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Motherhood Imposter Syndrome: What It Is, Effects, & How to Overcome

Published: July 21, 2022 Updated: March 29, 2023
Published: 07/21/2022 Updated: 03/29/2023
Headshot of Michelle Risser, LISW-S
Written by:

Michelle Risser

LISW-S
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP
  • What Is Motherhood Imposter Syndrome?Motherhood Imposter Syndrome
  • Effects of Motherhood Imposter SyndromeEffects
  • Tips for Overcoming Motherhood Imposter Syndrome19 Tips for Overcoming
  • How Therapy Can HelpTherapy
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Motherhood Imposter Syndrome InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Michelle Risser, LISW-S
Written by:

Michelle Risser

LISW-S
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP

Motherhood imposter syndrome occurs when mothers struggle with the sense that no matter what they do, they will never be good enough. This idea can manifest within feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt, perfectionism, and inadequence. Not only can this mindset affect someone psychologically, but also negatively impact their daily lives and loved ones.

What Is Motherhood Imposter Syndrome?

For mothers, the belief that one is a fraud or a failure (also known as imposter syndrome) can be especially harmful, because of the burden society places on women to enter into motherhood seamlessly and without difficulty. The condition is characterized by one’s perceived deficiency in the face of societal expectations. Even when praised for their efforts, they will still secretly believe that they are fooling themselves and everyone around them.2
They will often struggle with parental guilt or worry that they are harming their children, sometimes resulting in instances of parental burnout.

Signs of motherhood imposter syndrome may include:

  • Perfectionism
  • Frequent comparing oneself to others
  • Feeling like a failure
  • Struggling to return to work after maternity leave
  • Isolating from others
  • Negative self-talk
  • Difficulty asking for help
  • Minimizing your accomplishments
  • Anxiety about being judged by others
  • Trying to do everything for everyone
  • Putting others needs first
  • Constant exhaustion
  • Insomnia
  • Chronic stress

Experiencing imposter syndrome during motherhood is not something you need to struggle with alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

Effects of Motherhood Imposter Syndrome

Motherhood imposter syndrome can negatively affect a woman’s daily life, as well as her relationships with family members. Having a constant and overwhelming sense of inferiority can be debilitating if left unaddressed.

Motherhood imposter syndrome can have negative effects on a woman’s:

Daily Life

A mom struggling with imposter syndrome may miss out on the fun in life. For example, she may avoid get-togethers or outings, because she is worried about the judgment of others. She may begin to isolate herself, due to a belief that she is not worthy of support or understanding. Because she feels that other mothers are better able to perform the act of mothering, a sense of shame may contribute to a constant chase for perfection.

Partner Relationships

Oftentimes, motherhood imposter syndrome can have a negative effect on a couple’s relationship. A woman’s insecurity as a mother can sometimes be demonstrated as intense jealousy or an anxious/fearful attachment style. Mothers may constantly seek validation from their partners, resulting in frustration, instability, and an exacerbated feeling of worthlessness.3

Children

The way in which a mother views and treats herself serves as a model for her children. When a mom constantly compares herself to others and openly expresses her personal frustrations, these displays of self-hatred can be harmful for her kids. Witnessing their mother, a woman whom they love and look up to, put herself down can influence them to view themselves in the same light.

19 Tips for Overcoming Motherhood Imposter Syndrome

Motherhood imposter syndrome can leave a woman feeling depressed, overwhelmed, and lonely. Fortunately, there are strategies to help moms cope with these emotions and work on the negative self-talk that goes along with them. Recognizing the warning signs of imposter syndrome is important in order to avoid any further progression with worsening consequences.

The following are 19 tips for overcoming motherhood imposter syndrome:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step towards eliminating negative thoughts is to acknowledge their existence. This could be as simple as noticing when self-doubt arises and addressing it for what it is: merely a thought. Thoughts are not concrete, and are oftentime far from factual. Remind yourself that there is no power within this sense of inferiority.

2. Find Other Moms You Can Trust

One of the best ways to overcome imposter syndrome is to have open and honest conversations with other moms. By sharing your self-doubting beliefs aloud, you may notice that you are not alone in your struggles. Together, you and like-minded women can help one another let go of unrealistic comparisons that contribute to imposter syndrome.

3. Stop Playing the Comparison Game

It’s important for moms to understand that comparing how they feel on the inside with how others portray themselves externally is not realistic. How a woman acts outside of her home, in the presence of others, is not always a representation of how things are for them normally. A mother who looks composed in public with her children may be experiencing the same difficulties as you are when at home with her own family. Comparison leads to insecurity, and breaking this habit is critical to your future welling.

4. Recognize & Celebrate Your Accomplishments

When something goes well, celebrate! It’s important for moms to take the time to appreciate their own accomplishments, just as much as they would those of their children or spouse. Focusing only on the negative can lead to depression and burnout.

5. Build Confidence

Confidence is not the same as arrogance. Confidence comes from having a realistic view of one’s strengths and weaknesses. When moms build confidence, they are better equipped to let go of self-doubt and negative thoughts. Not only will this benefit you, but your children will also appreciate your newfound positivity and happiness.

6. Unfollow Triggering Social Media Accounts

Social media accounts are not always truthful. More often than not, people only post the positives; they don’t highlight the unexpected and hectic aspects of life with children.  Unfollow anyone who leaves you feeling inadequate or less than. Instead, follow accounts that provide uplifting advice and realistic representations of motherhood. Use social media for inspiration and connection, not for comparison! If necessary, it’s also ok to unplug completely and take a break.

7. Ask For Help

Moms who struggle with motherhood imposter syndrome often have a hard time asking for help. Unfortunately, this can evolve into a vicious cycle of a woman not reaching out for help when needed, and thus becoming more overwhelmed. Asking for and accepting help is one of the best things mothers can do for themselves.

Therapy can help you lower stress and reduce anxiety. BetterHelp provides convenient and affordable online therapy. Rated “Best Overall – Online Therapy Service”*. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp *Best Online Therapy Services for 2023 published on March 14, 2023.

Visit BetterHelp

8. Adjust Your Expectations

It is not possible to do everything perfectly all of the time. Adjust your expectations to make them more reasonable and achievable, and allow room for relaxation and fun. Becoming hyper focused on perfection will only lead to further disappointment and steal valuable time away from your loved ones.

9. Set Healthy Boundaries

Imposter syndrome can make mothers feel like they need to prove their worth by always being available for others. Setting boundaries, saying “no”, and making sure to delegate your time and energy in healthy ways will help you feel more confident in your abilities as a mother.

10. Make Important Changes

If you notice there are certain triggers that cause you to fall into a state of self-loathing or doubt, get rid of them. For example, if going to a certain playground makes you feel uncomfortable around the other mothers, choose to visit the beach instead; or, maybe take the kids to a local cafe or restaurant. You shouldn’t feel the need to involve yourself in triggering settings or with negative people.

11. Invest in Your Personal Growth

Moms who don’t take time for pursuing personal growth are at risk of developing imposter syndrome. Over time, they may begin to lose confidence in their own intelligence and abilities, leaving them with a sense of defeat. Moms can build confidence by investing in and committing to the development of their own potential.

12. Practice Excellent Self-Care

Motherhood is draining. Because of the many roles a mother feels she needs to fill in order to be successful, she may overlook her own bare necessities and needs. Remind yourself that self-care is not selfish! Self-care helps you recharge your energy and be present for your loved ones. Sometimes, you need to take care of yourself first before you can help those around you.

13. Prioritize

You can’t always finish your to-do list in one go. Setting priorities that are realistic and aligned with your values can help you feel accomplished and successful. Sometimes, the laundry can wait until the weekend or dishes can stay in the sink overnight. However you choose to prioritize should bring you respite and solace.

14. Remember That Life Is Fluid

Mothers often feel as though they need to juggle multiple tasks all at once, all of the time. Instead, think of life as an “ebb and flow”. One day may be focused on family time and activities; the next may be dedicated to fulfilling responsibilities and work obligations. Schedules change and setting rigid expectations for yourself can set you up for emotional disaster.

15. Create a Motivating Mantra

Come up with a word or phrase to tell yourself when negative or intrusive thoughts arise. Replacing these with encouraging ones can rewire your brain into thinking more positively.4
Some examples include “I am enough”, “I am a good mom”, or “I am doing my best”. Speak to yourself as you would a loved one.

16. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness encourages you to live in the present moment by actively engaging in your surroundings. Practicing mindfulness can help mothers avoid overwhelm by focusing on the tasks at hand, not what lies in the future.

17. Get Moving

When the symptoms of motherhood imposter syndrome strike, simply introducing some exercise and physical activity into your routine can be extremely helpful. Hit the gym for a quick workout, go for a walk, stretch, or have a five minute dance party with the kids to get those endorphins flowing.

18. Make Fun a Priority

Motherhood comes with a long list of responsibilities, and the weight of those can be daunting. On days when you’re feeling especially stressed out or in need of a break, allow yourself to slow down and engage in something you love doing. Sit down with your family and finish a puzzle or play a board game; check out the museum you’ve been interested in visiting for months; or call up a friend for a late night chat.

19. Seek Professional Help

Imposter syndrome often coexists with other mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.5
Talk to your medical provider or a licensed therapist if you notice your symptoms worsening. There is no shame in asking for help; in fact, you can find joy in knowing that prioritizing your mental health will prove beneficial for you and your family.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy focuses on combating the negative thoughts and expectations that go along with motherhood imposter syndrome, as well as treating any underlying mental health conditions. Therapy can help you increase your confidence, find self-value, and start your healing journey. You can choose a therapist that works well for you and your schedule by using a therapist directory.

Final Thoughts

Imposter syndrome can make moms feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders, and nothing they do is ever enough. Even though imposter syndrome may feel impossible to overcome, there are ways to move forward.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

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Hims / Hers – If you’re living with anxiety or depression, finding the right medication match may make all the difference. Get FDA approved medication prescribed by your dedicated Hims / Hers Healthcare Provider and delivered right to your door. Plans start at $25 per month (first month)*. Get Started

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For Further Reading

  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov
  • Postpartum Support International
  • The Mommies Network 
  • Mom Guilt: Does It Ever End? – Memphis Mom Collective
  • The Gift of the Good Enough Mother – Seleni.org

Motherhood Imposter Syndrome Infographics

What Is Motherhood Imposter Syndrome?  Tips for Overcoming Motherhood Imposter Syndrome  Tips for Overcoming Motherhood Imposter Syndrome

5 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Tulshyan, R., & Burey, J. A. (2021). Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome. Harvard Business Review, 31.

  • Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy, 15(3).

  • Alvarado, C. (2015). I’m not all that: a look at the imposter phenomenon in intimate relationships.

  • Price, R.B., Duman, R. Neuroplasticity in cognitive and psychological mechanisms of depression: an integrative model. Mol Psychiatry 25, 530–543 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-019-0615

  • Bravata, D. M., Madhusudhan, D. K., Boroff, M., & Cokley, K. O. (2020). Commentary: Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of imposter syndrome: A systematic review. Journal of Mental Health & Clinical Psychology, 4(3).

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Headshot of Michelle Risser, LISW-S
Written by:

Michelle Risser

LISW-S
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP
  • What Is Motherhood Imposter Syndrome?Motherhood Imposter Syndrome
  • Effects of Motherhood Imposter SyndromeEffects
  • Tips for Overcoming Motherhood Imposter Syndrome19 Tips for Overcoming
  • How Therapy Can HelpTherapy
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Motherhood Imposter Syndrome InfographicsInfographics
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