How to Leave a Cheating Husband You Love: 8 Tips from a Therapist

Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?

Not every person who discovers their spouse has cheated wants or needs to leave their spouse, but many do. Many find that infidelity is an absolute game changer. If they discover that their partner has been unfaithful, as far as they are concerned, the relationship is over. They feel so betrayed that they simply cannot get over it. It has permanently affected their feelings for their partner and the relationship in general.

Others find that, with time, they are able to regain trust in their partner and move forward in the relationship. It is completely up to each individual to make the difficult decision whether they stay in the relationship or end it.

Your decision for when to leave after infidelity may depend on whether you suspect your partner has cheated one time or is a serial cheater. If he is a serial cheater, the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” may be accurate for him and the chances are strong that he will never change.

How to Leave a Cheating Husband You Still Love After Infidelity

Leaving a cheating husband you still love is a painful but necessary step when trust is broken beyond repair. The betrayal cuts deep, and moving forward may seem overwhelming, but taking action is the key to reclaiming your peace. Start by acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and making a plan. Consulting an attorney and preparing for the transition emotionally, financially, and logistically—will help you take the first steps toward a healthier future.

If your husband swears he will never cheat again and you believe him, the question becomes: can you truly forgive him? Unfortunately for many, once infidelity has become part of the relationship, it is very difficult to move forward without anger and resentment continuing to pollute the relationship. And once someone has cheated, it is difficult to not live in fear that it will happen again. If deep down you know the trust is broken beyond repair, even if the infidelity was a one-time mistake, trust your instincts and walk away.

Here are eight tips for leaving a cheating husband after infidelity occurs:

1. Keep a Journal

Because the decision to give your partner another chance or end the relationship is such a difficult one, journaling for your mental health can help you gain some clarity. And because you may be too embarrassed to talk about the situation with friends or family, writing down all your concerns, fears and other feelings can feel like talking to a good friend. Also, expressing your emotions can be a good way to process the experience.

Another benefit of journaling is that you can have a record of the feelings you experienced due to the lying and betrayal, as well as any evidence you discovered. Reading what you have written can help you when you are feeling confused or weak.

Below are some journaling prompts to help you get started:

• How do you feel about your partner right now?
• Are you overwhelmed with anger? If so, what aspect of infidelity makes you the most angry?
• Do you feel betrayed by your partner? If so, write about why the infidelity feels like such a betrayal.
• What do you wish you could say to your partner right now?
• Do you believe you can ever forgive your partner?
• Do you feel you can ever trust your partner again?

2. Create a Safety Plan

Just as victims of domestic violence are advised to prepare for their exit by creating a safety plan, often those who are planning on getting a divorce or ending a romantic partnership with a cheater can benefit from such a plan as well.

The following advice will guide you through the process of creating a safety plan:

• Be cautious: If your partner was willing to cheat, they may also hide money, seek full custody, or demand alimony. Prepare for unexpected challenges.
• Keep your plans private: Avoid tipping off your partner before taking legal steps. They could hide assets or hire a top attorney before you act.
• Gather evidence: Collect proof of infidelity (e.g., credit card receipts, messages), financial records, and important legal documents (e.g., home deeds, birth certificates).
• Find a strong attorney: Look for a family law specialist. If cost is a concern, ask about ways to reduce fees, such as handling document copies yourself.
• Secure your finances: Open a personal account and transfer half of liquid assets. Cancel joint credit cards to prevent financial manipulation.
• Consider a forensic accountant: If you suspect hidden assets, a professional can help uncover missing funds.
• Limit contact: If safety is a concern, avoid direct communication. Use email for necessary discussions about children or finances. Seek legal advice for protection if needed.
• Stay committed to your decision: Doubts are natural, but trust yourself. If you begin to waver, revisit your journal and evidence to reaffirm your choice.

3. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

You’ll need time to grieve, to recover from the wounds of being betrayed, and time to discover who you are outside your relationship. Some believe there are several stages of grief after divorce to work through. Resist jumping right into a new relationship due to your fear of being alone. Those who take the time to heal and to rediscover themselves are much less likely to enter another negative relationship.

4. Surround Yourself With Support

Even though it can be incredibly embarrassing to tell your friends and family why you are seeking a divorce, you need all the support you can get. If you don’t want advice or opinions as to whether you should forgive your husband or not, tell your friends and loved ones you just want them to listen to you and offer support and comfort. You can also try to find an online support group for those who have been cheated on or for newly separated people. And this might be the time to find a psychotherapist if you don’t already have one.

5. Find Ways to Reconnect With Your Old Self

Many people tend to lose themselves in their romantic relationships, especially women. This includes losing touch with friends, giving up hobbies and sports, dropping out of classes, and not focusing enough on yourself. Now is the time to re-engage with friends and hobbies and begin to focus on your own needs.

6. Learn to Process Your Emotions in a Healthy Way

After infidelity, emotions can be overwhelming and unpredictable. You might feel sadness, anger, relief, guilt, or even moments of hope. Instead of pushing these feelings aside, acknowledge and process them

Ask yourself, “What do I need?” Or “What do I need to take care of myself?” A positive, healthy response would be, “Find a healthy way to release my anger,” versus something like, “Go flatten his tires.”

7. Make a List of Your Boundaries

Sometimes it’s helpful to clarify your limits to yourself. Write them down so they feel concrete and objective. Refer to them if you note yourself starting to question your intentions or if you want to default back to the comfort of the relationship. The goal is to have a tangible reminder that showcases your self-worth and outlines what you will and will not tolerate from others. This can help support you in your efforts to leave.

8. Figure Out Where You’ll Go

Before leaving, it’s important to logistically plan out your next steps. How can you secure temporary housing? Start by considering your immediate friends and family. If you can’t stay with them, look into a short-term rental or hotel. It’s okay if you don’t have the full plan ready right now. Most people don’t. But you should consider what you will need in terms of budget and location for at least a few weeks.

If you want to stay in your current home, consult with a lawyer to review your options. This will need to be considered within the official divorce proceedings. Marital home arrangements vary, and dynamics can become further complicated if you have children. In some cases, however, you can work out a temporary arrangement with your spouse in advance.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you find that you are unable to get over the betrayal, even after many months’ time, it would be a good choice to begin seeing a psychotherapist. Infidelity often makes women feel insecure and inadequate. She may question why her spouse would cheat on her, asking herself if she caused the infidelity because she wasn’t sexy enough, because she didn’t have enough sex with her husband, or whether she pushed him away in some way.

Cheating husbands are often good at placing the blame on their wives in order to avoid taking responsibility, in order to ease their guilty conscience, or to make themselves look good to the outside world, and this can further lower a woman’s self-esteem.  But women need to be reminded that they are not responsible for their husband’s cheating and a good therapist can help her understand this.

In addition, a woman who has been cheated on will likely be extremely angry and a good therapist can help her find healthy ways to release this anger instead of turning it on herself or being unable to let go of it.