What Is a Queerplatonic Relationship?

What Is a Queerplatonic Relationship?

Queerplatonic relationships blend two or more types of relationships, such as sexual, emotional, physical, companionship, and platonic relationships. Queerplatonic relationships were originally created for women to cohabitate and live together. They are usually committed to one another and can also be committed to others, as in consensual, non-monogamous relationships. The rules around the relationship are defined together in ways that honor what each partner needs.

These relationships can also include bearing and raising children; however, they do not have to include children. The idea behind queerplatonic relationships emphasizes that relationships are fluid and attempt to preserve these natural connections. In fluidity, there can be romantic attraction or sexual attraction. However, these emotions don’t necessarily persist. The emotions that come can ebb and flow.¹

Other common names of queerplatonic relationships may include:

• Quasiplatonic relationship
• QPR
• Quirkyplatonic relationship
• Qplatonic relationship

Queerplatonic Relationship Vs. Friends With Benefits

Queerplatonic relationships and friends with benefits can share some overlap, however, they are different. Friends with benefits typically have a clear definition of which type of intimacy they will engage in, whereas a queerplatonic relationship doesn’t have any restrictions. The flexibility of queerplatonic relationships is what makes them deeper relationships than friends with benefits.²

Queerplatonic Vs. Aromantic

Queerplatonic relationships and aromantic relationships are also different. Aromantic relationships do not have romantic elements, whereas queerplatonic relationships can sometimes have romance.³

Queerplatonic Vs. Asexual

Queerplatonic relationships and asexual relationships can be similar in that both can have deep relationships without sexual attraction. Queerplatonic relationships, however, are fluid and can develop sexual attraction in them. Two people who identify as asexual can also have a queerplatonic relationship that encompasses all the other possibilities except sexual attraction.⁴

Queerplatonic Vs. Open Relationship

Queerplatonic relationships and open relationships may have the most in common. Open relationships can be open to other sexual, romantic, and/or emotional intimacy in the same way as queerplatonic relationships. Usually, in open relationships, a partner has a primary partner and can develop additional relationships similar to queerplatonic relationships. The difference is that open relationships are usually intentionally sought out to meet a specific need, whereas queerplatonic relationships are not.⁵

History of Queerplatonic Relationships

Queerplatonic relationships were born in Boston, where two women chose to be partners for the sole purpose of living life together and supporting one another. It came due to the laws at the time, which stripped women of their identity if they chose to marry. Marriage at this time was very oppressive for women, and women who had the privilege of not needing to marry a man to survive would enter into queerplatonic relationships.⁶

What Does a Queerplatonic Relationship Look Like?

Queerplatonic relationships tend to have rules that are set by the two individuals who enter into these relationships. There isn’t necessarily an intention to form sexual or romantic connections. However, they can exist, and they can dissipate over time. Some people in queerplatonic relationships can live together, but they don’t have to. Those within them set the expectations within these relationships, and the level of commitment can exist similarly to other conventional relationships. The key difference is that they are not bound in the way monogamous relationships are.

Queerplatonic relationships can fall under the category of polyamorous relationships in the sense that they can exist in addition to other monogamous relationships, friendships, and queerplatonic relationships.

7 Number Signs You’re in a Queerplatonic Relationship

While there are many signs that you are in a queerplatonic relationship, there are some common signs to be aware of.

Some signs of a queerplatonic relationship are:

1. Your Relationship Doesn’t Look Like Anyone Else’s Relationship

QPR couples make their own rules. They can have romantic aspects and physical aspects, however, they don’t necessarily intend for these interests to develop. Some QPRs can have more of these aspects than others. There is no set rule, as the QPR partners define these.

2.  You Can’t Imagine Living Without Your Partner

QPR partners can feel like soul mates with a deep connection, which can also be aromantic or romantic. People lean on these relationships and their QPR partners in significant ways, like family.

3. You Use Nicknames Rather Than “Girlfriend” or “Boyfriend”

QPR partners often use cute nicknames as opposed to a girlfriend or boyfriend. This is a common thing to do in friendships, romantic relationships, and family. The exception is that they don’t have other hidden meanings. Nicknames are strictly intended to emphasize the deep friendship and commitment to the friendship.

4.  You Get Mistaken for a Couple Even Though You Are Not

QPR partners can sometimes look like a couple because of their living situation, lifestyle, or based on how frequently they are seen together. While they are not a couple, QPR partners can develop feelings that can start to look like a romantic partnership, though this is the exception, not the rule.

5.  You Feel Like They Are Family

QPR partners can feel like family, especially if you raise children together. In that sense, you are family and are creating an unconventional path for yourself. There is nothing wrong with selecting people to be in your family and building a life with intentional relationships.

6.  They Can Know You as Well as You Know Yourself

QPR partners can often feel such a deep connection because of the level of understanding they show you, and you show them. This can make it feel like they have known you your whole life. They make you feel accepted regardless of anything you have done or said and accept you for exactly who you are.

7.  They Are Someone You Would Like Called in an Emergency

Due to the close level of connection and emotion, they are often the person you want in an emergency, just like a family member. They are a trusted confidant that you can rely on in need.

When to Seek Professional Help for Queerplatonic Relationships

Some might feel queerplatonic relationships can be very fulfilling and can be easier to navigate due to the openness involved in them. At the same time, the lack of structure can provoke anxiety and fears around stability, as we are typically socialized to see relationships one way. It is important to know when to talk to a professional and how to have that conversation if you want to change your relationship dynamic or want something different. They may struggle to find ways to share an experience or emotion that may threaten their stability in their queerplatonic relationship. It is important to talk to someone who is a good fit for you, and taking the time to search an online therapist directory is key. Working with an LGBTQI+ affirming therapist is also important for many people in QPRs.

In My Experience

In my experience, queerplatonic relationships can be very fulfilling and beneficial to have in your life. It can be a great source of strength and encourage significant personal growth. Working with a therapist is a great way to work through your thoughts about entering these relationships and knowing how to manage them in conjunction with other relationships. Many people leave feeling more empowered to seek what serves them and live a more authentic life.