How To Get The Most Out Of Therapy: 21 Tips

Here are 21 ways to make sure you’re getting the most out of your therapy sessions:

1. Make Sure Your Therapist Is a Great Fit

In order for therapy to be effective, you need to find a therapist whom you like and trust. Therapy is a serious commitment, so it’s important to choose a therapist you feel safe with, and someone you can speak to openly without fear of judgment. You may feel most comfortable with a therapist who shares your identity as LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, or Latinx.

If you and your partner are seeking couples therapy, make sure you are both comfortable sharing with the therapist—if one of you doesn’t feel like it’s a great fit, you may not be able to fully share your feelings and issues.

2. Learn All You Can About Your Therapist’s Approach

Having a clear understanding of the therapist’s communication style, the type of therapy they practice, and how it will fix the problem you have decided to address can determine how therapy will work for you. If the explanation does not feel adequate, ask for more information. You also want to be clear about what your role needs to be for the therapy to feel like it’s working.

Therapy takes time and commitment, and you want to be certain that you and your potential therapist are on the same page and heading in the same direction. Therapy outcome research has shown that lack of understanding of how therapy can be effective often leads clients to discontinue prematurely.

3. Take Care of Housekeeping First

Scheduling and cost of therapy might not be your first considerations, but taking care of the logistics right away can free your mind to fully engage in the therapeutic process, without worrying about time or money. Set aside a weekly time slot in your schedule for recurring therapy appointments, secure transportation, and childcare if needed. Make sure your insurance information is processed and you understand your financial obligation, whether it is a co-pay or self-pay fee in cases where insurance is not accepted. Taking care of housekeeping first will help you commit to the process and feel focused on the emotional work at hand.

4. Bring a List of Things You Want to Talk About

Therapy is most valuable when you use it wisely. Spend time thinking about what you want to get out of the therapeutic process, and bring a list of issues you want to discuss to your first session. Having clear goals for yourself, and an awareness of what problems in your life need to be addressed, will set you up for success.

5. Schedule Down Time on Either Side of Your Sessions

Instead of rushing to therapy appointments and then heading off to your next commitment, schedule some margin in your calendar for reflection and self-care. Therapy can be triggering at times, and emotionally draining. Leave time before sessions to reflect on what you hope to talk with your therapist about during your appointment, and take some time afterwards to process what you experienced and learned during your time together. You might want to write any insights down in a journal, or just take a short walk outdoors to get some fresh air and clear your mind before moving on with your day.

6. If You’re Doing Online Therapy, Make Sure You Have a Quiet Space

Online therapy is a great option for those who don’t have time to travel to an office for therapy, or who live in remote areas where therapy services are unavailable. Whether you’re using an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, Talkspace, or connecting with a therapist via telehealth through your provider, it’s important to create a calm, distraction-free environment for your sessions.

Turn off the television, put your phone aside, and focus on the therapy session in order to make the most gains.

7. Be Consistent in Regularly Attending Sessions

One of the most important predictors of improvement through psychotherapy is consistency. You can make positive changes in your life, one step at a time, when you show up week after week without giving up. Respect the time your therapist has set aside for you, and be sure to arrive on time for each session. Sometimes just showing up is the first step in transforming your life for the better.

8. Be Honest About Your Feelings, Not Just the Facts

People tend to experience the exact same situation with very different responses. Therefore, if you are only telling your therapist the facts of a situation or story, then they aren’t getting the full picture. An essential part of the therapy process is to share your feelings that are connected with the story or events. At the beginning of treatment, when you are building rapport and trust with your therapist, it might take time for your thoughts and emotions to come rushing out.

By sharing your feelings around the topic, you will help your therapist get a full grasp of what you’re saying about the subject. Did the situation make you feel angry, sad, or anxious? Your therapist will not know how you felt in a situation unless you are candid. If you’re not sharing your feelings because you feel unclear about them, that’s normal too.

It is all right to talk about an experience with your therapist and to tell them that you aren’t sure how you feel about it. In fact, this can open the door for them to talk in more depth about it and for you to explore your feelings about it. Keep in mind that it is also okay for you to request your therapist to hold off on exploring a subject for a certain amount of time. Let healing happen at a pace that feels right for you.

9. Understand the Relationship: Your Therapist Is Not Your Friend

Boundaries start in the first session with your therapist and continue throughout the therapy process. Your therapist will discuss the limits and definition of confidentiality, the consent to treat form, HIPAA (including releases of information), and the client-therapist agreement. Therapists care about their clients and want the best for them, but it is important to keep in mind that it is a professional relationship with clear parameters.

You might see your therapist weekly, feel very comfortable with them, and share your innermost thoughts and feelings to them even more than you would to your spouse or best friend. But one thing needs to be clear: They’re not your best friend. That sounds harsh, but it’s essential to acknowledge that there is a difference. Even though your therapist can feel like a trusted companion, a skilled therapist will be able to provide the delicate balance of care and empathy along with setting appropriate boundaries.

10. Be Prepared to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

An effective therapist will challenge you and assist in the process of looking at things from a different angle. This might feel overwhelming at first, but an effective therapist will help you learn more constructive skills for managing difficult emotions or situations.

White mentions, “Therapy is often a transition process, which implies change. Change can be uncomfortable, and it may mean doing things in a new way, trying things for the first time, or experimenting with new ways of thinking and doing to find what is most helpful to you. Treat techniques and ‘homework’ exercises your therapist may recommend in the same way you might try a new food – you may land on something you like that helps you get the results you want.”

11. Make a Plan & Set Specific Goals Together

Therapy involves talking about problematic issues, negative patterns, and moods, but more importantly it is about moving in a direction. An effective therapist works with you in formulating a plan that will help to achieve the final goal.

During the beginning phase of therapy, you and your therapist should come up with SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound) that will provide a “road map” for the direction you have both decided to take.

12. Don’t Expect Your Therapist to Tell You What to Do

While it may be tempting to look to your therapist for advice to fix your situation, don’t expect your therapist to tell you what to do. Therapy is a unique process that is meant to guide you toward your own revelations and conclusions. Your therapist is there to support you, help you uncover your truth, and problem-solve potential solutions together. Ultimately, you take the lead in changing your life.

13. Bring a Journal With You

Bringing a journal with you to therapy can offer an opportunity to write down goals or insights as soon as they come to you. Recording your progress in this way can be empowering as you look back over your time in therapy and see all the things you’ve discovered about yourself, the goals you’ve met, and how far you’ve come through the therapeutic process. Your therapist may also have “homework” for you to think about in between sessions, and your journal can be the perfect place to write down the details of these assignments, and reflect on them so that you can discuss it with your therapist in the next session.

14. Set Up a Process for Check-Ins Monitoring Your Progress

Improvement in therapy is not linear. Things can get worse before they get better. Your therapist can help you monitor your progress with objective tools like the PHQ-9 for depression or asking that rate your symptoms on a scale of 1-10 for those with anxiety.

15. Track Your Changes Over Time

A clear sign that therapy is working for you is that you start to feel better. For example, if you’re focusing on reducing panic attacks, you should have fewer of them and less frequently. They will probably not stop overnight, and having a setback may occur, but gradually there should be a noticeable decrease in the issues you’re working on in therapy. Even if you are still experiencing panic attacks, you should have a strong sense that you and your therapist are heading in the right direction and symptoms are reducing.

If you’re not seeing progress, review your treatment plan with your therapist and consider adjusting it. Also, if you feel that your progress has stagnated, it’s crucial to bring that up with your therapist and discuss it. Ask to review the treatment plan and see if the goal(s) need to be revised or updated. A good therapist will not be offended by you bringing this issue up. In fact, they will take it as a good sign of how motivated you are to make the most of your therapy session.

16. Leave Time for Self-Care & Homework Between Sessions

Therapy is emotionally intensive work, and you might find yourself feeling drained after a particularly productive session. Make time to care for yourself throughout the process. Whether you go for a walk to clear your mind, get coffee with a supportive friend, take a bubble bath, head to the gym, or escape in the pages of a book, caring for yourself is important. Making sure you are eating well, getting enough sleep, and moving your body is also important on your journey toward greater wellness.

Your therapist may assign homework, such as thought exercises, mood tracking, or reading. Be sure to make time to complete it before your next session.Therapy may only be an hour per week, and making significant changes in life will require much more thought, reflection, and investment of your time. Keeping up with homework will ensure your continued progress in treatment.

17. Don’t Be Afraid to Tell Your Therapist What’s Not Working

Remember, you’re the one who hired your therapist. You can and should ask questions, and do not hesitate to disagree with your therapist if you are not satisfied. It’s crucial to verbalize what’s working and what is not. If a therapy technique or homework task doesn’t make sense, say so.

The best way for your therapist to get to know the real you, and to help you, is for you to be authentic and forthright about what you’re thinking. If you’re nervous about being judged, remember that a skilled, supportive therapist will not place judgment. In fact, they will appreciate your honesty and take it as a sign of motivation.

18. Ask for Support From Loved Ones When You Need It

Therapy can bring up difficult emotions. Identify a few safe people in your life who you can talk to about what’s coming up for you, and how you’re feeling about the process. Creating a network of support is often part of any therapeutic intervention. That being said, don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries with those who might not be supportive of your progress. You are not obligated to share anything about your therapy process, and setting boundaries can also be an important step in fostering healthier relationships.

19. Be Patient: Positive Change Takes Time

Therapy forces you to take a long, hard look at what has not been working in your life and learn to replace those things with more adaptive coping strategies and behaviors. As beneficial as therapy can be in the long run, it can be frustrating at times. If you feel frustrated, it’s a good idea to address it with your therapist so that it does not become a barrier to your goals.

There’s a lot you can do to prepare for your first therapy sessions, and reading these tips is a positive sign that you are motivated and willing to do the work to get the most out of your therapy sessions. Therapy is an investment in yourself and your future, and a strong therapeutic relationship which makes you feel safe and supported will make all the difference in bringing forth benefits that will impact every aspect of your life.

20. Enjoy the Process!

Exploring past trauma, challenging situations, mental health concerns, or relational issues can be hard, and not always comfortable. But much of therapy can also be enjoyable as you learn more about yourself, gain valuable skills, establish healthier habits, and form a therapeutic bond that you’ll always remember. Enjoy the experience, and trust the process.

21. Don’t Stay in a Bad Therapy Relationship

If you feel that your therapy has plateaued or isn’t working, the first person you should talk to is your therapist. They may adjust their approach or introduce new strategies to support your growth. If things still do not feel like they are progressing, then it could be possible that you and your therapist are simply not the best fit. That’s perfectly OK.

Sometimes personalities simply do not mesh. If this is the case, don’t hesitate to break up with your therapist and search for a new therapist who will be a better fit. Even when you end the relationship, the content covered could still be useful for you with your next therapist. Therapy can be very effective, but it isn’t always a linear process. Sometimes you may feel worse after therapy before you feel better. Like many things in life, you get out of it what you put into it.