Sex, in healthy relationships, can be a great way to deepen a connection with someone. But it can also be tricky. Whether you struggle with connecting to your partner, have mental health concerns that get in the way of enjoying your sex life, or are just looking for more information, these self-help books on sex and intimacy offer practical guidance and compassionate advice.
1. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.
A woman’s sexuality can be complex and is intensely personal. Body confidence, societal expectations, and previous experience all shape how a woman perceives herself and her sexuality.
Understanding this, author Dr. Emily Nagoski states, is key to helping women find confidence and joy in their sex lives. Researchers have spent years trying to create a Viagra-equivalent for women, But Dr. Nagoski argues that women’s sexuality is far more nuanced than would be solved by a “little pink pill.”
2. Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire, by Lori A. Brotto, Ph.D.
Psychologist and sex researcher Dr. Lori A. Brotto offers a practical, easy way to find better sex for women using mindfulness in this acclaimed book.
Nearly half of all women experience some kind of sexual difficulty in their lives. It’s often not just about sex either—stress, expectations, and time management can all affect women and their sexual responses. Dr. Brotto outlines practical, accessible mindfulness exercises that women can use to have a more satisfying, fulfilling sex life.
3. Unf*ck Your Intimacy: Using Science for Better Relationships, Sex, & Dating, by Dr. Faith G. Harper
This guide was written for those in intimate relationships, but can also work as a guide for those dating or looking to heal from past issues. Dr. Harper, licensed counselor and certified sexologist, has advice and exercises that can be done solo or with a partner. Learn skills like outlining boundaries, listening to your gut, and communicating your needs with this easy-to-read and humorous guide.
4. SexSmart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life & What to Do with It, by Aline P. Zoldbrod Ph.D.
Our childhood impacts every aspect of our adult lives; relationships with others, work-life, and of course, intimacy, are all connected to how we were raised. Factor in abuse, neglect, or other trauma, and it can be difficult to understand your responses now, especially when it comes to intimacy.
This award-winning book is here to help you find that understanding, whether you struggle with a sexless marriage or relationship, fear sex, or have anxiety about your intimate relationships.
5. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, by Esther Perel
Desire and passion can be the hallmarks of a strong marriage, but when that desire turns outside the marriage bed, it can make any marriage take a turn for the worst.
The trick isn’t getting rid of desire—author and experienced therapist Esther Perel argues—it’s understanding how to bring it back into the relationship. Erotic intelligence, she says, is the key to find passion again. Drawing on case studies and years of experience, Mating In Captivity promises to help you lean into long-term intimacy and all the uncertainty, joy, and hopefulness it brings.
6. She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
If your marital struggles stem from not entirely knowing what to do for your female partner, you’re not alone. This guide from Ian Kerner is practical and witty, offering advice as well as a new philosophy for men when considering oral sex in particular.
7. The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide, by Michele Weiner Davis
Marriage therapist Michelle Weiner Davis offers tried and true ways for couples to find a connection after seemingly mismatched libidos. Whether you’re the one craving attention or can never seem to have the energy, Davis’s book is here to help you find the spark again.
8. Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, & Have the Best Sex of Your Life, by Dr. Chris Donaghue
Rebel Love was written for all sexualities and identities, making for a welcome environment to talk honestly about LGTBQ+ issues as they relate to sex and dating. Dr. Donaghue argues that traditional dating rules are toxic and encourages readers to break free of the standards that no longer serve them. This book also includes case studies and stories from others, making it a true community experience.
9. The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth, by Jo Langford
Sex education can be limited at times, even more so for gay youth. The Pride Guide aims to fill that gap with a helpful, straightforward guide that empowers and educates youth on issues concerning their sexuality, from abstinence to being sexually active to understanding everything in between.
This book is great for parents, youth, and educators wanting to provide factual, relevant information on resources, community, and self-formation.
10. Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, by Stephen Snyder, M.D.
The fear that quality sex can’t survive a long-term relationship is a common one. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tackle that fear. Dr. Snyder takes his thirty years as a sex therapist, as well as stories from hundreds of couples and individuals, and creates the guide that will keep your marriage, and your sex life, fun and interesting.
When to See a Therapist
If you are struggling with your sexuality, or if you and your partner aren’t connection the way you’d like, consider finding a certified sex therapist to help you learn more about yourself and develop a more fulfilling sex life. If you’re not sure where to get started, an online directory can be a great place to find someone in your state.
