The end of a relationship is difficult and emotional regardless of how long it lasted. Some endings hit harder than others, but the overlap is that all heartbreak all comes from the same place, which is grief. While it’s possible to get past these feelings and move on with your life, it takes time, effort, and intention.
A break up presents an opportunity to understand ourselves better and examine the ways we may have contributed to the downfall of the relationship. Or, you may need to get over someone you’ve never dated. From there, you can do the work to heal and become a better person. It may feel impossible to move on, but with time, effort, and intention, you will.
If you’re wondering how to get over someone you love, here are five tips:
1. Give Yourself Time to Heal
It’s important to let yourself feel all of your emotions, even the painful ones, and go through the entire grieving process. Just take it one day at a time, be gentle with yourself, and lean into the process because the only way out is through.
2. Self-reflect
When a relationship ends, some people blame their partner for everything. Others take the blame entirely onto themselves. It’s important to think objectively about both parties. Own what is yours to own, and let go of the rest. We all make mistakes and break ups take two people, so consider the part you may have played, learn from it, and work on being a better version of yourself.
3. Rediscover Who You Are as an Individual
At the end of a relationship, it can feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves, too. It’s important to remember that you are more than your relationship. Take this time to get reacquainted with yourself. Figure out what makes you happy outside of the relationship. What brought you joy before you met this person?
4. Seek Out New Experiences
Our grief can sometimes hold us back from wanting to try new things, but it’s important to have new experiences. This could be anything from trying a cooking class, going on a hike, joining a book club, or just doing something new with friends. If it seems like too much, give yourself some attainable short-term goals.
5. Speak to a Therapist
Sometimes, grief and pain can feel overwhelming, and it helps to have a support system to lift you up. Friends and family often have great insight, but for some, speaking with a therapist is the best way to heal and move on. If you need help on how to find a therapist and want to search a directory, there is no shame in doing so.
Why Ending a Relationship Hurts So Much
When a relationship ends, the pain is raw and jarring. We experience shock, numbness, and grief whether it’s a break-up, divorce, or the result of a death; however, everyone copes with their pain differently. Depending on the situation, the loss could be one of companionship, purpose, or an overall awareness of who you are without the other person.
The ending of a significant romantic relationship is linked to an increase in depression. It’s also possible for individuals to experience stress-related cognitive alterations as there is evidence that heartbreak triggers the brain’s parietal and frontal lobes and has an impact on dopamine production.1
How Long Does It Take to Get Over Someone?
There is no timeline for moving on after a break up. How long it takes depends on you and your relationship. Some people check out of the relationship before the break up happens, but others don’t even grasp that it’s over until a few days or a week after it ends. There is no shame in taking time to heal.
If you find yourself communicating with an ex-partner and continuing to feel badly, it may be a sign that communication isn’t conducive to your healing. This is also true of engaging in social media, viewing the social media profiles of your ex, and looking for and asking about them. If you find yourself doing any of these, challenge yourself to stop and hold yourself accountable.
When to Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help may be a great way to start your process of healing, especially if there is an underlying issue like depression or trauma. Signs that you may want to speak with a therapist or counselor include lack of sleep, too much sleep, social isolation, an inability to complete daily activities, and neglecting important commitments.
If you experience any of these signs for more than 2-4 weeks, it may be time to seek professional help. It can be scary and hard to acknowledge this, so allowing a trusted loved one to give you feedback and support can help you feel less alone.
Final Thoughts on How to Get Over Someone You Love
Closing a chapter of your life, especially as it relates to romantic relationships, can be extremely difficult. Just know that you will eventually move on and heal, and if you want to, you’ll likely find another partner who meets your needs and makes you happy.
Additional Resources
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- MentalHealth.gov
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
