What Does It Mean to Be Skoliosexual?

What Is Skoliosexuality?

Skoliosexuality (sometimes spelled scoliosexuality) is used to describe the sexual orientation of people who are attracted to those who are transgender or non-binary. The term can be used in different ways by different people. For example, some skoliosexual people are also attracted to cisgender people, while others are not. This is because many people experience sexual fluidity, and sexual orientation does not have to be static.

As mentioned above, skoliosexual is a controversial term. The controversy stems from the meaning of “scolio,” which means “crooked,” “bent,” or “twisted,” and carries negative connotations.¹ Some have used the term negatively as a way to fetishize, sexualize, and objectify the transgender and non-binary community, putting trans people in danger. Because of this, many people use the terms ceterosexual or allotroposexual instead.

The term skoliosexual began as a way to be more inclusive of transgender and non-binary people. Many people now agree transgender and non-binary people deserve to be included in bisexuality, pansexuality, etc., because transmen are men, and transwomen are women. To single them out or exclude them only promotes the “othering” of transgender and non-binary people.

Skoliosexuality Vs. Bisexuality

Bisexual people experience sexual attraction to both sexes and genders. Their attraction can include people who are cisgender, transgender, or non-binary. Skoliosexual people tend only to have an attraction to transgender and non-binary people. They may or may not be interested in cisgender people; however, someone can be both skoliosexual and bisexual.

Skoliosexuality Vs. Pansexuality

Pansexual people are attracted to others regardless of their sex or gender. Pansexual people can be attracted to men, women, or neither, including transgender, non-binary, and cisgender people. Skoliosexual people are more likely only to be interested in those who are transgender and non-binary. But, once again, someone could be both, and this is okay!

Skoliosexuality Myths & Misconceptions

A common myth or misconception is that skoliosexual people can and will only ever be attracted to transgender and non-binary people, but this is not always the case. Sexuality and attraction do not have to be static or the same, and while some people may use a similar term to describe their sexuality and attraction, they can still have unique experiences.

Another myth is that skoliosexual can be used as a fetish term when it is meant as a descriptive term. A fetish refers more to someone’s interest in sex or a sexual relationship versus skoliosexual, a term to describe someone’s romantic and sexual attraction to another person. Since transgender and non-binary people are often highly fetishized on dating apps and in pornography, continuing this narrative is dangerous and dehumanizing.

What Do Skoliosexual Relationships Look Like?

Skoliosexual relationships will likely look like any other romantic or sexual relationship; however, there are some important things to discuss, like boundaries, pronouns, gender expression, preferred sexual practices, and safe sexual practices. It is also always important to speak about who the individual is and is not out to in their life so no one is “outed.” For many transgender and non-binary people, they feel more comfortable and safe being in a relationship with someone who is of transgender and/or non-binary experience, leading to greater relationship intimacy and comfort.

How to Know If You’re Skoliosexual

If you find you are more commonly attracted/drawn to those who are not cisgender, you might be skoliosexual. But, as mentioned above, this can look different for everyone.

Below are signs that you may be skoliosexual:

• You are more frequently attracted to gender-diverse people than cisgender people
• You tend to form romantic and sexual relationships with those who aren’t cisgender
• You feel more comfortable developing intimate relationships with genderqueer or gender-diverse people
• You don’t feel a strong connection romantically or sexually to those who are cisgender
• You find those who defy the gender binary to be sexy and attractive

How to Talk to Loved Ones About Skoliosexuality

You never have to come out to anyone unless you are ready. Also, you don’t have to label your sexuality; however, many people find a label helps them talk to those in their life. So how can a person come out to their loved ones?

The first step is to identify what being skoliosexuality means to you. How do you define it if someone asks? How can you describe how you feel? If it helps, you can compare skoliosexual to other sexual orientations.

Next, you can note what you’d like to say or practice what you’d like to say aloud. You can practice with a friend or solo, but having some “talking points” can be helpful before you have the conversation. If things get off track, you have these points to move back to. It never hurts to have resources handy, too. You could bring an article like this one or resources you found helpful when exploring your sexuality.

How to Support a Skoliosexual Person

Take steps to hear the person. Truly listen to what they are saying vs. listening to respond. Also, advocate for the person. If you are worried about them or notice their sexuality may place them in situations that are not accepted by others, prone to be a victim of violence, or at risk of struggling with their mental health; advocate that they seek help or help them get help.

Below are some ways you can support a skoliosexual person:

• Learn more about skoliosexuality. Many people are stuck being the educators of those in their life, but this can feel draining and frustrating. Doing the work to educate yourself shows the person you are committed to supporting them.
• Be an ally. Ally = action. Take steps to make the world a safer place for LGBTQ+ people. Speak up and out.
• Don’t only support the person when they are around. Take steps to support them even when they aren’t present.
• Use active listening techniques: Nodding, facing the person when they speak to you, paying attention to them, and summarizing what they say, all show that you are listening.
• Listen to hear versus listen to respond. This means hearing what the person tells you, not just thinking about what you want to say next.
• Admit if you need time to process what the person says. This shows you are listening and you recognize your reaction matters to them.
• Be willing to be wrong and make mistakes. Many people aren’t taught about sexual orientation and gender. It’s okay not to know, and it’s okay to make mistakes; what you do after learning through these mistakes is what matters.

Can Therapy Help?

Many people struggle or question their sexuality. Therapy is a great space to organize and speak more about your thoughts and feelings and make sense of those thoughts and feelings. A therapist can also help you figure out how to come out to those in your life. It can be hard to find an LGBTQ+ therapist, but there are therapists out there. You can even find online LGBTQ+ therapy options too!

In My Experience

In my experience, sexual orientation isn’t cut and dry. I also know skoliosexual people are just like you and me. They want to have relationships, feel loved, accepted, and live freely. I’ve found many people don’t even know it’s okay to question their sexuality. But we will never know if we don’t ask ourselves the hard questions. I encourage everyone to think about their sexuality and gender. The more you know about these aspects of yourself, the better you can get to know yourself!