Rebound Relationship: Definition, Signs, & What to Know

10 Signs You’re In a Rebound Relationship

A person who ends a relationship is not necessarily ready to start dating again. Perhaps they were broken up with or still love their ex. Either way, look for fears of commitment, resentful feelings, and frequent mentions of an ex if you suspect you are the rebound after a breakup.

Here are ten signs you’re in a rebound relationship:

1. They Were in a Recent Breakup

The time needed to heal from a breakup depends on many factors, such as emotional investment and connection. People struggling with a recent breakup often seek ways to fill the void of a former partner. Therefore, you may be the rebound if your partner has ended a relationship within the last few months.¹

2. The Relationship Is Moving Very Fast

Your partner may be rebounding if the relationship is progressing faster than typical. People in rebound relationships often want to convince themselves (and others) that the relationship is genuine. They may push you to have sex, define the relationship, or even move in with them sooner than expected.

3. They Keep Comparing You to Their Ex

Another warning sign of a rebound relationship is constant comparisons to an ex. A rebounding partner views your actions, looks, and personality through a specific lens, expecting you to behave and appear the same as their ex.

4. They Have a Fear of Commitment

While commitment issues do not always hint to a rebound relationship, they can show the person is not ready to move forward with you. You may struggle with this, especially if you are willing to commit to this person.

5. The Focus of the Relationship is Sex

You may be in a rebound relationship if your partner is only interested in sex. Pay attention if you only get together for sex or avoid doing activities together outside of the bedroom.

6. Their Ex Is Always Around

Your partner may see you as a way to get back at their ex if you “coincidentally” run into them frequently. Your partner could monitor their ex’s social media to keep tabs on their location so they can “accidentally” run into them. In this case, you are the decoy used to create jealousy in the ex.

7. They Aren’t Trying to Get to Know You

A major red flag is when your new partner doesn’t care about important information, like your birthday, college major, or dog’s name. They may not be not interested in getting to know the real you, seeing you only as a stand-in for their ex.

8. They’re Always Posting on Social Media

Many rebounding people want their exes to see how “happy” they are with their new partners. For example, they may excessively post videos and pictures of their relationship with you. This behavior is out of jealousy and spite, not genuine love for you.

9. They Seem Really Bitter or Angry at Their Ex

A big sign someone is not over their past relationship is having unresolved bitterness or anger about an ex. Speaking poorly or bitterly about an ex is often a sign of a rebound relationship. They are not ready–or able–to move forward with you.

10.  You Have a Bad Feeling Something Is Off

Our gut usually tells us when something isn’t right. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but the relationship just isn’t working. Perhaps you feel they are being dishonest or untruthful about their past relationship. Trust your gut.

Reasons People Seek a Rebound Relationship

Being in a rebound relationship can be disheartening, and learning the person you care about is rebounding with you can be devastating. However, your partner may be unintentionally rebounding, and your relationship is not necessarily doomed.

There are many different reasons people look for rebound relationships. Sometimes they want to improve their self-esteem or get over someone they love.²

Common reasons people seek rebound relationships include:

• To get over an ex: Getting into a new relationship can help people find a resolution over an ex-partner.²
• To form an emotional connection: Someone may seek out a new relationship for the emotional connection they crave. When done in a forthcoming way, this can actually be healthy and even healing.
• To make their ex jealous: People who start new relationships and parade the new partner around often do so to make their ex jealous.
• To fill a void: Many people with anxious attachment or low self-esteem struggle with being alone.³ They might immediately find a new partner to avoid this uncomfortable feeling.
• To prove to themselves their recent breakup wasn’t their fault: A person may seek a rebound relationship if they worry about how they look to outsiders. Perhaps they are embarrassed or worried that they look bad to mutual friends and family after a breakup.

How Long Do Rebound Relationships Last?

Research about the duration of rebound relationships is mixed. Most mental health clinicians caution against rebounds due to increased risks of unhealthy dynamics and the possibility of a quick breakup. However, some research has shown that not all rebound relationships will be short-lived.⁴ The rebounding person’s motivations can significantly affect the duration of their next relationship.

Can Rebound Relationships Turn Into Long-Term Relationships?

A person still hung up on their ex is often unable to be a successful long-term partner. However, if the person is forthcoming about their feelings and honest about wanting to move forward, a rebound relationship could prove healthy and long-lasting.

Are Rebound Relationships Healthy?

Some rebound relationships are automatically unhealthy. For example, using a new partner to make an ex jealous shows immaturity and dishonesty. However, people can have healthy intimate relationships without defining roles. Those looking to have a good time without commitment can start “no strings attached” relationships with people still recovering from recent breakups, and vice versa.

What to Do If You Are in a Rebound Relationship

If you are in a rebound relationship, take a deep breath. You may blame yourself for the situation, but you probably couldn’t have prevented or changed the relationship. You cannot force someone to be ready for commitment, and you do not deserve a partner who does not love you.

Here are a few tips on how to cope with being in a rebound relationship:

• Trust yourself: You know true love and care when you feel it. Don’t let a rebounding partner convince you otherwise.
• Focus on what you can and cannot change: Remember that being a rebound is not your fault. You cannot change the person, so focus on moving forward and finding a partner who values you (if you are ready).
• Practice self-care: Focus inward on your needs. What will help you recover from this situation? Turn to activities that bring you joy and pleasure.
• Leave the relationship: Consider breaking up with your partner if they are not meeting your needs. A rebound situation can be okay, but only if you are comfortable with the relationship boundaries.
• Lean on your support network: Seek support from friends and loved ones. They can provide much-needed guidance during challenging times.
• Get back out there: Don’t let this bad experience turn you off from dating. Many good people are out there waiting–just watch out for the rebounders!

When to Seek Professional Help

Many people will experience rebound relationships throughout their lives, and some may need support dealing with the repercussions. Therapy can help if you are struggling to cope with a rebound relationship. Find a therapist who can help you navigate your feelings and heal. In many cases, health insurance covers therapy, and various online therapy options are available. Call your insurance provider and ask what therapists are “in network.”

In My Experience

In my experience, a relationship with a partner who doesn’t love you back is challenging and can seriously affect self-esteem and confidence. For many of my clients who have experienced childhood trauma, particularly those who fought for attention or love from caregivers, this experience can feel devastating. Finding a partner incapable of loving you back can revive those feelings of abandonment from childhood. Working on self-esteem and learning about healthy relationship patterns can help empower people during this time.