Perfectionism & Anxiety: Connections & How to Cope

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety and anxiety disorders are mood conditions that impact the body in a physiological way. Anxiety includes feelings of worry, tension, and uncertainty that can trigger stress and other negative symptoms in the body, like high blood pressure. Most of the time, there’s an underlying cause to someone’s anxiety, like if they have a specific phobia. However, for some, anxiety can seem to be free-floating or have no known cause, usually leading to a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism occurs when a person constantly attempts to improve their performance in order to match their overly rigid standard–a perfectionist believes their efforts are never good enough to deserve feelings of satisfaction.¹ They believe that most tasks are opportunities for failure.¹ Perfectionism may look like an individual who sets specific, exceedingly high personal standards and then uses those standards to evaluate their performance.² They will then use that unattainable high standard to value the success and attainment of the goals set.³ Children can also experience perfectionism.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is caused by a combination of a person’s environment and genetics. It can be a common thing to engage in periodically, however, if this is a way of life, it can be damaging to yourself and relationships around you.

Some of the potential causes of perfectionism include:

• Attachment trauma in childhood
• Parental expectations far exceeding any realistic standards
• Punishment and punitive behavior from parents/caregivers when expectations were not met
• Mental health disorders including anxiety and OCD

Connection Between Anxiety & Perfectionism

Perfectionism is connected with higher levels of anxiety symptoms and other mental health disorders. Studies have found that symptoms of anxiety were related to perfectionism and underlying mental health disorders and associated symptoms that include OCD, social anxiety, and PTSD symptoms.⁴

“Perfectionism and anxiety are consistently associated with each other, and this applies to people of various ages, including children and adolescents. Perfectionists are not only anxious, they often also suffer from chronic worry. For some people, perfectionism may reflect an attempt to control feelings of anxiety and avoid future situations that can add to existing levels of emotional arousal. Another contributing factor is having developed a sense of personal insecurity or an insecure attachment style.” – Dr. Gordon L Flett, Professor of Psychology at York University, Canada Research Chair in Personality and Health

Young people often strive to meet unreachable standards that result in anxiety when the goals are not met.⁵ An example of this may be with individuals that connect on social media and start to compare themselves with others. Self-criticism that is associated with one’s perceived failures heightens their anxiety.⁵ Previous researchers have shown the relationship between perfectionism and the measures of anxiety.⁶ When people have fears of criticism of themselves or from others, they may meet those criteria for anxiety.⁶

Anxiety sensitivity in young adults include concerns over mistakes, personal standards, parental expectations, parental criticism, doubts and actions, and organizational dimensions of perfectionism.⁶ An individual may not only experience distress and how they adjust themselves to situations in connection to perfectionism, there is also a link to how they cope with daily life problems.⁶ Someone may find themself unable to manage their emotions in certain situations depending on the high expectations they have set for themselves. In each situation, they may be evaluating their performance and are unable to notice they may need to take a step back in the moment and change their response.

Is Perfectionism a Symptom of Anxiety?

Perfectionism can be a symptom of anxiety. Perfectionism is often rooted in fear of failure or rejection of some kind, so the fear and anxiety are motivating the behavior. Anxious behaviors are often rooted in lack of control, fear, and uncertainty.

Trauma responses that lead to perfectionism are commonplace as well–many who experience childhood trauma related to parental abuse or neglect may search for that validation in performance-based activities, leading them to develop perfectionistic tendencies.

How Might Perfectionism Lead to Anxiety?

Perfectionism can lead to anxiety when a person becomes fixated on whether or not they are living up to their own flawless standards. As they may or may not achieve these personal goals, they will begin to fear making mistakes. The more they worry, the more stress and anxiety they may experience. These negative thought patterns become a habit as this becomes an autopilot response to wanting to be perfect. Being so focused on being perfect can leave the person to become distracted and less mindful with managing their emotions and lack of coping skills.

Dr. Flett states, “A key problem for perfectionists is that once they are distressed, they have what we call ‘perfectionistic reactivity.’ That is, they have myriad maladaptive ways of responding and coping with stress and distress. The anxious perfectionist, for instance, can make things worse by ruminating about past mistakes that have been made and by worrying about the possibility of future mistakes. Perfectionists also may have chronic avoidance tendencies and procrastination that can often make bad situations worse. Perfectionists who find themselves in high pressure situations that make them self-conscious are almost certainly prone to higher levels of anxiety.”

How to Cope With Perfectionism & Anxiety

In order to cope with perfectionism and anxiety, you first need to identify your own perfectionistic rituals. Once you recognize your own high standards and what makes you anxious when you do not meet them can help to cope with these intense emotions. Ways to overcome include identifying your own perfectionist tendencies, setting small goals, practicing mindfulness, practicing meditation, letting go of control, replacing negative thoughts, being realistic and seeking professional help.

Here are 11 ways to cope with anxiety and perfectionism:

1. Identify Your Tendencies

Have you been honest with yourself about your own standards? As there is no shame in having high standards, people should know when this becomes an issue. Are your own personal standards getting in the way of your personal, professional or social relationships? Recognizing these personal tendencies and how they may impact your daily routines will help to better understand how you can reduce your personal pressure you place on yourself.

Once you identify your own personal tendencies it will be easier to recognize those responses in the moment. This may help to focus on what you really want in this moment besides perfection? Are you just looking for validation from yourself or others and why is this important to you right now? Knowing and understanding this can help to put the pieces together and to make sense of these emotions and to reduce any anxiety.

2. Be Imperfect on Purpose

Making mistakes and being imperfect is part of the human experience. Challenge yourself to make a mistake on purpose, even a small one, to allow yourself to feel the feeling of being imperfect without the consequence. It can be really hard to differentiate for yourself what mistakes are allowed, but it can be helpful to think about where and when that inner voice was developed. Taking time to safely make mistakes can help you listen to your own voice instead of factors that were out of your control in the past.

3. Set Small Goals

As you begin to understand what you want to achieve, it will help you to identify and create small goals. By setting small, realistic goals, it will make it easier to attain. This will help to reduce the pressure that you have placed on yourself. Having a realistic mindset of your goals will become easier to accomplish them and reduce any anxiety regarding the fear of failure.

4. Practice Unconditional Self-Compassion

A big part of working through perfectionism is accepting yourself the way you are, including the mistakes you may make or have made in the past. It requires giving yourself the self-compassion and self-love regardless of your performance or outcomes because you are worthy just as you are. Journaling can be helpful with this practice.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can be a great way to manage anxiety. Being aware of your own standards and expectations and how you react to them will help you to stay in the moment. By taking a step back and remembering to think before you react can help to reduce any autopilot impulsive response.

Dr. Flett encourages, “Perfectionists are typically low in mindfulness, so learning how to be mindful and even just taking cleansing breaths can help. Ruminative tendencies involving worrying and reflecting on past mistakes can be address through learning cognitive exercises that reduce the degree of use of debilitating cognitive styles. It is important to reduce the need to be perfect or its impact by developing a sense of self-compassion that combats self-criticism and lack of self-acceptance.”

6. Practice Meditation

Meditation can be a great coping method by allowing yourself a time to relax and reset. Implementing this practice into your daily routine can help reduce any anxiety. This can bring balance as it helps you to become more self-aware and build new ways to manage your stress. By personalizing your daily meditation ritual, it may help you to feel more motivated to practice.

Some ways to engage in meditation include individual classes, group classes, online teachings and apps. As this becomes a new habit, you will begin to stay mindful of your response to stress and anxiety. Learning new ways to breathe and focus can help replace negative thoughts and behaviors.

7. Let Go of Control

By letting go of control, you are letting go of your fear of not being perfect. Understanding what you want control of in your life can help to gain insight into what you are focused on and what you are ignoring. You may be forgetting that you are allowed to make mistakes. This is how you learn, grow and evolve.

Realizing that things do not have to go your way in order to feel enough you can learn to adapt to changes. When change occurs, it can be scary. But knowing that you can learn from these changes can help transform your attitude towards wanting to be perfect.

8. Replace Negative Thoughts

First, you have to notice what causes these negative thoughts and when these negative thoughts happen. Some thoughts can include, “if it doesn’t get done this way, I will fail” or “I am not good enough if I can’t complete this assignment with a high grade.”

Are you basing your thoughts on feelings or facts? Really focusing on what are the facts can help you to replace those negative thoughts and to see the situation in a more rational way. Adding positive affirmations to replace these negative thoughts may help to reduce your anxiety and feel more in control.

9. Be Realistic

Being realistic is similar to setting small goals as to remember that you can think in simpler terms of your standards for yourself and others. Understanding your own preconceptions can help you to identify which thoughts and internal self-dialogue are making it more challenging for you and which are helping you. Making an effort to be realistic can help you feel more balanced.

10. Limit Your Social Media Use

Dr. Flett cautions, “One thing to avoid doing is engaging in excessive use of social media. It is far too easy to come across curated images of people with perfect lives. We call this tendency perfectionistic self-presentation. It is important for anxious perfectionists to learn that there is little good that comes from social comparisons with other people. It is always better to compare with oneself.”

11. Seek Professional Help

When you start to realize that you are experiencing emotions that are impacting your daily routines, seeking therapy for anxiety and perfectionism is helpful. Finding a professional can help you to identify your thoughts and behaviors and put a name to them in order to find the right coping skills.

A professional will help you to change those thoughts and behaviors that are holding you back. Working with a professional can help build your self-confidence so you can accept that it does not have to be perfect and accept mistakes. A therapist will encourage practicing these new skills and to cope with new healthy habits so you can feel stronger facing daily responsibilities.

Dr. Flett mentions, “Most importantly, if perfectionism and anxiety become debilitating, it is important for people to seek professional help. Unfortunately, perfectionists fear stigma and stigmatize themselves so they don’t seek help as often as they should. In part, this is due to the perfectionistic self-presentation style and the façade that people often put on to cover up who they are actually feeling. To seek help, you have to admit that you are not perfect.”

When to Get Professional Help for Perfectionism & Anxiety

Perfectionism and anxiety are normal experiences, but when they begin to interfere with your normal daily functioning, it may be time to seek help.

If any of the following are interfering with your daily life, it may be time to see professional help:

• Excessive fear of failing
• Negative self-doubt
• Anxiety
• Stress
• Intrusive thoughts
• Avoiding situations that you think you won’t be your best
• You do not accept mistakes
• You feel a constant need to be in control

Anxiety Treatments

Behavioral treatments for anxiety utilize learning principles to dismiss anxious responses to inappropriately feared stimuli.⁷ Cognitive treatments, like using cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety, help people with anxiety identify and correct their distorted cognitions to reduce their fears.⁷

How to Find a Therapist

For someone who is feeling the pressure of perfectionism and is struggling with anxiety, it may be a good next step to reach out to a professional. Working with a therapist for individual counseling can help you learn coping skills and to overcome anxious thoughts in the future. Choosing a therapist can be difficult, but an online therapist directory is a good place to start looking.

Final Thoughts on Perfectionism and Anxiety

If perfectionism and anxiety are keeping you feeling stuck, you are encouraged to use the tips included in this article and to reach out for professional support. Acknowledging that you may have the tendencies to want to be perfect and experience anxiety when you feel you are unable to reach these standards, you can become more self-aware of your thought patterns. Once you are more mindful of these self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors you can then practice new coping skills to help navigate through these challenges. Having new ways to cope can help you to let go of that control and feel free to move forward with a new attitude and learn to appreciate yourself.