Borderline personality disorder (BPD) affects how a person feels, reacts to certain situations, views the world, and sees themselves. BPD splitting is one reaction that causes a person to have an extreme, absolute, or “black or white” perspective. Splitting can result in intense emotional changes, relationship conflict, and strain; however, effective treatment is available.
What Is BPD Splitting?
BPD splitting is an unconscious or unintentional reaction to uncomfortable or uncertain situations. This reaction involves the person with borderline personality disorder concluding that something is entirely good or bad with no middle ground. Essentially, it is an all-or-nothing scenario. Sometimes splitting will be easily apparent. In other cases, especially in quiet BPD, the extreme framing of splitting will be almost entirely internal.1,2
BPD splitting is frequently used as a coping skill to manage difficult situations by reframing the triggering person, place, or thing as either all good or all bad. For example, if the person’s boyfriend broke up with them, it doesn’t matter because they “never liked him anyway.” If they fail a test, it’s OK because the class, teacher, or entire school is “wrong” or “stupid.”3
In some cases, splitting is used as a way to push blame or responsibility onto someone else. In other cases, it involves the person taking too much responsibility for outcomes or others’ actions. In other words, if they fail one test, they believe they’re a complete failure who will never succeed.
Like other mental health symptoms and experiences, many people will experience some degree of splitting in their everyday life. Even without borderline personality disorder, a person can have a strong, irrational opinion about a person, place, or thing. BPD splitting becomes more of an issue in regard to its frequency, intensity, and ability to negatively impact the person’s life.
Additional BPD Coping Mechanisms
The instability of borderline personality drives BPD splitting, and in turn, the splitting fuels further instability; however, splitting is not the only coping mechanism that people with BPD regularly use to manage intense symptoms. Dissociation and denial are also coping skills and defense mechanisms, but like splitting, they’re negative.
Additional BPD coping mechanisms are:4
- Dissociation: the process of being fully removed and unaffected by the situation and stimuli. With dissociation, a person with BPD may have no recollection of what happened.
- Denial: in denial, the person will simply ignore facts and important information
3 Examples of BPD Splitting
BPD splitting creates a roller coaster effect, because when the individual likes something, they love it, and when they dislike something, they despise it. Examples of this negative coping skill can help illustrate it more accurately.
Here are three examples of BPD splitting:
- They perceive that everything is awful: splitting forces the person into a position of thinking that everything is either perfect or awful, and since life is full of struggles and disappointments, they will usually see things as awful. They may complain about seemingly insignificant events while being rigidly opposed to hearing or seeing other perspectives that challenge their opinion.
- They’re great until they’re not: at times, splitting can be more fluid. A person with BPD may wake up feeling great and excited. They could feel good about themselves, their accomplishments, and their future until a criticism or perceived slight causes a wave of shame, guilt, and self-hatred.
- The break-up and make-up cycle: it may be somewhat expected for people in relationships to go through ups and downs, but these BPD relationship cycles will be more frequent and dramatic in people with BPD. One day, they may not be dating anyone, and the next, they are deeply in love with a new partner. Another few days go by and they’re broken up, only to make up and break up again.
It’s important to emphasize that the person doing the splitting will not have a lot of conscious awareness of it. They will only think that their feelings are justified and based in fact, logic, and rational thinking. In actuality, their feelings are based on the typical motivations of BPD, including fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and inconsistent self-image.2
How Long Do Episodes Last?
Splitting episodes do not have a time limit. They can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months. In some cases, the person with BPD may split on a person, situation, or item forever and never back away from their extreme view.
There are two frequency-related situations that may indicate the person’s splitting is more harmful:
- Frequent switching of splitting: when a person is more symptomatic, they could experience splitting that occurs quickly and without much warning. In the relationship example, if someone is loving and hating their partner multiple times in one day, it could indicate that their BPD is having a more powerful, negative influence on their life.
- Longer duration of splitting: conversely, some people will hold onto a splitting perspective for a long period, regardless of evidence to the contrary. If they’re able to achieve stability, success, stable relationships, and fulfillment, but they still can’t accept the positives of their personality, that indicates that the splitting is strong and influential.
6 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder Splitting
The signs of borderline personality disorder splitting can be subtle and covert. Often, the person will not be able to identify their response as inappropriate or as part of their condition. Because of this, they or their loved one should look for evidence of splitting in the form of severe and significant changes in thought, feeling, or behavior toward or about a person or subject.
Six signs of splitting often include:1,4
- Idealization: when the split occurs, a lot of thinking will shift towards idealization. A person, place, thing, or situation that previously triggered a mild reaction will now receive endless praise, positivity, and optimism. The stimuli will seem perfect and better than anything that came before, despite evidence of issues.
- Devaluation: thinking will shift to devaluation, and the target will seem worthless, despicable, evil, or undeserving of love. This extreme thought process could apply to other people, things, situations, or even themselves. Again, when a person is unswayed by solid evidence, it could be a sign of splitting.
- High level of self-assurance and certainty: a third type of thought change is related to the confidence and certainty the person has about a situation or individual, including themselves. If they see something as unable to fail and sure to go well, it could indicate splitting is involved.
- Sudden behavioral changes: a behavioral sign of splitting happens when a person with BPD suddenly becomes very behaviorally activated and drastically shifts their actions. If yesterday the person swore off exercising, but today is planning to run a marathon in two weeks, splitting may be a culprit.
- Sudden mood changes: drastic shifts in mood can signal BPD splitting is present. A person who has idealized something may feel great, and a person who has devalued something or someone could feel angry or sad.
- Substance use: due to the dramatic highs and lows of splitting, the person may use alcohol and other substances as a way to self-medicate and balance their feelings.
Triggers of Splitting
Triggers of splitting are varied and endless. At times, they will be obvious and plain to see, and other times they will seem imperceivable with the person having no awareness of them. Just like triggers of substance use, triggers of splitting can be anything or anyone linked to emotional reactions.
Four common triggers of splitting include:1,4
- Meeting a new person: new people tend to be polarizing for people with BPD. Any new acquaintance could be the greatest or most terrible person. There could be very little evidence to support either notion, but splitting occurs regardless.
- Receiving a compliment or criticism: the fragile self-image of someone with BPD can swing in either direction, so when a compliment is received, the person could fully buy into the praise. Similarly, when critique is offered, the person could overgeneralize it into a complete lack of self-worth.
- Noteworthy people from the past: parents, siblings, former teachers, coworkers, friends, and other people could trigger significant splitting. The trigger could be seeing the person in the community, having a memory of them, or seeing their picture.
- Anniversaries or seasons: the time of year, temperature, and anniversaries of significant events can be triggers. People with BPD may consciously or unconsciously experience these triggers, but either way, splitting will commence.
Effects of BPD Splitting
Splitting creates chaos, instability, and insecurity for the person. When splitting happens with regularity, they will struggle to find balance and happiness in their life and relationships. Instead, frustration and disappointment will be common.
4 Effects of BPD Splitting On Relationships
Individuals with BPD splitting will often have difficulties forming relationships, and those that are in relationships may find them filled with chaos and inconsistency.2 You could be someone with BPD’s “favorite person” for a while, only to have your BPD partner end the relationship or drop you when they start to feel threatened.
Here are four relationship-related effects of splitting:
- Having many relationships: moving from partner to partner quickly
- Having few or no relationships: struggling to see the positives in someone long enough to make the relationship work
- Having inconsistent or chaotic relationships: having roller coaster relationships marked by the break-up/make-up cycle
- Forming relationships with undesirable people: some people with BPD splitting will have such low standards for others that they will accept relationships with problematic people
4 Effects of BPD Splitting For the Individual
BPD splitting will often result in negative effects on the individual, including unstable mood and self-esteem, instability, and impulsivity.
Four effects on BPD splitting on the self are:2
- Unstable moods: The polarized views of Self and others can trigger intense mood changes, including sudden anger, happiness, and sadness
- Unstable self-esteem: If something doesn’t go their way, the person could split and think they’re awful and worthless, leading to terrible self-esteem. Good news could send them in the other direction.
- Inconsistency at work: Based on the splitting, their moods, and their self-esteem, their work could be at jeopardy. They may struggle to accomplish tasks consistently, which could result in being fired.
- Impulsivity and poor judgment: As the person reacts to the intense changes of splitting, they could engage in reckless, dangerous, and illegal activity
Treatments For Splitting
While there are no treatment options specifically for BPD splitting, there are borderline personality treatments. It can be helpful to discuss treatment plans with your doctor or a mental health professional.
Types of treatment for BPD include:
- Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Schema-focused therapy
- Mentalization based therapy
- Transference-focused psychotherapy
How to Find a Therapist
Consider finding a therapist who specializes in BPD by asking your primary care physician, or through an online therapist directory where you can search by specialty and insurance coverage.
8 Ways to Cope With Splitting
Coping with splitting is a challenging and intricate ordeal. Even though the process is difficult, it is the only way the person can achieve the wanted level of stability and peace.
Eight ways to cope with splitting include:5,6
- Acknowledge the issue: unless the person can understand and accept the impact that splitting has on their life, the situation cannot improve.
- Detect the splitting: a person must begin by improving their self-monitoring abilities to notice when the splitting occurs. Noticing it makes a huge difference.
- Debate the options: once the split is detected, the person should review their thoughts and feelings to weigh their options. Is this feeling or thought accurate and true, or are there some issues here?
- Decide the future: splitting creates extreme reactions, so the person should strive to achieve balance in their decisions and find shades of gray that exist in the middle.
- Stick to the plan: with the decision made, people will need to frequently remind themselves of the rational decision and try to stick with it.
- Focus on your breathing: splitting can trigger intense distress. Focusing on deep breathing allows you to self-soothe, so you can think more clearly instead of simply reacting emotionally.
- Tap into your senses: focusing on your five senses (what do I see, hear, smell, touch, and taste?) can stabilize your emotions by grounding you and giving you a chance to gain a different perspective.
- Talk to a therapist: therapy is a safe place where you can process your strong feelings. With the help of a mental health professional, you can also learn how to reframe thoughts that trigger splitting and find adaptive ways to cope.
How to Help Someone Experiencing BPD Splitting
Loving and helping someone with BPD can feel like a trying experience where improvement seems impossible or unlikely. Work to maintain hope and positivity by using effective, positive skills.
Here are ways to help someone with BPD splitting:
- Remind yourself of their condition: reflect on their borderline personality disorder, not to make excuses for them, but to better understand their situation and struggles
- Stay calm: when people split, it can suck you into strong and powerful reactions as well. Stay calm and even, rather than responding in dramatic ways yourself.
- Call it what it is: putting a word or a phrase to the situation can help identify the real problem. Let your loved one know when you suspect they are splitting.
- Search for the middle: the polarization of splitting is a problem. Everyone will succeed by searching for and finding balance. Talk about how the reality of the situation usually exists between two extremes.
- Maintain boundaries: boundaries are meant to safeguard your wellbeing and the relationship with the BPD person. It’s crucial to stick to these, and if lines are continuously crossed or abusive behavior emerges, it’s best to distance yourself. 7
- Find your own therapist: freely expressing your emotions in therapy can benefit you. It can also help you learn ways to support your BPD person and provide you with effective tools to respond healthily during these splitting episodes7
Final Thoughts On BPD Splitting
Splitting is one of many BPD symptoms, but it does not have to dictate the individual’s life. Working to note the influence of the defense mechanism and seeking professional assistance to keep the symptom at bay will help minimize BPD’s unwanted effects.
For Further Reading
BPD Splitting Infographics
