What Does it Mean to Be Biromantic?

What Does Being Biromantic Mean?

To understand biromantic, it is important to understand the difference between sex and gender, which sheds light on the many types of sexualities and sexual attractions. People who are biromantic have a romantic attraction to more than one gender.

What Is the Kinsey Scale?

A helpful tool to increase understanding is the Kinsey Scale, which was developed to help define sexual and romantic orientation.

To help illustrate the diverse range of romantic attractions and romantic identities, picture a scale that goes from zero to six. According to this scale, those who identify at zero are exclusively heteroromantic, meaning only attracted to the opposite gender. Those at notch six are exclusively homoromantic, or only attracted romantically to the same gender.Those who rate themselves one through five experience various levels of Romantic attraction and sexual attraction to the same or different genders.¹

Biromanticism & Sexuality

As romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction, someone can be romantically attracted to a gender that they aren’t sexually attracted to, and vice versa. Sometimes someone can be romantically and sexually attracted to the same people, but not always.

Common ways a biromantic person approaches sexual attraction include:

• Biromantic asexual: Someone who is romantically attracted to at least two different genders, but does not experience any sexual attraction. Some asexual people report they do not have sexual needs, and some people report they do but only in some circumstances.
• Biromantic demisexual: A person who is romantically attracted to at least two different genders, but are only sexually attracted to people after they feel a strong emotional bond with them.
• Biromantic bisexual: Someone who is romantically attracted to at least two different genders, and also experiences sexual attraction to at least two different genders. However, it should be noted that they do not have to experience sexual attraction towards the same genders that they are romantically attracted to.
• Biromantic pansexual: Someone who is romantically attracted to at least two different genders, but experiences sexual attraction to people without regard for gender.
• Biromantic heterosexual: An example of this is someone who considers themself straight, or heterosexual, and is attracted to the opposite gender sexually and romantically. However, they are romantically attracted- but not sexually attracted- to their same gender. This would make them biromantic and heterosexual.
• Biromantic gay: Someone who is romantically attracted to at least two genders, but only sexually attracted to their own gender.

Biromantic Vs. Panromantic

Because they seem similar, many people confuse biromantic and panromantic. The terms panromantic and “pan” refer to individuals who experience emotional and romantic attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender. Biromantic people are similar, but experience emotional and romantic attraction towards people of two different genders.

Panromantic individuals may prefer a specific gender identity but gender is not a factor in attraction. However, someone who is biromantic usually prefers certain genders romantically.

Biromantic Vs. Bisexual

Most of us have heard the term “bisexual” before, a term that means someone is sexually attracted to more than one gender. Biromantic is similar, in that it refers to people who are attracted to more than one gender- but in a romantic sense. This means that they are romantically attracted to more than one gender, but not necessarily sexually attracted, to different genders.

Signs of Being Biromantic

There is no right or wrong way to be biromantic. Being biromantic includes identities across the gender spectrum, and you do not have to narrow down any genders that you are attracted to. Biromantics can have romantic feelings for anyone along the gender spectrum including trans or non-binary people.

Below are 7 signs that you might be biromantic:

• 1. You are primarily attracted to “what’s inside” such as personality, rather than their gender identity
• 2. You enjoy non-sexual contact with romantic partners of different genders
• 3. You can picture yourself in long-term relationships with romantic partners of different genders
• 4. You find yourself emotionally drawn to people of different genders
• 5. You experience romantic attraction towards genders other than your current partner
• 6. You are curious about having non-sexual intimacy with different genders, such as hand holding and cuddling
• 7. You never felt “only” attracted to the opposite gender, like some of your peers may have been

Misconceptions About Biromanticism

With more media outlets portraying different sexualities and identities, we are paving the way towards more acceptance of other identities. However, there are still many myths and misconceptions of biromanticism. Stigma associated with this sexuality influences a person to hide this part of themselves from others, especially if they are surrounded by people who are not accepting.

Common biromanticism myths include:

• Biromantic people are actually just bisexual: This is a common myth that biromantic people face when they come out. Statements such as “well you’re just bisexual,” or “how is that different from being bisexual,” contribute to the stigma surrounding this identity.
• Biromantic people can’t have monogamous relationships. This is a harmful stereotype based on the idea that people romantically attracted to more than one gender are incapable of being with only one partner sexually, which is untrue. “Society fosters extreme biphobia, encouraging people to view bisexual people as insatiably sexual, fickle, and untrustworthy.”²
• Being biromantic isn’t a real identity: Of course it is! We all have our own romantic identity, just like we all have our own sexuality.
• Being biromantic is a phase: This minimizes the identity but implying it is not serious enough to last longer than a phase.
• Biromantic people are just curious: This myth is harmful for two reasons. 1: It plays off the stereotype that biromantic people are just experimenting and that it is not a real identity, And 2: It gives the impression that there is something wrong with curiosity. All sexualities and identities start off with curiosity, and this is okay as it is how we learn about ourselves.
• They are just hiding their real identity: It is a common stereotype that people will adopt a bi identity to avoid the stigma associated with being gay or queer.³
• Biromantic people just want attention: This is a common stereotype that many biromantic people face in society, which minimizes their identity and their experience. This stereotype is based off of the commonly held notion that people who have bisexual identities do so for “strategic motivations” such as “attention-seeking purposes.”³

How to Talk to Your Loved Ones About Being Biromantic

Having the support of loved ones is beneficial for the biromantic person. However, often people do not know how to come out to their family and loved ones, or they are worried about their reactions.

It is a good idea to start with friends and family who are supportive and open minded. However, remember that you do not owe anyone any explanation about your sexuality or identity, and you do not have to come out to anyone who you do not feel comfortable coming out to.

How to Support Someone Who is Biromantic

Being a supportive ally to someone who is biromantic is about respect and acceptance, but also about knowing how to provide a welcoming space for them to share. Do not be afraid to ask someone more about themselves to get to know them. There are things you can do to be a supportive friend and ally to an biromantic person.

Below are tips for being an ally for biromantic people:

• Be accepting: If someone shares their identity with you, be careful how you respond. Be sure to be accepting and respectful of the information. Saying things such as “oh but you don’t seem biromantic,” could be taken offensively.
• Educate yourself: Asking questions is a great way to learn more about others, and are usually well received. However, it is important to be careful that you are not placing the person in an awkward position by having to explain personal details that you do not understand. Go to the internet if you would like to learn more about the different sexualities and romantic attractions for example.
• Be open minded: Being open minded will help us be open to learning more about other people and different identities.
• Recognize any biases you have: Part of being an ally is looking at our own biases and preconceived notions about sexuality and sexual identity.
• Share your identity: Many people are more likely to open up to someone who has also shared their sexuality, as this removes the feeling of judgment. If you are also biromantic, feel free to share that!
• Don’t make assumptions: Because romantic attraction manifests and presents so many different ways with everyone, we can not assume someone’s sexuality without asking.
• Validate them: Instead of challenging their identity, such as making them prove who they are romantically attracted to, accept and validate what they tell you.
• Always speak respectfully and open mindedly about LGBTQ people: When speaking about marginalized communities, it is important to be respectful. Being an ally is about more than just how to speak to and around the individual, but also about how you advocate for and support the rest of the community.

When Therapy Can Help

Your process of self discovery and learning about your identity may be ongoing throughout your life. Your romantic orientation may change and develop as you become more comfortable with who you are. Exploring sexuality can seem daunting, but seeking resources that provide guidance and support can help you along the way.

If you are feeling confused about your identity or are questioning your sexuality, consider finding an LGBTQ+ therapist, as they can provide you with useful tools for exploring and understanding your identity. There are many LGBTQ+ online therapy options available.

Final Thoughts

Just like sexuality and gender, romanticism is fluid, and you can be romantically attracted to any number of genders. Being romantically attracted to someone of a certain gender does not automatically change your sexual orientation. Learning more about the different sexualities and romanticisms can help you become more aware of who you are.