Likely the best way to help a friend, family member, or someone else with OCD is to be supportive, calm, and non-judgemental. Being close to someone with OCD can be confusing at times and while you may feel the need to reassure or rescue them, simply acknowledging what you observe and asking what they need from you would be the best way of offering help.
What Is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a disorder where someone regularly experiences intrusive thoughts which drive ritualistic or repetitive behaviors. Symptoms of OCD can vary from person to person, and can range from mild OCD to severely debilitating. The intrusive thoughts associated with OCD can be quite disturbing and impact the person’s quality of life, self-image, and overall mood.
Behaviors seen with OCD vary greatly as well, and are not always logically linked to the intrusive thoughts that drive them. Additionally, some compulsions can put the person suffering from OCD at risk, as with sexual compulsions, self-harm behaviors, or other risk-taking behaviors. This can also make it difficult for others close to the person with OCD to remain supportive or know how to help.
OCD is characterized by the presence of:
Obsessions
The American Psychiatric Association defines obsessions as “recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that cause distressing emotions such as anxiety, fear or disgust.”1 Intrusive thoughts can vary in focus and subject matter, cause distress, and may even be obvious to the person with OCD that they are excessive or unreasonable.2, 3
Compulsions
The American Psychiatric Association defines compulsions as “repetitive behaviors or mental acts that a person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession.”1 The behaviors may be performed to prevent or reduce distress and may not necessarily be directly related to the obsession. In many cases, compulsions can fill significant time throughout the day leading to difficulty fulfilling responsibilities, problems at work, and problems in relationships.2
11 Tips for Helping Someone With OCD
Support goes a long way to helping someone with OCD manage their symptoms and can empower someone to seek treatment when needed.
The following are 11 ways to support someone with OCD:
1. Learn More About OCD
Learning about the disease and its symptoms can help you identify when someone’s symptoms may be worsening, what behaviors are attributed to obsessions, and when to say something. It can also bring about an understanding of what their experience may be, which can help you empathize with them.
Encouraging treatment for OCD is important because many times people will not seek treatment on their own without external encouragement. Typical treatment approaches include cognitive-behavior therapy for OCD, exposure and response prevention for OCD, and acceptance and commitment therapy alongside medication for OCD. Getting treatment can greatly improve a person’s life by directly addressing obsessions behind compulsive behaviors and diminishing their impact on the individual. Loved ones are oftentimes considered in treatment as encouragers and supports.
2. Look After Yourself, Too
Maintaining personal and emotional self-care is important when supporting someone with OCD because it helps both you and the person with OCD receive the care and support necessary for overall mental health and helps you maintain a positive relationship.
Some examples of self-care include self-soothing, walking meditation, talking with a therapist, and maintaining activities that you are personally interested in. You can also ask your loved one to engage in their own emotional self-care, such as encouraging meditation for OCD.
3. Encourage Them To Seek Treatment
Sometimes people are afraid to seek professional help on their own or unaware that they have a treatable problem, and receiving encouragement from those close to them to reach out to someone can be a big help. Be honest about what you see is affecting them and those around them, and try to communicate hope when talking about accessing treatment.
4. Be Patient & Understanding
Someone living with OCD may have a lot of their time taken up by compulsions. They tend to impact social relationships and overall functioning. Seeing someone living with symptoms of OCD may also not make a ton of sense, especially if they are unable to explain what they are doing or why. Try to have some patience with them. They are coping with things the best way they know how. Even if they are in treatment, improvement may take some time to see.
5. Be Mindful of the Language You Use
Be mindful of the language you use when talking about OCD. Avoid using derogatory terms or making fun of the condition. Offhandedly saying something like “Oh, I’m so OCD when it comes to…” to flippantly describe a preference can perpetuate stigma and make the person feel misunderstood and undervalued.4
6. Help With Organization & Structure
People living with OCD often benefit from and often prefer having an organized environment. Be mindful of not disrupting their living space or organizational systems. Helping to think of ways to reduce stress by establishing structure can be a way to show your support. However, do not go so far as to participate in an organizational compulsion if that is what is present.
7. Learn Their Triggers & Patterns
Pay attention to the person’s triggers and patterns associated with their OCD. By understanding their unique challenges, you can help them manage difficult situations or avoid those situations that may trigger compulsive behaviors. You can also be prepared when encountering a triggering situation with them, and anticipate how you may support them.
8. Follow Through With Support
Be intentional about offering support where you are actually able to. Letting someone with OCD know you are there for them when things get difficult and actually being there when they need you goes a long way. This can provide the encouragement they may need to continue treatment or make changes they need to make.
9. Offer Reassurance & Encouragement
Provide positive reinforcement and remind the person that their efforts to manage their OCD are commendable. Someone in treatment will often receive exposure therapy for OCD, which involves facing feared situations or triggers. Offer words of encouragement when they face such challenges.
10. Listen To Them
Create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings and concerns. Actively listen and show genuine interest in what they are going through, and try to seek understanding. OCD is a widely known but often misunderstood and isolating condition, so having a friend to talk to that will not judge them is important.
11. Seek Out Helpful Resources
Sometimes information and online OCD resources can be helpful, especially when the diagnosis is new or it is early in treatment.
What Not to Do When Helping Someone With OCD
It is important to not minimize someone’s experience with OCD, make fun of compulsions, or judge them negatively for having this condition. Even mistakes made with good intentions can be harmful in ways.
Here are some things to avoid when supporting someone with OCD:
Avoid Enabling or Participating In Their Behavior
Understand what their compulsions are and find ways to avoid reinforcing them. Some examples may be helping to clean if they have a cleaning compulsion, adjusting your schedule unreasonably to accommodate their desire to act on a compulsion, or trying to rescue or reassure them when they are seeing validation in an obsession.
Support does not reinforce maladaptive patterns, but gently challenges them. It may mean setting boundaries with schedules remaining firm and them facing real consequences for choosing to act on compulsions, or being realistic about requests for validation around their obsessions.
Avoid Over Protecting Them
Engaging in avoidance behaviors can be unhelpful when it comes to helping a loved one with OCD. While it is ok to set up reasonable structure or organization, avoiding situations entirely where they may encounter a trigger can be a preventative compulsion in itself. This can look like avoiding discussions about OCD, not acknowledging the compulsions witnessed, or inconveniently avoiding social situations or crowded places.
Avoid Assuming You Know What Is Best For Them
Each person’s experience with OCD is unique. Avoid assuming you know the best course of action or treatment for them. Instead, ask them about their OCD and how it affects them. Be honest about how it may affect you. Encourage them to seek professional guidance.
Don’t Continuously Monitor Them
Being supportive is important, but avoid constantly monitoring or checking on their rituals or compulsions. This can contribute to a sense of being constantly watched or judged and communicates a lack of trust. If you’re curious about how they are doing with addressing their compulsions, ask them.
Don’t Offer Constant Reassurance
Offering reassurance in response to someone’s distress is a natural response, but this can be counterproductive with someone living with OCD if it is done or requested constantly. Giving in to offering constant reassurance can reinforce obsessions and perpetuate anxiety.
Don’t Minimize Their Experience With OCD
Avoid dismissing, making fun of, or downplaying their struggles or symptoms. OCD can be a profoundly distressing condition and the obsessions and associated compulsions impact the person’s life significantly. Knowing someone is supportive and will take them seriously when they need to talk about what they are going through is important.4
When to Seek Professional Help
When the person’s OCD symptoms significantly impair their ability to engage in daily activities, disrupt relationships, or pose a risk to their well-being or that of others, professional intervention becomes paramount. Things to look out for include warning signs of suicide in your loved one, threats of harm, significant disruption of career, school, or relationships, among other factors.
A mental health professional specializing in OCD can provide an assessment, diagnosis, and treatment options tailored to address the unique challenges of OCD. An online therapist directory is a good place to start looking for a therapist. If the person seeking treatment has health insurance coverage for mental health treatment, contacting the insurance provider for a list of in-network providers in the area is another excellent starting point.
In My Experience
Living with OCD can be distressful much of the time, however treatment is available and effective in addressing symptoms. I know that OCD is a vastly misunderstood condition in the general public, but there are options for finding support and professional help. If you are living with or close to someone with OCD, please be supportive and kind with them, taking into consideration what their needs may be and what they may be dealing with on a daily basis. If you are facing OCD and have never sought treatment, I encourage you to consider it. There are very effective treatments available, both from a medication and psychotherapeutic approach.
How to Help Someone With OCD Infographics
