Sadness: Causes, Getting Help, & 10 Ways to Cope

What Is Sadness?

Sadness is a basic emotion and human experience, but it can be challenging to define or explain. Often, sadness is viewed as a negative, unwanted, and undesirable feeling, so people work to avoid sadness and focus on happiness. People may learn to fear their sadness and feel that they are powerless to prevent or address it.

In most situations, sadness is a passing emotion that improves with time, and it can actually be a powerful tool to help people adapt to problematic situations and grow into the person they wish to be in the future. Feelings of sadness can be the motivation for  introspection about your life, your support system, your routines, and your goals for the future.¹

Why Am I So Sad All the Time?

The causes of sadness are endless, but will be unique to you. One person may experience great sadness brought about by something that has no impact on another. One person could feel sad about many causes, while another only experiences sadness from one or two stressors. Depending on your history, life experiences, and biological makeup, certain people, places, things, and situations can bring about sadness.

Some common causes of sadness include:¹

• Poor relationships with family or friends
• Struggling to do well at home, school, or work
• Being ill or dealing with a loved one’s illness
• Moving to a new place
• Losing a loved one due to death, distance, or separation
• Physiological changes linked to puberty, aging, changing seasons, or substance use
• Feeling out of control or overwhelmed with world events
• New thought patterns that prove unhelpful
• Feeling lonely in a relationship

What If I Feel Sad for No Reason?

It is ok to feel sad and not understand why. It does not make the feeling of sadness less valid. It can be hard to make sense of the feeling, but sometimes we need to allow ourselves to simply feel and acknowledge that we are sad and tend to ourselves the same we would do for a trusted friend and family. We don’t always need to know the reason to feel like it is acceptable to feel sad.

What’s the Difference Between Sadness & Depression?

Sadness and depression are associated but not synonymous. Sadness is a common symptom of depression, but sadness alone does not always signal depression.

Depression is a multifaceted mental health concern that affects a full range of the person’s experience, including:²

• Energy and motivation changes
• Diet, weight, and sleep changes
• Low self-worth
• Excessive guilt and shame
• Increased thoughts of death
• Lower levels of attention and decision making

A condition like major depressive disorder can lead to periods of intense and lasting sadness. Another condition, called persistent depressive disorder, may have a strong link to sadness as well. With persistent depressive disorder, the person will experience sadness frequently for at least two years. At times, people with this condition may fail to remember times when they were not sad.²

What Does Sadness Feel Like?

Whether it’s called agony, hurt, sorrow, dismay, or distress, sadness has the power to affect people physically and emotionally. Physically, sadness can bring about pain in the form of headaches or stomach pain. It can cause soreness in the body. Emotionally, sadness can result in being tearful, angry, irritated, or isolative.

Sadness can feel like:

• Social withdrawal
• Decrease in reward-seeking
• Slowed movement
• Slumped posture
• Blunted affect
• Frequent crying or feeling tearful
• Being unable to speak or think
• Self-loathing
• Expressions of frustration and/or anger
• Frequently needing to use substances to feel better

When Sadness Can Be a Good Thing

It can be hard to recognize sadness as a positive, and while the feeling isn’t something we want to feel, we can try to understand what the feeling is telling us. Sometimes learning that we are feeling sad can propel us to uncover an unmet need.

Here are some of the potential upsides to feeling sad:

• It can be a signal that you need more social support: Sadness can be an indicator that you are needing more connection and support from people around you. It can let you know that you need some kind of emotional support or company, and if you communicate that to people who care about you, chances are they’ll want to help you feel less sad.
• It can help you learn to communicate your feelings: Being aware that you are sad and simply stating it can be empowering because everyone feels sad sometimes. Learning to share this feeling can pave the way to help you express yourself more fully at other points in the future, too.
• It can be a way to start accepting a new reality: Sadness can come at any point in life, and usually we associate it with some kind of event or situation that occurred. Sometimes sadness, instead of numbness or shock, can be a signal that you’re starting to process whatever negative event occurred.
• It can motivate you to make a healthy change: Sadness can also propel you to want to get out of that feeling, especially if it is caused by some relationship or situation you are in. You can choose to feel the sadness, process it, then make a plan to move forward from it.

What to Do When You’re Sad

Most see sadness as a negative and unwanted emotional response, so they quickly try to diminish and defuse the feeling. Sadness is not a positive, but positives can come from the situation when people take appropriate steps to cope with the feeling.^1,5,6 You should start by acknowledging your sadness, then work to include your support system to help you move forward.

Here are ten ideas for what to do when you feel sad:

1. Acknowledge Your Sadness

Denying and avoiding the feeling are common reactions when sadness first emerges. Ignoring sadness does make it go away magically, so people should always do their part in acknowledging and accepting the emotion. Through acknowledgement, people can begin to understand the root of their sadness, the underlying contributors, and what makes it worse.

Acknowledging and accepting the sadness does not mean you are happy about it. Rather, it means that you are willing to recognize the response and the effect it has on your physical health, your mental health, and your overall well-being.

2. Journal About Your Feelings

Journaling is a great way to process your emotions and get on to paper what you feel. It can be hard to even know what you’re feeling sometimes, so getting some thoughts on a page can be a great way to start untangling your emotions. There is no wrong way to journal for your mental health, and no wrong feeling—journaling can help you start to understand that feelings aren’t bad or good.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is important for all of us, regardless of emotion. When we are sad, however, practicing being kind to ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and being mindful is key. It can be helpful to think about how you may offer compassion to others when they are sad and recognize that you are a human and just as deserving.

4. Be Honest With Close Loved Ones

Now that you can begin to see the sadness in your life, share your experience with others. Let them know the impact this feeling is having on your daily routines and health. Most importantly, work with them on ways to start feeling better through a give-and-take conversation that includes their input and your goals.

Although being honest is a good idea, being honest with everyone could be problematic. Inspect your life for friends and family members who have proven themselves reliable and trustworthy as helpful supports. Giving people this information may make you feel vulnerable, but it helps to give your loved ones a clearer picture of who you are and what you are struggling to overcome.

5. Check Your Diet, Exercise, & Sleep

Plenty of helpful coping skills for sadness target your mental health, but taking care of your physical health can impact your emotional health as well. Diet, exercise, and sleep share a bidirectional relationship with sadness. This means that sadness can affect these physical health facets, and they can also affect sadness.

Take some time to consider your current bedtime, mealtime, and activity habits. Are you scheduling enough time for restful sleep? Are you doing your part to expel energy, and are you planning and preparing healthy meals? Or are you so focused on your sadness that you are forgetting to care for yourself?

Invest some energy in eating well, moving your body, and setting the conditions for a restful night sleep. In combination, these three will yield a great impact on your mood.

6. Avoid Negative Coping Mechanisms

With any group of coping skills, there are positives and negatives. The positives will lead to wanted results in the long-term, but too often, the allure of the “quick fix” linked to negative coping skills is overwhelming. Negative coping skills stand out because they appear easier and seem to offer faster results. They usually create more problems in the future, though.

When people are sad, they may use alcohol and other drugs, food, risky sex, or shopping to feel better quickly. They may avoid their feelings by staring at their phone, video game, or TV. Others could spend all of their time and energy concerned with issues that have no tangible impact on them, instead of tending to their own needs.

7. Get Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

The best solution for sadness is not usually the comfortable one. People may use this discomfort as a rationale for stopping the process when, in actuality, this should serve as an indication of progress. As an example, sometimes the best action plan for coping with sadness is to simply wait for it to run its course. Like grief, sadness is a process, and trying to force it to end can do more harm in the long-term.

Sure, feeling sad is uncomfortable, but there is so much your sadness can teach you about yourself, the people in your life, and the world around you. Try viewing your sadness as an opportunity to grow and adapt, so you can practice and prepare for periods of sadness in the future.

8. Devote Your Energy to Others

Sadness is often a selfish process where people need to overly focus on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to acknowledge and resolve the issue. Since this selfishness can become problematic over time, people should seek out opportunities to give back and assist others.

Consider participating in volunteer activities to benefit a national organization you believe in or a cause in your community. Giving to others can act as a temporary distraction from sadness while also inspiring some sense of positive contributions. Like with other positive coping skills, these efforts do not have to be grand and world-changing. The simplest actions are frequently the most rewarding.

9. Utilize Creative Outlets to Express Yourself

Exploring your creative and artistic side could be a great way to express and reduce your sadness.

Creative endeavors to help cope with sadness include:

• Writing poetry or stories
• Coloring
• Drawing, painting, and sculpting
• Creating, writing, or listening to music

These creative pursuits help people to express feelings and situations in new ways. No longer is a person bound by their verbal speech to explain their complicated experiences.

10. Check for Depression & Know When to Call in the Professionals

Since there is a thin line between typical sadness and depression, knowing when to seek professional help can be complicated. However, people rarely wish they had wanted longer to begin treatment.

Seeking therapy services from an experienced mental health practitioner is a safe and effective way to address feelings of sadness before they build towards something more nefarious. After meeting with a therapist, they can explain their assessment of your experience to recommend treatment if needed or if your experience is natural and expected.

When to Get Professional Help for Feeling Sad

Seeking professional help for sadness is a personal choice, and one people have to make for themselves. However, there is no substantial risk that comes from reaching out for professional services as soon as sadness becomes a problem. Some levels of sadness clearly deserve treatment. If you or a loved one is feeling suicidal, unable to complete basic self-care skills, or self-medicating with alcohol or other drugs, the need for professional help should be the top priority.

Other levels of sadness are not so obvious, though. If sadness is beginning to disrupt your normal sleeping, eating, and activity patterns, consulting a professional can help to limit the impact of sadness and help return to a desired level of functioning. Seeking help for sadness is not a sign that you are weak, flawed, broken, or incompetent. It only shows that you are attuned enough to recognize a problem and seek proper treatment.

How to Find a Therapist

Finding a therapist may be much easier than you think. You can search an online therapist directory, ask for a recommendation from a trusted friend or your primary care doctor, or call. With many forms of therapy, people may note significant improvements after only a few months of sessions.⁴ Best of all, people with mental health insurance can expect little out-of-pocket costs for their services.

Supporting Someone Else Who Is Feeling Sad

When someone expresses sadness to you, there are numerous ways to help and only a few ways to cause harm. In the beginning, always focus on listening intently and offering support to show that they are important to you and that their feelings are valid.

Rather than throwing many suggestions and solutions at them, ask how you can help and what they are looking for from you. They may only need a person to hear their story and to acknowledge the sadness. Let your loved one know that you are on their side and will serve as their teammate, while explaining the limits of your abilities since you are not a mental health professional.¹

Be sure not to dismiss their feelings, tell them to “just get over it”, or suggest over-indulging in substances. Remind your loved one that feeling moments of sadness is normal and healthy, but sadness can seamlessly transition to depression. Agree to check in with each other regularly to track the changes in symptoms to devise appropriate action.

Final Thoughts on Dealing With Sadness

Even though sadness is a universal feeling, your sadness is unique and individualized. Sadness may seem like a curse, but it can also be a powerful tool you use for motivation and self-exploration. By understanding the emotion and using healthy coping skills to address it, sadness can inspire greatness and positive changes.