Emotional Reactivity: What It Is & How to Stop Being Emotionally Reactive

What Is Emotional Reactivity?

Emotional reactivity differs from standard emotional responses in that it is much more intense, and usually an overreaction. It can happen due to someone having mental health stressors, physical concerns, or other reasons. No matter the reason, it can be stressful for others who are present during the emotional reaction. Therefore, it often impacts relationships and can even influence our self-perception.

Emotional reactivity often happens impulsively, before our brain has a chance to process the potential repercussions of our outbursts. In the moment of the emotional reaction, our interpretations of the situation are not effective as they are being driven by a biological fight-or-flight response.

Signs of Emotional Reactivity

There are ways someone can learn to recognize if they are an emotionally reactive person. Yelling or shouting at others, saying things that are offensive and that you later regret, and having the urge to cry are all common signs of emotional reactivity.

Some examples of emotionally reactive responses include:

• Having no control over what happens or what you say
• Saying hurtful things to people in moments of anger
• Crying uncontrollably
• Leaving a room in a loud, disruptive way
• Cursing or saying something offensive or inappropriate
• Having a physical response such as throwing an object or hitting a wall
• Screaming or raising your voice at others

Causes of Emotional Reactivity

There are many things that can cause emotional reactivity.Sometimes a physical concern can cause unwanted emotional reactivity, such as being in physical pain. It can also come from mental illness, cognitive impairment, or past trauma history that is unresolved.

Common causes of emotional reactivity include:

• Past trauma: Having past trauma can cause emotional reactivity, especially if the current stressful situation is reminding the person of their past trauma. For example, if someone has a past trauma of an assault, then having someone standing over them- even if it is not in a domineering way- may cause them to react emotionally.
• Learned behaviors: It is common for people who grew up in environments that were highly emotionally reactive to display these same behaviors. This can happen either with parents/caregivers who had immature or unhealthy communication styles, or with caregivers who were mentally ill or had other struggles.
• Physical stressors: Having physical stressors such as being too hot, too cold, or having physical pain can cause someone to overreact emotionally due to the discomfort of their body.
• Substance use: Abusing alcohol or other substances can cause someone to overreact emotionally when perhaps they may not have reacted this way had they not been drinking or under the influence.
• Mental illness: Depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and many other mental illnesses can lead to emotional reactivity depending on how the symptoms present in the person. For example, anxiety can cause someone to feel overly stressed and worried, which can lead to an unintentional emotional reaction.
• Dementia: Due to how it affects the brain and mind, dementia or Alzheimer’s can cause personality changes such as increased irritability and emotional reactivity.¹
• Cognitive impairment: Having a traumatic brain injury or another cognitive impairment can cause behavioral disturbances and emotional changes in a person.
• Intellectual disability: Some people with intellectual disabilities struggle to react appropriately emotionally to stressful external and internal stimuli, and may display moments of emotional reactivity.
• Medical issue: Having low blood sugar or experiencing a migraine can cause someone to overreact emotionally when they did not intend to.

How to be Less Emotionally Reactive

By working to increase emotional intelligence, someone can learn to become less emotionally reactive. Emotional intelligence is the self awareness of one’s emotions, reactions, and expressions of their feelings and emotions.

Emotional regulation is something that takes time to practice. For many, especially those who grew up without healthy examples of emotional responses, they first have to unlearn these bad behaviors while simultaneously learning healthier emotional reactions.

Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can teach someone how to manage their emotions and be less emotionally reactive.² By helping to decrease the anxiety and other negative feelings, mindfulness can help people calm their mind and body.³

Example Mindfulness Exercise

Take several deep breaths, focusing on how your breath feels as it enters and exits your body. Notice your chest rising as you breathe in deeply. Take note of any noises, sensations, or smells around you presently. By focusing on our body and our environment, as well as with breathwork, we can become more in tune with our emotions and feelings.

Meditation

For centuries, meditation has been a tool used to teach someone how to manage their emotions and be less emotionally reactive. Meditation is a way to help the body learn to recognize, and thus decrease, difficult sensations or emotions.⁴

Example Meditation Exercise

To begin, make sure you are sitting somewhere comfortable, and set a timer for a small amount of time, such as 5 minutes. Then, focus on breathing in and out in a rhythmic way in order to prepare for meditation. Some use the 4-7-8 breathing technique to become relaxed. When your mind wanders to other things, note this and slowly allow your mind to return to the present. As you practice and as you increase comfort with meditation, you can increase the time by one minute increments.

Establish Boundaries

By establishing and setting boundaries, you can learn to be less emotionally reactive. Because boundaries help us recognize our own needs, and also help others know what we are and are not okay with, they can help prevent unnecessarily stressful situations.

Remove Yourself From the Situation

If you notice yourself becoming increasingly frustrated or stressed in a certain situation, try to remove yourself from the situation. Removing yourself means taking a moment to either visit the bathroom, disappear alone to your office, or go to another room in order to organize your thoughts and focus on what is going on that is making you react.

Take an Active Listening Approach

If you find that you become emotionally reactive in response to a partner, friend, or colleague, it might be worth taking an approach that involves trying to hear them out. Actively listening to your partner or friend does not mean you ignore your own thoughts or feelings, just try to listen to what they are saying, and allow yourself to calmly explain your perspective.

Get Curious

Do you always get emotionally reactive with the same person, or in the same context? This might mean there is a trigger there. Perhaps they remind you of being talked down to as a child, or feeling helpless or small. This does not mean it is an excuse to react inappropriately, but it can help you to increase self awareness by getting curious about what your triggers are so you can better manage or even avoid them in the future.

Impacts of Being Emotionally Reactive

Being emotionally reactive is stressful to the one who is experiencing it, but it can also affect others around you. The impacts of unchecked emotional reactivity range from loss of employment or relationships, harm to your reputation, and even physical issues.

Prolonged emotional reactivity can lead to:

• Misunderstandings and relationship conflicts
• Elevated blood sugar levels levels⁵
• Strained relationships
• Loss of employment
• High blood pressure⁶
• Embarrassment
• Stress 

Treatment Options for Improving Emotional Stability

Having a therapist can help someone who is emotionally reactive to become more emotionally stable, especially if they feel like they are unable to handle the stressful situations in their life in a healthy way.

Treatment options for emotional reactivity include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy: When we change unhealthy ways of thinking, it can improve our behaviors and thus, our reactions.  CBT teaches these skills to help someone learn how to become less emotionally reactive.
• Dialectical behavior therapy: Because it focuses on teaching distress tolerance skills, DBT can help someone become less emotionally reactive during difficult moments.
• Emotion-focused coping: Emotion-focused coping is a therapeutic technique used to help people better manage their emotional reactions to stressful situations. It involves teaching new skills to better cope with stress.
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: ACT is a form of therapy that teaches people how to cope with stressful situations that inevitably come up, and thus supports them in managing their emotional reactivity.

When & Where to Find Professional Help

If you are looking for support to help you learn to manage your emotional reactivity, or to help you deal with stress, there are some ways to find a therapist: start with an online search of your area. An online therapist directory can be a helpful resource for finding therapists who work with emotional stressors.