Why Can’t I Cry? 8 Possible Reasons

Why Can’t I Cry?

Feeling the need to cry but being unable can feel frustrating. You may feel like you are broken or that there is something wrong. There are many reasons why a person may be unable to cry, ranging from medical to psychological.

Here are eight reasons you may not be able to cry:

1. Medical Complications

Some medical complications can impact your ability to produce tears. For example, Keratoconjunctivitis sicca, or “dry eye” syndrome, occurs when the tissues around your eye are inflamed and dry, making it difficult to cry. Alternatively, Sjögren’s syndrome is an immune system disorder often accompanied by dry eyes and a dry mouth, which can make it challenging for you to produce tears.

Many conditions that prevent crying have medications and other treatments available. Seek support from a licensed physician if you suspect any medical conditions are affecting your ability to cry.

2. Prescription Medications

Many prescription medications can have side effects that include an inability to produce tears or a lack of emotional expression. For example, antidepressants often have the side effect of causing or exacerbating dry eye. They can also dull your emotions, making it harder to cry even when you want to.

3. Environmental Surroundings

Changes in the environment, such as exposure to allergens or pollutants, can affect your sinuses and tear ducts, making it difficult to cry. Additionally, extreme temperatures, whether too hot or too cold, can also impact your tear production. Cold air can dry out your eyes, while heat can cause evaporation of tears, both of which can make it harder for you to cry comfortably.

4. Mental Health Disorders

Mental health disorders can significantly impact your emotional responses, including the ability to cry. Conditions such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD can lead to emotional numbness or blunting, where you feel disconnected from your emotions. This emotional detachment, sometimes referred to as anhedonia, can be a protective mechanism to avoid overwhelming feelings, but it can also get in the way of naturally expressing sadness or grief.

5. Repressed Emotions

Repression involves unconsciously blocking out painful or distressing emotions and memories from your conscious awareness. When you repress these emotions, you push them deep into the subconscious to avoid dealing with the associated pain and discomfort. Over time, these repressed emotions can create a barrier, making it difficult for you to access your true feelings. As a result, even in situations where crying would be a natural response, you may find it hard to shed tears because your emotions are tightly controlled and hidden from your conscious mind.

6. Internalized Stigma

When you are raised with the message that crying is shameful or wrong, you carry that message with you, often resulting in a belief that crying is not okay. This negative association can prevent you from crying comfortably. This is especially true for men, who are often shamed for crying outside of specific events such as the birth of a baby, their wedding, and sporting events.^{1, 2, 3, 4, 5}

7. Childhood Emotional Neglect

If you were raised in an environment that lacked emotional support and validation, you may struggle to cry. When caregivers do not support your emotional development, you might struggle to identify your feelings, including sadness. Additionally, many survivors of childhood emotional neglect learn to suppress their emotions to avoid the pain of unmet needs, leading to a disconnection from their own feelings.

8. Abuse

Abuse can make it difficult for you to cry because it often involves emotional suppression and psychological trauma. You may have learned to numb your feelings as a coping mechanism to protect yourself from the intense pain and fear associated with the abuse. This numbing can extend to an inability to express emotions, including crying. Additionally, your abuser might have discouraged or punished emotional expression, leading you to associate crying with danger or weakness.

Why Crying Is Important

Crying can be good for you because it provides a much-needed emotional and even physical release. Research indicates that when men and women are able to cry freely and without shame, both genders consistently report feeling better afterward. This suggests that crying is not only a natural response but also a therapeutic one, helping individuals manage and alleviate stress, emotional pain, and even physical discomfort.³

Here are some reasons why crying is important:

• Communication: Crying conveys a lot of unspoken communication, such as sadness, pride, and happiness. This non-verbal form of communication is powerful, as it allows others to understand and empathize with the emotions being felt.
• Mood booster: The act of crying triggers the release of endorphins and oxytocin, which are natural feel-good chemicals in the body. These chemicals can elevate mood and create a sense of well-being, providing a natural way to cope with emotional challenges.
• Pain relief: Crying helps with not only emotional pain but can also provide relief for physical pain. Tears can act as a natural painkiller by releasing certain chemicals that can alleviate discomfort.
• Cleanses the eyes: Tears play a crucial role in maintaining eye health by flushing out dust, eyelashes, makeup, and other debris. This cleansing action helps to protect our eyes from potential irritants and infections.
• Mental reset: After a good cry, people often report feeling more centered and less burdened by their emotions. This mental reset can provide a fresh perspective on problems and challenges, enabling individuals to approach situations with renewed energy and a clearer mind.

How to Cry If You Want To

It is important that any medical concern should first be ruled out before assuming the inability to cry is psychological. However, there are strategies that a person can use to tap into their ability to cry after learning that it is not a medical concern.

Here are some ways to tap into your ability to cry:

Find a Safe Space

It is normal to be less likely to cry in an intimidating or uncomfortable space such as a work meeting or public restaurant. Instead, take time to yourself in a private bathroom or office, or go to your car. Taking time to yourself will give you the privacy you need to express emotion.

Shift Thoughts Into Feelings

Often, our minds can be cluttered with thoughts that block our emotional responses. To shift your thoughts into feelings, try to focus on the physical sensations associated with your emotions.

To begin, do a body scan and pay attention to where you feel tension or discomfort in your body. Once you’ve identified areas of tension or discomfort, think about what might be causing these sensations. Are there specific memories that come to mind when you focus on these parts of your body? Instead of just thinking about these memories, try to feel the emotions connected to these images. Visualizing these emotions can help you move from just thinking about your feelings to actually feeling them, making it easier for you to cry.

Try Stream of Consciousness Journaling

Grab a pen or pencil and a piece of paper, and begin writing continuously without worrying about grammar, structure, or coherence. Let your thoughts flow freely, recording whatever comes to mind without censorship or judgment. This technique allows you to delve deeper into your subconscious, uncovering hidden feelings and insights. By engaging in this unfiltered form of expression, you might find it easier to access and release pent-up emotions, potentially leading to an emotional release and the ability to cry.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

If you are surrounded by people who you do not feel comfortable crying around, you are going to be more likely to try to hold back. Surround yourself with people who support you and any display of emotion you have without shaming you.

Look at Your History

Negative messages about crying and showing emotion affect all of us. By examining your past and how you were raised, you might gain insight into why you struggle with crying as an adult. While this understanding won’t change things instantly, it gives you the awareness and power to start making progress.

Stimulate Your Emotions

The emotions evoked in music, books, TV shows, or movies can often help push you “over the edge” into crying if you are unable to. These forms of media often provide a narrative that you can relate to, making it easier to release pent-up emotions. Additionally, looking at old photos or memorabilia can trigger nostalgic or bittersweet feelings that might help you cry.

Practice Going Through the Motions

Although you feel unable to cry, you can still act as if you are crying anyway. This means making the same facial expressions, putting your hands to your face, and putting your head down as if crying. It might not feel the same as actually crying, but it sometimes gives you a feeling of having had some display of emotion, therefore giving some relief. You may find that after doing this a few times, your body becomes more comfortable with the idea of crying, and eventually, the tears come!

Accept Who You Are

Most times, being unable to cry has a cultural/societal or medical explanation. No matter the reason, we all have different needs around showing emotion. Some people do not feel like they need to cry, and this is okay. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to show emotion, and crying is not necessarily essential for everyone.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy can make a difference if you’re struggling to cry or express your emotions. A good therapist will help you challenge those unhealthy messages and beliefs that might be holding you back. They create a safe space for you to dig deep and uncover any repressed emotions you might not even realize are there. Plus, therapy can help you let go of the shame or embarrassment you might feel about having negative emotions.

Grow Therapy is an online therapist directory that offers detailed filters, which makes it easy to find a therapist who specializes in your unique concerns. Alternatively, there are many different online therapy services, such as Talkspace or BetterHelp, that can match you with a qualified therapist from the comfort of your own home.