What is the Split Attraction Model?

What Is the Split Attraction Model?

The Split Attraction model provides a way for people to better understand that even though sexual and romantic attraction may overlap, they are not the same. SAM offers a way for members of the LBGTQIA+ community to better identify their orientations. This model offers insight into the idea that humans are complex and can experience romantic attraction towards a certain gender that is different from those that they are sexually attracted to.

This model specifically stood out to the asexual community and supported them in having a clearer format to explain and understand their experience of attraction.¹ It allows folks to be able to better distinguish themselves in how they show up in their relationships.

How Many Different Attractions Are There?

There are five different types of attraction and everyone is unique in how they find themselves attracted to others and this experience can change and shift over time. Attraction is also fluid and one person can be attracted to multiple people for different reasons. There are 6 main forms of attraction and they are physical attraction, sexual attraction, romantic attraction, emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, and aesthetic attraction.²

Split Attraction Model History

A researcher named Karl Heinrich Ulrich is said to have begun writing about the concept of sexual and romantic attraction being two different entities in 1879. The concept was mentioned again in 1979 and referred to as limerence, being romantically interested in someone without being sexually attracted or sexually involved with them.¹ The term, Split Attraction Model, became more mainstream in the community in 2015 as a way for certain groups to better identify themselves.¹

Difference Between Romantic & Sexual Orientation

It is easy for both romantic and sexual orientation to be used interchangeably in conversations. However, they are both their own concepts. Sexual orientation and romantic orientation, though both describe how someone is attracted to another person, are very different. It can be helpful and even validating to have a clear understanding of the two in order to better understand how you are attracted to others.

Sexual orientation is being attracted to someone in a more physical and sexual way and can be based on gender, but it is not limited to this. Sexual orientation is more about who you prefer having sex with. Romantic orientation is being attracted to someone based more on affection and emotion. This form of orientation can exist without sexual attraction.

Romantic Orientation

Romantic orientation is often described as the group of people we are drawn to in an emotional way, whom we tend to fall in love with. This orientation can be exclusive to who we prefer to have sex with, but it can go hand in hand. Gender can play a role in this. However, it isn’t limited to it. There are also different ways that someone can identify their romantic orientation and it can change over time.

Some common romantic orientations include:

• Aromantic:  aromantic, or Aro, is when a person does not experience romantic attraction to anyone.³
• Biromantic: biromantic is when someone has the capacity to be romantically attracted to both genders.
• Heteromantic: When a person is romantically attracted to someone of the opposite gender.
• Homoromantic: When a person is romantically attracted to someone of the same gender.
• Panromantic: panromantic is when someone is romantically attracted to all genders.

Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation is when someone is physically attracted to someone with the intention of having intercourse. This can look very different for everyone and, again, can be fluid and change throughout the lifespan. For an aromantic person, they are sexually attracted to others, however have no interest in being romantically involved with them. If someone is asexual, they are not interested in engaging sexually with others. However, this can also vary from person to person.

Why The Split Attraction Model is Used With Asexual Identities

In order for individuals to honor their unique identities, it is important for there to be terms that can help identify what that looks like for them. The SAM allows for there to be a more hyper-specific view of the complexity of how people’s orientations show up, especially within the asexual and aromantic communities, which is where the SAM has been utilized more commonly.

The asexual and aromantic communities have adopted the SAM due to its ability to provide a more simplified explanation of the very complex topic of romantic vs. sexual orientation. This applies to these two groups specifically because it allows for a better understanding of how they can continue to engage in relationships while only seeking or receiving either the romantic or sexual aspect, without there having to be both.⁴

Here are a few identities that demonstrate the complexity of the split attraction model:

• Asexual homoromantic: When a person is romantically attracted to the same gender, however, they are not sexually attracted to them.
• Graysexual heteroromantic: When a person experiences limited sexual attraction and is romantically attracted to the opposite sex.
• Heterosexual biromantic: When a person is sexually attracted to the opposite gender and has the capacity to be romantically attracted to both genders.
• Pansexual grayromantic: When a person is sexually attracted to all genders but experiences limited romantic attraction.

Split Attraction Model Controversy

Even though the SAM can feel validating and offer clarity into a very complex subject, it isn’t for everyone and it is okay for this model to not work for everyone. There are criticisms that some members of the LGBTQIA+ community hold on the SAM. Some argue that labels can feel restricting and can limit the full capacity of what the individual’s experience could be like without the labels.

It’s also not uncommon for members of the community to find the SAM irrelevant to their personal experience and feel that it may even exclude other possible orientations. On the other hand, some feel that it overcomplicates an already complicated concept and are advocating for a more accessible approach.

Reasons the LGBTQIA+ community is moving away from the split attraction model:

• Oversexualization: This can over when specific groups or genders are oversexualized.
• Confusion: The SAM can be confusing for some and may not be relatable.
• Complexity: Sexual and Romantic orientation are made of many layers and some believe it can’t be simplified with labels.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you find yourself exploring your gender identity, sexual orientation, or romantic orientation, it can be helpful to seek support from someone who can help guide you through this. Someone who has a clear understanding of the terms and language that specifically relates to your situation and experiences. Finding and choosing an LGBTQIA+ therapist is pivotal in the process. For your convenience, you can access the online therapist directory here.

In My Experience

In my experience, exploring our identity is a big step in making peace with ourselves. It allows us to better understand our needs and to honor them. This isn’t always an easy thing to explore and isn’t something that needs to be done alone. There are clinicians who specialize in working with the LGBTQIA+ community who can provide additional guidance and support on your journey of self-exploration. I believe it is also important to remember that though the SAM has been found to be a helpful tool for others, it isn’t for everyone. And that is completely normal.