How to Find & Choose a Sex Therapist

What Is a Sex Therapist?

Sex therapists are licensed mental health and healthcare providers who have received additional training in counseling individuals who struggle with concerns related to sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, sexual functioning, sexuality, and relationships. Individuals with a master’s-level education (licensed mental health counselors, licensed marriage and family counselors, social workers, etc.) and doctoral-level education (psychiatrists, psychologists, etc.) can pursue certification as a sex therapist.

At present, there are no regulations or restrictions regarding which mental health and healthcare providers can advertise themselves as a “sex therapist.” Individuals seeking services from a sex therapist should take note of the certifications a therapist has obtained to indicate their expertise in providing sex therapy services. The AASECT offers education and supervision to therapists and counselors to become certified sex therapists.

The AASECT requires sex therapists to possess an “advanced clinical degree,” which includes training as a psychotherapist and varying amounts of clinical experience depending on one’s degree and licensure. The individual seeking certification is required to complete 90 hours of education pertaining to human sexuality, 60 hours of sex therapy training, as well as supervision by a supervisor who is certified through the AASECT.¹

What Makes a Sex Therapist Different

Whereas therapists and counselors will receive education and training on various subject areas, sex therapists receive specialized training in treating sexuality, sex, and intimacy-related concerns. Some therapists may work with clients regarding such issues without specialized training and may successfully assist clients with overcoming their concerns; however, a person will benefit most from seeking out a provider with additional training or certification.

What Does a Sex Therapist Treat?

Sex therapists will work with their clients to address a myriad of concerns, including issues related to intimacy, sexual functioning, sexuality, and relationships. Issues discussed may relate to individual concerns, as well as polyamorous and open relationships. Sex therapists will treat emotional and/or cognitive barriers that disrupt a person’s expected sexual functioning.

Common sexual issues and concerns a sex therapist can help with:

• Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (low libido)
• Arousal issues
• Difficulty reaching orgasm (anorgasmia)
• Sexual trauma
• Pornography addiction
• Sexual education and addressing common misconceptions regarding sexuality-related topics
• Improving communication about sex and sexuality between partners
• Issues regarding gender identity or sexual orientation
• Sexual performance anxiety and related body-image concerns
• Coping with living with Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)

Types of Sex Therapy

The type of therapy a sex therapist uses may vary depending on the client’s concerns presented and the therapist’s preferred approach. Regardless of the type of therapy, sex therapists will first focus on building a positive relationship between themself and their client(s) in order to promote honest and comfortable communication. 

Common types of sex therapy include:

• Couples sex therapy: A 2010 study revealed that low sexual satisfaction between romantic partners would contribute to 50% to 70% of overall relationship satisfaction.² This indicates that low sexual satisfaction between partners will most likely impact the success of relationships. Couples sex therapy provides a forum for individuals to be honest and vulnerable about how one or both partner’s sexual dysfunction may be impacting the romantic relationship.
• Sex addiction therapy: Increased access to internet pornography and the resulting negatively impacted levels of social development within society have impacted rates of “sex addiction.”³ Sex therapists can work with a person who is struggling with sex addiction or cybersex addiction by addressing concepts such as emotional and sexual intimacy, desire for instant gratification, and the resulting impact on sexual functioning.
• Online sex therapy: Accessibility concerns may impact a person’s willingness or ability to attend counseling services. As sex therapy does not consist of physical contact, sex therapy services, which are talk therapy services, can be provided via online therapy platforms.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Sex therapists may utilize CBT to address a person’s held belief (a cognition) about sex or sexual functioning that may be affecting their sexual functioning (a behavior).
• Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR): MBSR is a structured group program that utilizes mindfulness to assist an individual in remaining focused on the present rather than dwelling on the past or future. Anxiety or distractions regarding one’s past or future concerns may negatively impact a person’s ability to stay focused on sexual activity in the present and disrupt sexual functioning.
• Emotion-focused therapy (EFT): Emotional concerns can potentially impact one’s sexual functioning. A sex therapist working utilizing EFT will help a person identify emotions that may be preventing them from functioning appropriately during both independent and partnered sexual activity.

6 Tips for Finding the Best Sex Therapist

Finding a therapist can be overwhelming for some individuals, especially when an individual is seeking a specialized therapist, such as a sex therapist. Discussing topics such as one’s sex life or issues with intimacy can feel like a very invasive experience for clients. It’s vitally important that a person finds a therapist that makes them feel comfortable and meets their individual needs.

Here are six tips for finding a sex therapist:

1. Ask Yourself Why You Need a Sex Therapist

Before seeking a therapist, someone should ask themselves why they believe they require a sex therapist. Sex therapists can work with a person on a variety of concerns related to sexuality, intimacy, and sexual functioning. The individual should identify which area of their life requires improvement and evaluate whether said area falls under the expertise of a sex therapist.

As with all people seeking mental health or healthcare services, individuals seeking a sex therapist should consider the time commitment therapy services will take and their willingness to commit to such. A person should consider their comfort in discussing intimate topics with someone with whom they don’t have a personal relationship. They must also consider the fact that they may have to discuss such topics with their romantic partner(s) to progress in treatment.

2. Take Therapist’s Qualifications & Credentials Into Consideration

At this time, any therapist can advertise themselves as a sex therapist, even without additional training or certifications. Individuals seeking services should pay special attention to a therapist’s certifications and qualifications in regard to providing sex therapy services. At present, the AASECT is the most notable organization that provides certification to provide sex therapy services.

Those who seek sex therapy services as a couple may benefit from seeking a therapist with licensure or certification as a marriage or family counselor. Marriage and family therapists will focus on how individual items of concern affect relationship dynamics.⁴ Through the lens of a sex therapist, a marriage and couples counselor would address how one or both partner’s sexual dysfunction is affecting the romantic partnership.

3. Meet With & Interview Several Sex Therapists

During the search for a mental health practitioner, it is important that an individual finds a practitioner who makes them feel comfortable. This comfortability is especially important for discussing more intimate concerns, such as those discussed during sex therapy. Individuals should feel comfortable “shop around” while searching for the best practitioner to meet their needs.

People can utilize an online therapist directory to begin their search for a sex therapist. Additionally, a person may benefit from a referral from another trusted practitioner or close personal friend. They should set up multiple consultation calls to briefly meet their potential practitioners and evaluate which seems best able to meet their needs in regard to comfortability, personality, availability for scheduling, online versus in-person, etc.

4. Verify Insurance Coverage

While interviewing different practitioners, something for people to take note of are different options to cover the cost of their counseling services. Some therapist will accept different types of insurance, while others may only accept cash payment for their services. Including questions about which insurance plans the therapist is in-network with and cost per session are appropriate and expected questions.

Sometimes, a person may be eligible for reimbursement from their insurance companies for out-of-network benefits. Coverage and reimbursement options may vary depending on the individual’s specific insurance plan. To verify whether a therapist is in-network with one’s insurance, a person can contact their insurance provider to confirm whether a therapist’s services will be covered.

5. Schedule Services and Evaluate Comfortability

After evaluating one’s reasoning for seeking a therapist, researching the therapist’s credentials, interviewing potential therapists, and vetting one’s coverage options, a person should move forward with scheduling with a therapist who seems to be the best fit. Although the consultation call will provide them with initial impressions and potential comfortability, meeting with a therapist will give a person further insight into a potential therapeutic connection.

After meeting with a therapist for a formal session, the individual should evaluate whether they connected with the therapist’s personality and/or counseling style. Content discussed with sex therapists is particularly intimate, so meeting with a therapist and fostering a positive connection is vital to the sex therapy process.

6. Regularly Check In with Yourself as Therapy Progresses

Topics discussed during sex therapy are intimate and potentially complicated. Throughout the counseling process, clients should check in with themselves and the partners possibly involved to evaluate comfortability and progress in treatment. As treatment continues, clients should ideally become more comfortable with their therapist and notice progress within themselves toward treatment goals.

If the individual becomes uncomfortable with their therapist or does not notice a change within themselves throughout treatment, they should consider seeking a different therapist who may better align with their treatment goals. Everyone should feel empowered and comfortable to advocate for themselves and guide their treatment. Choosing which therapist to work with is the first step toward working through and accomplishing their sex therapy goals.

What to Ask During Your First Call or Visit With a Sex Therapist

To determine whether a therapist may be a good fit for you, you may need to ask several “introductory” questions during a consult call and/or initial session. Questions may vary from general to specific depending on you and the presenting concerns you wish to address. You should feel comfortable asking questions regarding items that you believe will be impactful to their counseling experience.

Here are questions to ask potential sex therapists:

• Can you tell me your experience working with patients seeking sex therapy?
• What training and education have you received for sex therapy?
• What are some of the main approaches you use in your therapy practice?
• How long do clients typically stay with your practice?
• Do you have experience working with clients struggling with _____ (specific client concern)?
• Do you have experience working with clients who are _____ (specific racial group/sexual orientation/gender identity)?
• Do you work primarily with couples or individual clients?
• Do you specialize in work with a specific concern or population?

In My Experience

Individuals seeking sex therapy are often struggling with discomfort or shame regarding their presenting concerns. A person seeking such services may be coming from a vulnerable and/or desperate place, as they have been unable to address their presenting concerns on their own. Finding a therapist who presents as non-judgmental and makes the individual feel comfortable is paramount to the success of sex therapy services.

During my work with clients, I have seen how overcoming internalized shame related to their presenting concern can improve one’s self-image and sexual satisfaction. Sex therapy can be an uncomfortable but worthwhile process for clients struggling with issues related to sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, sexual functioning, sexuality, and relationships.