Childhood Emotional Neglect: Signs, Effects, & How to Heal

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Emotional neglect in childhood involves the absence of critical nurturing interactions like connection, support, and response to a child’s distress.  A parent being occasionally distracted would not classify as emotional neglect. Rather, it is an ongoing failure to meet a child’s emotional needs. Emotional neglect is traumatic and can overwhelm a child’s developing system, potentially leading to symptoms of trauma or complex PTSD (CPTSD).

Examples of emotional neglect in childhood include:

• Ignoring emotional needs: Caregivers may ignore emotional needs by dismissing or minimizing a child’s feelings. The caregiver may meet emotional expressions such as sadness or anxiety with indifference or by telling the child to “just get over it.”
• Withholding affection: Consistently avoiding physical touch or verbal expressions of love towards a child can create emotional distance. When withholding affection, a caregiver might rarely hug or say “I love you” to their child.
• Lack of validation: Lack of validation occurs when caregivers fail to acknowledge or affirm their child’s feelings or experiences. For instance, a child may share excitement only to receive a dismissive response or no acknowledgment at all.
• Failing to listen: Caregivers failing to listen may frequently interrupt or change the subject when their child tries to discuss their feelings or concerns. This lack of attentive listening leads to dismissing or ignoring expressions such as distress, joy, or confusion.
• Minimizing achievements: A caregiver downplaying or dismissing their child’s successes or efforts is minimizing achievements. The caregiver might respond to their child’s accomplishments with indifference or criticize their achievements as insignificant.
• Emotional unavailability: Emotional unavailability in a caregiver can look like an inability to engage or respond to a child’s emotional needs consistently. The caregiver may appear distant or disinterested when their child seeks comfort or validation after a challenging day at school, leaving the child feeling dismissed or invalidated.
• Neglecting to provide comfort: Caregivers who neglect to provide comfort fail to offer soothing or reassurance during times of distress or upset. For example, when a child falls and hurts themselves, a neglectful caregiver might respond with indifference, saying something like, “You’re fine, don’t cry,” without offering physical comfort or emotional support.
• Avoiding difficult conversations: Avoiding difficult conversations in the context of emotional neglect can involve caretakers sidestepping important discussions about feelings, conflicts, or challenging life events. A neglectful caregiver might change the subject or dismiss the child’s emotions rather than engage in meaningful conversation.
• Inconsistency in emotional responses and support: A caregiver might react warmly and supportively to a child’s achievements one day, but be dismissive or critical the next, depending on their own mood or external factors. This inconsistency can lead to confusion and anxiety in the child.
• Treating the child like an emotional burden: Treating a child like an emotional burden involves expressing annoyance or frustration when the child expresses an emotional need or seeks comfort. A caregiver might sigh heavily or make dismissive remarks when their child tries to talk about their feelings, conveying the message that emotions are unwelcome or burdensome.
• Failing to provide guidance or boundaries: Caregivers who neglect to set clear expectations or limits for a child’s behavior or decision-making fail to provide guidance or boundaries. For instance, a caregiver may avoid discussing rules or consequences, leaving the child uncertain about acceptable behaviors or feeling unsupported in making decisions.
• Isolating the child: Isolating a child can occur when caregivers consistently minimize the child’s social interactions, emotional expressions, or experiences. A caregiver might discourage their child from spending time with peers or participating in extracurricular activities, emphasizing solitude or restricting social outings.

Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect

The signs of childhood emotional neglect can be difficult to identify, as they often involve the absence rather than the presence of certain behaviors. A common symptom in infants and young children is developmental delays. In some cases, the child may have somatic complaints without an organic cause.

School-aged children and adolescents may shut down, making them less likely to ask for help or draw attention to themselves in school. They may appear independent or self-sufficient but struggle to relate to peers and develop close friends. Because children learn how to manage their feelings from primary caregivers, other signs include emotional reactivity or dissociation.

Signs of emotional neglect in childhood may include:

• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Aversion to affection or accepting support
• Inability to ask for help (in school or otherwise)
• Heightened sensitivity to rejection
• Developmental or cognitive delays
• Dissociative tendencies
• Shame or guilt around emotions
• Displaying symptoms of a conduct disorder
• Insecure attachment style
• Negativity toward parents
• Social withdrawal
• Difficulty connecting with peers
• Symptoms of childhood anxiety or childhood depression
• Academic struggles
• Difficulty paying attention
• Frequent tantrums

Signs that a parent is emotionally neglecting their child include:

• Indifference to a child
• Viewing or labeling a child as a burden
• Ignoring a child’s needs
• Parental substance abuse
• Apathy toward a child
• Mindless or uninvolved approach to parenting
• Blaming a child for their behavior
• Pretending a child doesn’t exist
• Constantly calling a child ‘bad’

Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect

Children who experience parental neglect often struggle with emotional regulation, forming healthy relationships, and developing a sense of self-worth.¹ Emotionally neglected children may feel disconnected from their emotions and have difficulty trusting others, leading to long-term challenges in building meaningful connections. As adults, they may feel chronically misunderstood and disconnected, which can perpetuate struggles in developing healthy relationships. This unresolved trauma can draw them toward abusive or neglectful romantic relationships, repeating patterns from their childhood.

Effects of childhood emotional neglect in adults may include:

Emotional Dysregulation

One sign of emotional neglect in adults is difficulties expressing and understanding emotions. Because our early childhood experiences form how we interact as adults, untreated childhood emotional neglect can cause emotional dysregulation and long-term deficiencies in our ability to understand, manage, and nurture the emotions of others.

Low Self-Esteem

Childhood emotional neglect can impact a child’s self-esteem by creating a foundational sense of unworthiness or inadequacy. When emotional needs go unmet consistently, children may internalize feelings of being undeserving of love or attention. This can lead to a persistent belief in adulthood that their emotions are insignificant and burdensome, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships and navigate life challenges confidently. These individuals may struggle with their sense of self-worth, self-validation, and emotional expression.

Difficulty Forming Relationships

Children that experience emotional neglect may find it challenging to form relationships as they may struggle with attachment trauma, fear of abandonment, and difficulty setting boundaries. These children may develop a fear of relying on others or expressing vulnerability, which can persist into adulthood. This can lead to challenges in forming connections and maintaining healthy boundaries, affecting both personal and professional relationships.

Chronic Feelings of Loneliness

Chronic feelings of loneliness can develop as a result of childhood emotional neglect, and these feelings can carry into adulthood. When a child’s emotional needs are ignored, they may grow up feeling unseen and unheard, leading to a deep-rooted sense of isolation. Over time, this loneliness can become ingrained, making it difficult to trust others or form meaningful connections as adults.

Increased Risk of Mental Health Issues

Childhood emotional neglect significantly increases the risk of mental health issues in adulthood, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and a higher risk of suicidal behavior. When emotional needs are unmet during crucial developmental years of childhood and adolescence, it can lead to deep-seated feelings of worthlessness and despair. These unresolved emotions often manifest as severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD later in life.

Poor Academic or Work Performance

Childhood emotional neglect can cause poor academic performance, which often carries over into adulthood as poor work performance in adulthood. When children don’t receive emotional support, they may struggle with concentration, motivation, and self-discipline, leading to lower grades and diminished self-confidence. These academic struggles can translate into challenges in the workplace, such as difficulty meeting deadlines, low productivity, and trouble managing stress.

Substance Abuse

Substance abuse in adulthood can sometimes be a result of childhood emotional neglect, as some individuals turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with their unmet emotional needs. Lacking healthy coping mechanisms, these individuals might use substances to escape feelings of worthlessness or loneliness. This reliance on substances for coping can escalate into addiction, creating further emotional and physical health problems.

Physical Health Problems

Childhood emotional neglect can lead to physical health problems in adulthood due to the chronic stress and lack of emotional support experienced early on.⁸ This stress can weaken the immune system, increase inflammation, and contribute to conditions like heart disease, obesity, and chronic pain. Additionally, emotionally neglected individuals might adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as poor diet and lack of exercise, further exacerbating health issues.

Difficulty With Self-Care

Because emotionally neglected children often don’t learn how to prioritize their own needs, childhood emotional neglect can lead to difficulty with self-care. A lack of modeling and guidance from caregivers can result in poor self-care habits, such as neglecting personal hygiene, nutrition, and rest. As adults, these individuals may continue to struggle with self-care, feeling unworthy of attention or simply not knowing how to care for themselves effectively.

Identity & Self-Image Issues

Identity and self-image issues can be a result of childhood emotional neglect because children who don’t receive validation and support may struggle to understand their own worth and abilities. Without guidance and affirmation, they might feel unsure about who they are and what they stand for. This can look like low self-esteem and a lack of motivation and direction in adulthood.

Persistent Feelings of Guilt Or Shame

Childhood emotional neglect can lead to persistent feelings of guilt and shame as emotionally neglected children often end up blaming themselves for the lack of emotional support they receive from caregivers. They may internalize the belief that they are unworthy of love or attention. These feelings can continue into adulthood, causing these individuals to feel undeserving and guilty about their needs and emotions.

Dissociative Behaviors

Childhood emotional neglect can lead to dissociative behaviors as a coping mechanism, which often carries into adulthood.⁸ When a child feels emotionally unsupported, they may disconnect from their emotions and reality to protect themselves from pain. This dissociation can show up in adulthood as difficulty staying present, feeling detached from oneself or one’s surroundings, and struggling to form genuine connections.

How to Heal From Childhood Emotional Neglect

Childhood emotional neglect is a serious form of maltreatment that can have long-lasting effects on an individual’s mental health and well-being. It is essential to seek appropriate support and resources to address the impact of these experiences. Healing from childhood trauma requires acknowledging the pain and hurt that you experienced, offering yourself compassion and understanding, and developing healthy coping skills.

Here are eight tips and some worksheets for healing from childhood emotional neglect:

1. Practice Self-Compassion

Many people who experience childhood emotional neglect are extremely hard on themselves and judge their behavior harshly. Instead, be curious about where your behaviors came from. When you start to judge yourself, ask what you are feeling and if painful memories are the cause. Being curious about ourselves allows room for insight, awareness, and self-compassion, while judgment shuts down those possibilities.

Free Personal Strengths Inventory Worksheet

Creating a personal strengths inventory can be a powerful tool to combat self-criticism and negative self-talk.

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2. Engage Your Body & Mind

Our emotions express themselves through our bodies, which hold our feelings and traumas. Childhood emotional neglect often translates into an unconscious shutting down of your emotional and physical responses. Part of healing from childhood emotional neglect is releasing the trauma that is stored in the body, by engaging with your body healthily.

Yoga is an excellent way to help your body and mind become more united. Studies show that regular yoga practice decreases symptoms of anxiety and PTSD.⁵ Tai Chi and Qi Gong also have preliminary research showing similar benefits to people with symptoms associated with trauma.⁶

3. Build Emotional Intelligence

Emotionally neglectful parents do not provide children with a framework for emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to recognizing and distinguishing emotions in yourself and others.

Here are some ways to build emotional intelligence:

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness for beginners exercises to become more aware of your emotional states and triggers. Techniques like meditation can help you stay present and manage your emotions more effectively.
• Journal about your emotional experiences: Journaling about your trauma and feelings can help you understand them better and see patterns in your emotional responses.
• Seek Feedback: Ask trusted friends or mentors for feedback on how you handle emotions and interpersonal interactions. Use their insights to improve your emotional awareness and regulation.
• Learn active listening: Improve your communication skills in all of your relationships by practicing active listening, which involves fully concentrating, understanding, and responding thoughtfully to others.
• Set Boundaries: Set clear and firm boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Recognize when and how to assert your needs and limits in relationships.
• Educate Yourself: Take courses on or read books about emotional intelligence to gain a deeper understanding and practical strategies for improvement.
• Use Feelings Lists: Familiarize yourself with “feelings lists” that accurately define a wide range of emotions. Reflect on these terms to better identify and understand your own emotions.

Identifying Emotions Worksheet

By recognizing and labeling your feelings, you can better understand your emotions and develop healthier ways to cope.

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4. Learn & Practice Regulation Skills

A child who experiences emotional neglect does not have the opportunity to learn regulation skills from their primary caregiver. Therefore, it is vital to learn these skills in order to function well in society. Regulation consists of exercises that build the ability to feel your feelings without allowing your body’s reaction to take over. You can start with deep breathing and grounding techniques.

5. Write a Letter to Your Childhood Self

One powerful way to heal from childhood emotional neglect is to write a letter to your childhood self. In this letter, you can offer yourself the love, validation, and support you may have missed out on as a child. Acknowledge the pain and hurt you feel. This letter can be a cathartic and healing experience, allowing you to process your emotions and release lingering shame or self-blame.

6. Heal Your Inner Child

Healing your inner child involves recognizing and honoring the wounded child within you. You can do this by engaging in activities that bring you joy and comfort, such as creative expression, spending time in nature, or practicing all types of self-care. You can also work with a therapist or counselor specializing in healing childhood emotional neglect to help you develop healthy coping skills.

Self-Care Inventory Worksheet

Take an inventory of self-care activities you do well, explore new self-care activities and find potential opportunities to feel better.

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7. Reach Out for Support

Seek support from trusted friends or family members who can offer you love, support, and validation. Having a positive social network of individuals who recognize your experience provides a sense of comfort and reassurance. Joining a support group can also be a helpful way to connect with others who have had similar experiences.

8. Advocate For Yourself & Others

Advocate for yourself in personal and professional relationships by speaking out against emotional neglect and abuse. You may also consider becoming an advocate for the rights and well-being of children and vulnerable adults experiencing emotional neglect. Providing and receiving support can help break the cycle of emotional neglect and create a more compassionate and nurturing world.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you have developed symptoms of PTSD, a substance use disorder, or are struggling with chronic anxiety and depression, it may be time to seek professional support. A therapist can help you unpack the neglect you experienced and help you heal the impact it has had on your mental health, relationships, and quality of life.

Grow Therapy is an online therapist directory that allows you to search for trauma specialists based on factors like location, insurance coverage, and therapy types offered. For those who prefer remote therapy sessions, online therapy services like BetterHelp and Talkspace offer access to therapists specializing in childhood emotional neglect. If you want to explore medication options, online psychiatry services are an easy way to find qualified psychiatrists.

Here are therapy options for healing from childhood emotional neglect:

• Individual therapy: There are many types of individual therapy for trauma. The different types will have different ways of providing coping and regulation skill-building to help you manage the impact of childhood emotional neglect, including all forms of self-harm, substance misuse, anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
• Family therapy: Family therapy acknowledges that one person’s struggles affect the entire family system. This approach facilitates members to listen to each other and work together to become a healthy system.
• Group therapy: Support groups or group therapy can help build connections and allow participants to identify and relate to each other in a safe environment. Realizing that your experience is not unique can profoundly decrease feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Intentional Vs. Unintentional Emotional Neglect

Parents may be unaware they are emotionally neglecting their children, especially when they struggle with mental illness, extreme stress, and external pressures from work, spousal abuse, poverty, or military service. Connecting with others becomes extremely difficult in times of turmoil, and parents may be unable to form secure bonds with their children.

Conversely, intentional emotional neglect of a child is purposeful. In both cases, emotionally neglectful parents may treat their child in particular ways due to several factors, such as experiencing neglect themselves, life challenges, or addictions.

Parents may unintentionally neglect their children emotionally for the following reasons:

• Parents have experienced childhood emotional neglect or abuse themselves
• Parents were not taught by their caregivers how to nurture a child
• Work, military service, or incarceration may limit a parent’s presence at home
• Addiction or mental illness may impede a parent’s ability to attune to the child
• Extreme stress and/or violence in the home can disturb the bonds between parent and child
• The death of a parent or traumatic death in the family may cause overwhelming grief in the family system