How to Help Someone With OCD: 11 Tips for Offering Support

What Is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a disorder where someone regularly experiences intrusive thoughts (obsessions) which drive ritualistic or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Symptoms of OCD can vary from person to person, and can range from mild OCD to severely debilitating. The intrusive thoughts associated with OCD can be quite disturbing and impact the person’s quality of life, self-image, and overall mood.

Behaviors seen with OCD vary greatly as well, and are not always logically linked to the intrusive thoughts that drive them. Additionally, some compulsions can put the person suffering from OCD at risk, as with sexual compulsions, self-harm behaviors, or other risk-taking behaviors. This can also make it difficult for others close to the person with OCD to remain supportive or know how to help.

OCD is characterized by the presence of:

Obsessions

The American Psychiatric Association defines obsessions as “recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that cause distressing emotions such as anxiety, fear or disgust.”¹ Intrusive thoughts can vary in focus and subject matter, cause distress, and may even be obvious to the person with OCD that they are excessive or unreasonable.^2,3

Compulsions

The American Psychiatric Association defines compulsions as “repetitive behaviors or mental acts that a person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession.”¹ The behaviors may be performed to prevent or reduce distress and may not necessarily be directly related to the obsession. In many cases, compulsions can fill significant time throughout the day leading to difficulty fulfilling responsibilities, problems at work, and problems in relationships.²

11 Tips for Helping Someone With OCD

Support goes a long way to helping someone with OCD manage their symptoms and can empower someone to seek treatment when needed. By learning more about OCD and their specific patterns and triggers, encouraging OCD treatment, and resisting your loved one’s reassurance-seeking, you can find appropriate ways to show up and help someone with OCD.

The type of help you provide depends on your relationship with the individual with OCD. For example, if you have just begun to date someone with OCD, you will likely be only able to provide limited support. In contrast, if this is a long-term partner, you can likely provide a more intensive form of support.

The following are eleven ways to support someone with OCD:

1. Learn More About OCD

Learning about the disease and its symptoms can help you identify when someone’s symptoms may be worsening, what behaviors are attributed to obsessions, and when to say something. It can also bring about an understanding of what their experience may be, which can help you empathize with them.

2. Encourage Them To Seek Treatment

Sometimes people are afraid to seek professional help on their own or are unaware that they have a treatable problem, and receiving encouragement from those close to them to reach out to someone can be a big help. Be honest about what you see is affecting them and those around them, and try to communicate hope when talking about accessing treatment.

Encouraging treatment for OCD is important because many times people will not seek treatment on their own without external encouragement. Typical treatment approaches include exposure and response prevention for OCD and acceptance and commitment therapy, alongside medication for OCD. Getting treatment can greatly improve a person’s life by directly addressing obsessions behind compulsive behaviors and diminishing their impact on the individual. Loved ones are oftentimes considered in treatment as encouragers and supports.

3. Look After Yourself, Too

Maintaining personal and emotional self-care is important when supporting someone with OCD because it helps both you and the person with OCD receive the care and support necessary for overall mental health, and helps you maintain a positive relationship.

Some examples of self-care include self-soothing, walking meditation, talking with a therapist, and maintaining activities that you are personally interested in. You can also ask your loved one to join you in a regular yoga for OCD practice or suggest they engage in their own emotional self-care, such as encouraging meditation for OCD.

4. Be Patient & Understanding

Someone living with OCD may have a lot of their time taken up by compulsions. They tend to impact social relationships and overall functioning. Seeing someone living with symptoms of OCD may also not make a ton of sense, especially if they are unable to explain what they are doing or why. Try to have some patience with them. They are coping with things the best way they know how. Even if they are in treatment, improvement may take some time to see.

5. Be Mindful of the Language You Use

Be mindful of the language you use when talking about OCD. Avoid using derogatory terms or making fun of the condition. Offhandedly saying something like “Oh, I’m so OCD when it comes to…” to flippantly describe a preference can perpetuate stigma and make the person feel misunderstood and undervalued.⁴

6. Help With Organization & Structure

People living with OCD often benefit from an organized environment. Be mindful of not disrupting their living space or organizational systems. Helping to think of ways to reduce stress by establishing structure can be a way to show your support. However, do not go so far as to participate in an organizational compulsion if that is what is present.

7. Learn Their Triggers & Patterns

Pay attention to the person’s triggers and patterns associated with their OCD. By understanding their unique challenges, you can help them manage difficult situations or avoid those situations that may trigger compulsive behaviors. You can also be prepared when encountering a triggering situation with them, and anticipate how you may support them.

8. Follow Through With Support

Be intentional about offering support where you are actually able to. Letting someone with OCD know you are there for them when things get difficult and actually being there when they need you goes a long way. This can provide the encouragement they may need to continue treatment or make changes they need to make.

9. Offer Reassurance & Encouragement Without Enabling Them

Provide positive reinforcement and remind the person that their efforts to manage their OCD are commendable. Someone in treatment will often receive exposure therapy for OCD, which involves facing feared situations or triggers. Offer words of encouragement when they face such challenges, but if they are compulsively asking for reassurance from you, consider telling them that you won’t oblige these behaviors.

10. Listen To Them

Create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings and concerns. Actively listen and show genuine interest in what they are going through, and try to seek understanding. OCD is a widely known but often misunderstood and isolating condition, so having a friend to talk to that will not judge them is important.

11. Seek Out Helpful Resources

Sometimes information and online OCD resources can be helpful, especially when the diagnosis is new or it is early in treatment. Online treatment options like NOCD can be helpful places for those who don’t know where to start.

What Not to Do When Helping Someone With OCD

It is important to know what not to do and what not to say to someone with OCD. Try not to minimize someone’s experience with OCD, make fun of compulsions, or judge them negatively for having this condition. Even mistakes made with good intentions can be harmful in ways.

Here are some things to avoid when supporting someone with OCD:

Avoid Enabling or Participating In Their Behavior

Understand what their compulsions are and find ways to avoid reinforcing them. Some examples may include helping to clean excessively if they have a cleaning compulsion, adjusting your schedule unreasonably to accommodate their desire to act on a compulsion, or trying to rescue or reassure them when they are seeing validation in an obsession.

True support does not reinforce maladaptive patterns, but gently challenges them. It may mean setting boundaries with schedules remaining firm and them facing real consequences for choosing to act on compulsions, or being realistic about requests for validation around their obsessions.

Avoid Over Protecting Them

Engaging in avoidance behaviors can be unhelpful when it comes to helping a loved one with OCD. While it is ok to set up reasonable structure or organization, avoiding situations entirely where they may encounter a trigger can be a preventative compulsion in itself. This can look like avoiding discussions about OCD, not acknowledging the compulsions witnessed, or inconveniently avoiding social situations or crowded places.

Avoid Assuming You Know What Is Best For Them

Each person’s experience with OCD is unique. Avoid assuming you know the best course of action or treatment for them. Instead, ask them about their OCD and how it affects them. Be honest about how it may affect you. Encourage them to seek professional guidance.

Don’t Continuously Monitor Them

Being supportive is important, but avoid constantly monitoring or checking on their rituals or compulsions. This can contribute to a sense of being constantly watched or judged and communicates a lack of trust. If you’re curious about how they are doing with addressing their compulsions, ask them.

Don’t Offer Constant Reassurance

Offering reassurance in response to someone’s distress is a natural response, but this can be counterproductive with someone living with OCD if it is done or requested constantly. Giving in to offering constant reassurance can reinforce obsessions and perpetuate anxiety.

Don’t Minimize Their Experience With OCD

Avoid dismissing, making fun of, or downplaying their struggles or symptoms. OCD can be a profoundly distressing condition and the obsessions and associated compulsions impact the person’s life significantly. Knowing someone is supportive and will take them seriously when they need to talk about what they are going through is important.⁴

When to Seek Professional Help

When the person’s OCD symptoms significantly impair their ability to engage in daily activities, disrupt relationships, or pose a risk to their well-being or that of others, professional intervention becomes paramount. Things to look out for include warning signs of suicide in your loved one, threats of harm, significant disruption of career, school, or relationships, among other factors.

A mental health professional specializing in OCD can provide an assessment, diagnosis, and treatment options tailored to address the unique challenges of OCD. An online therapist directory is a good place to start looking for a therapist. If the person seeking treatment has health insurance coverage for mental health treatment, contacting the insurance provider for a list of in-network providers in the area is another excellent starting point.