Overprotective parents try to control their child’s actions, academics, friendships, and responsibilities. While they want to ensure their child’s well-being, their efforts can be intrusive and detrimental to childhood development. Overprotective parenting styles can result in a sense of extreme dependency in children as well as family dynamic issues.
What Are Overprotective Parents?
Overprotective parents often experience intense anxiety about their child’s safety. As a result, they tend to micromanage their child to prevent them from taking risks or getting hurt.1 Overprotective parents worry about many things, especially their children’s physical and emotional safety.
Similar to snowplow parents, overprotective parents are so anxious about their child’s well-being that they proactively remove all obstacles for children. While their intentions may be good, doing so prevents children from developing the necessary skills for growth. Overprotective parents may also be overly concerned about their child’s ability to perform, succeed, or manage situations.
12 Signs of Overprotective Parents
Common signs of overprotective parents include constantly reminding children of potential danger, taking over their responsibilities, and removing any trace of privacy. Some of these behaviors are a normal part of parenting and do not inherently indicate overprotective parenting. However, practicing these actions consistently can suggest a parent is overprotective.
Below are 12 signs of overprotective parents:
- Taking over their child’s schoolwork to help them get a good grade
- Continuously checking in on their child when separated
- Managing their child’s friendships
- Consistently reminding their child about avoiding danger
- Doing all chores or taking over other essential responsibilities
- Planning all their child’s social activities
- Personalizing their child’s feelings
- Consistently invading their child’s privacy
- Controlling their child’s social interactions
- Prohibiting or discouraging their child from taking age-appropriate risks
- Fostering a sense of extreme dependency
- Doing everything in their nature to prevent their children from falling2
Examples of Overprotective Parenting
Many of us have seen overprotective parenting on the playground or at a child’s school. In a society where many parents feel the need to do everything for their children, it can be hard to distinguish the difference between typical concern versus overprotective parenting.
Below are common examples of overprotective parenting:
Hovering Over a Child at the Playground
An overprotective parent may appear panicked when taking a child to the playground and stand right behind or next to them as they play. The parent is quick to catch a fall and even faster at responding to any sign of distress. Promoting a safe environment for a child is important, but excess hovering can jeopardize their emotional safety. Children need to explore the natural environment to learn appropriate boundaries. In a sense, they need to learn how to fall repeatedly to play safely.
Immediately Calling Their Teacher When a Child Brings Home a Bad Test Grade
Another example of overprotective parenting is overinvolvement in a child’s academic life. It’s no secret that parents want their children to succeed in school, and many believe that academic performance is the key to doing well in life. But this behavior can leave long-lasting consequences on a child’s well-being. This strategy disregards the child’s perspective entirely.
Instead of having a collaborative discussion about the test, the overprotective parent opts to ‘go to the professional’ rather than understand what may have happened. Over time, this pattern can cause children to feel invalidated and unimportant. It can also lead them to experience intense anxiety about school, performance, and overall achievement.
Checking In With a Child Multiple Times When They’re Out With Friends
It’s normal to check in on your child occasionally. But overprotective parents often call, text, or email their children incessantly. If they can’t get a hold of their child, they may contact their child’s friends or friends’ parents. This behavior demonstrates a lack of trust. As a parent, allowing your child to have age-appropriate boundaries is important. As they grow older, they can and should have more independence. You must learn to trust them as they navigate the world.
Additionally, this overprotective behavior often backfires. If a child feels like they’re being micromanaged, they may become sneakier with maintaining their privacy. They might also lie, downplay, or withhold important information. They may become guarded altogether because they feel they can’t be entirely honest with their parents.
Saying ‘No’ To Most Social Events or Activities
Many overprotective parents restrict their children from establishing independence. As a result, they may prohibit the child from engaging in new hobbies, activities, or relationships. In a sense, the parent tries to keep the child in a safe, protected bubble. However, there is no such thing as a “safe, protected bubble” in the real world. An overprotective parent’s fear of a child getting hurt prevents them from embracing new opportunities. These children often grow up feeling naive to danger or have an intense need to rebel against their parents.
Logging Into All a Child’s Social Media Accounts
If a parent consistently scans through their child’s every message, comment, or like, it could be far too intrusive and overprotective. Online safety is important, and it’s one thing to monitor your child’s online activity. Still, children deserve to have privacy and parents need to trust that they can make good decisions. Moreover, children tend to be extremely savvy online. If they know their parents are watching their every move, they may just resort to using different usernames or websites. Parents should ensure their child understands how to behave online appropriately, not dictate the child’s behavior.
Scheduling an Adult Child’s Appointments
Some parents continue organizing all their child’s events even after the child has left home. Overprotective parents may make their grown child’s doctor’s appointments, remind them to go to the dentist, or take their car to the mechanic. While these gestures can be generous, repeating them can perpetuate excess dependency on parents. Rather than being accountable for personal responsibility, the child grows up expecting other people to help them with their daily tasks.
Effects of Overprotective Parenting
There are numerous psychological effects of having overprotective parents for children. For example, when a child continually feels the excess need to succeed, this pressure can affect their self-esteem and overall temperament. This dynamic can lead to mental health issues related to depression, anxiety, codependent relationships, disordered eating, and substance use.
Subsequently, all children must learn how to differentiate from their caretakers. That means they need to understand and implement independent life skills. This is essential for long-term happiness and success. But if a parent always rescues their child from harm, the child never truly understands risk or failure. As a result, they may grow up naive to the harsh realities of living in the real world. Or, they may become impulsive and irresponsible because they know someone will always be there with a safety net.3
Does Overprotective Parenting Impact Physical Health?
The relationship between overprotective parenting and physical health is complicated. Some research shows that children in stricter, authoritative households have more positive attitudes towards specific healthy nutrition behaviors.4 That said, the motives behind these choices remain unclear. It’s unknown whether these children choose to value healthy living or if they feel pressured to adopt this mindset. Likewise, stress associated with overprotective parenting can lead to various health issues, such as high blood pressure, muscle pain, fatigue, sleep problems, heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.6
Is Being an Overprotective Parent Effective?
Overprotective parenting may seem like a good idea, particularly when the parent feels anxious or out of control. Likewise, they may assume they know what’s best for their child. But overprotective parenting can leave lasting consequences on a child’s development. On the one hand, children may rebel against their parent’s expectations. If they feel too smothered, they may learn to lie or manipulate their parents to “get them off their back.”
Additionally, children may grow up lacking the fortitude and skills needed to survive in the real world, such as how to wash dishes or pay bills. They may not know how to solve fundamental problems because they are used to someone else solving them. If they never experience natural consequences for their behavior, they often struggle with being responsible and accountable for their actions.
Criticism of Overprotective Parenting
There are advantages associated with overprotective parenting. Some research shows that children with highly-involved parents tend to have greater self-confidence, better grades, and less impulsive behavior. One study found that teenagers with parents with ‘intensive parenting styles’ score higher on tests. Separate research suggests that children with overprotective parents are less likely to use drugs, drink alcohol, or have sex at a young age.6
That said, it’s important to understand the costs of these virtuous benefits. Most parents want their children to succeed academically, but what if this success compromises the child’s emotional well-being? What if it takes a massive toll on their self-esteem and relationship with other family members?
Critics of overprotective parenting cite that this parenting style is associated with problems related to low self-esteem, poor attachment with primary caregivers, and limited problem-solving skills.7 Additionally, there is no guarantee that overprotective parenting styles protect a child from harm.
How Therapy Can Help People With Overprotective Parents
Therapy can support individuals struggling to deal with overprotective parents or dysfunctional family dynamics. Choose a therapist who can provide a safe and supportive environment to process emotions and learn new coping skills. Children of overprotective parents can learn how to solve problems, live independently, and set healthy boundaries with their parents.
Individual therapy is a non-judgmental space where you can freely discuss your thoughts and feelings. If you had or have an overprotective parent, you may need support in working through the consequences associated with their parenting. Often, therapy isn’t about changing your entire family system. Instead, it’s about learning how to focus on what you can control. For example, if your parents still take over most of your life, therapy can help you establish appropriate boundaries. You can also learn more about forming healthy relationships, building self-esteem, and managing your distress productively.
Group therapy offers a compassionate space for like-minded individuals to come together and share their feelings. There are many types of groups you can join. Some focus more on general support, whereas others have specific topics that adhere to a curriculum. Some clients benefit from a combination of individual and group therapy. If you’re unsure which option is best for you, consult with a therapist.
Overprotective Parenting Statistics
Overprotective parenting is a more recent phenomenon, and as parents become more involved in their child’s lives, there are some crucial statistics to consider:8
- 62% of parents report that they can be “sometimes” overprotective.
- Mothers are more likely to report being overprotective than fathers.
- About half of parents believe they should be more involved in their child’s life.
- About half of parents report they would be disappointed if their child was an average student.
- Over half of parents report that parents cannot be too involved in their child’s education.
- 85% of parents indicate they have talked to a teacher about their child’s academic progress.
Final Thoughts
Overprotective parents often mean the best for their children, but sheltering a child from experiencing life is not helpful. Recognizing the signs of overprotective parenting can help you identify any unhealthy parenting behaviors in yourself. If you are struggling with the impacts of your childhood, consider reaching out to a therapist.
Further Reading for Those Dealing With Overprotective Parenting
The following are helpful additional resources for anyone impacted by overprotective parenting:
- HelpGuide: This nonprofit organization offers useful information for parents wanting to support their child’s mental and physical health. All articles feature free, evidence-based resources.
- Anxietycentre.com: This organization provides education, support, and information for overprotective parenting and anxiety.
- The Children’s Project: This organization focuses on developing emotionally-healthy children and families. It operates under the belief that emotional health serves as the foundation for all subsequent happiness and success.
- Best Parenting Books
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- MentalHealth.gov
Overprotective Parents Infographics
