Childhood Emotional Neglect: Definition, Signs, Effects, & How to Heal

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Emotional neglect in childhood involves the absence of critical nurturing interactions such as connection, support, and adequate responses to distress. Emotional neglect is more covert than physical, sexual, or verbal abuse, making it harder to identify–even for those who have experienced it.

Emotional neglect does not occur because a parent is occasionally distracted. Instead, neglect is an ongoing pattern of failing to meet a child’s emotional needs. An example of emotional neglect would be a parent who consistently ignores or dismisses their child’s distress or feelings. Demeaning a child for their emotions with phrases like “crybaby” and refusing to listen to a child’s feelings will teach a child that their emotions are wrong and unimportant.

Emotional neglect is traumatic for a child. Over time, it becomes overwhelming for their developing system, sometimes resulting in symptoms of complex trauma or complex PTSD.

Examples of emotional neglect in childhood include:

• Demeaning a child for their feelings
• Purposefully ignoring a child
• Disregarding a child’s needs
• Being unavailable or absent in a child’s life
• Socially isolating a child from peers or loved ones
• Refusing to offer a child affection
• Failing to provide emotional support in difficult situations

Intentional Vs. Unintentional Emotional Neglect

Parents may be unaware they are emotionally neglecting their children, especially when they struggle with mental illness, extreme stress, and external pressures from work, spousal abuse, poverty, or military service. Connecting with others becomes extremely difficult in times of turmoil, and parents may be unable to form secure bonds with their children.

Conversely, intentional emotional neglect of a child is purposeful. In both cases, emotionally neglectful parents may treat their child in particular ways due to several factors, such as experiencing neglect themselves, life challenges, or addictions.

Parents may unintentionally neglect their children emotionally for the following reasons:

• Parents have experienced childhood emotional neglect or abuse themselves
• Parents were not taught by their caregivers how to nurture a child
• Work, military service, or incarceration may limit a parent’s presence at home
• Addiction or mental illness may impede a parent’s ability to attune to the child
• Extreme stress and/or violence in the home can disturb the bonds between parent and child
• The death of a parent or traumatic death in the family may cause overwhelming grief in the family system

Emotional Neglect Vs. Emotional Abuse

Emotional neglect and emotional abuse are two distinct forms of mistreatment that can severely impact mental health and well-being. Emotional neglect refers to the failure of caregivers to provide adequate emotional support, validation, and attention to a child or dependent adult. It can manifest as ignoring emotional needs, withholding affection, or failing to provide a safe and nurturing environment.

Emotional abuse is a deliberate act of emotional harm to another person. It can take many forms, including verbal abuse, humiliation, manipulation, and threats. Emotional abuse can have long-lasting effects on self-esteem, self-worth, and the ability to form healthy relationships.

Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect

Emotional neglect can lead to feelings of emptiness and a lack of connection with others. The signs of childhood emotional neglect can be difficult to identify, as they often involve the absence rather than the presence of certain behavior. Parental emotional neglect can contribute to struggles with identifying and expressing emotions, developing healthy relationships, and maintaining positive self-esteem.

Signs of Emotional Neglect in Children

The signs of emotional neglect in a child can be hard to identify for people outside of the family unit. A common symptom in infants and young children is failure to thrive or developmental delays. In some cases, somatic complaints without organic cause can also indicate emotional distress in children.

School-aged children and adolescents may shut down, making them less likely to ask for help or draw attention to themselves in school. They may appear independent or self-sufficient but struggle to relate to peers and develop close friends. Because children learn how to manage their feelings from primary caregivers, other signs include emotional reactivity or dissociation.

Signs of emotional neglect in childhood may include:

• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Aversion to affection or accepting support
• Heightened sensitivity to rejection
• Developmental or cognitive delays
• Dissociative tendencies
• Shame or guilt around emotions
• Symptoms of conduct disorder
• Insecure attachments
• Negativity toward parents
• Social withdrawal
• Poor peer relationships
• Symptoms of anxiety or depression
• Academic struggles
• Difficulty paying attention
• Frequent tantrums

Signs of Emotional Neglect From Parents

Emotionally neglectful mothers or fathers may not realize the extent of damage their actions cause. However, outside sources can look for common signs of emotional neglect from parents if they suspect negligence.

Signs of emotional neglect from parents may include:

• Indifference to a child
• Viewing or labeling a child as a burden
• Ignoring a child’s needs
• Parental substance abuse
• Apathy toward a child
• Mindless or uninvolved approach to parenting
• Blaming a child for their behavior
• Pretending a child doesn’t exist
• Constantly calling a child ‘bad’

Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect

Early connections with caregivers form a template for how we see the world and relate to others. When parents emotionally neglect their children, a child may struggle to develop healthy relationships, express their feelings, or experience symptoms of a mental health disorder in adulthood.

Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect on Children

Children who experience parental neglect often struggle with emotional regulation, forming healthy relationships, and developing a sense of self-worth.¹ Emotionally neglected children may feel disconnected from their emotions and have difficulty trusting others. If you are wondering, “Was I emotionally neglected as a child,” it is essential to recognize the signs of emotional neglect and seek appropriate support to address the impact of these experiences.

Effects of emotional neglect in childhood may include:

• Believing their emotions are not okay
• Shutting down
• Lashing out to be heard or noticed
• Difficulty in connecting with peers
• Inability to ask for help (in school or otherwise)
• Somatic complaints such as headaches, stomach problems, etc.

Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect on Adults

Adults emotionally neglected as children may feel chronically disconnected and misunderstood. These feelings can make developing healthy relationships a struggle, and adults may draw toward abusive or neglectful romantic relationships.

One sign of emotional neglect in adults is difficulties expressing and understanding emotions. Because our early childhood experiences form how we interact as adults, untreated childhood emotional neglect can cause long-term deficiencies in our ability to understand, manage, and nurture the emotions of others.

Furthermore, experiencing childhood emotional neglect can lead to a pervasive sense of loneliness and shutting down.² Anxiety and mood disorders can sometimes indicate childhood emotional neglect.^3,4

Effects of childhood emotional neglect in adults may include:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Panic disorders
• Bipolar disorder
• Substance misuse
• Distorted sense of self
• Higher risk of suicidal behavior
• Difficulty maintaining relationships
• Depression
• Anxiety disorders
• Distrust of others
• Inability to ask for help
• Persistent feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame
• Inability to deal with emotions or emotional volatility
• Fears of abandonment
• Inability to set boundaries
• Dissociative behaviors²

How to Heal From Childhood Emotional Neglect

Because emotional neglect in childhood creates difficulty in understanding emotions and relationships, effectively healing from childhood trauma should include building emotional intelligence, developing appropriate regulation skills, and forming healthy relationships. While healing from childhood emotional neglect may be difficult, it is possible.

Below are tips for overcoming childhood emotional neglect:

1. Practice Self-Compassion

Curiosity is the antidote to judgment. Many people who experienced childhood emotional neglect are extremely hard on themselves and judge their behavior harshly. Instead, be curious about where your behaviors came from.

When you start to judge yourself, ask what you are feeling and if painful memories are the cause. Being curious about ourselves allows room for insight, awareness, and self-compassion. Judgment shuts down those possibilities.

2. Engage Your Body & Mind

Our emotions express themselves through our bodies. Our bodies hold our feelings and our traumas. Childhood emotional neglect often translates into an unconscious shutting down of one’s emotional and physical responses. Part of recovery is to engage with the body healthily.

Yoga is an excellent way to help your body and mind become more united. Studies show that regular yoga practice decreases symptoms of anxiety and PTSD.⁵ Tai Chi and Qi Gong also have preliminary research showing similar benefits to people with symptoms associated with trauma.⁶

Build Emotional Intelligence

Emotionally neglectful parents do not provide children with a framework for emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to recognizing and distinguishing emotions in yourself and others. This skill can increase by utilizing ‘feelings lists’ that accurately define an emotion.

3. Learn & Practice Regulation Skills

A child who experiences emotional neglect does not have the opportunity to learn regulation skills from their primary caregiver. Therefore it is vital to learn these skills to function well in society. Regulation consists of exercises that build the ability to feel your feelings without allowing your body’s reaction to take over. You can start with deep breathing, relaxation exercises, and grounding techniques.

4. Write a Letter to Your Childhood Self

One powerful way to heal from childhood emotional neglect is to write a letter to your childhood self. In this letter, you can offer yourself the love, validation, and support you may have missed out on as a child. Acknowledge the pain and hurt you feel. This letter can be a cathartic and healing experience, allowing you to process your emotions and release lingering shame or self-blame.

5. Heal Your Inner Child

Healing your inner child involves recognizing and honoring the wounded child within you. You can do this by engaging in activities that bring you joy and comfort, such as creative expression, spending time in nature, or practicing self-care. You can also work with a therapist or counselor specializing in healing childhood emotional neglect to help you develop healthy coping skills.

6. Reach Out for Support

Seek support from trusted friends or family members who can offer you love, support, and validation. Having a positive social network of individuals who recognize your experience provides a sense of comfort and reassurance. Joining a support group can also be a helpful way to connect with others who have had similar experiences.

7. Advocate For Yourself & Others

Advocate for yourself in personal and professional relationships by speaking out against emotional neglect and abuse. You may also consider becoming an advocate for the rights and well-being of children and vulnerable adults experiencing emotional neglect. Providing and receiving support can help break the cycle of emotional neglect and create a more compassionate and nurturing world.

Treatment of Childhood Emotional Neglect

When overcoming childhood emotional neglect, focus on finding the right therapist you connect with and who has experience with the effects of emotional neglect. Once you gain a feeling of safety with the therapist, work to allow yourself to trust the process. Change, even when healing, is uncomfortable. But healing is worth the work.

Below are therapy options for healing from childhood emotional neglect:

• Individual therapy: Individual therapy will provide coping and regulation skill-building to help you manage present symptoms of childhood emotional neglect. Art therapy for children and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) show significant effectiveness in helping clients process traumatic events.⁷
• Family therapy: Family therapy acknowledges that one person’s struggles affect the entire family system. This approach facilitates members to listen to each other and work together to become a healthy system.
• Group therapy: Support groups or group therapy can help build connections and allows participants to identify and relate to each other in a safe environment. Realizing that your experience is not unique can profoundly decrease feelings of isolation and loneliness.
• Parenting classes: Parenting coaching or classes can be especially beneficial for parents abused or neglected in childhood. These teach attendees about child development, healthy discipline, and ways to nurture and support children emotionally.

What to Do About Childhood Emotional Neglect

If you believe a child is being neglected or abused in any way, you should contact your local child and family services agency. While emotional neglect can exist in a family without any abuse, it may be a sign that other abuse is happening in the home. Many adults who work with children or families are mandated reporters and must report any suspected abuse.

Reports may be made anonymously and can be helpful ways to connect families with help. The National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD) can connect you to local resources. Prevent Child Abuse America has parenting programs that help teach appropriate parenting skills.

Final Thoughts

Childhood emotional neglect is a serious form of maltreatment that can have long-lasting effects on an individual’s mental health and well-being. It is essential to recognize the signs of emotional neglect and seek appropriate support and resources to address the impact of these experiences. Healing from childhood emotional neglect requires acknowledging the pain and hurt that you experienced, offering yourself compassion, and understanding, and developing healthy coping skills.