Fear of Losing Someone You Love: Why It Happens & How to Overcome

What Causes the Fear of Losing Someone You Love?

The fear of losing a loved one can stem from various factors, including past trauma, attachment style, relationship experiences, cultural influences, and mental health conditions like Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Recognizing the underlying causes of this fear can provide valuable insight, helping you address it in a meaningful way and regain a sense of emotional balance.

Here are 10 possible reasons you have the fear of losing someone you love:

1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) causes persistent and excessive worry about various aspects of life, including the fear of losing a loved one. This anxiety can manifest as constant concern about their health, safety, or well-being, often leading to catastrophic thinking and imagining worst-case scenarios even when there’s no immediate danger. Over time, this overwhelming fear can interfere with daily life and relationships, making it difficult to feel secure and at ease.

2. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is characterized by persistent, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental rituals (compulsions) aimed at reducing anxiety. When OCD involves the fear of losing a loved one, a person may develop obsessive worries about their safety, health, or commitment. In response, they might engage in compulsive behaviors such as excessive checking or reassurance-seeking to try to prevent an imagined loss. Unfortunately, these behaviors can create a vicious cycle, intensifying anxiety and straining relationships.

Common triggers for this fear:

• Health concerns (personal or family-related)
• A past experience of grief or loss
• Exposure to news or media about accidents, death, or tragedy
• High-stress periods or anxiety spikes
• Relationship changes or separation

Common obsessions related to this fear:

• Contamination: Fear that a loved one will become ill from germs
• Harm: Fear of accidentally or intentionally causing harm to someone
• Health: Excessive worry about a loved one’s well-being
• Relationships: Fear of abandonment, infidelity, or rejection
• Magical Thinking: Belief that performing certain rituals can prevent harm

Common compulsions related to this fear:

• Repeatedly calling or texting a loved one to confirm they are safe
• Excessive cleaning or handwashing to prevent illness
• Constantly seeking reassurance that fears are unfounded
• Engaging in mental rituals (e.g., praying, counting, repeating phrases) to prevent imagined harm

3. Experiencing Loss as a Child

When a child experiences a loss or trauma, the unpredictability experienced during that event can result in an ongoing fear of similar situations. This can contribute to a fear of the loss of someone you love even into adulthood.

4. Thanatophobia

Thanatophobia is a severe fear of someone you care about dying. While generalized anxiety causes worry about many different possible scenarios, this is an extremely intense and panic-inducting fear of death.¹

5. Attachment Styles

A person with an insecure attachment style, which comes from unstable relationships with caregivers early in life, can influence the way a person experiences fear of loss. This can cause someone to be more insecure or fearful about someone close to them abandoning or rejecting them.²

6. Dependence

A person who is dependent on others for their own needs may be more fearful about losing someone because it could mean that they have no one to care for them. They may feel scared about what their future will hold, and how they will be able to survive without the person.

7. Cultural Factors

Different cultures have varying beliefs about grief, loss, death, and whether or not there is an afterlife. Cultural norms and beliefs as well as customs and community support can influence a person’s fears about losing a loved one.³

8. Brain Biology

The brain’s response to triggers and fear can be more pronounced in some people than others based on brain structure and genetic factors. This can cause some people to have a more intense fear response to triggers or thoughts of losing someone.

 9. Aging or Ill Loved Ones

Watching a loved one age or become ill can be very difficult and trigger fears about loss. This can be a normal reaction to seeing someone you love struggling, but it can also become an excessive fear that has an impact on your ability to enjoy life.

 10. Need for Control

People who have a strong need for control or perfectionism may struggle more with the uncertainty of life, including the fear of losing someone they love. This fear often stems from an inability to predict or influence the future, leading to anxiety about potential loss. When faced with unpredictability, they may feel overwhelmed, seeking ways to micromanage situations or relationships in an attempt to maintain a sense of security.

Identify the Cause of Your Fear of Losing Someone You Love

It is important for a person to pinpoint and understand the specific triggers and underlying causes of their fear of losing someone they love. Self-discovery about what triggers these fears can not only provide a lot of insight and healing, but it can also help someone develop tailored strategies to combat their fears and stop them from having such a negative impact on their life.

Here are some effective ways to identify the root cause of your fear of losing someone you love:

Identify Triggers

Tracking your fears in a journal or notebook can help you identify triggers. Write down when the fear came up, and what was happening before. Write down who you saw, what you did, and what media you consumed before you started feeling the fear. Take note of anything else that may have been happening in your life that contributed to the fear.

Here are some questions to get a better sense of what is causing your fear of losing someone you love:

• Have I experienced loss before?
• Do I have a history of traumatic events in my life?
• Do I feel secure in my relationships?
• Do I have symptoms of a mental health disorder that might be contributing?
• Is my stress level higher than usual?
• How do I handle loss of control or uncertainty in general?
• What would losing someone mean to me?

 Ask Your Loved Ones

It can be helpful to seek feedback from friends and/or family to gain an external perspective on one’s behavior and how this feedback can reveal patterns that the individual may not recognize on their own. Be aware of a pattern of constantly seeking reassurance, as this can be unhealthy. However, asking loved ones for their feedback about any triggers or events that may contribute can be helpful.

Speak to a Therapist

If your fears are interfering with your ability to enjoy life, or they are impacting your sleep, work, school, or relationships, it’s a good idea to seek professional help. Your primary care provider, insurance company, or an online therapy directory are great places to start for finding a therapist who can help you heal from your fear of losing someone.

Therapists and counselors can assist in uncovering deep-seated causes of fear of losing someone. These can include things like past trauma, attachment wounds, or mental health disorders like anxiety or OCD. They can help you identify patterns and work through any past events, losses, or other factors that are contributing to your fears and making it more difficult to enjoy life.

Keep a Journal

A journal can be a great way to process thoughts and feelings. Just getting thoughts down on paper can sometimes make things feel more clear and give emotions a place to go. Journaling about your fears can also provide some insight into triggers and patterns that will help you find tailored coping strategies to help you.

The Impact of Fear of Losing Someone You Love

The fear of losing a loved one can take a toll on both personal relationships and overall well-being. It may lead to clinginess, overprotectiveness, or an ongoing need for reassurance—behaviors that, while rooted in love, can create strain and distance in relationships. Ironically, the very fear of loss can sometimes contribute to the breakdown of the connection, making it even more important to recognize and address these emotions in a healthy way.

How to Overcome the Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Overcoming a fear of losing someone you love is possible with the right approach and support. The strategies that are the most helpful will vary based on the underlying cause of the fear, but fortunately, there are many helpful tools, techniques and therapeutic approaches that can help you overcome this fear.

Here are some tips for how to overcome the fear of losing someone you love:

Begin Therapy or Counseling

Seeking therapy or counseling can be one of the most effective ways to address the fear of losing someone you love. A mental health professional can help uncover the root causes of your fear and develop a personalized treatment plan.

Different therapeutic approaches may be beneficial depending on your specific experiences:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Ideal for fears linked to past trauma, EMDR helps reprocess distressing memories and reduce their emotional intensity.
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Useful for fears driven by anxious thoughts, ACT teaches you to acknowledge these thoughts without judgment, helping you detach from them rather than treating them as absolute truths.

Working with a therapist can provide valuable tools and coping strategies, allowing you to manage your fears in a healthier, more balanced way.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is simply the practice of noticing what is happening in the present moment, without judgment. For someone with a fear of losing someone, this could mean simply noticing the thoughts and feelings that arise, and then returning one’s focus to their breath or their senses. There are several mindfulness apps that can be helpful for practicing mindfulness and meditation in innovative ways.

Lower Your Stress Level

When a person has a higher stress level in general, this can lead to an increase in anxiety, fears and negative thinking. It can also make symptoms of any existing mental health concerns worse.  Practice strategies to reduce your stress level and keep it manageable, such as time management, limiting commitments, setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care.⁵

Focus on What You Can Control

Instead of dwelling on the fear of loss, direct your energy toward the aspects of life that are within your control. This includes how you spend your time, the people you choose to surround yourself with, and the ways you express love and appreciation. By focusing on meaningful actions—such as nurturing relationships, setting personal goals, and practicing self-care—you can cultivate a greater sense of stability and emotional resilience.

 Remember That Thoughts Are Only Thoughts, Not Facts

When the fears of losing someone come up, remind yourself that thoughts are not facts. There are simply thoughts that have come into your mind that may have no basis in reality. Remember that these thoughts don’t mean anything about the future or the likelihood of something bad happening to a loved one.

Engage in Fun Activities

Spend time doing hobbies or activities that are fun and bring you joy. Spend time with people who make you laugh. Making fun and enjoyment a priority in life can distract from your fears and help you focus on the present moment.

Plan for the Future

Sometimes the best way to deal with fear is to face it head-on. If your fears are specifically about death, it may be helpful to talk to your loved ones about their wishes. Make sure that all necessary plans are in place including a will, living will, power of attorney, and emergency contact. Having these things in place can help set your mind at ease.

Schedule Worry Time

Rather than letting anxious thoughts consume your entire day, schedule a specific time to acknowledge them. Set aside 10–15 minutes daily—preferably at the same time each day—and use this period to fully focus on your worries. If anxious thoughts arise outside of this window, gently remind yourself that you’ll address them during your scheduled time. This technique can help prevent worries from dominating your mind while allowing you to process them in a controlled and structured way.

When to Seek Professional Support

Anytime fears, worries, or concerns start to impact a person’s ability to function at work, school, in relationships, or taking care of household responsibilities, it’s a good time to seek professional help. While it can be normal to have worries and fears when you care about someone and don’t want to lose them, it is not healthy for these fears to overtake your thoughts and take away from your ability to enjoy life.

An online therapist directory can be a helpful way to search for a therapist by insurance, type of therapy, and conditions that they work with to find someone who will be a good fit. If getting out to an in-person appointment will make therapy more difficult, an online therapy platform can allow you to have therapy in the comfort of your own home.