
Pathological liars show an inability to follow plans because they likely never had intentions to follow through in the first place. Because pathological liars only seek to fulfill their own motives, honoring previous promises or requests is frivolous if these do not fit their narrative.
5. Becoming Angry or Defensive When Questioned
Becoming irate when questioned is a hallmark sign of a pathological liar. They are often used to people simply believing their lies, so they may become emotionally dysregulated when caught in their falsities. They may defend their lies if you continue questioning them.
6. Experiencing a “Rush” After Lying
A pathological liar may feel an adrenaline rush after lying because they are excited by the thrill. They may even further exaggerate their stories to maintain these “highs” or perpetuate their pleasure.
7. Claiming Someone’s Story as Their Own
Pathological liars may use the stories and experiences of friends, family members, or even strangers as their own. Pathological lying centers around using whatever information is available to sell their version of events. Pathological liars will use any details to support their quest for personal gain or recognition.
8. Appearing Indifferent When Caught Lying
Pathological liars may appear indifferent when caught in a lie. Compulsive lying can become a habit, meaning the individual may not even recognize the impact of their behavior. Some may simply grow to see lying as “normal.” Instead of becoming irate, they may appear calm or entirely nonchalant, brushing your accusations off their shoulders.
9. Embellishing or Dramatizing Stories
Someone who lies all the time may dramatize stories to help sell their version of events. Pathological liars know how to manipulate emotions by embellishing certain parts of their stories or adding little but impactful details. They will enhance information to ensure a person believes the endless lies.
10. Behaving Against Their Own Words
Pathological liars will often behave in ways incongruent with their promises or statements. The adage “actions speak louder than words” has perfect application here. Pathological liars show who they really are when they continue poor behavior, regardless of false promises to stop.
11. Lying for No Reason
Pathological liars lie for no apparent reason. Attempting to determine their motives is pointless because sometimes there is no motive. As mentioned, some may lie to experience a thrill or achieve personal gain. Other times, they may simply lie because they become so accustomed to the behavior.
12. Appearing Anxious When Talking
Some pathological liars may seem abnormally anxious during conversation. For example, they may dart their eyes back and forth, constantly fidget, or stutter. This behavior may partly stem from fears of being caught in a web of lies. Some pathological liars feel distressed by their compulsive lying, constantly worrying about the ramifications of their habit.
13. They Are Always the Hero or Victim
Pathological liars may struggle with black-and-white thinking, meaning they always see themselves as either the hero or victim of events. They may play either role depending on what will sell their story.
Characteristics of Pathological Lying
The seeming randomness and unimportance of pathological lies may surprise people. A person who lies all the time does not need a legitimate reason to spew falsities. Some lies will have no influence or impact on a relationship or situation. Any story or exaggeration a person can imagine may become a pathological lie. Specific lies are endless, but they often have commonalities.
Characteristics of pathological lies may include:1,3
- Frequent: Pathological liars lie more often than others. The lies could all be variations of each other or completely separate. To a pathological liar, the actual lie may not be as important as the process of lying.
- Long in duration: Studies show that pathological liars continue with a lie for at least six months. They may continue with one or move from lie to lie with fluidity. Pathological liars can typically maintain a lie for years.
- Lacking purpose: Pathological lies are confounding because they serve no purpose and accomplish no goal. A liar may say their favorite color is blue when it is really orange.
- Stress-inducing: The non-pathological liar usually lies to reduce stress at the moment. However, pathological liars experience higher anxiety from lying, partly due to the intricacy of ongoing lies and the risk of being caught by friends or loved ones.
- Self-incriminating and defeating: Standard lies can get a person out of trouble, but pathological lies do the opposite. Pathological liars may lose their jobs, relationships, and public standing because the lies are too ridiculous or numerous.
What Causes Pathological Lying?
Pathological lying does not have one specific cause, and multiple factors can contribute to development. For example, lying for attention and sympathy may present in Munchausen syndrome, whereas someone with a substance use disorder may lie specifically to protect their substance misuse.
Below are possible reasons why pathological liars lie so much:
- Lying is a compulsion: For some people, lying can become a compulsion they use to deal with painful thoughts or life situations. In this instance, pathological lying may happen outside of conscious awareness.
- Munchausen syndrome: Some pathological liars may struggle with Munchausen syndrome, which is a condition where someone feigns illness to gain sympathy from others.
- Childhood trauma: Childhood trauma and compulsive lying can go hand in hand. In these instances, individuals may learn to cope with the pain of childhood with pathological lying.
- Personality disorder: Certain personality disorders, such as antisocial personality disorder, may cause pathological lying. Antisocial personality disorder is marked by a disregard for the emotions of others and using manipulative behaviors for selfish gains.
- Low self-esteem: Pathological liars may lie to improve low self-esteem. Making themselves feel more powerful may provide a sense of control in their lives.
- Substance use: Substance use or abuse may influence pathological lying. Addiction can cause individuals to use maladaptive coping behaviors like lying to continue their patterns of use despite negative consequences.
How to Deal With a Pathological Liar
You can deal with a pathological liar by building your case, preparing for denial, and setting realistic goals. In some cases, cutting ties may be the best option. Consider encouraging them to seek professional help for their compulsive lying. They may see the error in their ways and make healthy improvements.
Below are tips for dealing with a pathological liar:
Avoid Them When Possible
Pathological liars can quickly drain your energy and increase your stress. Avoid this person or keep a healthy boundary between you if possible. Otherwise, you may become involved in a relationship that feels thankless and unrewarding.
Build Your Case
Spend time gathering specific information about their lies before speaking to the person. Take note of any lies and your reactions. They may finally admit their issue when faced with this concrete information.
Consider the Source
Pathological lying does not always stem from mental or physical health conditions. However, some disorders may increase the rate and frequency of lies, so considering the source can guide your process.
Prepare for Denial
Anger, hostility, surprise, confusion, shock, and denial are all possible outcomes of a discussion about lying with a pathological liar. Stay patient and never confront the person when they are angry or annoyed.
Offer Them Support
Rather than establish an adversarial relationship, become a team with a common goal of decreasing the lies. Let the pathological liar know you are willing to help and they can tell you what they need. This approach ensures the enemy is the lie, not the person lying.
Set Realistic Goals
Of course, you want your loved one to stop lying immediately and never lie again, but that goal may not be realistic. All parties feel discouraged when we set unreachable goals. Instead, establish helpful expectations. You can set new, slightly stricter goals once the behavior steers in the desired direction.
Know When to Cut Ties
No matter how hard you try or how much time you commit, you may be unable to deal with a pathological liar. Over time, they may only strain your resources and create anger, sadness, and confusion. Establishing and following these boundaries can be uncomfortable but essential.
Remain Calm & Collected
Some pathological liars become increasingly irritated or aggressive the more you escalate a situation. Staying calm may help ease tension and prevent further anger. Doing so also offers opportunities to regulate your emotions, as their lies will likely cause you some level of distress.
Don’t Take Their Lies Personally
Being lied to can feel painful and upsetting, depending on the person and situation. The best you can do is avoid taking their lies personally–pathological liars have no limit to their victims. Their behavior is more about their own life decisions than yours.
Don’t Expect Them to Change or Admit to Their Behavior
Pathological liars will not seek help until the distress causes them pain. Accepting that change is unlikely can be heartbreaking, but you cannot expend your energy trying to “fix” them. Allow them to seek help on their own accord.
Trust Your Gut
Trust your instincts when having a run-in with a pathological liar. Your gut will tell you when something is off about their behavior. Pathological liars may try to convince you of their versions of events. However, listen to your “sixth sense” when your brain signals alarm.
Encourage Them to Seek Help
Some pathological liars may seek help based on encouragement from others. They may consider professional support if your relationship means enough to them. Continue cheering them on as they make positive changes in their lives. Your ongoing support can provide much-needed intrinsic motivation.
Don’t Feed Into the Behavior
Feeding into their lies by becoming invested in the outcome reinforces the behavior. Sometimes, cutting your losses is best if their lies continue escalating despite your confrontations.
Set & Maintain Boundaries
Some pathological liars can fuel their behavior because of poor boundaries. Setting and maintaining boundaries shows them what behaviors are unacceptable. Uphold consequences if they attempt to overturn these limits.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you or someone you love exhibits pathological lying, seeking professional help is important. Therapy can start a road to recovery and help individuals uncover the root of their maladaptive behavior. Some may need support as they heal childhood trauma or address an underlying personality disorder. You can offer to help them find the right therapist by exploring local resources, consulting their primary doctor, or browsing an online therapist directory.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with a pathological liar is troubling, but being a pathological liar can be frustrating and difficult, too. With this level of lying, no one wins. Take steps toward recovery by recognizing and addressing the concern with a professional counselor or licensed therapist. Remember, although pathological lying can be isolating for the liar and the person being lied to, you are not alone.
Pathological Liar Infographics
