How to Lower Sex Drive: 7 Tips for How to Reduce Libido

What Is Sex Drive?

Sex drive (or libido) refers to someone’s desire to engage in sexual behaviors, either by themselves or with a partner. Libidos can fluctuate in intensity, and they may evolve throughout someone’s lifespan. A low libido generally refers to a diminished sex drive, and a high libido may refer to an enhanced, frequent desire for sex.

Factors that influence your libido may include:²

• Age
• Hormonal levels
• Contraception
• Medication
• Medical concerns
• Drugs or alcohol
• Depression
• Stress and anxiety
• Relationship changes
• Fatigue

How Libido Works

Libido is complex and likely affected by various factors, including brain chemistry, hormones, age, learned behaviors, and culture. Testosterone, in particular, plays a significant role in libido. Both men and women have testosterone, but it’s the major sex hormone in males.³ That said, anyone can have a high libido at some point in their life.

However, sexual arousal looks different for men and women. Research shows that men are more likely to be sexually stimulated visually. Arousal can occur independently of a relationship. Women are generally less stimulated by erotic images but are more likely to be turned on by imagining specific kinds of relationships. That said, it’s important to avoid typecasting- arousal is a unique process that looks different for everyone.

Biological, psychological, and social factors that affect your libido include:

Biological Factors

Biology plays a significant role in shaping libido. Biologically, testosterone and estrogen help determine sex drive, and these hormone levels decrease over time. In addition, neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin regulate libido. Consequently, people taking medication that affect these hormones or neurotransmitters may notice sudden changes in their sex drive.

Psychological Factors

Psychological factors such as self-esteem, individual mental health issues, relationship problems, and sexual insecurity can all play a role in libido. The nature of these variables may shift over time, and certain treatments can also affect sex drive. With that, some people notice that their libido can dramatically change based on what’s occurring in daily life.

Social Factors

Social factors can include family changes, relationship changes (i.e. meeting someone new, moving in together, having a baby, getting married), job changes can all affect sex drive. Young people, in particular, are more likely to have a higher libido, so age can also play a role. Cultural norms regarding sexual expectations might also impact how someone internalizes sexual behavior.

Can Your Sex Drive Be Too High?

There’s no way to quantify a sex drive, and it’s challenging to determine what a “normal” libido even looks like. It’s also important to avoid arbitrarily sexual shaming anyone for experiencing desire. However, some people find their libido is disrupting their daily life or emotional well-being. At this point, it may be beneficial to further explore the concern.

Hypersexuality refers to an excessive frequency of sexual activity or intense, compulsive desire for sexual activity. This is also sometimes coined as sex addiction. People experiencing this concern often feel they can’t control their impulses and that they’re using/thinking about sex problematically. Compulsive sexual behavior often creates internal distress and may also lead to relationship issues.

Signs your sex drive may be too high include:

• Your sex drive interferes with your work, school, social life, sleep, or health
• Your sex drive affects your mental health
• You don’t feel satisfied no matter how much sexual activity you have
• Your sex drive consistently affects the quality of your relationships
• You feel ashamed of your sex drive or sexual activity
• You want to reduce sexual activity or desire but feel unable to do so
• You are engaging in dangerous or impulsive sexual activity to satisfy your desires

How to Reduce Libido

A high libido is not inherently problematic. However, some people feel their sex drive is too high, and they would like to manage it. Keep in mind that these strategies may take time and consistency to work. Try to be patient and practice self-compassion with yourself. If you have a partner, it can be helpful to include them in this process.

Seven ways to decrease sex drive include:

Define Your Goals

If you want to reduce your libido, it’s first important to establish what this goal actually means to you. Do you want to limit how many times you have sex each week or month? Are you quantifying this goal by the number of orgasms or time spent watching porn? Is this a collaborative goal that you’re sharing with a partner?

There’s no “right or wrong” answer, but it’s helpful to consider your current baseline versus where you want to be. It may also be beneficial if you make your goal defined and measurable, so you can better track your progress. Keep in mind that you may need to alter your goals along the way.

Dietary Changes

Some people believe that implementing certain dietary changes can impact your sex drive. Aphrodisiacs are spoken about more often, as these refer to specific foods or herbs intended to increase libido. Anaphrodisiacs allegedly lower sex drive. People have been using both aphrodisiacs and anaphrodisiacs via various herbal remedies for centuries.

It’s important to note that most dietary changes are not evidence-based. Instead, they’re spoken about more colloquially and may be more anecdotal. Only alcohol, which is a depressant, is demonstrated to interfere with communication between the brain and genitals. Over the long term, heavy drinking can coincide with a lower sex drive.⁵

Foods that may help decrease your libido include:

• Licorice
• Soy
• Red meat
• Fried foods
• Coffee
• Chocolate

Stop Drug Use

Certain drugs, including stimulants like prescription amphetamines, methamphetamine, and cocaine, are associated with higher sex drives. These drugs also dramatically lower inhibitions, which increases the risk of engaging in unsafe sex practices. If you have a substance use disorder, the withdrawal process can be challenging. You may need a professional setting to ensure a safe detox process.

Some people find that stopping drug or alcohol use completely diminishes their sex drive. This effect is generally temporary and may be part of post-acute withdrawal syndrome. It can also be a side effect of certain medications used to manage drug cravings. If this is a concern to you, speak to your doctor or psychiatrist.

Reassess Watching Porn

Porn use is incredibly prevalent, but it also represents a contentious issue in modern society. To complicate matters, research on porn shows that it can both increase or decrease sexual desire, and that it may be associated with sexual dysfunction, like porn-induced erectile dysfunction.⁶ Some people find that taking a break from porn affects their desire.

It may be worth trying to create boundaries around porn use (including type and frequency) to see if it makes a difference in your sex drive. You may find that you want to set limits on your overall consumption. Or you might decide that you need to avoid watching it altogether.

Seek Couples Sex Therapy

You and your partner may have mismatched libidos, which may be causing problems in your relationship. This dynamic isn’t anyone’s fault, but failing to address it can lead to resentment or engaging in actions that you might later regret (i.e. infidelity). Sex therapy can help you both collaborate on goals that focus on each other’s pleasure.

Sex therapy can also be beneficial if you two have different values about sex. This is common at any stage of a relationship, but ignoring it may create more tension. It’s common for couples therapists to focus on both sexual and emotional issues simultaneously- it’s typical for people to experience them together.

Seek Individual Therapy

Therapy can help explore underlying issues that may be affecting your sex drive. Some people turn to sex to cope/detach from other issues in daily life. Others have coexisting mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, or PTSD that impact their overall sex life. A therapist offers a supportive space for exploring your feelings and concerns.

When you start therapy, you and your therapist will talk about what’s going on in your life and establish your treatment goals. Your primary goal may be to reduce your sex drive, but other common goals include increasing self-esteem, increasing emotional intimacy in your relationships, or developing healthy coping skills to manage stress.

Try Support Groups

There are numerous peer-led and professionally-led in-person or online support groups for people looking to work on their sex addiction or other sexual concerns. Twelve-step groups include Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), S-Anon (support for loved ones), and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). These groups are peer-led, free, and modeled after the traditions implemented in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Many therapists also facilitate support groups for people looking to resolve sexual issues or improve their self-esteem. These groups may follow a specific curriculum, but they might also be more open-ended and process-oriented. Consider looking in your local area or online. Groups may be open (you can join at any time) or closed (you can join when the group opens up to new members).

When to Seek Professional Help for a High Sex Drive

You might want to consider therapy or sex therapy if you’re struggling with your sex drive. As mentioned, couples therapy can also be beneficial if you and your partner have mismatched libidos. In both cases, it’s important to find a provider who specializes in sex-related issues. Therapeutic fit matters, so you may need to try a few therapists before finding the right match.

Finding a therapist can sometimes feel like a daunting task. Consider asking trusted loved ones if they have any referrals or recommendations. You might also want to ask your health insurance to send you a list of in-network providers. Finally, you can use a professional therapist directory to get started- there are numerous in-person and online therapy options available.