Sibling Sexual Abuse: 8 Facts Parents Should Know

What Is Sibling Sexual Abuse?

Sibling sexual abuse includes sexual behavior between siblings that is not age-appropriate, transitory, or motivated by developmentally appropriate curiosity. (FN1) The abuse often involves the exploitation of a power dynamic and some degree of forced activity. The term ‘sibling’ can encompass relationships between biological, step, half, adopted, and foster siblings.1

How Common Is Sibling Sexual Abuse?

Establishing the commonality of sibling sexual abuse is difficult due to under-reporting and under-researching. Intrafamilial abuse concerning adults perpetrating on children receives the most attention. However, the reality is that children are five times more likely to be sexually abused by their siblings than by their parents.2

Is Sexual Exploration Between Siblings Normal?

Sexual exploration between siblings is not unordinary, as children become curious about their bodies and the similarities or differences they see in others. Siblings may ‘play doctor’ or engage in ’show me yours, I’ll show you mine’ in an information-gathering process that aids in their developmental understanding of gender and body parts.

What Is Inappropriate Sexual Contact Between Siblings?

Although sexual exploration is normal, sexual exploration can shift to abnormal, inappropriate behavior that requires intervention. Parents need to understand this line so they can properly assess when abuse may be occurring.

Signs of inappropriate sexual contact between siblings include::⁴

• Frequent engagement with sexual contact
• Interactions interfere with child development
• Contact occurs with coercion, intimidation, or force
• Contact elicits emotional distress
• Interactions occur between children of divergent ages or developmental abilities
• Contact repeatedly recurs in secrecy after intervention by caregivers

Signs of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Identifying the signs of sibling sexual abuse and the resulting trauma symptoms in your abused child can be challenging. Children often learn through the grooming process to repress emotions. Other times, adults mislabel the behavior between siblings. For example, children from trauma backgrounds are frequently misdiagnosed with ADHD or categorized as defiant when dealing with trauma.

Potential signs of sibling sexual abuse include:³

• Sudden changes in behavior, including changes in appetite or becoming clingy or withdrawn
• Mood changes such as sadness, anxiety, irritability, or anger outbursts
• Nightmares, sleep problems, or extreme fears without obvious explanation
• Regressions in behavior, including bedwetting or thumb-sucking
• Avoiding and/or exhibiting fear toward their sibling or particular places
• Play, writings, or drawings with sexual or frightening images
• Engaging in sexual activities with toys, objects, or other children
• Refusing to talk about a secret they have with a sibling
• Discomfort with being touched and/or hugged
• Resistance to routine bathing, toileting, or assistance with dressing/ undressing
• Frequent stomach aches or illness with no identifiable reason
• Unexplained soreness, pain, or bruising and redness of the genitals or mouth

Signs of Sibling Sexual Abuse From the Abuser

Parents should also recognize the potential signs of abuse from a perpetrating child. Abusers often minimize the experience of their victims, stating the claims are false or exaggerated. Some may appear hypersexual, engaging in inappropriate physical interactions with siblings.

Potential indicators a child may be perpetrating sibling sexual abuse include:^3,4

• Minimizing, justifying, or denying the impact of inappropriate behaviors on others
• Making their sibling uncomfortable by consistently missing or ignoring social cues about personal or sexual boundaries
• Insisting on physical contact with a sibling even when they resist
• Being forceful, intimidating, or coercive to get what they want with sibling
• Responding sexually to typical gestures of friendliness or affection
• Inability to control sexual behaviors after being told to stop
• Keeping inappropriate secrets with siblings, taking them to ‘secret’ places, or playing ‘special’ games

Facts Parents Should Know About Sibling Sexual Abuse

Dozens of misconceptions exist in our society about sexual abuse. Unfortunately, the public tends to misunderstand the nuances of the specific silent epidemic of sibling sexual abuse. Many assume the abuse is typical childhood behavior or the child exaggerates their claims. However, these conjectures can impede necessary intervention.

Here are eight facts about sibling sexual abuse all parents should know:

1. Sibling Sexual Abuse Is Often Hidden

Sibling sexual abuse is less likely to be disclosed than other forms of abuse. Victims often feel trapped by the abuser, who has likely manipulated their trusting bond and sworn them to secrecy. One study of adult survivors revealed only 12% told someone about the abuse. (FN5) Victims report fear of being believed, upsetting their parents, retaliation, or confusion and shame over their role in the abuse.⁶

2. The Behaviors are Not “Harmless Play”

Historically, sexual contact between siblings has been seen by some as an innocent, experimental play that is a normal part of childhood sexual development. However, research has repeatedly shown this behavior is far from harmless and leaves detrimental short and long-term impacts on the victim, the offender, and the family unit.

3. The Types of Behaviors May Surprise You

Research findings have exposed forcible fondling as the most commonly reported sexual violence between siblings, followed by forcible rape, sodomy, and sexual assault with an object.² Child offenders may also utilize non-contact abusive behaviors such as forcing a sibling to watch pornography, voyeuristic activities toward siblings, or encouraging their sibling to behave in sexual ways.

4. The Use of Coercion & Violence Is Common

Sibling sexual abuse tends to include various sexual acts over an extended period with more force than any other form of child sexual abuse.¹ Sibling offender exploitation is common, with force and coercion accounting for 25% of experiences.⁵ The most common forms include verbal coercion, threats, bribery, and trickery.⁶

A study regarding the characteristics of sibling sexual abuse found abusers used weapons in an alarming 68% of cases. However, 94% of those were classified as personal weapons, meaning the abuser used their hands and feet.² Nevertheless, the overwhelming majority (89%) reveal no injuries, adding to the quandary for parents in spotting the signs.¹

5. It Is Confusing for the Victim

The close nature of sibling relationships creates a highly confusing predicament for the victim. They often feel torn between their love and allegiance to their sibling while feeling betrayed and harmed.

Victims cannot understand the abusive nature of the relationship because of a nurturing element that makes them feel special and worthy of attention. Additionally, abusers may trick them into believing the victim-offender roles are blurred, thus leading to guilt or viewing themselves as deviants for taking part in socially taboo behavior.

6. You May Not Respond Appropriately

Parents may underreact to disclosures of sibling sexual abuse by minimizing or denying the claims. Adult survivors report their parents often dismissed or minimized their disclosures of non-physical sibling sexual abuse, which intensified their feelings of shame, guilt, and hopelessness.¹

Conversely, parents may overreact to disclosures. Doing so creates an emotionally charged environment where they inadvertently place the victim at the center of attention while ejecting the offending child from the family. The parents may focus all their efforts on compensating for their responsibility for what happened, sometimes pushing the abused child to carry the family toward healing.

7. Male Juveniles are Frequent Sexual Offenders

In one crime data analysis, juveniles accounted for 36% of the persons identified by police as having committed sex offenses against minors, with 93% being male. This analysis also found the peak ages for offending were 12-14.⁷ Females are more frequent victims of sibling sexual abuse, yet when they offend, they more often victimize younger males.²

8. Sibling Sexual Offenders are Not Destined to Become Adult Predators

Many fear children who commit sex offenses are bound to carry this pattern of delinquent behavior into adulthood and, therefore, pose a danger to society. Follow-up studies of juvenile sex offenders have shown 85-95% do not have future arrests for sex crimes.

Sibling Sexual Abuse Risk Factors

Sibling sexual abuse does not have one cause. Instead, a combination of individual, familial, behavioral, and environmental factors can increase the risk for abusive sibling interactions.

Potential factors that may increase the risk of sibling sexual abuse include:

Gender, Age, or Power Dynamics

Families holding cultural or religious perspectives of gender may view women and girls as having lesser status, creating an environment ripe for sibling sexual abuse. Additionally, stronger or favored siblings may use their position in the family to take advantage of siblings. Children with disabilities are also at heightened vulnerability for abuse.⁴

Age difference plays an important role, too. The average gap between victim and offender is 5.5 years, with the majority of victims being girls under the age of 13 and biologically related to the offending sibling. The most common dyad is an older brother and younger sister.¹⁰

Unclear Boundaries Within the Home

Parents must instruct children early and often both about their boundaries and the personal boundaries of others. A lack of or confusion about boundaries can increase the risk of children violating sexual boundaries.

Family Dysfunction

While sibling sexual abuse can happen in any family, research has demonstrated families with disrupted living situations, poor relationships, and unstable parental backgrounds are more prone to incidents.⁴ In addition, authoritarian parenting styles characterized by high levels of physical punishment have been linked to higher rates of sibling sexual offending.¹

Neglect by Caregivers

Parents who are physically or emotionally inaccessible and distant create an unfulfilled attachment need within children, who may subsequently seek out connection with siblings. If parents do not guide children on appropriate sexual boundaries, the risk for abusive interactions prevails as one or both seek comfort in another.

Previous Victim of Child Abuse

Whether a child has experienced a single abusive event or chronic abuse, their victimhood creates a vulnerability to becoming either a victim again or acting out and becoming an offender themselves. Abuse, witnessing domestic violence, and neglect are some of the primary predictors of juvenile sexual offending.¹⁰

A child who has been a victim of sexual abuse may find themselves with new and confusing bodily urges they had not previously recognized. The child may feel shame and embarrassment for these feelings, yet not know how to manage the sensations and, consequently, act out their trauma on a sibling.

Witness to Violence

Being desensitized to violence can lead children to view aggression as a way to get what they want. Others may build up anger from an inability to defend themselves from parental or caregiver abuse, sometimes turning to sexually abusing their sibling to gain power and control.

Normalized Generational Sexual Abuse

A family environment that normalizes sexual abuse and/or inappropriate sexual behavior (i.e., dirty jokes, unconsented touching, and exposure to graphic images) is often a precedent for sibling sexual abuse.

Exposure to Porn

Children may deliberately or accidentally access adult content online. Their perspectives of healthy sexual behavior are subject to what they have viewed. Researchers found media depictions of sexual relationships “clash” with real sexual experiences, sometimes contributing to poor decisions regarding sexual activity.⁹ Due to proximity and a consistent relationship, child offenders may choose to copy what they have viewed in pornography on a sibling.

Mental Health Disorders

Adolescents charged with sex offenses are five times more likely to have been sexually abused themselves than adolescents who have committed a non-sexual offense.⁴ In one study of adolescent sex offenders, 74% had one or more psychiatric diagnoses and higher rates of neurological impairment.⁹

Impact of Sibling Sexual Abuse

If the sibling relationship becomes sexually abusive, children must shift the energy used for developmental tasks to survival. This change creates disruptions in peer relationships, a distorted sense of self, and premature sexualization.¹  Additionally, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can persist into adulthood, including depression, suicidal thoughts, dissociation, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts.⁴

Victims may be at risk for re-victimization in future relationships or an inability to form healthy relationships. They will likely struggle to trust others and accurately assess threats leading to engagement in risk-taking behaviors, such as unprotected sex, self-medication with substances, and confusion about sexuality.^1,4

Implications for the Perpetrator

The justice system aims to keep the perpetrating child within the juvenile justice system, providing opportunities for rehabilitation rather than punishment for offenses. Nonetheless, others may still stigmatize and label the child as a sex offender despite them likely being victims of sexual abuse themselves in need of therapeutic interventions.

Depending on whether or not the offending child receives treatment, they could be removed from the home for some time for the safety of the abused child. Though often necessary to ensure the victim is safe from imminent abuse, this separation can create a further rupture in the family dynamic and lead to anger and resentment by the perpetrating child.⁴

Implications for the Family Unit

Family relationships are difficult to maintain after sibling sexual abuse. Parents and children may struggle with embarrassment, shame, denial, and shock. Family members may feel a sense of duty or concern for the reputation and social standing of the family, becoming reluctant to report “one of their own” to authorities.

Parents may fear the impact of attention brought by law enforcement or social service agencies on their ability to parent their non-offending children. Uninvolved siblings get caught in the middle and ultimately suffer the consequences of sudden systems involvement.

How to Prevent Sibling Sexual Abuse

As sibling sexual abuse does not have one cause, a catch-all way to prevent abuse does not exist. Parents absorb the responsibility for keeping their children safe, sometimes making them feel they must be everywhere at once. Remember, you cannot prevent all harm to your child. However, being educated can reduce the risks of sexual abuse occurring in your home.

Here are some steps that you can take as a parent to help reduce the risks:

• Educate yourself on child sexual development: If you haven’t done so already, one of your greatest tools will be familiarizing yourself with normal vs. abnormal child sexual behaviors so you can recognize and address red flags.
• Supervise your children: Older siblings frequently babysitting younger siblings without supervision can contribute to sibling sexual abuse.0¹ One study found that 94% of sibling sexual abuse incidents occur in the residence, suggesting children find ample opportunities away from adults to commit sexual abuse.²
• Have an open-door policy: Consider adopting a rule around keeping doors open while children play or if they share a bedroom. Alternatively, have conversations on privacy, such as bathrooms or rooms where the child is dressing.
• Talk with your children daily: Being actively involved helps you look for the warning signs. Children tend to drop hints about things they want to talk about, letting on they saw or heard something inappropriate or a sibling did something to make them uncomfortable. Parents can then take steps to intervene before behaviors can escalate further.
• Educate children about sexuality: Start early by having age-appropriate conversations with children about human sexuality and body parts. Be sure to use proper anatomical names so children can identify if/when they have experienced abuse. Encourage them to tell you if they encounter something that makes them feel bad or uncomfortable.
• Model and promote healthy boundary-setting: Discuss body safety and consent with your children regarding their and other people’s bodies. Guide them in understanding and communicating what kinds of touch are okay and not okay. Never insist or pressure your child to engage in unwanted touch (i.e., hugging a grandparent, bathing with a sibling, sitting on Santa’s lap, etc.), as this reinforces an inability to set boundaries.
• Believe and support your children: Listen and remain calm if your child tells you they are uncomfortable with something. Investigate the source of their discomfort to determine ways you can empower and protect them from future distress. Validate their feelings, let them know they are not at fault, thank them for sharing with you, and affirm you will help.
• Be aware of what your children are doing online: Unfortunately, children encounter sexually explicit material with higher frequency and at younger ages. Juvenile sex offenders report exposure to pornography as early as age seven.⁹ Monitor time spent on the internet and perform regular check-ins on their devices.
• Encourage healthy peer relationships: Research into adolescent sex offenders showed that 64% were ‘undersocialized,’ meaning they had few friends and poor social skills and peer relationships, including isolation.⁹ These findings may explain why offenders turn to a sibling to fulfill unmet social-emotional needs.

What Parents Should Do About Sibling Sexual Abuse

Finding out your child has been abusing their sibling is undoubtedly a devastating blow. Feeling scared, confused, or angry is normal as you decide what to do next. Know that both the offending child and the abused child will need support on the road ahead.

Here are some important steps parents should take if sibling sexual abuse occurs in their home:

• Report the abuse: One of the most difficult things a parent must do is report their own child for abusive behaviors. Parents may call Child Protective Services or their local police department. Their involvement allows the family to receive comprehensive supportive services for both victims and offenders.
• Remain calm: While challenging, parents should try their best to remain as calm as possible after disclosure. Children will read and mirror your emotional state, so maintaining composure can assist them in moving through the process with less panic and fear.
• Discuss the issue with each child: Speak with each child separately to evaluate their perspectives on what occurred so you can take steps for safety planning. Be careful not to ask leading questions. Say things like, “Can you tell me more?” or “What did you think about that?” 
• Maintain support for both children: Each child will need your support throughout the healing process. The victim should understand they did the right thing in disclosing the abuse, and the offender should know you believe they can overcome this obstacle.
• Prevent the perpetrator from having access to their sibling: As you await instructions from professionals on how to proceed, keep the children apart or ensure they are never left alone. After a disclosure, tensions are likely to be high in the home. Additional offending could occur without proper supervision and careful attention.
• Be on the same page as your partner: Keep communication open to nurture your bond during this trying process and ensure you agree with steps toward family healing. Stay united in supporting both children and avoid taking sides or favoring one child.

Treatment for Sibling Sexual Abuse

After reporting sibling sexual abuse, the entire family will complete a sibling abuse interview (SAI). This family-based risk assessment tool gathers information, including offender motivation, family response to disclosure, sources of support, and potential divided loyalties. This tool serves as a guide for determining the most appropriate treatment for the victim, the offender, and the family unit.⁹

Treatment for Victims of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Survivors need guidance and support in healing from childhood trauma to resolve the profoundly personal wound of being abused by their sibling. Adult survivors who do not receive proper treatment report an over-dependence on maladaptive coping strategies and are unfamiliar with healthy coping mechanisms.¹

Treatment options for sibling sexual abuse victims include:

• Trauma-focused cognitive behavior therapy (TF-CBT): The leading treatment for survivors remains trauma-focused CBT. This approach features education about trauma, positive coping skills, addressing inaccurate thoughts related to abuse, and parenting skills to manage problematic child behaviors.¹¹
• Cognitive processing therapy (CPT): CPT is another therapeutic approach available for sibling sexual abuse survivors that aims to address the inaccurate or unhelpful cognitions about the trauma, such as guilt or self-blame. The child has opportunities to reduce trauma-related emotional and behavioral responses as they safely process their memories and change distorted beliefs.¹¹
• Art or play therapy: Children cannot always express themselves with words because their vocabulary, emotional intelligence, maturity, or comfort have not yet reached an appropriate level for psychotherapy. Therefore, many therapists utilize play therapy and art therapy for children, as both are mediums through which they can readily communicate.
• Involvement with family therapy: Family therapy can assist with victim healing and family reunification.⁴ However, victim safety is the top priority when considering this approach.
• Medication: While typically a last line of defense against symptoms, some parents may consider adding medication to supplement treatment with psychotherapy.

Treatment for Perpetrators of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Sibling sexual abuse offenders are usually the product of a complex history of risk factors, suggesting that unresolved trauma accounts for a large portion of motivation. With proper intervention and consistent support and guidance, the risk of an individual becoming an adult predator lowers.⁸

Treatment for juvenile sibling sexual abuse perpetrators may include:

• Adjudication through juvenile justice: The child will likely receive a rehabilitative treatment plan as part of their sentencing. The child will have a probation officer. The courts may suspend their case once they complete the program.⁸
• Residential treatment: If the child is more “high risk,” they may attend a residential facility where they’ll participate in individual, group, and family sessions multiple times a week to assist in their healing process.
• Outpatient treatment: “Low-risk” offenders can participate in outpatient programs while continuing to live at home with a safety plan or in another suitable home setting for the duration of treatment. They also receive individual, group, and family counseling services.
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for kids can help offenders identify the core beliefs and automatic thoughts that influence their emotional, physiological, and behavioral responses.⁹ They can work to address these distorted beliefs to make behavior changes.
• Psychodynamic therapy: Psychodynamic therapy is another therapeutic approach that aims to uncover the unconscious motivations and past experiences that shape and drive emotion, cognition, relationships, and behaviors.⁹
• Social skills training and relapse prevention strategies: Social skills training and relapse prevention strategies are taught throughout treatment to assist offenders with coping strategies to reduce the risk of relapse.

Treatment for Family Units of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Regardless of the treatment setting, researchers agree family therapy is imperative to the successful healing of the victim and the reform of juvenile sex offenders. Family therapy can help all individuals process the shame, trauma, and grief associated with abuse and prevent sibling sexual abuse from disrupting progress.

Parents should prioritize extensive safety planning if the offending child remains in the home. Even after reunification, the offending child will need support and supervision to ensure safe interaction with their sibling.

Finding Help for Sibling Sexual Abuse

Many types of psychotherapy can offer guidance, education, resources, and support as you consider the best approach for your children and your family. An online therapist directory is a great tool to search for providers. In other cases, an online therapy platform might be more suitable for your unique situation.