Are you wondering if your partner’s infidelity is more than a one-time mistake? Serial cheaters don’t just slip up once—they make betrayal a habit, hurting partners repeatedly while dismissing the emotional fallout. Serial cheaters display key personality differences as compared to non-cheaters and often struggle with impulse control and personal accountability. Some experience guilt, but others show little or no remorse. While it is difficult for serial cheaters to change, with the right steps and intentions, it is possible.
What Is a Serial Cheater & How Can You Spot One?
Although there isn’t a distinct psychological definition for serial cheating, it usually refers to a chronic pattern of relationship infidelity. Research shows that cheating can indeed repeat itself over the lifespan. In fact, people who cheat on a previous partner are three times more likely to cheat on their next partner.1
While statistics on infidelity can be vague and inconsistent, likely because people may underreport, research shows that upwards of 20% of men and 13% of women have cheated on their spouses. Interestingly, infidelity peaks during middle and late age (men in their 70s and women in their 60s).2 Some people have heard the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” – in most cases, people are referring to serial or chronic cheating.
Are trust issues hurting your relationship?
You can rebuild trust with your partner, and improve your relationship. OurRitual combines expert-led sessions with science-backed digital exercises to improve your relationship on your terms. OurRitual starts at just $45 per week. Get 20% off your first month with code: choosingtherapy20
20 Signs of a Serial Cheater
Serial cheaters often act in predictable ways. However, these ways may not seem outwardly obvious at first. Moreover, even if you feel suspicious, you may want to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. That said, it’s important to know the common signs; while they don’t guarantee unfaithfulness, they may indicate deeper relationship problems.
Here are 20 common signs of a repeat cheater:
1. They Cheated Before
Infidelity can become a persistent pattern and may be the most obvious indicator of serial cheating. People are 2-3x more likely to cheat in relationships if they have cheated on their partners in the past.1 While the rationale for this phenomenon isn’t entirely understood, it’s probable that, instead of learning from past mistakes, cheaters might justify their behavior and find that it’s easy to duplicate again. They also may not have identified the reason for their infidelity, making it difficult to avoid repeating that behavior in future relationships.
2. They Have a Fear of Commitment
Commitment issues may come from trauma or a history of unhealthy relationships. These issues can trigger anxiety and avoidance, thereby leading some people to self-sabotage in their monogamous relationship. Their choice to cheat offers an escape plan, whether they are conscious of it or not. In some cases, especially for those who exhibit avoidance behaviors, people won’t even attempt to conceal their actions because they subconsciously hope their partner will find out and end things for them.
3. They Badmouth Former Partners
Serial cheaters are often cynical when it comes to previous relationships. They may blame former partners for being difficult or even “being crazy.” Instead of acknowledging their wrongdoings, they will justify that someone else’s actions drove them to behave that way. This, in a sense, can absolve them of residual guilt. It can also proactively paint their former partners as unreliable or untrustworthy, however, which can make it more difficult to recognize a history of infidelity.
4. They Become Very Secretive With Technology to Hide Their Infidelity
Serial cheaters often go to great lengths to safeguard their privacy. They may resist or outright refuse to give their partner access to their phone or computer.
Some secretive things they may do with technology include:
- Covering their phone when they’re around you
- Stepping out of the room to take phone calls
- Becoming defensive or anxious if you ask to use any of their devices
- Using passcodes or other control settings to keep their partner away
5. They Promise to Change
A serial cheater may confess their past history of cheating. But these disclosures are often coupled with grandiose explanations of how they’ve changed and intend to do better. Most of the time, they keep blaming external factors (like the other person) to excuse their behavior. Even if you feel skeptical, they insist that history will not repeat itself, and may provide a believable reason or excuse for you to believe them.
6. They Accuse You of Cheating
Serial cheaters may use projection to accuse you of cheating. A cheater rarely wants to admit their impulses or actions. And so, in the form of distraction, they will accuse their partners of engaging in unfaithful behavior.
7. They Shower You With Gifts
Some serial cheaters feel guilty about their actions. Most times, cheating partners don’t want to hurt you. To compensate for this uncomfortable feeling, they might lavish you with expensive items or unexpected surprises. Sometimes, the gifts come paired with an apology (if they’ve been caught in the act). Other times, they come randomly, which can further raise your suspicions.
8. They Don’t Talk About the Future & Avoid Commitments
Even if they present as committed, many serial cheaters can’t envision a long-term future with their partners. They avoid conversations about “taking the next step,” whether the next step is marriage, children, or moving in together. Sometimes, they will give excuses to try to rationalize their avoidance or procrastination.
9. They Are Preoccupied With Their Appearance
Serial cheaters may hyperfocus on their appearance if they’re looking to attract a new partner. You might notice this in subtle ways: they may spend more time working out, change their hair, or buy flattering new clothes. They might also start dressing significantly differently when they go out, which is often a telltale sign that they may be meeting up with someone else.
10. They Flirt Often to Keep Their Options Open
Serial cheaters may openly flirt with others in front of their partners. These flirty behaviors are most apparent in their nonverbal cues. For example, along with complimenting people frequently, they may also engage in physical touch, laugh often, and gently tease others.2, 3 If confronted, they often deny their behavior and insist they’re just being friendly. While couples have different boundaries around what is considered appropriate flirting, if you express discomfort or have a conversation about how this makes you feel and your partner continues to flirt with others, it shows that they prioritize their own fulfillment and pleasure above your boundaries.
Recovering from Infidelity or a Betrayal of Trust?
Individual Therapy – Whether you’re trying to move on or rebuild a relationship, a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Visit BetterHelp
Couples & Marriage Counseling – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Talkspace accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Learn More
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
11. Your Friends & Family Raise Concerns
Your loved ones may express concern about your partner with you. They may pick up on flirty or secretive behavior and tell you how they feel about it. Of course, it’s normal to dismiss them as being paranoid, particularly if you really care about your partner. But sometimes, friends and family detect the blindspots within interpersonal relationships.
12. They Cheated On You Before
Unfortunately, if your partner has cheated on you before, they are likely to repeat the behavior. This is true even if they insist it was a one-off incident or that they will never do it again. While people can change, your partner must take full accountability for what happened, identify why they cheated, and take the necessary steps to address the cause and rectify their behavior.
13. You’re Always Anxious
In healthy relationships, partners mutually trust one another. Even if you don’t have definitive proof, your intuition may pick up on suspicious behavior and may lead to you feeling anxious about your relationship. Having anxiety about your relationship doesn’t guarantee your partner is cheating, but if you feel like you can’t relax or feel safe in your relationship, it’s worth exploring the rationale.
14. An Ex Has Warned You About Your Partner
Sometimes, ex-partners will come forward and warn others about cheating behavior. Of course, you (and especially your partner) may dismiss their warnings as them being jealous or vindictive. As previously mentioned, your partner may have also made their exes seem untrustworthy. And while that may be true, it’s still important to consider what they have to say. They may be trying to prevent you from future heartbreak.
15. You’ve Caught Them Lying Before
Cheating entails a significant level of deceit, but that degree of lying doesn’t usually develop overnight. Instead, many cheaters engage in consistent white lies or manipulation to maintain their self-image. So, if you’ve caught them lying about other things before, there’s a possible chance you need to find out if your partner is lying about cheating.
16. They Present as Overly Charming & Use Charisma to Manipulate
Did your partner come across as incredibly charismatic and enticing when you first met? Did you feel like you fell in love extremely quickly? If so, you may be with a serial cheater. Many of them use charming manipulation tactics to draw your attention. They typically use those same tactics to attract partners outside of the relationship as well. If they’re having an affair, it is highly probable that they employ this–and all other tactics–on them as well.
17. They Bail on You at the Last Minute
Serial cheaters often juggle multiple relationships at the same time. They constantly wager their time to determine the best way to meet their needs. As a result, they can seem inconsistent and unreliable. Even if you have committed to certain plans, they have no problem canceling them if a better opportunity presents itself.
18. They Downplay Cheating to Normalize Their Behavior
Serial cheaters may downplay the effects of cheating in an attempt to normalize it within the context of their relationships. For example, they might make offhanded comments like, “nobody really stays faithful forever,” or, “Marriage is a scam.” With this strategy, they’re likely hoping that you will agree with them, further reinforcing their actions.
19. They Suddenly Ask for an Open Relationship
Open relationships can be healthy and advantageous for many couples. But if your partner spontaneously brings up the idea, you may need to explore it further–especially if they show other signs of suspicious behavior. They may be looking to excuse current infidelity or find a legitimate reason to be unfaithful to you. This is especially true if you feel pressured into accepting these new parameters, which should never be the case when exploring a relationship dynamic.
20. They’re Rarely Single, But Their Relationships Seem Superficial
Serial cheaters often crave comfort and attachment from others. Because they often feel insecure about themselves, they rely on others to enhance their self-esteem. As a result, they may hop from one relationship to the next. But, because they can’t fully lean into real commitment and trust, their relationships lack depth or may have a sense of depth that is manipulated by the cheater.
Recover, heal, and rebuild.
Infidelity can shatter your world. OurRitual combines expert-led sessions with science-backed digital exercises to improve your relationship on your terms. OurRitual starts at just $45 per week. Get 20% off your first month with code: choosingtherapy20
Serial Cheater Traits
Certain personality factors often coincide with serial cheating, such as narcissism, sociopathy, and problems with impulse control. These variables tend to be fixed and pervasive across the lifespan and they don’t usually just show up in relationships. For example, someone who cheats on their partner may also act unethically in society, take dangerous or inappropriate shortcuts at work, and otherwise justify harmful behavior.
Some common traits of serial cheaters include:
- Narcissism: Someone with narcissistic personality disorder displays high levels of arrogance and self-importance. They may cheat on their partners to feel valued and special, or whenever they feel neglected or unimportant.
- Vanity: Vanity may play a role in serial cheating. Cheaters may jump from person to person to gain admiration for their looks or achievements.
- Sociopathy: When dating someone with sociopathic tendencies you may find they often lie and don’t have empathy towards others. Therefore, they may feel bored in relationships and cheat on their partners without feeling remorse
- Low self-esteem: Low self-esteem can cause people to cheat. They may turn elsewhere for validation if they don’t experience enough of it in their current relationship.
- Severe trauma: Trauma is a precursor for unhealthy behaviors, like cheating. Someone with a history of trauma may also struggle with attachment in relationships.
- Flaky/inconsistent behavior: If someone is known for constantly moving on from one interest to the next or is flaky in other parts of life, they may be more prone to cheating in relationships.
- Poor impulse control: Cheating often coincides with poor impulse control and addictive tendencies. Serial cheaters may have issues with other similar struggles, such as compulsive gambling or substance use.
Can Serial Cheaters Change?
Serial cheaters can try changing their behaviors in a number of ways, including:
Figuring Out Why They Cheat
Insight is the first step towards sustainable change. It’s helpful to know why you do something if you want to change it. Someone understanding why they cheat offers a more precise roadmap for growth and healing. They can learn more about their motives through self-exploration or by working with a mental health professional.
Seeking Structured Support
Therapy, support groups, and 12-step meetings can all help serial cheaters change their ways. These resources provide non-judgmental support and guidance. Likewise, they offer a sense of accountability that can help people stay on track. Because support looks different for everyone, finding the best resources for your situation may require some trial-and-error.
Commit to Following Firm Boundaries
Setting boundaries helps you maintain trust and integrity within romantic relationships. If serial cheaters want to change, they must be willing to adhere to such limits. A boundary, for instance, could be allowing your partner to check your phone whenever they ask. Another boundary might be ending all communication with previous partners if it makes your partner uncomfortable.
How Does Serial Cheating Affect You?
Serial cheating often affects everyone in profound ways. Serial cheaters may sometimes be using defense mechanisms to rationalize their behavior, which is common in people with addictive behaviors, and may struggle with maintaining relationships and feelings of guilt without fully realizing why. For those who are cheated on, it can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and confidence. It may exacerbate preexisting mental health symptoms, and it can certainly increase interpersonal conflict within the relationship.
In addition, partners may also struggle with related symptoms of:
Serial Cheaters & Marriage
If you’re married to a serial cheater, you may feel conflicted about what to do next. Unlike other relationships, it’s logistically harder to leave a marriage. This is especially true if you have children. The prospect of divorce and navigating that associated change may feel overwhelming. But if you feel consistently resentful or disrespected, it may be time to evaluate your options.
When to Choose Couples Counseling Vs. Walking Away
In some cases, couples decide to try to resolve their issues in couples counseling. While serial cheating is a complex issue, marriage and couples counseling may help after infidelity. You may also find a couples therapy app like Our Ritual beneficial. Even if you decide to part ways, figuring things out through discernment or divorce counseling can help keep things amicable and civil.
Individual therapy can also help you cope. Find the right therapist who specializes in relationship issues and, if applicable, trauma-informed therapy. They can support you in processing your feelings, and they can also offer practical coping tools for your specific situation. You can use an online therapist directory or an online therapy platform to get started.
Whether You’re Trying to Move On or Rebuild a Relationship, a Licensed Therapist from BetterHelp Can Guide You.
BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you!
In My Experience
Frequently Asked Questions
What Is the Mindset of a Serial Cheater?
Interestingly, there are significant differences between how cheaters and non-cheaters see themselves and their partners when it comes to the Big-Five Personality Factors of Extroversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Emotional Stability, and Intellect-Openness. Compared to non-cheaters, cheaters rate themselves as more extroverted (defined as energetic, dominant, and sociable), more agreeable (defined as warm, trusting, and fair), more emotionally stable (defined as secure, relaxed, and even-tempered), and more intellectually open (defined as knowledgeable, intelligent, and complex) than they rate their partners.4 By contrast, non-cheaters rate their partners as equal to or higher than themselves on these same traits, reflecting a perception of more positive regard for their partners and greater connection with them.4
Beyond the Big-Five Personality Traits, the mindset of a cheater is often characterized by a lack of personal accountability; rather, they are likely to blame their infidelity on their partners or on their circumstances.5 They also are likely to judge the emotional harm or broken trust caused by their cheating as less severe while, somewhat contradictorily, tending to judge others who have cheated more harshly.5
Should I Stay With a Serial Cheater?
Deciding whether to stay with a serial cheater should be your personal choice based on your own feelings and circumstances. While deciding, it is important to understand that serial cheating is a behavior pattern that is more likely to repeat than to stop occurring. That does not mean it is impossible for a serial cheater to stop cheating, but it does mean you should consider the impact that their past actions have had on your emotional well-being and take a realistic accounting of the state of trust within your relationship. If your mental health is struggling and you are often feeling anxious or upset by your partner, it may be time to evaluate the health of your relationship. This is a good time to seek out couples therapy or individual therapy to either help you and your partner navigate recovering from infidelity and rebuilding trust or to help yourself decide what is best for your own future.
Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.
-
Knopp, K., Scott, S., Ritchie, L., Rhoades, G. K., Markman, H. J., & Stanley, S. M. (2017). Once a cheater, always a cheater? Serial infidelity across subsequent relationships. Archives of sexual behavior, 46, 2301-2311. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-1018-1
-
Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America (2018, January). Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved from: https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america.
-
Hall, J. A., & Xing, C. (2015). The verbal and nonverbal correlates of the five flirting styles. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 39, 41-68. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-014-0199-8
-
Orzeck, T., & Lung, E. (2005). Big-five personality differences of cheaters and non-cheaters. Current Psychology, 24, 274-286. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-005-1028-3
-
Warach, B., Josephs, L., & Gorman, B. S. (2019). Are cheaters sexual hypocrites? Sexual hypocrisy, the self-serving bias, and personality style. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(10), 1499-1511. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219833392
We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Edited for readability and clarity. Added “What Is the Mindset of a Serial Cheater?”, and “Should I Stay With a Serial Cheater?” New material written by Kalen D. Zeiger, PhD, LMFT, CCTP, CFTP, and reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD. Added worksheets for dealing with challenging relationships.
Author:Nicole Arzt, LMFT
Reviewer:Kristen Fuller, MD
Your Voice Matters
Can't find what you're looking for?
Request an article! Tell ChoosingTherapy.com’s editorial team what questions you have about mental health, emotional wellness, relationships, and parenting. Our licensed therapists are just waiting to cover new topics you care about!
Leave your feedback for our editors.
Share your feedback on this article with our editors. If there’s something we missed or something we could improve on, we’d love to hear it.
Our writers and editors love compliments, too. :)
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Whether you’re feeling uneasy in your relationship, trying to rebuild trust, or working on forgiveness – a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp will ask you about the things you want to work on and what you’re looking for in a therapist. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Visit BetterHelp
OurRitual – Infidelity can shatter your world. OurRitual combines expert-led sessions with science-backed digital exercises to improve your relationship on your terms. OurRitual starts at just $45 per week. Get 20% off your first month with code: choosingtherapy20. Visit OurRitual
Talkspace (Counseling For Overcoming Adultery) – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Talkspace also accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Get Started
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options
Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.
OurRelationship - Free Relationship Course
- Communication problems / too many arguments
- Emotional distance or lack of love
- Lack of trust or infidelity/cheating