Emotional Flooding: Definition, Symptoms, & How to Cope

What Is Emotional Flooding?

Emotional flooding is a bodily response to feeling overly aroused by physical and emotional sensations. When a person experiences too many emotions, their body may go into “shutdown” mode to reduce this overwhelm. Such psychological flooding can look like oscillating between feelings, mentally withdrawing, or having a fight-or-flight reaction.

Many situations can induce emotional flooding, and these will largely depend on personal triggers. Triggers developed from early or highly impactful life experiences often activate the brain during perceived unsafe situations. These stressors can be related to specific emotions, circumstances, or interpersonal conflicts.

How Emotional Flooding Affects the Body

Emotional flooding is an overwhelming emotional response, often triggered during a high-stress situation or conflict. Typically, flooding shares similar symptoms with anxiety, including a racing heart, high blood pressure, sweaty palms, or shaking. These experiences occur due to hormones released when under stress.

Psychologist John Gottman first coined the term after observing partner interactions during an argument. He found that individuals experiencing flooding cannot process or engage in constructive communication. He recommends allowing someone to step away and regulate their nervous system is crucial when dealing with flooding.

Symptoms of Emotional Flooding

Symptoms of emotional flooding will vary based on several factors, including the individual, trigger, or situation. Emotional flooding may resemble symptoms of anxiety, such as avoidance behaviors, rapid breathing, or withdrawal. Some people may have trouble focusing due to stress, while others report physical discomfort, tensed muscles, or a racing heart.

These experiences can sometimes indicate an underlying mental health diagnosis, as frequent emotional flooding often occurs alongside post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), major depressive disorder, or even attachment disorders.

Symptoms of emotional flooding may include:

• Increased heart rate
• Shallow and quick breathing
• Trouble focusing
• Increased muscle tension throughout the body
• Negative self-talk
• A strong desire to escape or stop the situation
• Feelings of anxiety/overwhelm
• Upset stomach
• Racing thoughts

Examples of Emotional Flooding

Emotional flooding can appear in many different aspects of life, often during arguments or conflicts. Emotional overwhelm can also occur in the workplace during high-pressure situations. Parents and caregivers may experience flooding when overwhelmed by parental mental demands and responsibilities.

Romantic Relationships

Flooding in romantic relationships can occur when one or both partners becomes triggered and escalate a conflict. Thus, understanding opposing viewpoints or perspectives can seem impossible at the moment. In such cases, partners may say things they regret.

Parents & Caregivers

Flooding can occur when parents or caregivers become overwhelmed by the demands and responsibilities of parenthood. Parents may struggle to respond calmly and handle situations effectively. Some may yell at their children or shut down entirely.

Workplace Relationships

Certain work-related expectations and stressors can feel overwhelming. Because good standing relies heavily on performance, messages or feedback at work can feel personal. Alongside complicated and nuanced professional relationships, these stressors create intense feelings that can induce emotional flooding. Additionally, those in toxic work environments are at a high risk, as supervisors and colleagues may overlook their boundaries and push their limits.¹

Family of Origin Relationships

Flooding might develop when families encounter stressful situations such as death, a health crisis, or high-volatility conflict. Managing and maintaining family dynamics can be difficult, especially when members struggle with emotional regulation and frequently experience flooding.

Who Is More Vulnerable to Emotional Flooding?

People who feel their emotions acutely or lack the skills to manage them are more likely to experience emotional flooding. Additionally, mental health conditions can exacerbate the overwhelm and anxiety commonly associated with flooding, leading to further stress and shutdown.

Risk factors for emotional flooding include:

• High sensitivity: Highly sensitive persons (HSPs) are acutely sensitive to sensory input, other people, emotions, and their environment. These traits make them more vulnerable to overwhelm and emotional flooding.²
• Being born male: Many cultures socialize males to suppress their emotions and avoid showing vulnerability. This behavior can lead men to bottle their feelings, sometimes resulting in emotional flooding.
• Attachment issues: People with insecure attachment styles often experience an intense fear of rejection or abandonment and have difficulty regulating emotions. These issues can lead to intense emotional overwhelm that can result in flooding.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): PTSD impacts the nervous system and can alter how the brain processes emotions, leading to heightened emotions, dissociation, avoidance behaviors, and flooding.
• Anxiety disorders: Arousal symptoms are often present within anxiety disorders, sometimes alongside distressing cognitive distortions and negative internalized beliefs. These can trigger emotional flooding during conflict or difficult situations.
• Depression: Major depressive disorder often includes feelings of excessive guilt, low mood, and immobilization, which can lay the groundwork for emotional flooding.
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): ADHD impacts emotional regulation and impulse control, both of which can influence how someone copes with feelings.
• Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem may have a heightened sensitivity to criticism or rejection, leading to intensified emotions, rumination, and difficulty setting boundaries.
• Personality disorders: Personality disorders like borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder can cause extreme, volatile emotions and rapid mood changes. This unpredictability can result in flooding.

Impacts of Emotional Flooding

Flooding impairs the ability to communicate, regulate emotions around others, and use positive decision-making skills. These effects can significantly impact daily functioning. Flooding can affect relationships,  physical and mental health, goal-setting, and success.

Possible effects of emotional flooding include:

• Relationship problems: Flooding leads to conflict, arguments, and difficulty solving problems and coming to an agreement. These challenges can eventually lead to a breakdown in a relationship.
• Poor decision making: Emotional flooding can lead to impulsive decisions and poor rational thinking.
• Uncontrollable outbursts: People experiencing flooding may say things they later regret due to heightened emotions.
• Physical health: Chronic, uncontrolled stress associated with flooding is known to have physical effects on the body, such as heart disease, GI distress, and a weakened immune system.
• Social withdrawal: A person who experiences emotional flooding may withdraw socially and isolate to avoid triggering situations. This separation can result in disconnection, depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
• Unmet needs: Emotional flooding impacts communication, sometimes leading to an inability to express emotions and advocate for their needs.
• Problems at work or school: Emotional flooding also impacts the ability to think clearly, complete tasks, or communicate effectively. Over time, this can cause serious workplace and academic problems.
• Mental health problems: The inability to regulate emotions and practice healthy coping skills can increase the risk of developing a mental health condition like depression or anxiety.

How to Cope With Emotional Flooding

Learning to manage your emotions is essential when feeling overwhelmed and emotionally flooded. Overcoming this experience can seem impossible, but caring for your needs and setting boundaries can significantly improve your outlook. Instead of retreating or avoiding the problem, practice stress management and healthy coping skills.

Here are nine tips for coping with emotional flooding:

1. Practice Emotional Self-Care

Practicing emotional self-care is critical for increasing emotional resiliency. These activities can include anything that “recharges” your emotional battery. Consider exploring a new hobby, spending time with loved ones, or taking breaks. Everyone needs rest, especially when dealing with stress.

2. Tune in to Your Emotions

The first step in changing your reaction to emotional flooding is increasing self-awareness. While doing so can be hard, reflect on your response after experiencing intense feelings. Understanding what preceded emotional flooding will help you recognize and plan for your triggers.

3. Increase Your Bodily Awareness

Our bodies and minds are connected, meaning physical sensations often accompany our emotions. Recognizing how your body responds to stress can help you prevent emotional flooding. Pay attention to how different body parts feel when encountering unexpected, scary, or emotionally draining situations. This way, you can catch the early warning signs of arousal before they become overwhelming.

4. Perform an Emotional Audit

Reflect on things that consistently lead to emotional flooding. Create an inventory of these factors and when you typically encounter them. Consider limiting exposure to triggers by implementing healthy boundaries. In other cases, use positive coping skills when faced with these stressful individuals or circumstances.

5. Beef up Your Coping Skills

Healthy coping skills can help change your reaction from flooding to management. Regulation tools that calm the physiological stress response are likely the most effective, such as paced breathing, grounding techniques, and progressive muscle relaxation.

6. Set Boundaries

Determining what you will and will not tolerate from anyone is beneficial. Setting healthy boundaries can include breaking contact with toxic people, outlining the parameters for communication, explaining your needs, or limiting time for interactions.

7. Increase Positive Self-Talk

Our internal beliefs impact how we handle stress. For example, making a mistake can trigger emotional flooding, guilt, and shame if you believe you are a “bad” person. Offer yourself grace when you encounter difficult situations that trigger a shutdown. Make this regular habit by journaling or talking through your experience with a loved one.

8. Learn to Complete the Stress Cycle

Emotional flooding is a physiological response that works in a cycle, and your body can hang onto residual stress when you interrupt this cycle. ³ Allow yourself to process overwhelm by releasing tension from the body via exercise, social support, creativity, crying, or breathwork.

9. Address the Larger Causes

Self-help strategies may help when coping with emotional flooding. However, leaving the underlying causes unaddressed leaves the door open for future episodes. Developing problem-focused coping skills can assist you in making positive changes. Emotional flooding may decrease once you determine how to change your situation, leading to improved clarity, well-being, and regulation.

How to Help Someone Experiencing Emotional Flooding

Seeing someone experience emotional flooding can be intense and leave you feeling helpless. However, you can provide support by lending a listening ear, staying empathetic, and modeling healthy emotional regulation.

Below are ways to help someone experiencing emotional flooding:

• Focus on listening: Revert to a listening role if your loved one shares their experience. Talking about your interpretations can sometimes increase overwhelm, so remain a neutral, safe space for them to process their emotions.
• Be empathetic and non-judgmental: A person experiencing emotional flooding faces a surplus of negativity. Stick to validating statements and avoid saying anything that may come across as judgmental.
• Don’t underestimate the power of your presence: You don’t always need to do or say the right thing to be helpful. Sometimes, just sitting with your loved one can be encouraging.
• Regulate yourself: Modeling healthy emotional regulation to a loved one prone to emotional flooding can encourage them to adopt similar skills. For example, focus on taking deep breaths and staying grounded and present.
• Provide a sense of autonomy: Emotional flooding often develops when a person feels powerless. Offer your loved one autonomy by asking how they want to receive support. Try asking, “Would you like me to stay with you or leave you alone?”

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking help from a trained mental health professional if emotional flooding has negatively impacted your life and functioning. Additionally, therapy can help you cope with any associated symptoms of depression, anxiety, or trauma. You can use an online therapist directory to locate a provider or explore online therapy options for at-home care. You do not have to cope with emotional flooding alone–support is available.

Below are signs to consider support when coping with emotional flooding:

• Appetite changes
• Difficulty sleeping
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Suicidal thoughts
• Hopelessness
• Lack of motivation