I Convinced My Husband to Try Regain Couple’s Therapy

Convincing My Spouse to Try Regain Couples Therapy

My husband and I had been together for nearly 10 years and I decided that couples counseling was the right move for us. This came at a time of change in our lives, and I felt it would benefit us both as a couple and as individuals. My husband was hesitant and voiced many concerns about price, finding the right therapist for us, and how we would find the time to attend weekly sessions. It was now my job to convince him that this was a good step in our marriage.

Our Story

Recently, I changed jobs, and not only that; I shifted to an entirely different field after nearly a decade. While this change improved my overall mental health, it still came with a major adjustment period. Unfortunately, it also came with a pay cut and a loss of medical insurance. We both worked from home and had done so for many years, which we were both very thankful for.

But, this meant that boundaries were not always respected, and we found ourselves talking about work well after we were off the clock. Who wants to talk about work emails while you’re winding down for bed? That led me to think that therapy could improve our work/life balance. Likewise, I wanted to improve our communication and connection, and felt that therapy was a safe space to grow together.

In 2022, Matt and I opened our home to a teenage girl in foster care, hoping to contribute to the systemic issues we had encountered in our previous work with foster youth. Although we had decided against having biological children, we believed fostering was something we could manage. However, the experience quickly became overwhelming. Despite our best intentions, we soon realized we were neither equipped nor prepared to care for a teenager. The situation spiraled, affecting our sleep, finances, communication, and overall well-being, ultimately leading to her institutionalization due to severe behavioral issues.

The trauma of this experience lingered long after she left our home, casting a shadow over our mental health and relationship. Although things improved once she was gone, we have avoided discussing it, thinking it best to leave the past behind. Yet, deep down, I knew this unresolved chapter needed to be addressed for us to fully heal.

I knew that Matt would be harder to convince to start couples counseling, as he had been in many therapy sessions over the years for his individual growth and would likely see another set of therapy sessions as not useful.

I was correct, and when I approached Matt with the prospect of starting therapy, he was hesitant. His exact quote was that over the years he had participated in “enough therapy” and wasn’t sure if he had the bandwidth to sign up for yet another therapy service. Armed with the knowledge of the mental health field, it was my mission to convince my husband that couples therapy would not be a time-waster and that it would instead help us connect and communicate more during a transitional period in our lives.

Matt’s Concerns

Matt weighed in and voiced his concerns, all of which I completely understood and even echoed. How would we pay for therapy? We both spent many years working in mental health and knew that the cost of counseling could be expensive. We didn’t have health insurance, so we would be paying out of pocket, another concern Matt raised. He said that he was afraid that if we started couples therapy we would be hunting for issues and digging up emotions we had already worked through. Why look for problems when, overall, the relationship felt very solid?

He was also concerned that ruminating on the fostering experience would bring back bad memories. Likewise, he asked how we would fit in a weekly hour-long session each week when we were already so busy. He said that he was afraid that if we started couples therapy we would be hunting for issues and digging up emotions we had already worked through. He brought up some fair points, and even I began to question the need for couples therapy. I stuck with it, though, knowing deep down that this would be a beneficial experience for us both.

Convincing My Husband

Eventually, he came to agree that any couple can benefit from counseling, as there are always new things to learn about each other. He even agreed that the foster care experience needed a light to shine on it so we could heal and move on.

There were conditions though, rightfully. First, we would pick the therapist together and either of us could veto a therapist for any reason. We agreed to give it several sessions, to be authentic and active, and be honest with each other about how we were feeling throughout the process.

Our Conversation About Cost

How we would pay for couples therapy was one of Matt’s biggest concerns. Therapy can be very expensive without insurance, which we did not currently have. Since Regain does not accept health insurance, it seemed like the best option for us monetarily. In-person couples counseling would have cost us anywhere from $400 – $600 monthly, which was not feasible for our budget.

Since in-person services were not an option, I ended up applying for financial aid with Regain to try and mitigate the cash pay price.

With our income, we were able to get 10% off and ended up paying $288 per month for Regain. Both Matt and I were pleased with this price and felt that it would be sustainable for us if we added it to our monthly budget.

After reading Regain reviews, I found that the standard price for therapy with Regain runs couples anywhere from $260 – $360 per month, but that we could have used an FSA or HSA to pay for services. If you are looking for other options for couples counseling, read our full list of the best online couples therapy providers.

Why We Chose Regain

We ultimately decided on Regain for our couples therapy for several reasons. Matt and I had worked with BetterHelp in the past – Regain’s parent company – and knew they were only cash pay.

Since losing our health insurance, this seemed the most affordable way to go about couples counseling. We considered Talkspace, but ultimately found that without insurance, Regain was the best option monetarily speaking. Likewise, in my research of platforms, I found that Regain had a lot of therapists available and I figured this would decrease the amount of time it would take to be assigned a therapist.

As I’ve said before, we both work from home and have busy schedules outside of work. We needed something convenient, and all in-person options were either too expensive, too far away, or had a long waitlist. Online couples therapy seemed to be the best option for us, as it gave us the benefit of flexibility and easy scheduling.

Signing Up for Regain

Now that the hard part of convincing him was out of the way and Matt had agreed, we started the sign-up process. We were both home, sitting in our home office, when I downloaded the Regain app and started the intake. Matt let me take the lead, and I answered all the intake questions for us.

The Regain sign-up process was super easy and straightforward, with some demographic questions about age, gender, relationship status, and what brought us to therapy. The entire process only took about 10 minutes, from downloading the app to starting the therapist-matching process.

We both agreed that the gender or age of the therapist didn’t matter, but we both were adamant that we did not want someone religious, as we both have religious trauma we are addressing as well.

After signing up, I invited Matt to the chat room by adding his name, phone number, and email. He didn’t automatically accept the invite; it took him until the morning of the appointment to complete his portion of the sign-up. I knew that, despite agreeing to attend couples therapy, he was still having reservations about the entire thing.

Getting Matched With a Therapist

Once we signed up and paid for a month of services with Regain, the therapist-matching process began. Neither Matt nor I had any specifications for a therapist other than them being non-religious; gender or age did not matter to either of us. Regain sent us a message in the app saying that the matching process for a therapist could take up to 48 hours, but we were matched within 3. We were both disappointed that Regain didn’t allow us to choose our own therapist from a list of viable options but we were ultimately pleased with the background of the therapist we were assigned.

Our Regain Couples Therapy Sessions

We attended two sessions with our initial therapist but ended up changing therapists after the second session due to availability and overall fit. Overall, scheduling sessions was easy and the sessions themselves went smoothly and offered us a lot of good communication skills and coping techniques.

Scheduling Our First Regain Appointment

Shortly after being matched, our therapist sent us a message in the chat introducing herself, explaining policies at Regain, and sharing her availability. We then had access to the therapist’s calendar to schedule our first session.

This part of the therapy process felt a little overwhelming. Our therapist listed that her only working day was Wednesday, and this worried both me and Matt. Wednesdays are typically the days we take for outdoor time or running errands, making it less than ideal for a therapy session.

Thankfully, our therapist ended up sending us a message that she had opened a Monday session, which we promptly accepted. I was surprised by how quickly we were able to get an appointment. We started the process on a Friday afternoon and had an appointment scheduled for Monday morning.

Attending Our First Regain Appointment

Monday morning came and suddenly, I didn’t want to do the session. Matt didn’t either. Over our morning coffee, we both moaned and griped that we had scheduled this for an early morning, and Monday nonetheless! But, we powered through and joined the video call, with me on my phone with the Regain app and Matt on his laptop.

I was disappointed to see that the mobile app did not have a mute function on the call, forcing us to join from separate rooms in the house to avoid audio interference. We could have attended together on one device, but felt that it would be too physically cramped trying to squeeze into one screen.

I sat in the living room with one of our cats meowing at me the entire time during the call. Matt joined from the home office down the hall. Things got off to a good start when our therapist joined the video call on time, but I felt like she rushed through introductions, diving into solutions within the first ten minutes.

While she did ask preliminary questions about our household and relationship, I felt that she could have gotten to know our situation more in-depth before discussing coping skills and strategies. Overall, she was very kind and I felt comfortable discussing sensitive topics with her, but I felt the session lacked personalization.

Our therapist did, at the tail end of the session, ask us about religion, trauma, and our family dynamics outside of the marriage, but I felt rushed and had to give her the quick and easy version. Matt agreed and felt that the cadence was off.

Our therapist had gone over thought-noting, meditations, and how to avoid ruminating. She also reiterated to us many times that “bad days happen” and that it is okay if either of us is grumpy, though this wasn’t a concern of ours. The hour went by quickly, and I was left feeling like we hadn’t accomplished much. Both of us even forgot to bring up the foster care experience, and afterward decided that it was a conversation for a bit later on in therapy after more rapport was built.

Messaging with Our Therapist

Aside from live video sessions or phone call sessions, we did have the option to connect with our therapist via messaging in the app or on the desktop site. Our therapist was fairly active in the chat in the way of sending additional resources for us.

She had assigned us homework to complete a CBT thought log to take note of any negative thought patterns or ruminations. She also sent over other resources, which quickly became overwhelming due to the sheer volume. In the span of just a couple of minutes, our therapist sent us roughly 30 PDFs and exercises.

Matt, admittedly, was not active in the chat with our therapist and felt that he would just save anything he had to say inside our scheduled sessions. I did note that the chat was available for both me and Matt, and we would be able to see what the other person wrote to the therapist and the therapist’s response. We were fine with this, but it could be a major hang-up for other couples.

Scheduling Our Second Regain Appointment

After our first Regain couples therapy session, we scheduled a follow-up session for the next week. As noted before, our first therapist only had openings on Wednesdays, which made scheduling a bit difficult for us.

We opted for a phone session for the second session since scheduling a video call on that day would have been difficult. The process for scheduling was the same as the first session, easy and straightforward. We agreed that moving forward, if our therapist continued to only offer Wednesday appointments, or if future sessions went the same as the first, we would likely want to switch therapists, only adding to Matt’s reservations about the process.

Attending Our Second Regain Appointment

For our second appointment with our therapist, we were locked into a Wednesday session, as she had no other openings. Because of this, we opted for a phone session to avoid having to hop on a video call in the middle of one of our busiest days of the week.

Unfortunately, the platform brought up a video session at the time of our appointment, so we had to scramble to get set up on video. The therapist did offer to call us instead once we told her that it was supposed to be a phone call, but we were already a few minutes past our appointment time so we decided to stick it out with video.

During the session, our therapist went through a reality therapy activity around marital enhancements. She offered us some really wonderful ideas for date nights and ways to connect on a deeper level.

One of my only complaints – echoed by Matt – was that the therapist seemed almost stumped that we were not bringing a major issue to the table. She referenced couples that were on the verge of divorce or dealing with infidelity and abuse. Despite this though, our therapist was still very kind and I could tell she was trying hard to come up with material for us to review.

Again, she sent us some resources after our session in the chat, with the intent that we would be completing homework between our appointments. Overall, we found our therapist to be very warm and inviting, and she provided us with great tools for not only reconnecting with each other but also learning more about ourselves in the process.

Switching Our Regain Therapist

While both my husband and I enjoyed our first therapist, her availability made scheduling follow-up appointments with her difficult. While she did open up a Monday appointment for our first session, her openings were only on Wednesdays thereafter. Seeking openings on other days and times, we chose to change therapists. Likewise, we wanted someone who could take a deep dive into our relationship with us, building rapport before getting into solutions.

The process for this was very easy; I simply went to my account settings in the Regain app and selected “change therapist.” We were then asked why we were switching and what preferences (age, gender, religion, etc) we had for the new one.

I was pleasantly surprised that upon switching therapists, Regain let us choose our next therapist from a list. I consulted Matt with the therapists’ profiles and together we picked one that felt like a good fit for us.

Exploring Regain’s Extra Features

Aside from the weekly therapy sessions offered, Regain has other useful tools and features for both couples and individuals. These tools — journaling prompts and classes — helped Matt and I dive deeper into our relationship and goals for therapy.

Regain Journaling

My favorite part was the journaling feature. Historically, I have been terrible at keeping up with a journal, especially if I do not have prompts to help me along.

I was happy to see that Regain’s journal feature had prompts available, and I was even able to cycle through ones I did not like or did not feel were relevant. All of the journal entries were private, but I could choose to share them with my partner and therapist.

Regain Classes

Regain also offers classes, which are conducted by the therapists on the platform. The classes included a variety of topics such as skill building, relationships, wellness, anxiety and depression, trauma, grief, and more. I found that there was a wide range of meetings available each day and at different times, which was very convenient for our busy schedules.

I was particularly interested in the class called “Unnoticed Victims of Addiction,” which discussed the impact that substance abuse can have on friends and family members. My family’s drug addiction was one factor in my seeking out my own individual therapy. This was one part of the Regain experience that I did without my husband. While my family’s addiction issues were not a factor in our seeking out couples therapy, I knew that this was baggage I was bringing into the marriage.

The meeting was informative and worthwhile; all attendees were anonymous, automatically muted, and without a camera. The speaker, a therapist with Regain, went over some of the common experiences of those with loved ones who struggle with addiction, along with how to cope with those feelings of shame and sadness. Within the meeting, there was a chat function where attendees could share their thoughts or experiences.

What’s Next for Us & Regain?

After several sessions, two different therapists, and several journaling prompts, Matt and I feel that Regain really helped us set relationship goals and examine our coping skills both as a couple and as individuals. We were both impressed with Regain’s extra features and the platform as a whole served us well.

While each session we had was very beneficial, we decided to pause couples therapy for the time being. Thankfully, we were able to obtain health insurance, and will be finding a therapist in network to eventually continue with the work we started with Regain. It was nice walking away from Regain knowing that if we ever found ourselves in a situation without insurance, that we have Regain as an option for couples therapy.

Is Regain Worth It?

Regain was definitely worth it for my husband and I. After a few sessions, we felt that the monthly fee was well justified. Switching therapists was easy when we needed to do so for our schedules, and we both got a lot out of the sessions.

Who Would Benefit From Regain?

Regain Therapy best serves couples or those in polyamorous relationships. While Regain does offer individual sessions with one partner – if the other partner cannot or will not attend – it is best suited for those where all members of the relationship can participate. To know what to expect from couples therapy, read our guide on marriage and couples counseling.

Others who would benefit from Regain:

• Couples looking to try therapy together
• Couples without health insurance
• Busy couples that cannot attend in-person therapy
• Couples with limited access to in-person services
• Those seeking therapy without a medication management component

How Our Experience Lines Up With Other Regain Reviews

When exploring couples therapy options, I sought user reviews to see what other couples and individuals were saying. In my search, I found several Regain therapy reviews talking about the convenience and ease of signing up. Like mine and Matt’s experience, other couples cited that a drawback was the lack of availability for some of the therapists, and therefore having to switch several times to find a good fit.

Likewise, it was a common sentiment in other Regain therapy reviews that it was difficult to find a therapist that fit well. Several couples and individuals stated that they felt unheard by their therapists, along with feeling that the therapist did not respond fast enough in the chat. Thankfully, Matt and I did not have this issue and felt that each therapist we met with was empathetic and listened to us well.