There are several explanations for not being able to cry, and it can be a very normal experience. Physical, emotional, and mental health reasons can cause an inability to cry, or affect crying altogether. Although it can lead to frustration and the sense that something is wrong with you, in most cases, not being able to cry is not something to worry about.
Depression Is Treatable With Therapy
Would you like to feel more happiness and joy? BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week. Take a Free Online Assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.
Why Can’t I Cry?
Feeling the need to cry but being unable can feel frustrating. You may feel like you are broken, or that there is something wrong. There are many reasons why a person may be unable to cry, ranging from medical to psychological.
Here are ten reasons you may not be able to cry:
1. Medical Complications
There are some medical complications that can impact a person’s ability to produce tears. Many of these conditions have medications and other treatments available, so seek the support of a licensed physician for support if you feel you have any of the following conditions preventing you from crying.
Medical conditions that can prevent someone from crying include:
- Keratoconjunctivitis sicca: This condition is often referred to as “dry eye” syndrome. It is when the tissues around the eye are inflamed and dry, and can make people unable to cry.
- Sjögren’s syndrome: This is an immune system disorder often accompanied by dry eyes and a dry mouth, which can make it difficult for a person to produce tears.
- Prescription medications: Many prescription medications can have side effects such as an inability to produce tears, or a lack of emotional expression. Many antidepressants can make it difficult for a person to experience a range of emotion enough to produce crying.
- Aging: Although we might not lose the desire to cry, we produce fewer tears as we age.
- Allergies: Living in a climate with pollutants and allergens can affect our tear ducts and our eyes, making it more difficult to cry.
2. Environmental Surroundings
It is very common for people to be affected by changes in their environment such as allergens or pollutants that can affect sinuses and tear ducts.
3. Cultural Expectations
Many cultures teach that it is not acceptable to cry in adulthood, especially for men. If you grew up with the message that crying was considered unacceptable and shameful, you might feel less comfortable crying in situations where it is considered inappropriate. In our culture, men are shamed for crying outside of specific events such as the birth of a baby, their wedding, and sporting events.
“Gender and emotion stereotypes suggest that men do not and should not cry, yet men’s crying seems to be particularly prominent in contexts such as competitive sports.”1
4. Gender Stereotypes
Gender stereotypes, such as the belief that men shouldn’t cry or feel emotional pain, can keep many people feeling that they can not cry. Our society teaches us that crying, while acceptable for women, is unacceptable and inappropriate for men.2
Many men grew up with negative messages about showing emotion, and this internal shame makes it difficult for them to show emotion such as crying.
5. Anhedonia
Anhedonia is when someone loses pleasure and enjoyment out of life. They lose interest in activities and places that they used to enjoy. This is often a result of a medical or mental health condition, so seek support from a therapist and/or medical provider if you worry you or a loved one are dealing with anhedonia.
Help For Depression
BetterHelp – Get help from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp offers convenient and affordable online therapy starting at $65 per week. Free Assessment
Talkspace – Online Therapy With Or Without Insurance. Talkspace accepts many insurance plans including Optum, Cigna, and Aetna. Typical co-pay is $30, but often less. Get started
6. Repressed Emotions
When we push away difficult or painful emotions, this is repression. Repression happens because our mind is unable or unwilling to cope with the difficulties of experiencing certain emotions and can lead to emotional constipation. People who have experienced trauma, abuse, and grief commonly repress emotions. Repressed emotions can prevent someone from crying.
7. Childhood Emotional Neglect
If you were raised in an environment that was void of emotional support and validation, you may have difficulty acknowledging and expressing your emotions. If your caregivers did not support your emotional development, you might not be aware of how your emotions feel in your body. Many survivors of childhood emotional neglect find that they struggle to identify when they are sad, and therefore struggle to cry.
8. Personal Beliefs
When we are raised with the message that crying is shameful or wrong, we carry that messaging with us – often resulting in adults who believe that crying is not okay. It is this negative association that often keeps them from being able to cry comfortably.
People do not willingly engage in a behavior that they have a negative association with. This might explain why women feel more comfortable crying in many cultures. “That is, women cry more frequently and tend to report more positive crying experiences across cultures.”3
9. Family Expectations
If you grew up in a family who did not express sadness through crying, but perhaps expressed it in another way, you might be more likely to express your feelings that same way. We often learn what we observed in our family of origin, and the same is true for expressing feelings.
If you grew up in an environment where crying was unacceptable, but yelling was okay, you might be more likely to express difficult emotions this same way. A study in 2022 found that. “Family members shared a certain degree of similarity in psychological reactions to trauma.” 4
10. Mental Illness
Many people who struggle with bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, and other mental conditions have a flat affect, and small range of emotion. While not everyone will experience mental health symptoms the same way, an inability to cry is common for people with many different mental health conditions.
Is It Bad That I Don’t Cry?
Most times, being unable to cry is not a bad thing. Many people do not feel the need to cry, and are able to show emotion in other ways. There is no right or wrong way to show emotion, only what works for you.
Why Crying Is Important
Crying is important because it provides a much needed emotional and even physical release. The many benefits of crying show us that crying can be good for you! In studies where men and women were able to cry more freely without shame, both genders reported feeling better after engaging in this behavior.3
The following are reasons why crying is important:
- Communication: It conveys a lot of unspoken communication, such as sadness, pride, and happiness.
- Cleanse your eyes: It flushes out dust, eyelashes, makeup, or other debris from our eyes.
- Mood booster: Crying can help boost mood in times of stress and other emotional difficulty.
- Pain relief: Crying helps with not only emotional pain, but can provide relief for physical pain, too!
- Mental reset: Crying can give many a mental reset, helping to improve clarity and focus.
- Decreases intensity of emotions: Sometimes crying helps decrease the tension and intensity of emotions to allow us to reset.
Depression Is Treatable With Therapy
Would you like to feel more happiness and joy? BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week. Take a Free Online Assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.
How to Tap Into Your Ability to Cry
It is important that any medical concern should first be ruled out before assuming the inability to cry is psychological. However, there are strategies that a person can use to tap into their ability to cry after learning that it is not a medical concern.
Here are some ways to tap into your ability to cry:
Find a Safe Space
It is normal to be less likely to cry in an intimidating or uncomfortable space such as a work meeting or public restaurant. Instead, take time to yourself in a private bathroom or office, or go to your car. Taking time to yourself will give you the privacy you need to express emotion.
Shift Thoughts Into Feelings
Instead of pushing negative or painful thoughts from your mind, allow yourself to feel them. Think about the details of what happened, and how that made you feel. Allow the feelings to come through your body and notice where the sensations manifest.
Try Stream of Consciousness Journaling
Grab a pen or pencil, a piece of paper, and just start writing without stopping. With stream of consciousness journaling for your mental health, which involves writing without stopping to think of any of the rules of writing such as flow, grammar, or organization, we can tap into our inner thoughts. This helps some people look deeper at themselves and may help improve your ability to cry.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
If you are surrounded by people who you do not feel comfortable crying around, you are going to be more likely to try to hold back. Surround yourself by people who support you and any display of emotion you have without shaming you.
Look at Your History
Negative messages about crying and showing emotion affect all of us, but especially men. The stereotyping of men who show emotion as weak harms them, and gives them pressure to prove their masculinity.5
A closer look at your history and upbringing can shed light on your difficulties with crying in adulthood. This does not mean you can change yourself overnight, but the knowledge and awareness will empower you with understanding to move forward.
Listen to Sad Music
The emotions evoked during music or movies can often help push us “over the edge” into crying if we find that we are unable. This can be beneficial for those who are looking for the relief that comes in the aftermath of crying but are finding it difficult to start the tears.
Practice Going Through the Motions
Negative messages that accompany crying might make it so that you struggle to produce tears. But you can still act as if you are crying anyway: make the same facial expressions, put your hands to your face, and put your head down as if crying. Remember, many people cry without tears, such as people who have medical conditions.
It might not feel the same as actually crying, but it sometimes gives you a feeling of having had some display of emotion, therefore giving some relief. Some people find that after doing this a few times, the body becomes more comfortable with the idea of crying and the tears come!
Accept Who You Are
Most times, being unable to cry has a cultural/societal or medical explanation. No matter the reason, we all have different needs around showing emotion. Some people do not feel like they need to cry, and this is okay. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to show emotion, and crying is not necessarily essential for everyone.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can help a person to tap into their ability to cry by challenging unhealthy messages, helping to unearth repressed emotions, and decreasing the shame associated with negative emotions. Types of treatment that are beneficial include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Repressing (EMDR). The most important thing is finding a therapist who you connect with, who will help you challenge your thinking and behavior patterns that are keeping you stuck.
Most times, being unable to cry has a cultural/societal or medical explanation. Once we know the reason, it can be easier to move towards a path of curing the problem. However, sometimes people find that even knowing why they can’t cry doesn’t help them, but they still want to move past this. In these instances, a person should consider seeking professional help to address their inability to cry. An online therapist directory or online therapy platform is a good place to start your search for a therapist..
In My Experience
In my experience of working with survivors of family trauma, I find that many people have a lot of shame when it comes to crying. Many people were only believed or acknowledged when they were angry, so this became the more comfortable emotion to express. Showing sadness such as crying were shamed and even ignored. Taking a look at the negative messages we received in childhood about showing emotion can empower ourselves with understanding of where any discomfort around crying comes from.
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
Talk Therapy
Online-Therapy.com – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. Online-Therapy.com provides 45 minute weekly video sessions and unlimited text messaging with your therapist for only $64/week. Get Started
Online Psychiatry
Hims / Hers If you’re living with anxiety or depression, finding the right medication match may make all the difference. Connect with a licensed healthcare provider in just 12 – 48 hours. Explore FDA-approved treatment options and get free shipping, if prescribed. No insurance required. Get Started
Depression Newsletter
A free newsletter from Choosing Therapy for those impacted by depression. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up
Learn Anti-Stress & Relaxation Techniques
Mindfulness.com – Change your life by practicing mindfulness. In a few minutes a day, you can start developing mindfulness and meditation skills. Free Trial
Choosing Therapy Directory
You can search for therapists by specialty, experience, insurance, or price, and location. Find a therapist today.
Online Depression Test
A few questions from Talkiatry can help you understand your symptoms and give you a recommendation for what to do next.
Best Online Psychiatry Services
Online psychiatry, sometimes called telepsychiatry, platforms offer medication management by phone, video, or secure messaging for a variety of mental health conditions. In some cases, online psychiatry may be more affordable than seeing an in-person provider. Mental health treatment has expanded to include many online psychiatry and therapy services. With so many choices, it can feel overwhelming to find the one that is right for you.