Life transitions involve significant changes in roles, responsibilities, and routines, requiring you to adapt to new circumstances. Transitions can be positive, such as the birth of a child, or negative, such as the loss of a job. There are a variety of ways to cope with life transitions. Having a support system and maintaining self-care are two starting points for coping with major life changes.
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What Is a Life Transition?
Life transitions represent major shifts in your personal, professional, or social circumstances. They can be internal, such as a shift in your role from a single person to having a partner. They can also be external, such as a college graduation or a cross-country move. Major life transitions can also be a combination of both an internal experience and an external change.
Types of Life Transitions
Life transitions can be expected, unexpected, internal, external, forced upon you, or chosen by you. They may or may not be actual events that occur, but could also be anticipated milestones that remain unfulfilled.
Types of life transitions include:
- Anticipated: Anticipated changes are ones you expected, maybe even planned for. Applying to a new job across the country or graduating from high school are some anticipated life transitions that you have some control over and time to plan for.
- Unanticipated: Unanticipated life transitions are those that surprise you, where you don’t have a plan in place. These may include the death of a loved one or unexpected pregnancy.
- Non-event: Non-event transitions are when something you had anticipated did not come to pass, and it changes your roles, routines, or assumptions. Examples of non-event life transitions include not having children when you had always planned to or never marrying despite having anticipated doing so.1
Examples of Life Transitions
Life transitions are inevitable and can profoundly impact individuals. Some of the most common transitions include starting school or college, entering the workforce, getting married, becoming parents, and retiring. 19.4 million students attended colleges and universities in the fall of 2020, and nearly 2 million marriages occur annually.2,3 Additionally, the number of retirees is increasing steadily, particularly since the Covid-19 pandemic.4
Examples of life transitions include:
- Reaching a significant age: Milestone ages such as 18, the age of adulthood, or 65, the typical age of retirement can mark significant life changes.
- Moving in with a romantic partner: Sharing life with a partner can bring new and exciting energy to your life. It’s also a major shift from single living or with roommates as you begin to adjust your schedules and lifestyles to one another.
- Having an existential crisis: Experiencing an existential crisis, where you begin to shift your worldviews or values, could result in foundational changes in who you are.
- Having a child: Becoming a parent alters your sleep schedule, can change your work schedule, and comes with some identity change as you embark on the role of parent.
- Earning a promotion at work: Earning a promotion at work could signify a change in working hours or in lifestyle.
- Moving to a new area: Major moves result in new challenges, such as rebuilding your community and finding all new doctor’s offices, schools, and other necessities that were previously established.
- Career change: Depending on the nature of the career change, this could mean major changes in your life, including schedule, job duties, and how fulfilled you feel.
- Getting divorced: Untangling your life, legally and socially, from a previous partner can lead to many lifestyle changes. Your income may change, you may have to learn how to date again, and your friends may shift.
- Going to college: Often a symbol of newly earned adult independence, going to college usually means moving away from home and making all new friends.
- Loss of a family member: The loss of a parent, loss of a child, or even the loss of a pet is devastating and can spark an existential crisis or have you mired in grief that feels difficult to work through.
- Health challenges: Major diagnoses such as cancer or diabetes can result in an overhaul in lifestyle. Health challenges often come with financial difficulties as well.
- Losing a job: Financial changes such as job loss often result in lifestyle shifts to accommodate new income levels. Loss of a job can also propel you into something new you would never have given yourself the opportunity to try had you stayed in your previous job.
- Retirement: Retirement upends your schedule from what was perhaps a 9-5 to the freedom to spend your days in whatever ways you’d like.
- Empty Nester: Parents who have raised children and the children have now left the house might experience grief in having a quieter home, as well as excitement for what’s on the horizon for their children.
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Why Are Life Transitions So Hard?
Struggling with life transitions is common as they require adjusting to unfamiliar situations, which can be emotionally and mentally draining. Nearly all change brings grief and loss of what was familiar, even if the change is good. Transitions can cause uncertainty, anxiety, and can disrupt social connections and support systems, leading to feelings of isolation.
Characteristics that make life transitions difficult include :
- Being creatures of habit: We are creatures of habit, and life transitions can upend routines. Developing new habits takes time and patience.
- Grief is involved: Nearly all change brings grief along with it, even if the change is good. You still lose the old, familiar ways you once found comfort in.
- It requires new roles: Adapting to new roles and responsibilities is difficult. Life transitions don’t come with a manual, and it’s hard to discern exactly what your new role entails.
- It involves increased anxiety: In part due to the new roles, you may not know if what you are doing is right or enough. Practice patience with yourself as you adapt.
The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory
The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory ranks life events and gives each major one a score, with the larger events having a larger score. The higher one’s score, the more likely their health to break down in the near future.5 The inventory validates the stress of major life transitions by quantifying them and even by predicting worse health outcomes as a result of changes.
Benefits of Life Transitions & Change
Transitions provide opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, as they often require you to step outside of your comfort zone and adapt to new circumstances. As a result, life transitions can lead to increased self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment as you successfully navigate and overcome the obstacles that come with change.
The benefits of life transitions and change depend largely on what’s changing in your life. If the major change is the birth of a child, there can be joy in bringing a new life into the world, whereas with a loss, it is more challenging to find the benefits of that life change.
How to Cope With Life Transitions
There are many different ways to cope with life transitions, and everyone copes differently, so be patient with yourself. Developing healthy coping mechanisms is important because coping well can help make the changes smoother and more bearable.
Here are ten ways to cope with a life transition.
1. Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance focuses on accepting things exactly as they are without ignoring or avoiding them. Radical acceptance encourages you to actively acknowledge the situation as it is and move through the experience without trying to change it. It may help to practice behaviors you would engage in as if you had accepted the facts of your present circumstances while also allowing feelings of disappointment or sadness.
2. Grieve the Loss
Recognize that a major life transition can be challenging, and allow yourself to acknowledge the emotions that come with it. Even positive changes can include grief for what once was. Be patient with yourself, as grieving is not a linear process, nor is there a right or wrong way to grieve. Part of grief also includes giving yourself permission to move forward while honoring the memories of what once was.
3. Seek Support
Don’t go through the process alone – gather friends and family around you who can be a support system. Maybe they have experienced something similar, or maybe they’re going through this transition with you. Either way, comfort and reassurance sought through loved ones can encourage you. Consider finding a support group as a way of sharing your grief with others who have been through something similar.
4. Allow Yourself to Feel
Feelings during major transitions can be messy and unpredictable. Rather than stuffing your feelings down or constantly holding things together, allow yourself to feel the difficult feelings. Your feelings may be intense or conflicting, but they are all valid. Try not to judge yourself as you experience unexpected emotions, including anger, sadness, despair, guilt, or even numbness.
5. Engage in Self-Care
Prioritize self-care activities that foster your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This may include exercise, meditation, engaging in hobbies, getting enough sleep, and maintaining a healthy diet. You might even try expressing yourself through a creative outlet, including writing, music, or drawing. Try to avoid unhealthy coping tools such as excessive alcohol or substance use.
6. Set Realistic Expectations
Understand that major life transitions take time to adjust to, and it’s okay to have ups and downs during the process. Avoid putting excessive pressure on yourself and set realistic expectations for what you can achieve during this period. There may also be certain anniversaries or events that trigger strong memories and reactions. Be prepared for these moments and plan how you want to spend them, whether in reflection or by surrounding yourself with supportive people.
7. Create a Routine
Establishing a consistent routine can provide a sense of stability and security during times of change. Set up a schedule that includes regular activities, such as exercise, meal times, and mindfulness, to help anchor yourself amidst the transition. Break things down into smaller, more manageable steps in order to decrease the overwhelm you may feel.
8. Be Patient with Yourself
Allow for flexibility and growth, remembering that it takes time to adjust to major changes. New circumstances can be challenging, so be patient with yourself as you settle into your new normal. Allow healing and growing accustomed to new circumstances to happen at its own pace without trying to avoid the change or hurry it along.
9. Seek Therapy or Life Coaching
There are differences between therapy and life coaching. If the transition is particularly challenging or overwhelming or is interfering with your daily functioning, you may want to consider seeing a therapist who can provide guidance, support, and tools to cope with the changes you’re facing. A good counselor can help you find effective coping skills and a safe space in which to process your feelings. If you’re looking to reach new goals during this life transition, a life coach may be the professional you’re looking for.
10. Celebrate Progress
Acknowledge and celebrate your progress along the way. Each small step forward is an achievement worth recognizing, and appreciating it can boost your motivation and confidence to continue moving forward. Celebrating does not have to be extravagant but can be as small as treating yourself to a coffee or as large as planning a vacation.
When to Seek Professional Support
If you find the circumstances of your life transitions overwhelming, or you’ve exhausted your coping skills, it may be time to seek professional help. If your life transition includes an existential crisis, you may consider existential therapy. If the transition has more to do with careers or future-focused concerns, life coaching may be for you. Otherwise, in-person or online therapy are equally as effective. Using an online therapist directory or online therapy platform are both good choices for finding a therapist.
In My Experience
In my experience, some life transitions require more outside support than others. Some people can handle one type of life transition seamlessly, but another might feel completely overwhelming. If your circumstances feel insurmountable or you’ve exhausted your coping resources, I encourage you to seek professional support.
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