What Does It Mean to Be Pansexual?

What Is Pansexuality?

Like all gender and sexuality identifiers, the definition of pansexual varies based on the individual giving the meaning or using the term. Working from the prefix pan- a common definition of pansexual could include the potential for attraction —romantic, emotional, or sexual — to people of all genders or across the gender spectrum. Does this mean that an individual identifying as pansexual feels an attraction to every single person? Of course not, since attraction is still a highly personalized experience.

Sexuality describes whom a person does or does not feel sexually or physically attracted to. Many people assume sexuality is static, but it can be fluid and change throughout a person’s life. Questioning your sexuality is normal and important for everyone, whether individuals identify as cisgender, heteronormative, or on a sexuality spectrum. Since sexuality is so individual and specific to each of us, you might change the labels you use for your sexuality.

What Do Pansexual Relationships Look Like?

A person who identifies as pansexual could be in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, or not in a relationship at all. Pansexuality is a sexual orientation defined by sexual or romantic attraction to people based on factors not influenced by gender identity or biological sex. The basis of this attraction can vary from pan-person to pan-person. The only commonality is that they are not attracted to anyone exclusively based on their gender or biological sex.

Panromantic & Multi-Gender Attractions

What does it mean to be panromantic? Folks who identify as pansexual desire a sexual attraction not limited by gender, or gender identity, while to be panromantic is the same except without the sexual attraction. This attraction is not dependent on gender; people who identify as pansexual or panromantic are attracted to the person before anything else.

Other multi-gender attractions include:

• Omnisexual: The term omnisexual can mean different things to different people. Under the multisexual umbrella, individuals who identify as omnisexual can have a preference for certain genders or be attracted to people of all genders equally.
• Heteroflexible: Heteroflexibility is a valid sexual orientation; it typically applies to a person who primarily identifies as heterosexual yet has some level of attraction to their own sex or gender identity.
• Homoflexible: A person who identifies as homoflexible primarily identifies as homosexual or gay but is sometimes attracted to the opposite sex or gender expression. Homoflexible and heteroflexible are reasonably new terms that have not yet been widely adopted as sexual identities. It is important to respect any individual’s sexual identity and the label they choose.
• Abrosexual/Sexually fluid: People who identify as abrosexual have a fluid sexual orientation and fluid levels of sexual attraction. A person who identifies as abrosexual might also use the term sexually fluid.

History of the Term ‘Pansexual’

Most of us have heard of Freud and his theories about sex as the driving force for most behaviors. Historically, “Freud’s developmental theory on psychosexual development was among the first attempts to bring psychology under the same scientific structure and methodology of medicine.”² Freud believed that sexuality was at the core of all human behavior, ³ including those behaviors that fell out of the norm or standard practice. These behaviors are paraphilias, activities characterized by “abnormal” sexual desires.

Sexual interests outside of heteronormative sexuality remain highly stigmatized and sometimes characterized as paraphilias. If we consider paraphilias as merely another sexual orientation that includes but is not limited to gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual orientation, this suggests everyone with an atypical sexual interest could expect tolerance and the right to name and identify their sexuality. Freud would remark here that pansexuality, driven by human instinctual behavior, is a legitimate form of sexual identity and preference. Freud might be the most famous and possibly the first to use the term pansexual, but it has a current place on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.⁴

Pansexual Vs. Bisexual

Research has not adequately addressed whether bisexual people define bisexuality differently from pansexual people.⁵ Pansexuality is defined as a potential attraction to all sexualities or attraction regardless of gender identity. At the same time, bisexuality is the possible attraction to multiple sexual identities. Pansexuality is attraction regardless of gender, thus a pansexual person’s attraction to someone has nothing to do with whether they are trans or cis.

Sexual orientation is a multifaceted construct that includes identity, attraction, and behavior. While there are many overlaps between pansexuality and bisexuality, the official definitions differ in their approach to gender and are dependent on the person using the label. There may be individuals who align with the way pansexuality is defined yet identify with the term bisexuality, and that’s completely valid. Others may use pansexual and bisexual interchangeably. You get to decide which terms to use to describe your sexuality—even if the word you choose means something different to another person.

Common Myths & Misconceptions About Pansexuality

Common myths and misconceptions about pansexuality include:

Myth: Pansexuality & Bisexuality Are the Same

Though the terms are similar and fall under the “non-monosexual” area of the LGBTQ++ umbrella, they are not the same. While bisexuality can be seen as the potential attraction to one or more genders, pansexuality is the possible attraction to a person, regardless of gender. Pansexual people see their sexual orientation as a way of thinking that is disconnected from traditional ideas of gender.

Myth: Pansexuality Is Transphobic 

One of the biggest misconceptions is that individuals who identify as pansexual are somehow being transphobic by stating that they’re attracted to trans people while bisexual people aren’t. Pansexuality is attraction regardless of gender, so a pansexual person’s attraction to someone has nothing to do with whether they are trans or cis. These sexual identities are valid and might resonate with you, your partner, or someone you care about.

Myth: Pansexuals Are Attracted to Everyone They Meet

This myth mirrors the homophobic notion that all gay men or lesbians are automatically attracted to every man or woman they meet. Engaging consensual relationships is a a personal choice. An individual who identifies as pansexual doesn’t mean they are constantly pursuing others or more likely to be unfaithful.

Myth: Pansexual People are Confused

For many of us, sexuality is a dimension of ourselves that can change throughout our lifetime. You don’t have to make up your mind and commit to a particular sexual path. Be open to what your sexuality can look like for you and to exploring your sexuality to find what feels right for you.

Myth: Pansexuality Is a Fad

Sometimes language takes a while to catch up with social norms, but the term pansexual is, in fact, not a new term. While LGBTQ+ people have long used various terms to describe their identities, these words are becoming more common in modern language. We’re more aware of them now due to increasing social acceptance and sexual education.

In addition, we can see so many diverse life experiences through the internet and social media. Even if it was a new term, however, this would not invalidate pansexual people’s experiences or suggest that they were being inauthentic. As public perception progresses, it’s likely that our language will expand and evolve to include the vast diversity of human experience—and that’s beautiful!

Myth: Pansexual People Don’t Want Committed Monogamous Relationships

Monogamy is a choice that has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Individuals who identify as pansexual can be faithful to their chosen partners.

How to Know Whether You’re Pansexual

Below are signs that you may be pansexual:

• You experience attraction to people regardless of where they fall on the gender spectrum
• You focus on emotional connections over physical appearances/identities
• You prefer queer or pansexual terminology instead of lesbian/gay and bisexual identities⁸
• Your sexual preferences have shifted
• Perhaps you identified yourself as bisexual, but through self-exploration, you might realize that your sexual orientation is broader
• You reject conventional expectations about your sexuality

Do I Need to Label My Sexuality?

Your sexuality is yours alone to identify, label, and embrace. That also extends to your gender expression. In recent years, several celebrities and cultural influencers have come out as pansexual, giving increased exposure and language to a misunderstood sexual minority. While the actions of these folks and others might help you feel more confident in labeling or realizing your sexuality, it is your decision.

Sometimes, finding and using a label can help you feel like you are part of a community, making it easier to find people with whom you identify or who have similar preferences. Some people feel liberated by the lack of constraints and freedom under pansexuality.

What does it mean if I come out as pansexual? In its simplest form, coming out is letting other people know something you know about yourself. If you are worried about coming out, look here for guidance.

How to Support a Pansexual Person

If a person in your life identifies as pansexual, it is crucial to recognize how you can support that person. Heteronormative individuals or those who do not identify within a sexual minority can go a long way toward smoothing the path for those who are not. That includes people identifying as pansexual, heteroflexible, queer, or aromantic. Sometimes it is a simple action; sometimes, more visible and vocal advocacy is welcome.

If you are worried about a friend or family member regarding their sexuality, see what you can do to help. Having support is often a factor in whether someone seeks treatment. With help and treatment, people with mental health struggles can manage their anxiety and be comfortable with their sexuality.

Below are some ways to support a pansexual person:

• Become an ally. Some people don’t identify as LGBTQ+ but are strong allies. They stand up for the equal rights of the LGBTQ+ community.
• Treat others as you want to be treated—with dignity and respect.
• Be open-minded. Being different doesn’t mean being wrong. We all have our unique ways, but it’s what makes us interesting!
• Be a good listener. Try not to assume that your friends are straight (or heterosexual when men fall in love with women and women fall in love with men). They may be struggling with their identity and need a trustworthy friend.
• Stand up to those who make homophobic jokes. Homophobia means not liking someone just because they’re gay. Let them know that it’s hurtful to others.
• Defend your LGBTQ+ friends and family if people are mean to them.
• Invite your LGBTQ+ friends to hang out with your heteronormative friends and family. Make them feel welcome.
• Go to events in your area, like Pride parades. You can show your support by wearing a pink triangle or carrying a rainbow flag.
• Learn more about pansexuality so that your views and experiences do not limit you.
• Ask about confidentiality and reassure them of your confidence. Are they telling everyone or just you? While some people come out to everyone simultaneously, others come out gradually. If this person isn’t “going public,” they can trust you to keep the information to yourself until they’re ready for others to know.
• Be honest when you don’t understand. Just remember to be polite and respectful.
• Remember the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. Sexual orientation is about the kind of people you’re attracted to. Gender identity is how you relate to your ascribed gender role and your body. Don’t confuse being lesbian, gay, or bisexual with being transgender. Gay men don’t want to be women, and lesbians don’t want to be men. Similarly, if someone comes out as trans, don’t tell them they’re “just gay” or “actually a lesbian.”

Can Therapy Help?

Therapy is inappropriate to assist or encourage someone to change their sexual orientation or gender identity. This is often known as conversion therapy and is not supported by the mental-health community. However, there are times when therapy can be helpful. If a person has questions or concerns about their sexuality, needs a supportive person to listen, or advice about coming out to family, friends, or employers. Some therapists have lived experience or special training to support folks in the LGBTQ+ community. You can find an LGBTQ+ therapist in this online therapist directory. Many therapists and counseling practices also offer online LGBTQ+ therapy options.

Gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender persons, nonbinary people, and a rainbow of queer individuals come to therapy for some of the same reasons as their heteronormative peers and family.

Pansexual folks may find themselves in a therapist’s office when struggling with:

• Finding increased acceptance
• Navigating dating and relationships
• Transition-related concerns
• Messy family relationships
• Career complications
• Substance use problems
• Lack of sexual intimacy

Benefits of Therapy

For pansexual people who also have mental-health concerns, counseling can be reassuring and confidence-building as it communicates that someone in this world thinks they’re worthy. It can also help neutralize the stinging effects of the stigma and sense of shame often faced by people experiencing mental health issues. Other benefits include establishing a safety net that can catch them when they stumble. Finally, counseling can be life-saving in times of crisis.

In My Experience

Therapists and other mental-health providers must exhibit comfort and cultural sensitivity to those with different lifestyles. Sometimes we are the only or first trusted people in the lives of someone questioning their sexuality or coming out to friends, family, or employers. When someone shares their story with us, it is an honor. The name a person chooses to use in my therapy office is a piece of who they are overall. Respecting that name, sexuality, and gender identity is crucial for positive therapeutic work.

There is nothing wrong with identifying as a sexual minority. However, some folks come to therapy for help with the unique experiences of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, nonbinary, or pansexual. Individuals may be coming to terms with their identity or have questions about coming out.