Self-Soothing: What it is, Benefits, & Techniques to Get Started

What Is Self-Soothing?

While it’s believed that the ability to self-soothe develops in early childhood from the internalization of comforting experiences, even people who didn’t naturally develop self soothing techniques during childhood can learn with deliberate strategies.² That being said, many struggle with self-soothing for a number of reasons. They may believe that they are not deserving of these strategies, that self-soothing is ‘shameful’, or that others should be responsible for soothing them. Alternatively, they may overuse self-soothing strategies, which can develop into patterns of long-term emotional avoidance.¹

Is Self-Soothing Effective?

Self-soothing has numerous benefits. First, this practice activates the parasympathetic nervous, helping to decrease symptoms of anxiety, stress, and panic.¹ Because of this, self-soothing has the potential to slow impulsive urges; increase tolerance of pain and distress; decrease physical discomfort; and redirect one’s focus to the present moment. These effects may prevent a person from taking actions that make their current situation worse.^1,3 Furthermore, self-soothing reduces one’s vulnerability to future negative emotions.

When used as part of a treatment plan, self-soothing has additional benefits. For example, those in treatment for PTSD may experience enhanced tolerance to exposure therapy.⁴ When used in couple’s therapy, self-soothing may help restructure emotional bonds.⁵

Self-soothing techniques are beneficial in that they:

• Slow impulsive urges¹
• Decrease symptoms of anxiety, stress, and panic
• Increase one’s ability to tolerate pain and distress¹
• Increase one’s ability to focus on the present moment
• Decrease physical discomfort³
• Reduce vulnerability to intense unwanted emotions¹
• Enhance tolerance of exposure therapy for those in treatment for PTSD ⁴
• Help restructure emotional bonds when practiced with a partner⁵
• Increase insight into emotional experiences

Self-soothing techniques are meant to be used in moments of distress or emotional discomfort; when acting on impulses may be harmful; when distraction from emotions may be beneficial; or when problem solving isn’t possible, despite the desire to fix one’s problems now.

It’s worth noting that when used in excess, self-soothing may become an avoidance behavior. For example, if someone practices self-soothing by lying under a heated blanket for hours every time they feel an unwanted emotion, they likely aren’t engaging in life in healthy or productive ways. Self-soothing strategies are meant to be short-term, temporary tools to allow a person to overcome difficult situations and negative emotions.

The following are 13 self-soothing techniques to help you cope with anxiety and other unwanted emotions:

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique in which a person tenses muscle groups; notices the sensation of tension; relaxes the muscles by relieving the tension; and then pays attention to the sensations as the muscle tension gradually diminishes. This can be practiced in isolated muscle groups, or in multiple groups from head to toe (or vice versa). As it’s practiced, the nervous system switches from the stress response into a relaxation state, thus slowing one’s breathing and heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and decreasing the production of stress hormones.⁶

2. Autogenic Training

Autogenic training is a relaxation technique that encourages a person to direct statements from their mind to their body to generate sensations of warmth, heaviness, and calm.³ This practice helps teach your mind and body to work together to become calm and relaxed on demand. This can be done with statements such as, “My forehead is relaxed and cool” or “My arms are growing heavy.” To start using this technique, you can find scripts online or through smartphone apps. However, it’s worth considering working with a professional who can guide you.

3. Listen to Music, Calming Sounds, or White Noise

Another self-soothing method is listening to music, calming sounds (such as crickets, rain, or passing cars), or white noise. Press play on your choice of sound and focus your attention on the sound in general or to one aspect of it. For example, if you are listening to a song, you may choose to focus on either the instrumentals or lyrics, or alternate between them. If or when your mind wanders, redirect your attention back to the sound.

4. Practice 5-4-3-2-1

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique involves alternating one’s attention between their five senses. To practice this, find a comfortable position and focus your attention on five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Repeat as many times as needed. This strategy is particularly helpful for those who struggle to focus their attention on one thing for an extended period of time. Alternating between the senses helps you stay engaged in self-soothing and disengaged from unwanted thoughts, feelings, or impulses.

5. Describe an Object Using Only Facts

Focus your attention on any object you can see, and describe it nonjudgmentally. Imagine you choose a flower. You may be tempted to describe it using words like “pretty” or “gross,” but these are judgments. Describe the object using only indisputable facts (e.g., “pink,” or “petals”) to keep your brain engaged with your sense of sight and distracted from judgments that may elicit unwanted feelings.

6. Mindfully Cook or Eat

For some, particularly those whose symptoms decrease their appetites, cooking or eating mindfully can be a helpful way to both self-soothe and nourish the body. To practice this, direct attention to what the food looks, smells, tastes, sounds, and feels like during every step of the cooking or eating process. Notice how the food changes depending on what you do with it, and how feelings in your body change before and after being satiated.

7. Practice Meditation

Meditation refers to a group of mind-body techniques that teach a person to focus their attention for a set amount of time. In this practice, many find that their thoughts are quieted by paying attention to something specific, such as their breath or a specific mantra. This can help redirect focus to the experience of being physically calmed and soothed.

8. Practice Breathwork

Breathwork is a self-soothing technique that works to reduce stress, anxiety, and other challenges by intentionally controlling how you breathe. In reconnecting to and focusing on your breath, you activate the parasympathetic nervous system, and can induce a sense of calm in your body. There are a number of ways to practice breathwork, including diaphragmatic breathing (fully engaging the stomach, abdominal muscles, and diaphragm when breathing) and square breathing (inhaling, holding, exhaling, and resting for four counts each).

9. Smell Something Pleasant

Using one’s sense of smell is a powerful way to practice self-soothing that has been proven to affect one’s mood.⁷ This can be done in a number of ways, including lighting candles, smelling essential oils, or burning incense. The benefit of this practice is that it can be done virtually anywhere. You may consider applying perfume to your wrist or keeping lotion in your purse or car while on the go. When you notice yourself experiencing unwanted emotions, focus your attention on the scent and redirect back to it when your mind wanders.

10. Practice Soothing Touch

Soothing touch involves feeling objects or sensations that increase a sense of calm, and reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.⁸ Examples of this include touching a blanket, petting an animal, taking a warm bath, or feeling a smooth rock. When unwanted emotions arise, focus your attention on what it feels like to touch the object of your choice. You may also achieve similar results by practicing soothing self-touch. For instance, you can try putting a hand on your heart or cheek, giving yourself a hug, stroking your arm, or giving yourself a hand or foot massage.

11. Do a Body Scan

Body scans redirect one’s focus to the present experiences of your breath and of your body.^1,9 This helps relieve the mind of thoughts about the past or future. This method can be practiced using a guide or on one’s own, and involves noticing how the body feels. Do this by moving your focus from the crown of your head down to your toes (or vice versa). It can help to sit or lie in a comfortable position and imagine a stream of light hitting each part of the body as you move through certain areas.

12. Use Cold Temperature

Cold temperatures activate the parasympathetic nervous system, and quickly reduce physiological and emotional arousal. To self-soothe in this way, consider putting a cold compress over your eyes, taking a cold shower, putting your face in front of your car’s air conditioning, or holding ice cubes.¹ It’s worth noting that this strategy is not appropriate for individuals with any heart disorder, as it decreases heart rate rapidly.

13. Stretch or Practice Yoga

Stretching or practicing yoga is a physical form of self-soothing that shifts one’s focus from their thoughts and feelings to their body.¹⁰ Guided exercises are particularly helpful in that focusing attention on oftentimes neglected parts of the body may help increase awareness of them in your daily life.

How Therapy Can Help

It may be helpful to speak with a therapist if you would like to practice self-soothing, but aren’t sure where to start. If you are already practicing, but not experiencing decreased symptoms, or you’re using methods in excess, seeking therapy can also be beneficial.

Self-soothing alone may not address certain symptoms or experiences. In these cases, more specific therapy—such as therapy for anxiety—may be beneficial. These can help you learn other coping skills beyond self-soothing to mediate symptoms and improve your quality of life. When looking for a therapist, consider working with a behavioral therapist, such as someone who practices CBT or DBT. Using an online therapist directory can help simplify the process.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety, impulsivity, and unwanted emotions may feel hard to manage, but self-soothing techniques are a great way to cope with them in the short-term. For long-term relief, consider reaching out to a mental health professional to explore other therapeutic options.