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Traumatic Grief: How to Cope & When to Get Help

Published: May 4, 2022 Updated: November 28, 2022
Published: 05/04/2022 Updated: 11/28/2022
Kimarie Knowles, LCSW
Written by:

Kimarie Knowles

LCSW
Headshot of Naveed Saleh, MD, MS
Reviewed by:

Naveed Saleh

MD, MS
  • What Is Traumatic Grief?Definition
  • Common Symptoms of Trauma GriefSymptoms
  • How to Cope with Traumatic GriefHow to Cope
  • Traumatic Grief & DepressionDepression
  • Traumatic Loss & PTSDPTSD
  • Treatment for Trauma & GriefTreatment
  • When to Get Professional Help For Traumatic GriefGet Help
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Traumatic Grief InfographicsInfographics
Kimarie Knowles, LCSW
Written by:

Kimarie Knowles

LCSW
Headshot of Naveed Saleh, MD, MS
Reviewed by:

Naveed Saleh

MD, MS

Traumatic grief is a term that describes when an individual is experiencing both grief and trauma at the same time. Grief is the experience of reacting to the loss of a loved one, while trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event that often includes a threat to someone’s life.1,2

You don’t need to endure grief alone. A therapist can help you process your loss. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Traumatic Grief?

Grieving, while painful, is normal after a death. While distressing and overwhelming, one often experiences different stages of grief, and it begins to lessen in intensity and frequency over time. There’s no exact time frame to cope with a loss, but many experience decreased symptoms after 6-12 months, which continues to lessen over the next few years.7 In trauma grief, a traumatic event is often connected to the loss, making it more difficult to cope.

Some characteristics about a death can heighten the risk for a traumatic reaction, but all deaths have the capacity to terrify and overwhelm. Just because a death is understood as being traumatic doesn’t necessarily mean that it will traumatize a person, and vice versa.

A death may be considered traumatic if:3

  • It occurs without warning
  • It is untimely
  • It involves violence
  • There is damage to the loved one’s body
  • It was caused by a perpetrator with intent to harm
  • The survivor/griever regards the death as preventable
  • The survivor/griever believes that the loved one suffered
  • The survivor/griever regards the death, or manner of death, as unfair and unjust
  • The survivor/griever witnessed the death
  • The survivor/griever is confronted with multiple deaths
  • The survivor/griever’s own life is threatened

Childhood Traumatic Grief

Just like adults, children grieve the death of a loved one in their own way and can experience traumatic grief after any type of loss. Childhood grief will differ depending on the age and cognitive development of the child, previous life experience, emotional health prior to the loss, and their support system.4

Traumatic grief symptoms in children can include:4

  • Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
  • Feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, and self-blame
  • Thoughts about the death
  • Nightmares
  • Bedwetting
  • Regressive behaviors (acting in a younger or needier way)
  • Avoidance of reminders of the loved one who died or the death experience
  • Irritability
  • Decreased concentration
  • Difficulty in school
  • Stomachaches
  • Headaches
  • Fears about their own safety and the safety of other loved ones

Common Symptoms of Trauma Grief

Symptoms of traumatic grief often include a combination of what’s typically seen with grief and trauma respectively. Everyone is unique and as such, no two experiences will be the same, but  there are common or typical ways you may experience both grief and trauma.

Traumatic grief symptoms include:5

  • Yearning or longing for the loved one
  • Sadness or loneliness
  • Disbelief, shock, and confusion
  • Anxiety
  • Anger
  • Depression, despair, hopelessness or numbness
  • Guilt or relief
  • Thoughts or images of the loved one (grief hallucinations)
  • Difficulty concentrating and forgetfulness
  • Loss of identity, sense of self, meaning or purpose
  • Feeling disconnected from others
  • Changes in sleep or appetite
  • Fatigue, muscle tension, headaches or aches
  • Abdominal/digestive distress
  • Palpitations
  • Preoccupation with thinking about the deceased or intrusive images of the death

Symptoms of trauma include:6

  • Anxiety
  • Sadness
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Continually thinking about what happened
  • Flashbacks – reliving the experience through frightening throughs
  • Nightmares
  • Avoidance of places, people, or things that trigger traumatic memories and responses
  • Isolating oneself from others
  • Headaches
  • Digestive issues
  • Fatigue
  • Feeling jumpy/easily startled

Help For Grief & Loss

Talk Therapy – Get personalized help in dealing with a loss from a licensed professional. BetterHelp offers online sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp


Virtual Psychiatry – Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week. Free Assessment

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Talkiatry and BetterHelp.

How to Cope with Traumatic Grief

When thinking of the ways to strengthen and build on your coping strategies, the first step is to start with compassion and empathy for yourself. After compassion, it can help to understand specific self-care and coping strategies. Take a moment and think about the ways you take care of your body, mind, and soul.

Here are areas to take stock of when coping with trauma grief:

  • Physical health: nutrition, exercise, rest/sleep
  • Mind-body: breathing, meditation, mindfulness
  • Spiritual or faith-related traditions: finding or engaging in things that create meaning or purpose
  • Social support: solace and connection from friends, family, or support groups

Traumatic Grief & Depression

Traumatic grief can turn into depression, or more specifically, major depressive disorder (MDD). This can include the following symptoms: depressed mood most of the time; loss of interest or pleasure in activities or sleep; appetite changes; feelings of worthlessness; difficulty concentrating; and recurrent suicidal ideation.9

In depression, the strongest feelings are an overwhelming sadness and an inability to feel happiness or pleasure. Depressive feelings often focus on yourself and others (not just the deceased loved one).

Traumatic Loss & PTSD

PTSD can include the following symptoms: recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories; recurrent distressing dreams; flashbacks; avoidance of triggers or reminders; feelings of fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame; hypervigilance, irritability, problems with concentration; and sleep disturbances.9

In PTSD, the experience is a reaction to witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event. Thoughts and behaviors are often focused on the trauma or distressing circumstances; you may avoid thoughts or situations that trigger or remind you of the traumatic situation.

Treatment for Trauma & Grief

Treatment for trauma grief should integrate elements of treatment for trauma and grief, starting by creating a sense of physical and mental safety.

Therapies to treat PTSD and traumatic responses include:8

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
  • Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)
  • Cognitive therapy
  • Prolonged exposure
  • Brief eclectic psychotherapy
  • Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR)
  • Narrative exposure therapy

There’s less research on effective treatments for grief, partly due to the fact that grief isn’t a mental-health disorder.

For individuals who aren’t diagnosed with prolonged grief disorder (PGD) or another mental health disorder, here are ways to support the grieving process:

  • Psychoeducation (education on the typical experience of grief)
  • Commemorative services and grief rituals for processing the loss in healthy ways
  • Peer or professional led support groups
  • Strong social support network (friends, family, clergy, counselors)
  • Implementing self-care practices

For those who meet the criteria for PGD, adaptations of cognitive-behavioral therapy that incorporate strategies from exposure therapy, cognitive restructuring, interpretive therapy, and interpersonal therapy have been found to be helpful.1

When to Get Professional Help For Traumatic Grief

Due to the fact that the term traumatic grief is not a recognized mental-health disorder, clinicians look more closely at the diagnosable conditions that individuals may be at higher risk for, including major depressive disorder (MDD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), PGD, and suicidal ideation.7,1

Wondering whether it’s time to seek professional help for complex bereavement, complicated grief or trauma grief? Ask yourself two questions:

  • Does the intensity of my emotional pain overwhelm my ability to cope?
  • Have there been any shifts in my experience since the death, or do I feel stuck even after months or years?

If the answer to either is ‘yes’ then a therapist trained in grief and trauma can probably help.
Start your search to find a grief counselor using an online therapist director. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, it is imperative to get help immediately. Call 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) 24/7 for free, confidential support.

Final Thoughts

What you are struggling with is unique to you, but you are not alone. Talking with a therapist, trusted friend or family member, or spiritual advisor can make a positive difference in how you feel. Don’t be afraid to reach out for more support.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Virtual Psychiatry

Talkiatry Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week Free Assessment

Support Groups

Sesh – Sesh offers 100+ live, interactive webinars per month facilitated by mental health professionals. Topics included, “Managing Emotional Guilt and Shame”, “Building Healthy Relationships”, and “Pressing The Breaks On Gaslighting”. Free One Month Trial

Guided Psychedelic Journeys

Innerwell Ketamine is a prescription medication that clinicians can prescribe off-label to treat trauma, depression, anxiety, and OCD. Innerwell pairs ketamine with support from licensed psychotherapists. Find out if you’re a good candidate: Take Online Assessment

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Sesh, BetterHelp, Innerwell, and Talkiatry.

For Further Reading

  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov

Traumatic Grief Infographics

What is Traumatic Grief? What is Traumatic Grief? Common Symptoms of Traumatic Grief

How to Cope with Traumatic Grief

9 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • PDQ Supportive and Palliative Care Editorial Board. (2020). Grief, Bereavement, and Coping With Loss (PDQ®): Health Professional Version. In PDQ Cancer Information Summaries. National Cancer Institute (US). Retrieved from https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/planning/bereavement-hp-pdq

  • (2022). American Psychological Association. Trauma. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma

  • Barlé, N., Wortman, C. B., & Latack, J. A. (2017). Traumatic bereavement: Basic research and clinical implications. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 27(2), 127–139.  Retrieved from https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-34688-001

  • (2022). Traumatic Grief. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Retrieved from https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/traumatic-grief

  • (2018). Killikelly, C., Bauer, S., & Maercker, A. The assessment of grief in refugees and post-conflict survivors: a narrative review of etic and emic research. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1957. Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01957/full

  • (2022). Coping with Traumatic Events. National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events.

  • (2020). Lichtenthal, W. G., Roberts, K. E., & Prigerson, H. G. Bereavement Care in the Wake of COVID-19: Offering Condolences and Referrals. Annals of internal medicine, 173(10), 833–835. Retrieved from: https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/10.7326/M20-2526

  • Clinical Practice Guideline for the Treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  American Psychological Association. Retrieved from
    https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments

  • (2013). American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).

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Written by:

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LCSW
Headshot of Naveed Saleh, MD, MS
Reviewed by:

Naveed Saleh

MD, MS
  • What Is Traumatic Grief?Definition
  • Common Symptoms of Trauma GriefSymptoms
  • How to Cope with Traumatic GriefHow to Cope
  • Traumatic Grief & DepressionDepression
  • Traumatic Loss & PTSDPTSD
  • Treatment for Trauma & GriefTreatment
  • When to Get Professional Help For Traumatic GriefGet Help
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Traumatic Grief InfographicsInfographics
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