Panromantic: What It Is, Signs, & How to Support

What Does It Mean to Be Panromantic?

Panromantic (often shortened to panro) is a romantic orientation describing an individual who experiences romantic attraction to individuals where gender identity is not a factor. Instead, individuals who identify as panromantic may feel that other factors, such as presentation or personality, influence their romantic interest. While panromantic individuals may prefer a specific gender identity, gender is not a factor in attraction. Panromantic individuals may be described as being “gender blind.”

A person who identifies as panromantic can be of any gender identity or sexual orientation. Panromanticism differs from sexual orientation since it relates to romantic attraction only, not sexual. Some people experience romantic and sexual attraction for the same people; others do not. For example, someone might identify as heterosexual but be panromantic, meaning they may experience feelings of love and attraction towards individuals regardless of their gender identity.

Are panromantic people attracted to everyone they meet? A panromantic person has the potential to feel attracted to people they meet regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, but are not automatically attracted to everyone.

Sexual Attraction Vs. Romantic Attraction

We often talk about sexual attraction and romantic attraction as indicating the same feelings or desires. However, there are many types of attraction, including sexual and romantic. A person can feel sexual attraction and not feel a romantic attraction or vice versa.

Other types of attraction a person might experience include (but are not limited to):

• Aesthetic attraction: Aesthetic attraction occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another individual, which can be disconnected from the sexual or romantic attraction.
• Sensual attraction: Sensual attraction is the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
• Emotional attraction: Emotional attraction is the desire to get to know someone, often due to their personality instead of physical attributes. This type of attraction is present in most relationships.
• Intellectual attraction: Intellectual attraction is the desire to engage with another intellectually. This often has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person.

A person who identifies as pansexual might feel aesthetic attraction to an individual that is not the person to whom they are sexually attracted; a person who identifies as panromantic might experience intellectual attraction to a person to whom they don’t feel a romantic connection. As mentioned above, a person can feel different attractions to different people at varying times. Sexuality is fluid and a person’s sexuality can change over time.

Panromantic Vs. Pansexual

People who identify as pansexual are attracted to all genders, both sexually and romantically. In contrast, panromantic people may be sexually attracted only to specific gender identities but feel a strong emotional connection with individuals of any gender.

There are many types of sexualities and attractions. Sexuality is a word we use to talk about how we understand our bodies and how we understand our relationships.¹ Sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, and asexual. Another variable affecting sexual and romantic orientation is gender orientation, which differs from gender and gender identity. Gender identity isn’t about who you’re attracted to but about who you ARE — male, female, genderqueer, and others. People whose attractions span many different gender identities (male, female, transgender, genderqueer, intersex, etc.) may call themselves pansexual or queer.

Sex Vs. Gender

What is the difference between sex and gender, and is that important here? Sex refers to the biological distinctions between males and females concerning reproductive functions. Gender, by contrast, emphasizes the socially constructed differences between men and women that give descriptions of masculinity and femininity.² We could refer to sex as man, woman, or non-binary; we could refer to gender as male, female, or trans.

Ten Signs You Might Be Panromantic

Like all elements of sexuality, there is no right or wrong way to be panromantic. Still, it is up to each individual to identify their sexuality and romantic orientation. Panromantic is a romantic identity that exists across the gender spectrum. Panromanticism can look different in everyone. For some people, gender plays an important role when choosing romantic partners, but this isn’t the case for panromantic people. People who identify as any gender can be panromantic and potentially be romantically attracted to cis and trans folks, as well as nonbinary, gender fluid, genderqueer, and other gender-nonconforming individuals.

Below are ten signs that you might be panromantic:

1. Experience Romantic Attraction to All Genders

Identifying as panromantic means you potentially experience romantic attraction or deep emotional connection with people of all genders. You can imagine having romantic attraction or having a romantic attraction to all genders. 

2. You Have Messy or Complicated Feelings Toward Folks of Varying Genders

Suppose you start exploring your feelings, connections, and desires for people regardless of gender. It may be confusing or complicated until you gain some clarity over the complicated feelings.

3. You Imagine a Unique Long Term Relationship

Even though long-term relationships will look different for each person, there could be some cultural expectations. However, if you identify as panromantic, when you think about yourself in a long-term relationship, the person’s gender doesn’t matter to you.

4. You Fantasize About More Than One Romantic Partner

You might fantasize about having a romantic partner of a different gender (or no gender) than the person who regularly visits your fantasy life.

5. You Would Like to Label Your Sexual Identity

You want to put a label on your identity but other labels don’t feel right. Labels like heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian may feel too limiting or not wholly accurate for you.

6. You Might Find Yourself Primarily Attracted to Personality

Personality impacts relationships because it’s part of how we interact. In addition, personality dictates how open you are to new experiences and each other. 

7. You Describe Yourself as a Romantic at Heart

Perhaps you’re more interested in a deep connection or emotional intimacy before sex even comes into the picture, if it ever does. Some panromantics are asexual, but what matters in your core is bonding rather than sexual activity. 

8. You Want to be Emotionally Connected to Your Partners

Some people can separate emotions and sex, and many view romance as an emotion. Someone who is panromantic strongly desires the emotional connection with their partners.

9. You Experience Romantic Feelings Towards all Genders

Maybe you don’t necessarily desire to connect with all of your crushes sexually, but you’ve  noticed you have romantic feelings at times toward people of all genders. Remember, people can experience romantic and sexual attraction towards the same or different people, or experience varying or no sexual or romantic attraction. 

10. You Find Yourself or Want to be in Relationships of all Kinds

A person who identifies as panromantic can have romantic feelings for individuals of any identified gender, including individuals who identify as trans, non-binary, gender fluid, or another personal label.

The term plurisexual has been used to collectively refer to a range of identities broadly defined by attraction to more than one gender, including bisexuality, pansexuality, omnisexuality, and queer, among others.³ This applies to panromantic or pansexual attractions.

If gender isn’t primary to someone who is panromantic, what is? A person who identifies as panromantic might potentially feel a romantic or emotional connection to someone who identifies as masculine, feminine, trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, or another. The primary element that creates this attraction is based on shared interests, personality, and common values. 

Dating as a Panromantic

It can be challenging to date in modern times. It is even more difficult if you don’t fully understand your sexuality–or can’t describe it to other people. Communication is transferring information from one place or person to another. In relationships, communication allows you to explain to someone else what you are experiencing and your needs. The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs but also helps you to be connected in your relationship.

How important is it to understand your gender identity, romantic attractions, and sexuality? Understanding your sexuality, gender identity, romantic attractions, and sexual preferences can be lifelong. In addition, your understanding and identification can change over your life. The better you understand your needs, desires, preferences, and aversions, the more likely you will have relationship success. It helps to be open to other people’s journeys about sexuality as well.

Do I Need to Label My Panromanticism?

The most important thing to understand about sexuality is that it is self-defined; everyone is allowed to talk about and understand their sexuality in their own way that makes sense to them.

In addition, your identification and comfort can change. It is also up to you if you label or share your sexuality. You can keep it private, share it with friends or family at your place of employment, or be very open and comfortable discussing it.

It can be challenging to determine how and when to decide to come out about being panromantic with another sexual identity. There are so many questions to consider when deciding to come out. Sometimes it helps to talk to a trusted friend or family member if you want guidance in coming out.

How to Support Someone Who is Panromantic

It is important to remember that everyone has their own gender and sexual identity journeys. You may be dating or friends with a person who identifies as panromantic. Perhaps someone shares their sexuality with you, especially if you are a pastor, teacher, or therapist.The panromantic people in your life must know that you support them.

Even though the language is evolving, and there is an increase in people who identify as panromantic or as another identity on the LGBTQ+ sexuality spectrum, people who live a non-hetero normative life may feel isolated or threatened.

Below are tips for being an ally for panromantic people:

• Be a listener: You never know when someone will share something significant with them.
• Be open-minded: If a person shares with you, respecting your relationship and letting them share their truth is essential.
• Be willing to talk: Even if they aren’t ready to share their sexuality, being ready to have a conversation can go a long way in establishing allyship.
• Don’t assume that all your friends and co-workers are straight: Or gay. Or nonbinary. Don’t assume anything and let people identify their sexuality to you.
• Speak up: Let your friends, family, and co-workers know that discrimination and even anti-LGBTQ+ “jokes” are inappropriate.
• Recognize your own biases: Confront your prejudices and bias, even if it is uncomfortable.
• Respect all: Believe that all people, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, should be treated with dignity and respect.

When Therapy Can Help

There is nothing wrong with identifying as panromantic or with any other label on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. However, some folks feel uncertain about their sexuality or might have difficulty recognizing or owning their sexuality, or might need assistance in coming out to friends, family, or employers. In this case, that individual might want the guidance of a therapist or trained mental health professional.

Therapy can be a welcome tool in describing personal sexuality or creating a life around your preferences and needs. Many well-trained and compassionate therapists can help you with this process. You could find someone online or in person. If you are looking for an LGBTQIA+ therapist, check an online therapist directory to select the best LGBTQ+ online therapy options for your needs.

In My Experience

In my experience, sexuality is a very personal expression. Each person has the right to identify or label their sexual orientation, gender identity, preferences, and aversions. A person seeking therapy from me expects dignity, respect, and guidance without judgment. I can support that person with gentle questioning, suggestions, and reading references. It would be great if we could all accept differences in sexual preferences, gender orientation, and lifestyles.

Sexuality is dynamic and constantly changing; we often discover that different parts of our lives may interact in confusing or affirming ways. This growth is okay and is part of our normal development. Exploring our sexuality, rooted within the principles of consent and sexual rights, is crucial to our health and wellness.