13 Tips on How to Be a Good Mother (Not a Perfect Mom)

What Is a Good Mother?

A good mother is someone who goes beyond just meeting her child’s needs; she truly listens and makes space for her child to be their authentic self. It’s about understanding their unique ways of expressing themselves—through words, actions, or even what’s left unsaid. A good mom knows she won’t always get it right, but she shows up with love, learns and grows alongside her child, and makes them feel seen, heard, and valued for who they are, celebrating their joys and supporting them through every challenge, no matter how confusing or unexpected.

Here are thirteen tips for how to be a good mother:

1. Listen Actively

When you listen actively, you’re not just hearing words; you’re picking up on the emotions, thoughts, and needs behind them. This shows your child that their feelings matter and that they are understood and valued, which builds trust and strengthens your bond. It also encourages them to open up more, knowing that you’ll be there to listen without judgment or immediate solutions. Plus, by listening carefully, you’re better able to understand what your child is experiencing and offer the right kind of support, whether they need guidance, comfort, or just someone to acknowledge their feelings.

It is important to adjust how you listen to your child as they grow. For younger children, pay attention to nonverbal cues and simple expressions. As they age, their behavior and words become more nuanced, so listen carefully to understand what they are truly communicating.

2. Take Time to Understand Their Behavior

Instead of reacting impulsively to your child’s behavior, take a moment to observe and understand it. All behaviors serve as a way for your child to communicate something they might not yet have the words or awareness to express. Instead of seeing a behavior as “bad” or “defiant,” you begin to view it as an important clue to your child’s inner world. For example, when a child throws a tantrum, it could be their way of signaling a need for attention, a response to feeling overwhelmed, or frustration because they can’t express their needs clearly. A child who withdraws or refuses to participate in activities might be feeling anxious, tired, or unsure of how to ask for help.¹

Understanding behavior as communication means looking beyond the surface and asking yourself: What is my child trying to tell me? Are they seeking comfort, trying to gain independence, or coping with feelings they don’t yet know how to manage? By interpreting their actions through this lens, you can better understand their underlying needs and respond in a way that supports them.

3. Respect That Your Child Is Their Own Person

Your child is a unique individual, separate from you, with their own thoughts, feelings, and interests. It’s important to recognize and honor their individuality rather than expecting them to think, feel, or behave exactly as you do. Encourage them to explore their own perspectives and make choices, even if those choices differ from your own.²

For example, when your child shares an idea or a feeling, pause and allow them to express themselves fully before responding. Ask questions that show curiosity and interest, like “What makes you think that?” or “How did that make you feel?” By valuing their individuality, they learn to trust their own judgment, make decisions, and develop resilience.

4. Take Time for Self-Care

Taking time for yourself to recharge is essential. Mothering is work in itself. So like any job, you need time off.  When you are rested, relaxed, and feeling good, you have more patience, energy, and positivity to share. Additionally, children learn by observing, so when they see you make self-care a priority, they understand that it’s not selfish but necessary to be at your best for yourself and others.

5. Share Parenting Responsibilities With Others

Parenting is a challenging and demanding job, and it’s important to remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Sharing parenting responsibilities with a partner, family members, or trusted caregivers gives you the chance to recharge and take care of your own needs, which is crucial for maintaining a healthy balance. Parenting is less stressful when you have the time to rest, pursue personal interests, or simply take a break, making you more present and engaged when you are with your child.³

6. Use Emotionally Rich Language

Introducing “feeling language” early on helps your child develop the vocabulary they need to identify, express, and understand their emotions. Instead of simply describing situations or behaviors, use words like happy, sad, frustrated, anxious, excited, or confused to label the feelings behind them. Beyond just naming basic emotions, you can also introduce more nuanced feelings, such as disappointed, proud, embarrassed, or nervous, to broaden their emotional understanding. For example, instead of saying, “Are you okay?” when they seem withdrawn, try, “Are you feeling overwhelmed or worried about something?”

It is important to reinforce that all feelings are valid—there are no “bad” or “wrong” emotions. Explain that it’s okay to feel angry, scared, or sad, just as it is to feel happy or excited. Let them know that expressing these feelings is essential to feeling better and finding solutions.

7. Be Open to Apologizing

An apology goes a long way with kids and helps your child feel respected and valued. For instance, if you lose your temper or make an unfair judgment, saying something like, “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier; I was frustrated, but I know that wasn’t fair to you,” can make a big difference. It shows that you’re willing to own up to your behavior and that their feelings matter.

Additionally, when you apologize sincerely, you teach your child an important life skill: how to repair relationships after conflicts or misunderstandings. They learn that apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength and empathy. It helps them understand that relationships require effort, understanding, and a willingness to make amends when needed.

8. Make Empathy Part of Daily Life

Modeling empathic behavior will teach your kids to become empathetic individuals. When kids see you interact with strangers kindly, hear you respectfully communicate with their other parent(s), and enjoy learning how characters on TV think and act, they will begin to respond in kind.

9. Avoid Comparison

Every child is unique, with their own timeline for growth and development. Comparing your child to others—whether it’s siblings, friends, or peers—can unintentionally send the message that they aren’t good enough. This can undermine their self-esteem and cause anxiety or resentment. Instead, focus on recognizing and celebrating your child’s unique strengths. For example, if they struggle with reading but love building things, acknowledge their talent for problem-solving and creativity. Highlighting their strengths encourages them to feel confident in who they are, regardless of how they compare to others.

10. Show Interest in Their Passions

Show genuine enthusiasm and interest in the things your child is passionate about. When you actively support their interests, you send a powerful message that what matters to them matters to you, too. For example, if your child is fascinated by dinosaurs, join them in reading books, visiting a natural history museum, or even watching documentaries together. If they love a particular video game, ask them to explain what makes it fun or challenging and maybe even try playing it with them. Showing curiosity and involvement in their passions makes them feel seen and validated.

11. Acknowledge Different Personalities

Understand that every child has a unique personality—some may be more extroverted and enjoy socializing with large groups, while others may be introverted and prefer smaller, quieter settings. Instead of pushing them to fit a specific mold or conform to certain expectations, nurture their natural tendencies and let them engage with the world in ways that feel comfortable to them.

12. Spend One-on-One Time

Carving out one-on-one time with your child is incredibly valuable, especially in a busy household with multiple siblings. This special time, dedicated solely to them, helps strengthen your bond, builds trust, and makes your child feel seen and valued as an individual. Even small pockets of time—like reading a book together, playing their favorite game, or going for a walk—can have a big impact on your relationship.

13. Keep Things Light and Fun

Maintaining a sense of humor and infusing fun into everyday moments with your kids is one of the best ways to strengthen your bond and create a joyful family atmosphere. Life can be stressful, but taking time to laugh, joke, and play together helps everyone feel relaxed and connected. Additionally, when your child sees you using humor to manage stress, they learn that it’s okay to find the lighter side of things, even when faced with difficulties.

Free Parenting Worksheets

This collection of seven worksheets provides practical parenting tools and strategies. Find the one you need, or download all of them here.

Complete Workbook Download

Redefining "Good" Parenting Download

Setting SMART Goals Download

Identifying Your Triggers Download

Self-Care Inventory Download

Encouraging Emotions Download

Setting Boundaries Download

Practicing Gratitude Download

How to Cope With Being An Imperfect Mom

Mom guilt is a common experience, and it’s easy to feel weighed down by your perceived shortcomings and high expectations. But constantly dwelling on these negative feelings isn’t healthy for you or your child. It’s important to remind yourself that parenting is a journey, and every moment is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Here are some ways to cope with being an imperfect mom:

• Acknowledge your feelings: Understand that mom guilt is a common experience, not a sign of failure. Allow yourself to feel it without judgment, recognizing that it’s normal to care deeply about your child’s well-being.
• Identify the source of guilt: Reflect on what specifically is causing your guilt. Is it societal pressure, unrealistic expectations, or a genuine mistake? Understanding the root can help you address it more effectively.
• Think about imperfection as a way of life: Embrace the idea that imperfection is natural and an inevitable part of life. Life is filled with ups and downs, and accepting this can help you let go of guilt over small mistakes or unmet expectations. Remind yourself that being a good mom doesn’t mean being perfect or doing everything.
• Create a self-care routine: Prioritize time for yourself to recharge and maintain your well-being. Whether it’s a hobby you love, a quiet moment with a cup of tea, or a quick workout, small acts of self-care help you stay grounded and more present for your child. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup—taking care of yourself is essential, not optional.
• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Remind yourself that all moms are dealing with a lot of stress and that it’s okay not to have it all figured out.
• Remember your wins: Keep track of the things you’re doing right. Reflect on the positive moments, successes, and ways you’ve been there for your child. This can help shift your mindset away from guilt.
• Join a mom support group: Sharing your feelings with other moms can provide reassurance that you’re not alone. Many of them experience similar feelings and can offer empathy, support, and advice.
• Set boundaries with social media: Taking a social media break will limit your exposure to idealized portrayals of motherhood that make you feel “less than.” Remind yourself that social media often showcases highlights, not real life.
• Recognize it’s normal to enjoy some stages more than others: Every mom has stages they love more, whether it’s playing with an infant, reading with a five-year-old, or discussing ideas with a teen. It’s okay to enjoy some ages more; give attention to all ages but don’t fault yourself for having preferences.
• Remember your value beyond motherhood:  It’s easy to lose sight of who you are beyond being a mom, but acknowledging your value outside of this role is crucial. Carving out time for other things that make you feel fulfilled—like reading, exercising, or pursuing a hobby—reminds you that you have a unique identity beyond caregiving.

When to Seek Professional Support

If being a mom feels so overwhelming that self-doubt starts to take over, and you find it hard to enjoy parenting, it might be time to reach out for support. It’s completely okay to ask for help when you feel stuck, especially if those doubts are spiraling into feelings of depression or anxiety. A professional can offer guidance, a fresh perspective, and tools to help you feel more in control and at peace.

Grow Therapy is an online therapist directory with detailed search filters, making it easy to find a therapist who specializes in mom burnout, guilt, or parenting challenges. If you prefer the flexibility of online therapy, there are many different online therapy services that can connect you with a qualified therapist who fits your busy schedule. If you’re considering family therapy, Rula is a great option.