ADHD & Perfectionism: Understanding the Link

What Is ADHD?

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurological disorder marked by characteristics of impulsivity and hyperactivity. It is a type of neurodiversity and symptoms can occur on a wide spectrum. ADHD can make it difficult for those diagnosed to complete everyday tasks, maintain healthy relationships, and stay focused.

Common symptoms of ADHD include:

• Easily distracted
• Impulsiveness
• Fatigue
• Irritability
• Hyperactivity
• Forgetfulness

What Is Perfectionism?

It’s normal to want to do things well and be good at what you do, but perfectionism can take this desire for excellence and turn it into something problematic. Perfectionists place an extremely high standard on their own performance and sometimes on that of others. They often strive for excellence in everything they do. Children with perfectionism may exhibit low frustration tolerance, depression, and anxiety.

While this may seem like a beneficial trait, it is important to recognize that hyper-criticism can result in significant stress when faced with failure or imperfection. A perfectionist may become irritated if their expectations are not met and experience low self-esteem because of it. Perfectionism often stems from anxiety and is used as an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with these emotions.¹

Common perfectionistic tendencies include:

• Hyper-criticism: Even if a task is completed to the best of a person’s ability, a perfectionist will find everything that could have been done better.
• Setting unrealistic expectations: A perfectionist may feel that the bar has to be higher for them than for others. This often sets them up for failure, as they set unattainable goals, only resulting in more self-criticism.
• Procrastination: Perfectionists tend to procrastinate because they avoid starting a project because they fear they can’t complete it perfectly. They may also be afraid of judgment from others if their work is not up to par.
• Intolerance to mistakes: A person may be intolerable to their own or the mistakes of others. This may be exhibited as frustration and anger to a mishap, even if it was minimal.
• Difficulties asking for help: Asking for help is often difficult for a perfectionist as they may feel others will judge them for seeking support.

How Do ADHD & Perfectionism Overlap?

On the surface, ADHD and perfectionism may seem very different. However, there are many ways in which they overlap. Both can result in procrastination behaviors, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and even sadness. While having one does not mean that you will have the other, a person with ADHD may very well have perfectionism tendencies and vice versa.²

Connections between ADHD and perfectionism include:

Fear of Failure

Those with ADHD and perfectionism often struggle with a fear of failure. This often stems from having experienced harsh criticism in the past. For a person with ADHD, they may have been judged for their inability to complete a project on time or for becoming easily distracted. Because of this, an individual will be fearful of being further criticized if an action or task is not performed perfectly. This can unfortunately result in feeling incapable of showing up for both oneself and others.

Procrastination

Feeling that one has to be perfect all of the time can result in chronic procrastination.  ADHD and procrastination commonly go together, and chronic procrastination is often present in those with perfectionism because they often put off tasks in order to limit the risk of either making mistakes or falling short on completion. A person may doubt their ability to meet expectations that they or others have of themselves. If they do not believe that they will succeed, they may avoid something for as long as possible.

Procrastination may present as:

• Perfectionism procrastination: This is exhibited when a task is postponed due to fears of inadequacy or failure. This could be for something as small as cleaning the kitchen, or as large as presentations at work.
• Avoidance procrastination: This may occur when a person avoids working on one task altogether, which can result in feelings of guilt.
• Productive procrastination: In this case, a person may complete projects that benefit them in order to put off others they feel intimidated by. People may do so in order to gain a sense of accomplishment about having finished something, even if it wasn’t the main issue that needed to be addressed.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking refers to the mindset that if something is not perfect, then it is not good enough. What is the point of doing a task, if it won’t live up to expectations? This leaves no room for the “grey” area of interpretation of a situation. For a person who experiences ADHD and perfectionism, this can only exacerbate procrastination, as they may avoid something entirely in order to avoid the risk of failure.

Anxiety

A person with ADHD and perfectionistic tendencies is prone to experiencing anxiety as well. They might feel overwhelmed easily because of pressures that they put on themselves in order to meet a particular standard.

Hyperfixation

Those with ADHD who struggle with perfectionism may frequently become hyperfixated on a project or task in order to achieve “perfection.” This often results in one losing track of time, failing to show up for others, or falling behind on other responsibilities in order to focus on one assignment.

Sensitivity to Criticism

When a person receives criticism, it may be received in one of two ways–as a learning opportunity or as a failure. Those with ADHD and perfectionism often view criticism as a clear sign of failure and defeat. In turn, this can result in hypersensitivity to feedback from others, even if positive in nature. Additionally, the heightened sensitivity can make individuals with ADHD can be prone to arguing with others, because their perfectionism creates high

6 Tips for Coping With ADHD & Perfectionism

While ADHD and perfectionism can be challenging, there are healthy ways to cope. It’s important to learn how to overcome perfectionism so you can better engage with yourself and others in your life. Testing out a variety of coping skills and using them throughout the day is beneficial. By doing so, you’ll be better able to address perfectionistic tendencies as they arise.³

Here are six tips for coping with ADHD and perfectionism:

1. Address Imposter Syndrome

Oftentimes, a person may exhibit perfectionistic tendencies because of an imposter syndrome. In order to address this, it is essential to recognize what causes you to feel “less than.” Remind yourself of your positive characteristics and focus on your accomplishments. A great way to do this is by journaling and keeping track of your achievements!

2. Practice Self-Soothing

Utilizing self-soothing techniques can help you decrease overwhelm and stress in a moment. Start by finding a self-soothing practice that works best for you. Maybe it’s thinking of a happy time and place, counting deep breaths, or simply looking at pleasant images. Doing so can help you feel more at peace and relaxed when dealing with self-doubt, hyperfixation, or criticism.

3. Practice Mindfulness

You can practice mindfulness in a variety of ways and in any type of setting or situation. This could include meditating while sitting in nature or simply practicing breathwork. When you start to take time for self-reflection, you can call out self-criticism and doubt as it occurs. Approach these feelings without judgment and accept them for what they are. Being grounded with yourself in the present can help distract you from any anxiety about imperfections.

4. Anticipate Potential Mistakes

Make room for mistakes. We’re all human and will fail at some point in our lives. Instead of being hyper-critical, ask yourself how you can learn from your mistakes. If you plan for any potential mistakes, you can react to them in healthier and more productive ways.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

When you are more compassionate and forgiving toward yourself, you’ll be able to recognize and acknowledge that you don’t have to be perfect. You will feel less ashamed about your shortcomings and be able to learn from any mistakes.

Practice self-compassion by checking in with yourself each day and asking, “How am I doing”?” Be sure to be honest with yourself. Not all days are going to be picture-perfect. When you’re having an emotional day, learning how to love yourself can allow you to better deal with self-doubt as it occurs.

6. Be Flexible

Learning to be flexible in life allows you to actually achieve your goals. Ask yourself, are your timelines realistic? What happens if you do not complete a task? If you notice that you’re placing unrealistic expectations for yourself or others, change your mindset! Take time to step back from a project or task in order to approach it later from a place free of self-criticism and stress. Being flexible with your timelines and perspectives can help you feel better about yourself and your work.

When to Seek Professional Help

It can be helpful to seek professional help and support when navigating ADHD and perfectionistic tendencies. There are several ADHD treatments available, including medications for ADHD and various forms of therapy. If you recognize that your symptoms are negatively impacting you, it’s important to find the treatment that works best for you. Additionally, it can be beneficial to find a neurodiverse affirming therapist who understands your unique condition.

Therapy options for perfectionism and ADHD include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for ADHD can help an individual change their negative thought patterns and replace them with healthier ones. This can be especially beneficial for those who hold perfectionistic beliefs about themselves or others.
• Group therapy: Engaging in group therapy can be beneficial as it can help a person learn from others who experience similar challenges.
• Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT): This can be helpful for those with ADHD, as it works to teach them how to regulate their emotions that may be tied to perfectionistic tendencies.

Final Thoughts

Living with ADHD and perfectionism can be difficult, but there are effective treatments available. It is important to receive a diagnosis so you can start working toward reducing unhealthy behaviors and tendencies. There are many ways to receive support, such as through therapy, medication, meditation, or other stress-reduction techniques. Practice accepting yourself and let go of unrealistic expectations.