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  • Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?
  • How to Leave After InfidelityHow to Leave After Infidelity
  • When to Seek Professional SupportWhen to Seek Professional Support
  • In My ExperienceIn My Experience
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources
Infidelity Articles Infidelity Signs of Cheating When to Walk Away After Infidelity Online Couples Counseling

How to Leave a Cheating Husband You Love: 8 Tips from a Therapist

Headshot of Beverly Engel, LMFT

Author: Beverly Engel, LMFT

Headshot of Beverly Engel, LMFT

Beverly Engel LMFT

With 35 years of psychotherapy experience, Beverly specializes in abuse recovery and relationship issues, using trauma recovery and psychodynamic techniques.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Headshot of Heidi Moawad, MD

Medical Reviewer: Heidi Moawad, MD Licensed medical reviewer

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Heidi Moawad MD

Heidi Moawad, MD is a neurologist with 20+ years of experience focusing on
mental health disorders, behavioral health issues, neurological disease, migraines, pain, stroke, cognitive impairment, multiple sclerosis, and more.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Published: March 20, 2025
  • Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?
  • How to Leave After InfidelityHow to Leave After Infidelity
  • When to Seek Professional SupportWhen to Seek Professional Support
  • In My ExperienceIn My Experience
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

Leaving a cheating husband is never easy, especially when you still love him. The betrayal cuts deep, yet walking away and taking the next steps—like consulting an attorney or filing for divorce—can feel just as overwhelming. Even when you know the relationship is over, moving forward may seem impossible. Taking the concrete step of seeking an attorney and officially filing for divorce can feel especially daunting.

Free Infidelity Worksheets

This collection of worksheets offers practical tools and exercises to help you recover after infidelity. Find the one you need or download them all here.

Infidelity Workbook
Complete Workbook Download
Identifying Trauma Triggers Worksheet
Identifying Triggers Download
Self-care inventory worksheet
Self-Care Inventory Download
How to Set Boundaries Worksheet
How to Set Healthy Boundaries Download
DBT PLEASE Skill - Fear of Rejection
DBT PLEASE Skill Download
Overcoming Shame - Fear of Rejection
Overcoming Shame Download
Identifying Your Emotions Worksheet
Identifying Emotions Download

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Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?

Not every person who discovers their spouse has cheated wants or needs to leave their spouse, but many do. Many find that infidelity is an absolute game changer. If they discover that their partner has been unfaithful, as far as they are concerned, the relationship is over. They feel so betrayed that they simply cannot get over it. It has permanently affected their feelings for their partner and the relationship in general.

Others find that, with time, they are able to regain trust in their partner and move forward in the relationship. It is completely up to each individual to make the difficult decision whether they stay in the relationship or end it.

Your decision for when to leave after infidelity may depend on whether you suspect your partner has cheated one time or is a serial cheater. If he is a serial cheater, the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” may be accurate for him and the chances are strong that he will never change.

How to Leave a Cheating Husband You Still Love After Infidelity

Leaving a cheating husband you still love is a painful but necessary step when trust is broken beyond repair. The betrayal cuts deep, and moving forward may seem overwhelming, but taking action is the key to reclaiming your peace. Start by acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and making a plan. Consulting an attorney and preparing for the transition emotionally, financially, and logistically—will help you take the first steps toward a healthier future.

If your husband swears he will never cheat again and you believe him, the question becomes: can you truly forgive him? Unfortunately for many, once infidelity has become part of the relationship, it is very difficult to move forward without anger and resentment continuing to pollute the relationship. And once someone has cheated, it is difficult to not live in fear that it will happen again. If deep down you know the trust is broken beyond repair, even if the infidelity was a one-time mistake, trust your instincts and walk away.

Here are eight tips for leaving a cheating husband after infidelity occurs:

1. Keep a Journal

Because the decision to give your partner another chance or end the relationship is such a difficult one, journaling for your mental health can help you gain some clarity. And because you may be too embarrassed to talk about the situation with friends or family, writing down all your concerns, fears and other feelings can feel like talking to a good friend. Also, expressing your emotions can be a good way to process the experience.

Another benefit of journaling is that you can have a record of the feelings you experienced due to the lying and betrayal, as well as any evidence you discovered. Reading what you have written can help you when you are feeling confused or weak.

Below are some journaling prompts to help you get started:

  • How do you feel about your partner right now?
  • Are you overwhelmed with anger? If so, what aspect of infidelity makes you the most angry?
  • Do you feel betrayed by your partner? If so, write about why the infidelity feels like such a betrayal.
  • What do you wish you could say to your partner right now?
  • Do you believe you can ever forgive your partner?
  • Do you feel you can ever trust your partner again?

2. Create a Safety Plan

Just as victims of domestic violence are advised to prepare for their exit by creating a safety plan, often those who are planning on getting a divorce or ending a romantic partnership with a cheater can benefit from such a plan as well.

The following advice will guide you through the process of creating a safety plan:

  • Be cautious: If your partner was willing to cheat, they may also hide money, seek full custody, or demand alimony. Prepare for unexpected challenges.
  • Keep your plans private: Avoid tipping off your partner before taking legal steps. They could hide assets or hire a top attorney before you act.
  • Gather evidence: Collect proof of infidelity (e.g., credit card receipts, messages), financial records, and important legal documents (e.g., home deeds, birth certificates).
  • Find a strong attorney: Look for a family law specialist. If cost is a concern, ask about ways to reduce fees, such as handling document copies yourself.
  • Secure your finances: Open a personal account and transfer half of liquid assets. Cancel joint credit cards to prevent financial manipulation.
  • Consider a forensic accountant: If you suspect hidden assets, a professional can help uncover missing funds.
  • Limit contact: If safety is a concern, avoid direct communication. Use email for necessary discussions about children or finances. Seek legal advice for protection if needed.
  • Stay committed to your decision: Doubts are natural, but trust yourself. If you begin to waver, revisit your journal and evidence to reaffirm your choice.
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3. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

You’ll need time to grieve, to recover from the wounds of being betrayed, and time to discover who you are outside your relationship. Some believe there are several stages of grief after divorce to work through. Resist jumping right into a new relationship due to your fear of being alone. Those who take the time to heal and to rediscover themselves are much less likely to enter another negative relationship.

4. Surround Yourself With Support

Even though it can be incredibly embarrassing to tell your friends and family why you are seeking a divorce, you need all the support you can get. If you don’t want advice or opinions as to whether you should forgive your husband or not, tell your friends and loved ones you just want them to listen to you and offer support and comfort. You can also try to find an online support group for those who have been cheated on or for newly separated people. And this might be the time to find a psychotherapist if you don’t already have one.

5. Find Ways to Reconnect With Your Old Self

Many people tend to lose themselves in their romantic relationships, especially women. This includes losing touch with friends, giving up hobbies and sports, dropping out of classes, and not focusing enough on yourself. Now is the time to re-engage with friends and hobbies and begin to focus on your own needs.

6. Learn to Process Your Emotions in a Healthy Way

After infidelity, emotions can be overwhelming and unpredictable. You might feel sadness, anger, relief, guilt, or even moments of hope. Instead of pushing these feelings aside, acknowledge and process them

Ask yourself, “What do I need?” Or “What do I need to take care of myself?” A positive, healthy response would be, “Find a healthy way to release my anger,” versus something like, “Go flatten his tires.”

7. Make a List of Your Boundaries

Sometimes it’s helpful to clarify your limits to yourself. Write them down so they feel concrete and objective. Refer to them if you note yourself starting to question your intentions or if you want to default back to the comfort of the relationship. The goal is to have a tangible reminder that showcases your self-worth and outlines what you will and will not tolerate from others. This can help support you in your efforts to leave.

8. Figure Out Where You’ll Go

Before leaving, it’s important to logistically plan out your next steps. How can you secure temporary housing? Start by considering your immediate friends and family. If you can’t stay with them, look into a short-term rental or hotel. It’s okay if you don’t have the full plan ready right now. Most people don’t. But you should consider what you will need in terms of budget and location for at least a few weeks.

If you want to stay in your current home, consult with a lawyer to review your options. This will need to be considered within the official divorce proceedings. Marital home arrangements vary, and dynamics can become further complicated if you have children. In some cases, however, you can work out a temporary arrangement with your spouse in advance.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you find that you are unable to get over the betrayal, even after many months’ time, it would be a good choice to begin seeing a psychotherapist. Infidelity often makes women feel insecure and inadequate. She may question why her spouse would cheat on her, asking herself if she caused the infidelity because she wasn’t sexy enough, because she didn’t have enough sex with her husband, or whether she pushed him away in some way.

Cheating husbands are often good at placing the blame on their wives in order to avoid taking responsibility, in order to ease their guilty conscience, or to make themselves look good to the outside world, and this can further lower a woman’s self-esteem.  But women need to be reminded that they are not responsible for their husband’s cheating and a good therapist can help her understand this.

In addition, a woman who has been cheated on will likely be extremely angry and a good therapist can help her find healthy ways to release this anger instead of turning it on herself or being unable to let go of it.

In My Experience

“I have worked with those who have chosen to stay together after an infidelity and those who have ended their relationship. What I have found with those who chose to stay in the relationship is that rebuilding trust and forgiving someone for cheating are both tall orders. It takes time to rebuild trust and it can try the patience of both partners when they realize that the trust is just not there. Partners who have been cheated on will tend to become impatient with themselves thinking they should be past it by now, and the unfaithful partner may begin to feel they are constantly being punished for the past and that they are not being given a chance to prove themselves.

Those who choose to end the relationship will often second-guess themselves, wondering whether they made the right decision. Many will suffer from guilt and remorse when their children express anger at them for leaving their father or if their children go through a period of depression due to the breaking up of the family. Therapy can help with all of this.”

Headshot of Beverly Engel, LMFT Beverly Engel, LMFT

Frequently Asked Questions

How Do You Emotionally Detach From a Cheating Husband?

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You may not be able to emotionally detach right away, especially if you still love your husband. Ending a marriage is incredibly painful and recovering from infidelity is challenging and multilayered. You will need time and support to heal. You will also need to practice self-compassion during this tender process.

Instead of focusing on emotionally detaching, aim to just logistically detach for now. This means limiting contact as much as possible. Don’t speak about emotional content when you do need to communicate. Focus on looking after your own needs and prioritizing your children or other significant relationships. And let others help you- this is the time where connection truly matters.

How to Leave a Cheating Husband You Love Infographics

Should You Leave a Cheating Husband?  How to Leave a Cheater After Infidelity tips for leaving a cheating husband

Update History

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

March 20, 2025
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Edited for readability and clarity. Added “Make a List of Your Boundaries”, “Figure Out Where You’ll Go”, “How Do You Emotionally Detach From a Cheating Husband?”  New material written by Nicole Arzt, LMFT and medically reviewed by Rajy Abulhosn, MD. Added Infidelity Worksheets.
July 7, 2023
Author: Beverly Engel, LMFT
Reviewer: Heidi Moawad, MD
Show more Click here to open the article update history container.

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Additional Resources

To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, ChoosingTherapy.com has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. ChoosingTherapy.com is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Whether you’re feeling uneasy in your relationship, trying to rebuild trust, or working on forgiveness – a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp will ask you about the things you want to work on and what you’re looking for in a therapist. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Visit BetterHelp

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