Slut shaming refers to the act of degrading someone’s worth based on their actual or perceived sexual character. This ill-intended practice can transpire in-person or online, usually leading a person to experience severe psychological distress. Having a clear understanding of this prevalent issue can help you identify it in your life and find ways to mitigate its harmful effects.
What Is Slut Shaming?
Slut shaming is the term used to describe the act of judging, stigmatizing, or bullying people based on their appearance, sexual attitudes, and actual or perceived sexual habits. This shaming typically ensues when a person is considered to be acting in a manner that violates perceived societal notions of what appropriate sexual standards should be.
Even though anyone can be a victim of slut shaming, women, girls, and female-presenting individuals seem to be the most common targets. This can be attributed to the sexual double standards that continue to exist today, in which females are more harshly judged for their sexual expression than men, and victim-blaming is common.1,2,3,4,5
“Anyone can be the target of slut shaming, but most often it’s the young women in our society who are judged for their choices around sex and sexuality. This type of criticism can also be aimed at gay men, who may face judgment around behaviors that society, including parts of gay male culture itself, considers sexual promiscuity. Not surprisingly, in the midst of our patriarchal heteronormative society, straight men are rarely chastised for these very same behaviors.” – Justin Pere, LMHC, CST, CGT
Moreover, slut shaming can occur with or without the victim’s knowledge and take place in virtual or real-life settings manifesting in various ways, including cyberbullying, instrumental aggression, and relational aggression. Regardless of how slut shaming occurs, the intention comes down to embarrassing, defaming, and sometimes extorting or threatening the victim and their sense of safety. Sadly, the impact of this growing problem can have devastating consequences on the mental health and overall well-being of those who are victimized.1,2,3,4,5
Examples of Slut Shaming
Slut shaming can occur whether the intended target is aware or not, and can range from microaggressions to overt displays of shame. Even when slut shaming is blatant, many victims are unaware of its severity, sweep it under the rug, or go out of their way to hide it when they feel ashamed. That’s why it’s important to understand how slut shaming may present itself so you can make healthy decisions moving forward for yourself and any individuals experiencing slut shaming.1,2,3,4,5,6
Here are six common examples of slut shaming:7,8
- A classmate jokingly says, “You look like a bimbo in that skirt.” Even if it’s done in a funny way, the intention behind the remark is to make you feel shameful and embarrassed for something that they may consider to be sexually suggestive or a deviation from “proper” attire.
- An ex-partner recorded your sexual encounter or took nude pictures of you and distributes or threatens to expose the explicit contents online. Often referred to as revenge porn, it is the ultimate violation of your trust and a vindictive way to denigrate you; in many cases, it can also be illegal.
- You are sexting and your friend scolds you for sending sexy images to your boyfriend. While it’s important to be mindful about how you interact in cyberspace, there is a difference between warning a friend to be mindful of their safety and chiding them for expressing their sexuality.
- You are arguing with your partner, and they bring up your sexual history in a spiteful way. Your sexual past is being used to hurt your feelings and make you feel ashamed about your past sexual conduct.
- You overhear your coworkers gossiping about your sexuality or sexual life. Your private sexual life is being weaponized behind your back to shame you, which often counts as workplace sexual harassment and carries legal ramifications.
- People writing about your sexuality and sex life on bathroom stalls, in public places, or online, whether anonymously or not.
Effects of Being Slut Shamed
Slut shaming can have damaging effects on a person’s overall well-being and has been linked to depression, anxiety, suicide, and low self-esteem. This form of harassment can also extend beyond words or gestures and escalate into more serious offenses, including sexual violence or abuse and emotional blackmailing.1,2,3,4,5
Effects of slut shaming can include:
- Body image issues
- Depression and anxiety
- Feelings of guilt and shame
- Sexual anxiety
- Sexual shame
- Low self-esteem
- Suicidal ideation or attempts
- Being socially stigmatized and isolated
- Reluctant to report or talk about it for fear of retaliation, re-victimization, victim-blamed, and/or not believed
It is worth mentioning that victims of slut shaming or other aggressive behaviors are not the only ones who experience negative outcomes. Perpetrators may also face mental health issues and other problems, including symptoms of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. While limited, research shows that offenders are also more likely to engage in illegal acts, risky behaviors, and substance use.1,5
If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide because of slut shaming, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and guidance from a skilled counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger or in crisis, call 911.
How to Talk to Your Teen About Slut Shaming
Although it may be difficult to talk to your teen about slut shaming, there are still ways parents can initiate open and honest discussions. Parents can be instrumental in preventing their children from becoming targets or engaging in bullying behaviors, and may often have a greater amount of resources for dealing with slut shaming once it is already occurring. Talking to your teen about slut shaming in a healthy way can facilitate opportunities to share values and learn about each other’s experiences. Moreover, this will make it more likely for your teen to seek your guidance, which increases the likelihood that they will mitigate its negative consequences successfully.
A few tips that can help you talk to your teen about slut shaming include:1,2,4,5,9
- Create a home environment that feels safe and reassuring, where your teen can talk freely without feeling judged or scolded
- Have daily or frequent check-ins by initiating casual but meaningful conversations in the car, over dinner, while doing homework, etc.
- Educate them about slut shaming and how social media affects teens
- Create awareness and instill important values of acceptance
- Emphasize that slut shaming or being complicit with this conduct is never acceptable.
- Empower them with the tools, skills, and resources to combat slut shaming
How Therapy Can Help
If you are a victim of slut shaming and are struggling with your mental health, finding a professional can help you deal with some of the negative effects associated with slut shaming. Counseling can provide you with a safe space to deal with your feelings and help you reduce insecurity and build confidence. If experiencing trauma or negative consequences from a sex-related issue, consider finding a sex therapist or going to trauma therapy. There may also be support groups available for people experiencing similar issues.
It is important to note that finding the right therapist may be a trial-and-error process and encourage your teen to remain motivated. You can talk to your primary care provider or a trusted loved one, or use an online therapist directory to filter for insurances accepted, specialties, therapeutic approaches, and more.
Final Thoughts
Slut shaming is a harmful act that no one should be subjected to or partake in. However, creating more awareness around this topic and its negative effects can help us become more conscientious about how we discuss sex and sexuality as a society. This knowledge can also assist in taking preventive and supportive measures for victims of slut shaming and their loved ones. Most importantly, being cognizant about how destructive slut shaming is can spark constructive changes in our communities and work to eradicate it.