5 Reasons to Begin Therapy After a Breakup

What Is Breakup Therapy?

Breakup therapy refers to any form of therapy that a person seeks out after a breakup. It can be couples counseling with your ex to process the breakup together or make practical decisions, such as a schedule for the kids or who keeps the car. Alternatively, it can be individual therapy that focuses on processing the breakup and developing coping skills.^1,2,3

A couples counseling breakup therapy session may include:

• Analyzing factors that led to the break up: This can be helpful as the former couple may clarify the reasons that might have contributed to the relationship ending. Recognizing your contributions to the situation can also be helpful to the couple as they go on to other relationships in the future.
• Processing emotions in a safe space: The couple would have a space to share how they feel and be heard, as well as work toward learning to deal with those emotions in a healthy way.
• Discussing coping strategies: The therapist may go over healthy coping strategies that help people manage the transition from being a couple to being single, identifying the strategies and support that can help with moving on.
• Creating a plan for moving forward: This is mainly for couples whose lives are intertwined and who may have to stay connected. It can focus on setting healthy co-parenting boundaries or developing strategies to interact peacefully and effectively going forward.

An individual breakup therapy session will likely include:

• Processing of emotions: The therapist will ask you about what feelings you’ve been experiencing during the breakup and since the breakup and assist you in your journey to process and validate those feelings.
• Identification of goals: You’ll be asked to think about what goals you’d like to reach through therapy, what you would like to gain from the sessions, and what you’d ideally achieve through your healing process.
• Learning coping strategies: Your therapist will assist you in finding healthy and fitting coping strategies to help you deal with the emotions surrounding your breakup, as well as helping you discover good ways to adjust to the new chapter of your life.
• Assisting in creating a fulfilling lifestyle: Breakups can leave people feeling empty and lost, as their lifestyle and support may have heavily revolved around their partner. Your therapist will work with you to identify new ways you can have a fulfilling lifestyle, whether that means more time with friends, finding a new community, getting more into your hobbies, more self-care, etc.

5 Reasons to Begin Therapy After a Breakup

Breakups can be very tough to manage. It can involve strong feelings of anger and/or loss and simultaneously require you to adjust to a life without a partner. A therapist can be a source of support and assistance, helping you work toward accepting the loss and creating a way to move forward in a way that makes you feel best.

Here are five reasons a person should begin therapy after a breakup:

1. Therapy Can Help You Adjust

A breakup usually entails a big life change, whether moving to a new place, changing your routine, learning to be without an individual/s, new financial stressors, or transitioning to a new way of life. Adjusting to those new routines, patterns can be very tough and distressing in some circumstances.⁴ Therapy can be a way to navigate those changes and adjust to your new chapter in life.

2. Therapy Can Help You Process Grief

Although different from bereavement, a person can experience breakup grief when a relationship ends. The stages of grief after a breakup are the same as those for any other loss. Keep in mind that not everyone will experience every stage or that they will experience those stages in a linear manner.

The stages of grief after a breakup include:

• Bargaining: This can look like pleading with your partner to get back together, saying you will fix everything that has been wrong in the relationship, or doing anything to stop the breakup from remaining a breakup. It is a way to try to change the reality of the breakup because it is so hard to muster sometimes that it has come to an end.
• Denial: This can look like you telling yourself things like “this doesn’t seem like it’s really happening” and denying the fact that you will have to start to move on and be without the person/s you have cared for.
• Anger: This can be anger directed toward the entire situation, your partner, yourself, and any combination of those too.
• Depression: This can look like crying a lot, isolating from others, changes in appetite, struggle to feel motivated, feelings of hopelessness, and deep sadness.
• Acceptance: This stage can come and go and then come back again, but with time acceptance of the breakup becomes more deeply established.⁵

3. Therapy Can Help You With Functioning

Often when seeking therapy, one of the main goals will be to help the individual get back to a place of functioning where they were before or to a level they would like to be. The same goes for therapy after a breakup. If you’ve noticed that you can’t function the same as before at work, home, or elsewhere, therapy can aid you in getting a place of functioning that feels best for you.

4. Therapy Can Offer Support

Ideally, a person would be able to turn to their family, friends, or whoever they feel close to and use them as their social support during a breakup. However, sometimes that isn’t the situation, whether it is because one might feel judged if they share or if their support system isn’t as available to help them as they might need. A breakup therapist can serve as extra support and provide a judgment-free place to work through their breakup.

5. Therapy Can Help You Deal With Distressing Feelings

Breakups can lead to symptoms of depression, a decrease in life satisfaction, and general feelings of distress.⁶ If you notice symptoms you’re having difficulty managing or would like help with, breakup counseling may be useful. The therapist can use evidence-based therapeutic approaches to help you with those symptoms.

How to Cope With a Breakup

Breakups can be very difficult and emotionally devastating sometimes. In addition to breakup therapy, there are coping strategies you can implement immediately, which can be helpful in your journey to heal.

Some healthy ways to cope with a breakup include:

Journaling

Journaling, in general, is a good way to let your emotions out on paper; however, an article from the American Psychological Association explains that specifically after a breakup, journaling about the positives that may arise from it has been shown to be helpful in feeling better and helpful for your growth after the breakup.⁶

Social Support

Social support can be a huge help to a person dealing with a breakup. This can be done either by talking to those in your social circle and getting emotional support or by your social circle helping you with things like chores if you’re overwhelmed.⁷ The key is to tap into the ways those close to you can be of support to you and recognize that you can also receive love from other people and not just your romantic partner/s.

Self-Care

Post-breakup might feel like a time when you would rather not do anything, but as a general rule, sticking to a good sleep schedule, exercising, doing activities you enjoy, and taking care of your general well-being is very important now. Self-care routines can help you against falling into self-neglect during a distressing time. It is important to remember that resting can be good and useful, so listen to your body.

Practice self-love

Breakups can be a blow to a person’s self-esteem, and in some circumstances, an individual has stepped so deeply into their relationship that their sense of self is also lost after the breakup. In those times, learning to love yourself again can help you feel better about yourself after the breakup. You can take yourself to your favorite places, write yourself a love letter, be gentle and patient with yourself, do things you love, or add anything else that helps you practice self-love.

Mindfulness

During breakups, there is often an influx of racing thoughts about what the future might hold post-breakup and simultaneously ongoing memories of what the relationship was like. Practicing mindfulness is a way to help you be more present in the moment and release some of those thoughts.

Draw From Your Past Coping Abilities

This applies to those who have experienced a breakup or a related type of heartache in the past. What did you do at that time that helped you move on? Did you go on a vacation? Did you sign up for a new class? Did you go out with your friends? Did you spend time in nature? Did you turn to religion or spirituality? Think back, there is a chance that you have some good coping skills that have helped you previously and are unique to you and how you find comfort.

When to Seek Professional Support

Breakups can be tough, so if you are having a harder time coping than you thought, you might want to seek professional help from a therapist. Even if you are feeling okay, therapy can help you improve skills such as conflict resolution and healthy boundary setting, which will benefit you when you choose to date again. Speak with a therapist about your goals, and you can decide together if therapy is a helpful tool to achieve those goals.

An online therapist directory is a great place to search for a therapist specializing in breakup therapy. Alternatively, if you are having difficulty pulling yourself out of your home, an online therapy platform may be a good option.

In My Experience

“The unknown is where all outcomes are possible; enter it with grace”- Yogi Tea Bag

This quote comes to mind when working with patients going through a breakup, as often they feel a sense of doom about what the new unknown they’re walking into might be like. In my professional experience, after the tough emotional days (or weeks or months) following a breakup, people seem to not only start to feel better but often end up in an even better situation and headspace than they ever imagined! Seek help if needed, apply your favorite healthy coping skills, practice self-care, ask for support from those you can lean on, and in time you will be able to get back into a better space.