The Fear of Imperfection: Why It Happens & How to Overcome

What Is the Fear of Imperfection?

The fear of imperfection can look different depending on the person, but some common symptoms include being uncomfortable with making mistakes, setting unrealistic standards, being unwilling to accept criticism, and needing excessive orderliness.² A mild fear of being imperfect can be motivating, but debilitating levels of perfectionism can set the stage for disaster.

What Causes the Fear of Imperfection?

Fears of imperfection are caused by unhealthy thinking patterns and distorted expectations of self and others.^1,3 These cognitive distortions can develop due to mental health disorders like OCD or anxiety. A person’s environment growing up also has the potential to calm or exacerbate fears of imperfection. Finally, cultural expectations of adults and social media can create fears surrounding imperfection.

Psychological Causes of the Fear of Imperfection

There are many different mental health disorders that can cause or contribute to the fear of imperfection, including atelophobia, anxiety, and OCD. A common theme among individuals with a fear of imperfection is that they usually have underlying issues with low self-esteem.¹ Rather than seeing mistakes as opportunities for growth, they see them as evidence of how they are broken.¹

Psychological causes of the fear of imperfection include:

1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Fears of imperfection are often associated with anxiety and perfectionism. Individuals with diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) oftentimes experience excessive anxiety and worry related to fears of imperfection, failure, or not measuring up to personal or other standards.⁶

2. Atelophobia

Atelophobia is a type of phobia where someone is afraid of imperfection. Someone with atelophobia is so afraid of making mistakes that they avoid situations where they predict an outcome of perceived failure. The level of fear can begin to disrupt their personal and professional life.

Atelophobia is different than general anxiety surrounding a fear of imperfection because of its severity. Someone with a fear of imperfection due to generalized anxiety might feel some distress from making mistakes and experience rumination prior to or after triggering events. A person with atelophobia experiences such extreme distress that they avoid any event, person, or place that reminds them of their fear of imperfection.

3. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and perfectionism are often associated with each other because certain obsessions are themed around perfection. People with the subtype just right OCD, also sometimes called perfectionism OCD, can suffer from obsessions around incompleteness, incorrectness, or lack of perfection. They often feel something is “off” about certain events or objects, leading them to perform compulsions such as rearranging, organizing, or mental rituals.

Common triggers experienced by people with OCD and a fear of being imperfect include:

• Guests coming over and feeling the need to have things “just so”
• Big work or personal projects with small tasks involved
• A cleaner coming into the home or office and moving objects into new places
• Uneven or imperfect objects, such as cracks in the sidewalk or foods with a slice missing

Common obsessions experienced by people with OCD and a fear of being imperfect include:

• Worrying about using the wrong words in written or verbal communication
• Fixating on the part of the body to make sure it looks “right”
• Fixating on physical sensations to make sure they feel “even”
• Wondering if a portion of food was even or if an amount of an object was exact

Common compulsions experienced by people with OCD and a fear of being imperfect include:

• Re-writing or re-typing assignments, emails, texts, or other projects and communications until the words are “right”
• Rearranging or organizing objects on your work desk over and over because something feels “off”
• Feeling stuck on a certain task on your to-do list, performing it again and again
• Needing to touch a body part on the right side of your body because a body part on the left side was touched

4. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and perfectionism are often associated with each other.⁷ Individuals with ADHD are especially prone to front-end perfectionism, where they set extremely high standards for their work before beginning.⁸ This can result in ADHD paralysis, where beginning the task feels overwhelming. If an individual is feeling tired or moody, or if their workspace feels crowded, they may feel the fear of imperfection creeping up because the starting conditions are imperfect.

5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Research shows a strong relationship between PTSD symptoms and perfectionistic tendencies.⁹ Trauma can also make a person feel out of control, and they counteract that by being ‘perfect’. If the individual feels imperfect, they feel like their safety is at risk, and the trauma may occur again. Therefore, an individual may begin to fear imperfection. Additionally, trauma can impact a person’s self-esteem, which can worsen a fear of imperfection.

Environmental Causes of the Fear of Imperfection

Environment largely shapes and influences thoughts about what success looks like and can cause a fear of imperfection. External factors such as cultural values and social media messaging can affect how someone thinks about success and deals with a fear of not being perfect.

Environmental causes of the fear of imperfection include:

6. Cultural Expectations of Success

Different cultures define success differently and have specific expectations of individuals within their culture. The fear of not being perfect can arise when someone’s cultural expectation of success does not match how they view their own successes. self-view.

Examples of cultural expectations of success and fears of imperfection:

• A woman who values a traditional marriage feels she is not cooking or cleaning enough to support the home
• A teacher who values their impact on students feels they did not teach the lesson correctly after half the class fails an exam
• A woman who values egalitarian ideals in marriage feels upset when his husband expects him to be the sole provider of the home
• Someone whose religion values prayer on Sundays feels ashamed when they do not make time to pray
• Someone whose ethnic background is heavily involved with eating family meals together is embarrassed when they sleep through a family meal

7. Social Media & Comparison

Social media can intensify fear of imperfection by providing a constant stream of unrealistic expectations. People can share positive life events, edited photos, highlights of experiences, and perfected glimpses of their lives on social media. Continuous exposure to others’ curated lives can cause a person to feel like they are failing and develop a fear of imperfection.

Developmental Causes of the Fear of Imperfection

Ideas about perfection and success begin to blossom in childhood and adolescence. By adulthood, these experiences have formed our concepts of perfection. A fear of imperfection can result from factors such as certain parenting styles or academic pressures.

Developmental causes of the fear of imperfection include:

8. Parenting Styles and Expectations

A person’s relationship with their parents or caretakers often causes them to develop unrealistic standards. In one study, affectionless, neurotic, and overcontrolling parents were found to contribute to adults developing a fear of imperfection.⁵

Parents who put a lot of pressure to succeed might cause their child to fear imperfeciton. For example, if a parent suggests, “It is really important to me that you achieve [something related to academic, athletic, or other external achievements],” it can make the child think that they are required to succeed for them to be lovable.¹ When this happens repeatedly, a child may begin to fear being imperfect.

9. Academic Anxiety

Some pressure around academics can be adaptive, encouraging children to set and achieve goals. But when academic pressures become excessive, and children feel the need to prove their worthiness, fear of imperfection can turn into paralyzing anxiety. The child may become more motivated by fear of failure than by an internal sense of accomplishment.

10. Pressures Around Hobbies

Hobbies can be healthy and adaptive explorations for children and adolescents. Sometimes, hobbies can become another form of external pressure on a child to perform. When a hobby becomes more of an identity and causes more distress than stress relief, it may become unhealthy and create fear of imperfection.

How to Know What Is Causing Your Fear of Not Being Perfect

Understanding your specific triggers for fear of imperfection can help you face the fear head-on and begin to overcome the fear. Developing tailored strategies for overcoming your fear of not being perfect may take some time, patience, and support from others.

Here are some strategies for how to learn what is causing your fear of imperfection:

Learn to Identify the Triggers

Daily journaling and logging the specific moments in the day when you have a fear of imperfection can help you identify what is causing the fear. You will want to pay attention to people, places, experiences, and times that trigger your fear of imperfection.

Here is how to keep a log that can help you identify your triggers:

• Keep a diary specifically for this process
• During the day, use an easily accessible tracker (ex., Notes app on your phone) to track people, places, times, or experiences that you notice your fear of not being perfect
• Decide on either mornings or evenings to journal about your emotions related to fear of imperfection

Here are some questions to get a better sense of what is causing your fear of imperfection:

• Who tends to trigger my fear of imperfection?
• What time of day do I notice my perfectionism most?
• What experiences cause my fear of imperfection to flare?
• How does my body feel at the first sign of fear of failure?
• Are there places where my fear of not being perfect pops up?
• When did my fear of imperfection first start?

Ask the People You Trust

Friends and family can play an important role in exploring your fear of imperfection. Loved ones can comfort you when your fears flare, but they can also give you honest feedback about what they see. Sometimes, our own perspective can be skewed by our fear of not being perfect.

Rely on your support network to give you feedback on when, how, and why they feel your fear of imperfection affects you. You can compare their feedback to your own tracking log to discover more about how fear of imperfection affects your life.

Go for a Professional Evaluation

If self-exploration alone does not help you discover more about your fears of imperfection, it may be time to find a therapist or counselor to speak to. A therapist or counselor can help you explore the deep-seated causes of perfectionism, which might include past traumas, experiences, or mental health disorders. Through professional guidance, you can develop insights and coping skills to help you overcome your fear of not being perfect.

How to Overcome the Fear of Imperfection

Overcoming the fear of imperfection requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. Different approaches, like asking for help from others, trying new things, or joining support groups, can reduce your fear. Being okay with making mistakes can help you be kinder to yourself and let go of the need to be perfect.

Here are some tips for how to overcome the fear of imperfection:

Make Small Mistakes on Purpose

Making small mistakes on purpose is a way to practice systematic desensitization. Over time, making small mistakes will chip away at your larger fear of imperfection. Small mistakes will teach you that the worst-case scenario does not happen when you slip up and that you will be ok after making a mistake.

Here are some examples of small mistakes you can make intentionally:

• Spelling a word incorrectly in a non-important email or text message.
• Purposely forgetting to bring a non-essential item to a meeting or outing.
• Mixing up minor details when recounting a story to a friend or colleague.
• Making a harmless error while following a recipe or cooking a meal.
• Deliberately leaving a small task unfinished for a short period before completing it.

Challenge Perfectionist Thoughts

Overcoming the fear of imperfection requires challenging perfectionist thoughts. You can stop beating yourself up by questioning unrealistic standards and changing negative self-talk. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and embracing the idea of progress, not perfection, can further support this journey toward greater self-acceptance and resilience.

Here are some ways to challenge perfectionistic thoughts:

• Recognize automatic negative thought patterns that contribute to perfectionism
• Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding
• Set realistic goals and celebrate progress, no matter how small
• Embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning
• Focus on the process rather than solely on the end result

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Overcoming the fear of imperfection is difficult unless you stop comparing yourself to others. Constant comparison often leads to feelings of inadequacy and reinforces unrealistic standards. To break this cycle, you can focus on your own progress and accomplishments rather than measuring yourself against others. Engaging in activities that promote self-reflection and gratitude helps shift the focus inward, fostering self-acceptance.

Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness involves paying deliberate attention to the present moment without judgment. By grounding yourself in the here and now, you can reduce anxiety about the future and alleviate the pressures associated with perfectionism. When focused on the present, you can stop ruminating over past mistakes or worries about future outcomes, allowing you to embrace imperfections with greater acceptance and resilience.

Embrace Self-Compassion

Embracing self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding. This shift in mindset allows you to recognize that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks are part of being human. By embracing self-compassion, you can overcome your inner critic and learn to embrace your imperfections.

Use Coping Skills

Many different coping skills can help you overcome your fear of imperfection. These may include cognitive restructuring techniques to challenge perfectionist thoughts and developing emotional regulation skills, such as breathing exercises for anxiety or progressive muscle relaxation. These coping skills can help you manage your anxiety and stress associated with striving for perfection.

Journal for Self-Awareness & Gratitude

You can gain insight into your thinking and behavior patterns by regularly writing about your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Self-awareness can challenge perfectionist tendencies and foster a more balanced perspective on imperfections. Additionally, journaling about things you are grateful for allows you to shift your focus away from what you perceive as flaws and instead appreciate the positives in your life, promoting a sense of self-acceptance and contentment.

Join a Support Group

Social support is necessary for overcoming the fear of imperfection, especially if these issues come from interpersonal trauma. You may not be able to find a support group specifically for fear of imperfection, but you may find some anxiety or depression support groups that could fit your needs. Using social media or therapist directories can help you find local support groups online or in person.

Go on More Adventures

New experiences and adventures are sometimes the best way to expose yourself to feeling imperfect and become okay with it. This might involve trying a ropes course, rock climbing, or something more low-key, like a painting or writing class. The point is for the activity to be new, challenging, and stimulating so that you can learn to tolerate the distress of feeling imperfect.

Try an Improv Workshops

Theater workshops can help people take a more creative approach to overcoming the fear of imperfection. These workshops challenge participants to develop unscripted reactions to one another. Learning how to have fun with uncertainty can help people overcome the fear of not being perfect in a non-judgmental and supportive environment.

Begin Therapy or Counseling

Some people feel that exploring the deep-seated causes of their fears may help them develop important insights. Therapy or counseling is a safe place to explore these causes, and a therapist can also help you develop coping skills for overcoming your fear of imperfection.

You can ask your general practitioner or loved ones for a recommendation to find a therapist. You can also contact your insurance for a list of therapists who take your insurance. An online therapist directory is also a great way to find therapists who take your insurance and specialize in your specific concerns. If you prefer to see a therapist remotely, an online therapy platform is a good place to find therapists who provide therapy via telehealth.