A sociopath is someone who lacks empathy, manipulates close relationships, acts entitled, remains absent when others are in need, and shows no remorse for any harm they cause. Dating a sociopath is potentially harmful to your mental health and well-being, so knowing the signs is important if you suspect you’re dating a sociopath.
What Is a Sociopath?
A sociopath is someone who is diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Sociopaths can appear to be charming at first, but this never lasts. They exhibit antisocial behavior, which makes them want to break all the rules and exhibit a disregard for authority, act aggressively, lack feelings of guilt, and enjoy manipulating and controlling others.
Sociopathy in Men vs. Women
Sociopathy can look differently from person to person, and gender could play a role in what types of behaviors are more prevalent. While both genders are capable of any sociopath behavior, women tend to present less aggressive antisocial behaviors and higher rates of general aggressive mood and irritability, while men present more violent behaviors. Furthermore, women use more subtle ways to emotionally manipulate others while men often use more overt and dominant ways.1
18 Signs You’re Dating a Sociopath
It’s become very common to throw out terms like sociopath when referring to a poor series of dates with someone or an individual that is not well liked and akin to a serial-killer character from a horror movie. While individuals labelled as “sociopaths” may have the self-absorbed and exploitative nature of a sociopath, there are other signs of a sociopath to look out for when you think you are dating one.
Here are 18 signs that you’re dating a sociopath:
1. They Don’t Like to Follow Rules
While a “bad boy” or “bad girl” can seem alluring initially, someone who doesn’t follow the rules long term can cause some serious issues. These behaviors can lead to violent and criminal behaviors and it’s possible you could be harmed in the process.
2. They’re a Pathological Liar
Everyone is capable of lying, which is never excusable, but sociopaths will lie about everything, especially to make sure they get what they want. Lies erode trust in any relationship and the chronic lies from a sociopath are a big red flag to be aware of. Knowing the signs of a pathological liar can help you spot this sociopathic trait.
3. They’re Arrogant
While it’s important to have high self-worth, sociopaths take that to a whole new level. Sociopaths are often very arrogant and have an inflated sense of self. Their ego is likely more important than the feelings of others and they often come off as superior to others.
4. They’re Superficially Charming
Everyone likes to be liked, but sociopaths use charming behaviors to lure people into their web to later manipulate and exploit them. They charm strangers and can be the life of the party, but their actions are all very calculated.
5. They Exhibit Impulsive Behavior
Sociopaths are constantly changing their mind or their plans based on how they feel. Given that their emotions are often fleeting, their ability to stick to a plan is low. They don’t like to plan ahead because they like to have control of their surroundings and impulsive behavior gives them control as others cannot predict their next move.
6. They Don’t Consider Consequences
Since sociopaths are so impulsive, they don’t think through potential consequences. They may try to pressure you to do something unsafe in the spirit of spontaneity or charm, but it comes with ulterior motives.
7. The Relationship Moves Quickly
If they are planning your future on the third date and proposing on the fifth date, you may think they are sure of you. However, this speed is often motivated by a sociopath’s underlying need to control. They use these tactics with hopes it comes off as charming so you will fall for the charm. They use these ideas of a picture-perfect future to hook you and exploit your feelings.
8. They Guilt-Trip You
Sociopaths use emotion to their advantage and unfairly manipulate you by guilt trips. They use excuses to get what they want and often appeal to your sense of wanting to love and nurture them. They are basically a con artist robbing you of your empathy.
9. They’re Abusive
Anger is the main emotion sociopaths feel, so it’s common for sociopaths to express anger and rage and emotionally abuse their partners. They also enjoy releasing the feeling and using that fear to benefit their power over you.
10. They Lack Empathy
A key trait of sociopaths is that they do not have a capability to have empathy for others. Even if they hurt someone, they cannot experience empathy for them or recognize the harm they caused.
11. They Refuse to Change
Even if they hurt someone or have faced consequences for their actions, this isn’t enough motivation for sociopaths to change. Most people change and grow from an experience, but sociopaths don’t change and will always continue to violate boundaries and rules.
12. They Don’t Have Close Friends
Sociopaths may seem charming and like the life of the party, however when you are with them for some time, sociopaths will reveal themselves to have no true close relationships. This is due to how self-absorbed they are and the consequences that came from past behavior that they lost relationships and burned bridges.
13. They’re Unreliable
Sociopaths tend to be quite full of themselves. They’re so self-absorbed they can’t show up for you and will likely forget about any commitments. They are often flaky and will likely disappoint you and will find a way to blame you for it.
14. They Disrespect Boundaries
They are not equipped to hear “no” and will not accept that, so they will try to mold you into who they want you to be. They will push your boundaries until they break and they can get their way.
15. They Don’t Consider Their Part of Conflict
They always blame others even for something they caused and use your emotions against you. They don’t support any emotion you may feel and leave you feeling invalidated. They question and challenge you and often will become angry if you do not accept responsibility for conflict.
16. They’re Revenge-Seeking
They are likely to be as vindictive as they are charming if you are on their wrong side. They will hold onto a grudge and will find ways to get revenge. They could even plot for months.
17. They Disregard Your Emotions
Because sociopaths lack empathy so in relationships with partners, they will likely never understand why you may be upset. They are incapable of putting themselves in the shoes of others and will never say sorry to you even though they did something wrong that hurt you. They will find a way to turn the situation on you and make it your fault.
18. They Have Anger Issues
Everyone gets angry sometimes, but sociopaths have a violent history of fights and expressions of rage. They are usually on edge and can easily get into fights. They can also be abusive physically, sexually and emotionally.
Impacts of Dating a Sociopath
The individual experience of dating a sociopath can vary from relationship to relationship, however abuse of any kind is never excusable. Dating a sociopath can have serious consequences on your mental health and well-being.
Impacts of dating a sociopath include:1
- Lowered self-esteem
- Trauma
- Developing a mental illness
- Isolation from family and friends
- Work problems
- Depression/Anxiety/PTSD exacerbation
- Short temper
Having a healthy relationship with a sociopath is not possible due to the fluctuations of their mood and behaviors. Even if a sociopath today isn’t violent and abusive, this issue is on a spectrum of behavior so it’s not a behavior that can ever be ruled out. Oftentimes, the best option for dealing with a sociopath is to leave the relationship.
When your own health and wellness is being impacted, the relationship is doing more harm than good for you. When there is any kind of abuse, it’s important to recognize your worth and protect yourself and get help right away. Seek out the support of a therapist and come up with an exit plan so you can leave safely.
How to Get Over Dating a Sociopath
Making the decision and plan to leave a relationship with a sociopath can seem very scary and difficult. You may have your finances and housing intermingled which can be hard to separate. You may be experiencing trauma bonding as well which makes it challenging. You may also be so isolated from friends and family that you don’t know how to contact anyone for support. Know that you are not alone, and are brave for taking steps to leave any relationship that is abusive.
The right time to get help if you’re dating a sociopath and have concerns is when you first identify issues. It can be challenging to talk about with your partner, so it’s important to consider individual or couples therapy, depending on what your issues are. Given the emotionally volatile and abusive nature of relationships with sociopaths, it’s important to seek help immediately if you feel you are in danger of any kind.
You do not need to endure any kind of abuse in a relationship and are not obligated to stay or try to work things out. Abuse should never be tolerated and a therapist can help normalize this into an internalized belief.3
A great way to find a therapist for these types of relationship problems is by searching an online therapist directory. All licensed therapists can be equipped to help people struggling with these issues. Reading reviews and looking at clinician bios to understand their scope of practice can give you an idea of whether their experience suits your situation. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation and virtual/teletherapy visits.
Final Thoughts
What you’re struggling with may be specific to you, but you’re not alone. Dating a sociopath can be hard on your mental health but there are ways to heal. Talking to a therapist can make a big difference in how you feel.
