Situationship: What It Means & Signs You Are In One

What Is a Situationship?

A situationship does not have one discrete definition and can look different to a lot of people. Broadly, it is a no strings attached relationship or emotional/sexual bond without a title.¹ People may enter into this by choice or may find themselves in one if no discussions are had based on what the partners are looking for or want from the relationship.

The situationship is different from a “booty call” or casual sex arrangements, as intense feelings and emotional intimacy may be present in a situationship whereas a booty call is based almost exclusively on sex and the individuals may not interact any other time. A situationship can occur at any age but it is likely to be the relationship of choice in emerging adults as their emotional and mental maturity is not fully developed to navigate the intricacies of an intimate relationship. Individuals may enter into one for matters of convenience, short-term circumstances, or a lack of insight into their own emotional needs.

Examples of Situationships

A situationship can take many forms. Two people may be dating and spending time together, but have not defined the relationship parameters. They may have physical intimacy but also see other people. The individuals may not want to risk their friendship by committing to a relationship so they will spend time together and see how it develops. The individuals may have started dating just before one of them has to move away and agree to keep things casual until they can see each other again. Additionally, the two may have started dating during a stressful time in their lives, such as post breakup, and don’t want to add the pressure of a committed relationship.

7 Signs You May Be In a Situationship

Situationships lack clear labels, boundaries, and commitments. They often involve emotional and physical intimacy and spending time together although partners may not define their relationship or set clear expectations. Signs you may be in a situationship include uncertainty about the relationship’s status, confusion about partner’s intentions, and a lack of communication about the future. Setting boundaries and having open conversations can clarify the nature of the relationship.

Below are seven signs that you may be in a situationship:

1. You Don’t Put a Label on Your Relationship

Individuals with commitment issues may prefer to keep the relationship casual and not put a label on it for fear of it becoming too overwhelming. Defining the relationship may change what you two have and that can be scary and produce anxiety. Keeping it light and breezy reduces the anxiety but also has long-term consequences. Keeping it undefined denies you the experience of navigating complex emotions and experiences.

2. You Don’t Make Long-Term Plans

Long-term planning might be only a few days or weeks out. Planning anything for the next few months might be out of the question as that would assume that the relationship is anything more than casual. The relationship is not given time to breathe and play itself out authentically. Rather, artificial barriers are put in its way to prevent it from growing and maturing.

3. They’re Seeing Other People

Seeing other people suggests that the relationship lacks clear boundaries and exclusivity. In a committed relationship, both partners have agreed to be exclusive. However, in a situationship, partners may not have had that conversation or have decided to have an open relationship or keep things casual. This can lead to confusion and uncertainty about the relationship’s nature and future.

4. You Aren’t Introduced to Friends or Family

Given the casualness of the relationship, one partner may not feel the need to integrate the other person into their life by not introducing them to friends and family. One partner may wish to keep the matters of their social life private. They may only reserve the opportunity for significant others to be welcomed into their social sphere when the relationship is significant.

5. They Are Inconsistent

Inconsistency can be present all over the relationship. A partner may be inconsistent about their feelings and behavior, being warm and affectionate one minute and cool and aloof the next. Communication can also be inconsistent. Your partner may be slow to respond to your messages or avoid having serious conversations about the relationship. Consistency is a sign of a commitment as it brings about more transparency and trust.

6. They Are Emotionally Unavailable

Your partner’s emotions are unclear and you aren’t sure if they have genuine feelings for you or if it is just a sexual relationship. They may not express how they’re really feeling about you or what you mean to them, but simply speak in generalities. Your partner may be hesitant to open up or share what they are truly feeling.

7. Just Like the Attention

You may discover you like the attention more than you like your partner, or that you enjoy the time together and the attention you receive, but can’t picture a future together.

Pros & Cons of Situationships

Situationships, like all relationships, have their advantages and disadvantages. This approach offers the benefits of emotional and physical intimacy without the pressures of commitment. However, it can also be confusing and uncertain. While anyone can engage in a situationship, some populations, such as those who prioritize their career or personal goals, may be better suited for this type of relationship. It is up to each individual to decide what type of relationship works best for them.

Advantages of a Situationship

Situationships can be good for individuals who are not yet ready or interested in a committed, long-term relationship. It can provide emotional and physical intimacy without the need for traditional relationship responsibilities. This approach can be appealing for those who have demanding careers, busy lifestyles, or who are not ready to settle down.

Moreover, situationships can offer individuals the freedom to explore and experiment with different types of relationships. They may be similar to “friends with benefits” situations, where both parties are happy with the level of intimacy and lack of commitment.

Disadvantages of a Situationship

Situationships can be harmful to individuals if they are not prepared for this special type of relationship. The instability and ambiguity can increase a person’s stress and anxiety, particularly if they are insecure about how the person feels toward them. The lack of clear boundaries can also make it difficult to establish trust and build a strong emotional connection.

Situationships can be emotionally draining, particularly if one partner is more invested in the relationship than the other. Feelings of insecurity, loneliness, and rejection can have a negative impact on mental health. Situationships can be harmful if one or both partners are not on the same page or if clear boundaries and open communication are not established.

Mental Health Impacts of Situationships

Situationships can have a particularly damaging effect on a partner’s mental health. It can prompt issues of depression and anxiety given the relationship lacks consistency and structure. An individual may begin to believe that they are the issue and that something is the matter with them even though it might simply be the environment they put themselves in. It is important to note that some individuals who are more sensitive or prone to feelings of self-doubt may not thrive in these types of relationships.

The way you speak and think about yourself can be negatively impacted. Self-worth can be greatly impacted and a person may begin to feel that they are not worth any type of relationship or of love. This can all lead to low self-esteem. For some, situationships may even be deemed a toxic relationship.

Can a Situationship Become a Relationship?

A situationship can definitely become a committed relationship if both parties are willing to move it in that direction. Like in any dating scenario, if one party wants to move forward and the other does not, it’s not getting off the ground. One of the partners may feel ready for a deeper emotional connection, or they may want to establish a stable, long-term partnership with their partner. If this is communicated to the other partner and they are in agreement, it can take shape. Ultimately, it is important for both partners to be clear about their expectations and communicate openly and honestly to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

What to Do in a Situationship

It’s essential for both individuals to communicate openly and honestly with each other about their expectations and boundaries. Without clear communication, the relationship can become confusing and lead to hurt feelings or misunderstandings. Being transparent about one’s desires and needs can help both partners better understand each other and make informed decisions about the relationship. Establishing boundaries and expectations can help prevent one partner from feeling used or taken advantage of in the relationship.

Below are important things to do in a situationship:

• Be honest about your expectations: This sets up clear boundaries and reduces the likelihood that anyone gets hurt
• Ask for what you want: it allows both partners to have their needs met and can lead to a more fulfilling relationship. Otherwise, you may feel unsatisfied or resentful.
• Don’t be passive: You should feel in control of your relationship and have a clear voice in how it is playing out. Passivity can breed resentment.
• Defining exclusivity: Setting ground rules and parameters for seeing other people will reduce arguments and leave both partners feeling respected.
• Handling conflict: Both partners should establish how they will handle disagreements and conflicts in the relationship as unhandled conflict can lead to unresolved emotions and be a catalyst for a breakup.
• Assessing compatibility: It is vital that both partners, in any type of relationship, are consistently assessing their compatibility and whether they want to continue the relationship.

How to End a Situationship

Ending any relationship is never easy. Figuring out how to break up and walking away from something that you know is not working can take an emotional toll for both partners. Knowing when to leave is not always a clear-cut decision and can involve many conflicting issues. It might be time to end a situationship when one or both partners want different things from the relationship or when the relationship is causing more stress and confusion than enjoyment.

If someone is looking for a long-term relationship and the other partner is not, it’s important to recognize this and end the situationship to avoid wasting time and emotions on a relationship that is unlikely to evolve into what they desire. Alternatively, if someone is happy with the situation but the other partner wants more, it’s important to be honest and end the relationship if the feelings are not reciprocated. It is important to be clear and direct with the other person. Avoiding ambiguity or mixed signals can help prevent further confusion or hurt feelings. Be respectful and kind, while also being honest about your feelings and intentions.

When to Seek Professional Help

Speaking with a therapist can be helpful at various stages. If you find that you keep getting into situationships and are not leading to the relationship you ultimately want, speaking with a therapist can help identify attachment and emotional barriers that prevent you from identifying or making your needs clear. Additionally, if a situationship is causing significant emotional distress, anxiety, or depression, finding a therapist can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space to explore feelings and concerns related to the relationship and can also offer guidance and support in navigating the situation.

You might find that you are dealing with relationship anxiety that needs addressing or low self-esteem. Online therapy options provide a convenient way to participate in therapy.

Final Thoughts

In any kind of relationship, it’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Whether it’s a situationship or a long-term commitment, being honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and needs can help ensure a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges related to your relationship, seeking professional help can provide valuable support and guidance. Taking care of your mental health is crucial for building and maintaining healthy relationships in all areas of your life.