Why Do So Many Men Have No Real Friends: Explanation From a Therapist

Why Do So Many Men Have No Real Friends?

Men most often lack real friends because of gender conditioning that starts in childhood and discourages emotional closeness. These gendered expectations are a significant part of the human experience.¹ In childhood, we learn through observing and mimicking these gender roles.

As boys age, they label emotional vulnerability and closeness as feminine. Society frequently conditions them to avoid showing emotions other than anger or frustration.² Therefore, while girls develop strong bonds with their friends, many boys struggle with the openness necessary for such friendships. These issues with emotional expression may partially explain why so many men fail to form real and long-lasting friendships.

What Happens When Men Have No Close Friends?

The common belief that men do not need to express emotions or develop meaningful friendships is false. All genders benefit from social support. In fact, a lack of close friendships significantly impacts mental health, with many men reporting feelings of loneliness and emptiness due to the absence of social connection.

The impacts of a lack of real male friendships may include:

Negative Impacts on Mental Health

Friendships support mental and emotional well-being and help decrease mental health symptoms.³ Unfortunately, men who lack this social support may be more likely to experience depression or thoughts of suicide.

Additionally, many men may not seek beneficial treatment due to fears of vulnerability and being perceived as “weak.” Some equate medication or psychotherapy to femininity, making them less likely to seek support for men’s mental health issues.⁴

Romantic Relationship Problems

In the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey, 53% of Americans said the first person they talk to about a personal problem is their spouse or partner, while only 16% said they go to a friend first.⁵ Leaning on a spouse for emotional and mental support is healthy and often a sign of a successful relationship.

However, issues arise when a partner is the person’s only support, as is commonly the case for men without close social connections. It can lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment. This lack of healthy male friendships can strain a romantic relationship because the partner becomes a source of both intimate and friendly guidance, attention, and solace.

Feelings of Emptiness

Feelings of emptiness are a common consequence for men who have no one to share achievements, stressors, and milestones with. While many men have supportive friendships, a significant amount of their bonds are based on shared activities rather than emotional depth.⁶

For example, a man may have endless acquaintances with whom to watch sports games but none who would provide emotional support. In these cases, men miss opportunities to experience the deep connection from vulnerability and closeness. Experiencing feelings of emptiness is also a common symptom of depression in men.

Loneliness

Men without close friends report some of the highest loneliness rates in the country. In Gallup surveys from 2023 and 2024, 25% of American men under 35 said they felt lonely a lot of the previous day, the highest rate for young men among 38 wealthy nations (the OECD median is 15%). In his 2023 advisory Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, then U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared loneliness and social disconnection a public health crisis.⁷ Men are especially vulnerable to this crisis.

Decreased Motivation

Social support often correlates with productivity and motivation. Friends can hold a person accountable and show encouragement when they share details about each other’s lives and goals. Without close friendships, men have fewer people to provide essential incentives they may not receive from other relationships or external factors.

Increased Feelings of Anger

Friends can provide relief and comfort when we experience negative feelings or emotions. Men without real friends often bottle up these emotions, possibly increasing internalized anger and sadness.

Decreased Social Supports

Vulnerability and closeness vary from friendship to friendship. Some friends may provide emotional support, while others offer encouragement and incentive. As mentioned, societal gender norms limit a man’s ability to be vulnerable, often deterring them from developing close friendships with other men.⁸ For example, men may rely on their parents for emotional and social support rather than open themselves up to new people.⁵

Men with anxiety may find themselves withdrawing from their social crowds, further decreasing the availability of a social support system.

Increased Risk for Health Concerns

Many researchers and clinicians agree that social support can decrease stress and improve both physical and mental health.³ The Surgeon General’s 2023 advisory linked poor social connection to a 29% higher risk of heart disease, a 32% higher risk of stroke, and a 50% higher risk of developing dementia in older adults.⁷

Is the Male Friendship Recession Getting Worse?

Recent national surveys show the male friendship gap is less about how many friends men have and more about how men use them. In a January 2025 Pew Research Center study of over 6,200 U.S. adults, men and women reported similar numbers of close friends and similar loneliness rates, with 16% of all adults saying they feel lonely all or most of the time. The sharpest gender difference was in emotional support: only 38% of men said they were extremely or very likely to turn to a friend for emotional support, compared with 54% of women.

Age matters too. Gallup surveys from 2023 and 2024 found that 25% of American men under 35 felt lonely a lot of the previous day, the highest rate for young men across 38 wealthy nations and well above the 15% OECD median. Daniel A. Cox of the Survey Center on American Life, whose research first documented the “friendship recession,” found that men are also less likely than women to share personal feelings with friends or tell a friend they love them.

Taken together, the newest data adds nuance to talk of a male loneliness epidemic: many men are not friendless so much as under-supported. They keep company but rarely trade vulnerability, so their friendships carry less of the emotional weight that protects mental health.

How Can Men Build Close Friendships?

Men may spend years avoiding emotional intimacy, making their reluctance to form real friendships understandable. If you feel like you can’t make friends, struggle to develop long-lasting friendships, or think you have no friends – active listening, time, and effort can positively impact how you interact and experience closeness with others.

Here are six tips for building healthy and real male friendships:

1. Practice Active Listening

Learning how to communicate and using active listening can help promote closeness and connectedness between friends. Pay attention when someone talks to show you are interested in who they are and what they say. Focus on simply listening, not interrupting, and asking a person follow-up questions as they talk.

2. Focus on Commonalities

Striking up a conversation can be tough, especially with someone you just met. When initiating a discussion, focus on what you have in common. Perhaps you are both in the same office and dealing with similar stressful projects, or you have children the same age. Use these commonalities to start a dialogue.

3. Put in Time and Effort

Making friends takes time, whether you’ve just moved and you’re trying to make friends in a new city or need to re-establish your neglected, existing friendships. Research by communication professor Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found it takes roughly 50 hours together to turn an acquaintance into a casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends, and more than 200 hours to become close friends.⁹ Remember that time and effort are crucial to developing close friendships. You cannot meet someone and expect them to immediately become a close friend, even if you feel like you share a connection.

4. Be Reliable

Be available and reliable because this shows others you are trustworthy. If you do not respond to texts or calls or constantly cancel plans, this sends the message you aren’t interested in developing friendships.

5. Create Shared Meaning

A bond over shared beliefs or faith can help facilitate friendship. For example, having similar goals, career paths, or shared spiritual ideologies can create a feeling of belonging and unity.

6. Pay Attention to Discomfort

Growing up with expectations about how you should behave as a man undoubtedly affects how you relate to others–especially men.⁸ Trying to ignore any discomfort is not helpful. Instead, acknowledge the feeling and validate it as a part of your culture and upbringing. Our society assigns privilege to masculinity over femininity (i.e., male aggression over vulnerability), so feeling uncomfortable about bypassing these beliefs is normal.

Can Therapy Help Men Make Friends?

Professional help is available if your struggles forming emotional intimacy prevent you from making friends. Finding the right therapist starts by locating a provider who understands gendered expectations and how self-confidence affects male relationships. You can use an online therapist directory to help you locate an in-person or online therapy option.

In My Experience

In my experience, many men struggle to form close friendships with other men but find it easier to bond with women due to fewer restrictions on vulnerability and emotional intimacy. My clients often feel frustrated at the amount of rules placed on their friendships, which is understandable. However, there is no shame in opening up to others. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share yourself with friends.