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Grief Rituals: Definition, Examples, & Ideas to Try

Published: June 21, 2022 Updated: June 21, 2022
Published: 06/21/2022 Updated: 06/21/2022
Adam Koenig, MA, RP, CCC, CT
Written by:

Adam Koenig

MA, RP, CCC, CT
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD
  • What Are Grief Rituals?Definition
  • Do Mourning Rituals Help?Do They Help?
  • Ideas For Grief Rituals12 Ideas
  • When to Seek Professional HelpGet Help
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Grief Rituals InfographicsInfographics
Adam Koenig, MA, RP, CCC, CT
Written by:

Adam Koenig

MA, RP, CCC, CT
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD

A grief ritual is something a person can do after experiencing loss as a way to honor their deceased loved one, process their grief, and let go of some of the negative feelings related to the loss.1 Grief rituals vary, should be unique to the situation, and can be done individually or with others.2,3,4

BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

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What Are Grief Rituals?

Grief rituals, also called mourning rituals, help people honor and remember the deceased, engage in self-transformation, and begin “letting go.”5,6 Rituals include behaviors or activities that relate to the deceased person in some way.6 They might be formal like a religious service or informal like talking out loud to the deceased.4

Rituals for letting go may involve a celebration of the bond with the deceased, which can bring positive emotions. Grief rituals that involve self-transformation help people reflect, identify negative feelings, and develop goals for the future. This can also help people process difficult emotions.1

Mourning rituals can be done at any time throughout the year, such as a loved one’s death anniversary or birthday. Mourning rituals can also be done for all types of losses like the death of a parent, death of a grandparent, death of a child, or loss of a pet.

Despite the five stages of grief model being a common framework for mourning loss, it’s often misinterpreted.5 Grief is a unique experience for everyone and people have a wide variety of normal grief reactions outside of or in addition to denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These reactions also don’t have to occur in any specific order.5,7

Here are examples of grief rituals:7,8

  • Having a funeral
  • Lighting a candle in the deceased’s honor
  • Visiting the grave
  • Spending time in places the deceased found special
  • Praying in their honor
  • Playing meaningful songs or developing playlists in their honor6,9

Do Mourning Rituals Help?

Research shows that mourning rituals can help people adjust to the loss, develop an ongoing connection with the deceased, and feel a sense of control.2,6,10,11,12 Mourning rituals also serve as an act of remembrance and can help create a connection with one’s community and support system.4,13,14,15

Here are several benefits to practicing grief rituals:

  • Promotes acceptance3
  • Provides emotional comfort4
  • Contains and/or expresses intense feelings7
  • Continues an emotional bond with the person who died4
  • Provides ways to connect with your social supports like friends and family7
  • Provides a sense of order and control around your grief7
  • Provides a way to develop meaning from the loss17

Grief & Loss Support Groups

Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on the profound impact of grief and loss. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Your group can connect via chat anytime using the Circles app. Join a Circles group for only $20 per week. Learn More

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health & wellness companies and is compensated for referrals by the company mentioned above.

12 Ideas For Grief Rituals

A grief ritual often involves a meaningful symbolic object. These objects can be physical, like a photo of the person who died, or nonphysical like music or prayers. Engaging in rituals of grief validates the loss while still helping the bereaved acknowledge that their relationship with the deceased can continue on symbolically.6

Rituals of grief can also be helpful with types of grief beyond the death of a loved one, like complicated grief, disenfranchised grief (e.g., the loss of a pet), or ambiguous loss (e.g., loss related to a disappearance or Alzheimer’s).16,17,18,19,20 They are as unique as the person who creates them. If it’s a meaningful ritual to you or the lost loved one, then it will likely be beneficial to your grief work.4

Here are twelve ideas for grief rituals:

1. Visit the Grave or Create a “Rubbing” of the Cemetery Marker

Visiting the grave can honor your loved one and bring a sense of connection. A “rubbing” ritual involves placing a thin sheet of paper over the cemetery marker and using a crayon or chalk to rub the surface. Now you can bring the transferred image of the marker with you wherever you go.6,7

2. Share Photos of the Deceased & Talk About Them 

It can be helpful to connect with your support network by sharing old photos and memories of the deceased. This allows you to reflect on the good times and start letting go of painful emotions.1

3. Wear a Clothing Item of Your Deceased Loved One

Wearing a special item like a piece of jewelry or a favorite shirt can serve as a linking object to a loved one and a way to continue the bond.4 It can also be used in a ritual of letting go where you dispose of the item in some way, releasing related negative emotions.

4. Create a memory box 

Decorate something like a shoebox in honor of the deceased.21 Keep special items or photos in the box to revisit when desired. The ritual can help people learn to contain their emotions, experiencing them fully when looking at the items and putting them away when they’re done.

5. Perform Acts of Service

Think about the causes the deceased loved one supported or cared about. Consider making donations to charities or volunteering for those causes.22 These acts honor the deceased, carry on their legacy, and help you feel more connected to them.

6. Go to Their Favorite Place

Visiting a favorite place (e.g., city, beach, restaurant, park) you shared with your lost loved one can allow for a sense of connection and remembrance. It can also help you let go of negative emotions.22

7. Do Yearly Remembrance Activities/Celebrations

Annual rituals serve as time-honored traditions of reflection and remembrance.6 Consider doing something like buying your loved one’s favorite flowers every year or going out to dinner with all the people who loved them most.

8. Engage In Art

Creative expression through things like painting, writing, and cooking (just to name a few!) help people express and explore positive and negative feelings about their relationship with the deceased loved one.1

9. Write a Letter to Your Loved One 

Writing a letter can help you feel more connected to your loved one. It offers you a chance to connect and pay tribute. Alternatively, consider writing down exactly how you feel and tossing it into a fire.4 It can also be a beautiful ritual of letting go.

10. Plant Something In Remembrance

Plant a tree or flowers to help bring your focus to the future while honoring the deceased. Perennials, for example, come back every year, giving you something to look forward to as a nod to your lost loved one.4,22

11. Use an Everyday Item of the Deceased 

Using something like a loved one’s favorite mug for morning coffee can bring a sense of meaning, connection, and comfort, serving as a linking object between you and them.7

12. Get Creative & Develop Your Own Rituals

Thinking about the activities you enjoyed with your loved one can help you feel more connected to them. Spend time brainstorming how you spent time with each other (e.g., going to the movies, listening to music, hiking); develop a mourning ritual around this activity.

When to Seek Professional Help

Prolonged grief disorder (PDG) is when grief significantly impairs your life in various ways. If you’re still experiencing an intense sense of yearning/longing for your loved one and/or being overly preoccupied with memories of them on a daily basis for at least 12 months of more after their death (or at least 6 months or more for kids and adolescents), reach out to a professional.23

An experienced professional can help assess if other symptoms of PDG are present while helping you find ways to process your grief and re-engage in life. Grief counseling can also give you the tools to cope with your grief as well as a safe place to share without judgment.7

If you think your grief is prolonged, complicated, or delayed, it might be time to find a therapist. One simple way to find a therapist is to use an online therapist directory, where you can search by specialty (like grief and loss) and insurance coverage.

Final Thoughts

Grief rituals can be a wonderful way to honor your loved one, share your thoughts and feelings, and develop a new type of connection with the deceased. The best rituals are meaningful to you, so take time to think of ways you can develop personal mourning rituals that help you work through your grief and re-engage in life.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

Grief & Loss Support Groups – Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on the profound impact of grief and loss. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Your group can connect via chat anytime using the Circles app. Join a Circles group for only $20 per week. Learn More

BetterHelp Online Therapy – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Talkspace Online Therapy – Online therapy is convenient with Talkspace. Get therapy for as little as $69 per week, or potentially much less if you have insurance from Cigna, Optum, or UHR. Try Talkspace

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Mindfulness & Meditation App – Headspace is an easy way to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your routine. See for yourself how a few minutes each day can impact your stress levels, mood, and sleep. A monthly subscription for Headspace is only $12.99 per month and comes with a 7-day free trial. Try Headspace

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Talkspace, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • Grief.com
  • The Center for Prolonged Grief
  • The Compassionate Friends
  • Parents with Partners, Inc
  • Bereaved Parents of the USA
  • Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement
  • “What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One”
  • “15 Best Grief Podcasts”
  • “21 Best Books on Grief”
  • “How to Explain Death to a Child”
  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov

Grief Rituals Infographics

What Are Grief Rituals Ideas for Grief Rituals Ideas for Grief Rituals (2)

When to Seek Professional Help

23 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Sas, C., & Coman, A. (2016). Designing personal grief rituals: An analysis of symbolic objects and actions. Death Studies, 40(9), 558-569. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2016.1188868

  • Norton, M. I., & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(1), 266-272. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031772

  • Reeves, N. C. (2011). Death acceptance through ritual. Death Studies, 35(5), 408-419. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2011.552056

  • Vale-Taylor, P. (2009). “We will remember them”: A mixed-method study to explore which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to bereaved people living with loss, and why those particular activities are chosen. Palliative Medicine, 23(6), 537-544. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19304810/

  • Corr, C, A., Corr, D. M., & Doka, K. J. (2018). Death & dying, life & living (8th Ed.). Boston, MA: Cengage.

  • Castle, J., & Phillips W. L. (2003). Grief rituals: Aspects that facilitate adjustment to bereavement. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 8, 41-71. Retrieved from https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15325020305876

  • Harris, D. L., & Winokuer, H. R. (2021). The principles and practices of grief counselling (3rd Ed.). New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company.

  • Mitima-Verloop, H. B., Mooren, T. T. M., & Boelen, P. A. (2021). Facilitating grief: An exploration of the function of funerals and rituals in relation to grief reactions.  Death Studies, 45(9), 735-745. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2019.1686090

  • Berger, J. S. (2012). Playing with playlists. In R. A. Neimeyer (Ed., 1st ed.), Techniques of grief therapy: Creative practices for counselling the bereaved (pp. 211-214). New York, NY: Routledge.

  • Romanoff, B. D., & Terenzio, M. (1998). Rituals and the grieving process. Death Studies, 22(8), 697-711. Retrieved from  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10346698/

  • Dickinson, G. E. (2018). State of the field of death in the United States. In C. K. Cann (Ed., 1st ed.), The Routledge handbook of death and the afterlife (pp. 10-19). Retrieved from https://www.routledge.com/The-Routledge-Handbook-of-Death-and-the-Afterlife/Cann/p/book/9780367580643

  • Scrutton, A. P. (2017). Grief, ritual and experiential knowledge: A philosophical perspective. In D. Klass, & E. M. Steffen (Eds.), Continuing bonds in bereavement: New directions for research and practice (pp. 214-226). Retrieved from https://www.routledge.com/Continuing-Bonds-in-Bereavement-New-Directions-for-Research-and-Practice/Klass-Steffen/p/book/9780415356206

  • Wu, K. (2018). Death and life in pluralistic society: Boundary-making and boundary crossing in Sino-Burmese-Tibetan borderlands. In C.K. Cann (Ed., 1st ed.), The Routledge handbook of death and the afterlife (pp. 315-326). https://www.routledge.com/The-Routledge-Handbook-of-Death-and-the-Afterlife/Cann/p/book/9780367580643

  • Zori, D. M. (2018). Viking death. In C.K. Cann (Ed., 1st ed.), The Routledge handbook of death and the afterlife (pp. 327-341). Retrieved from https://www.routledge.com/The-Routledge-Handbook-of-Death-and-the-Afterlife/Cann/p/book/9780367580643

  • Silverman, G. S., Baroiller, A., & Hemer, S. R. (2021). Culture and grief: Ethnographic perspectives on ritual, relationships and remembering. Death Studies, 45(1), 1-8. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2020.1851885

  • Okan, I., Suren, M., Onder, Y., Citil, R., Akay, S., & Demir, T. (2019). An evaluation of the mourning tradition, the “First Feast,” in the context of palliative care: The possibility of incorporating cultural rituals into palliative care. Palliative and Supportive Care, 17(4), 453-458. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1017/S1478951518000767

  • Neimyer, R. A (2012). The life imprint. In R. A. Neimeyer (Ed., 1st ed.), Techniques of grief therapy: Creative practices for counselling the bereaved (pp. 274-276). New York, NY: Routledge.

  • Wojtkowiak, J., Lind, J., & Smid, G. E. (2021). Ritual in therapy for prolonged grief: A scoping review of ritual elements in evidence-informed grief interventions. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, 623835. Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.623835/full

  • Packman, W., Carmack, B. J., & Ronen, R. (2012). Therapeutic implications of continuing bonds expressions following the death of a pet. OMEGA, 64(4), 335-356. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.2190/OM.64.4.d

  • Boss, P. (2010). The trauma and complicated grief of ambiguous loss. Pastoral Psychology, 59, 137-145. Retrieved from

  • Potash, J. S., & Handel, S. (2012). Memory boxes. In R. A. Neimeyer (Ed., 1st ed.), Techniques of grief therapy: Creative practices for counselling the bereaved (pp. 243-246). New York, NY: Routledge.

  • Bidwell-Smith, C. (2018). Anxiety: The missing stage of grief. New York, NY: Da Capo.

  • Prigerson, H. G., Bolen, P. A., Xu, J., Smith, K. V., & Maciejewski, P. K. (2021). Validation of the new DSM-5-TR criteria for the PG-13-Revised (PG-13-R) scale. World Psychiatry, 20(1), 96-106. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/wps.20823

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Adam Koenig, MA, RP, CCC, CT
Written by:

Adam Koenig

MA, RP, CCC, CT
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD
  • What Are Grief Rituals?Definition
  • Do Mourning Rituals Help?Do They Help?
  • Ideas For Grief Rituals12 Ideas
  • When to Seek Professional HelpGet Help
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Grief Rituals InfographicsInfographics
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