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  • InsecurityInsecurity
  • How to StopHow to Stop
  • RelationshipsRelationships
  • At WorkAt Work
  • TherapyTherapy
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • ResourcesResources
  • InfographicsInfographics

How to Stop Being Insecure: 9 Tips For Success

Silvi Saxena MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Written by: Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Pat F. Bass, MD, MS, MPH

Reviewed by: Pat Bass III, MD, MS, MPH

Published: August 3, 2021
Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Pat F Bass III, MD, MS, MPH
Reviewed by:

Pat Bass III

MD, MS, MPH

Part of a normal human experience is to have a myriad of emotions, including insecurity. It can take time and reflection to recognize feelings of insecurity and understand how to manage them, but it is completely possible. Consider journaling, self-care, and learning effective communication skills to boost your confidence.

Would you like to have more confidence? Tharapy can help you build confidence and self-esteem. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Insecurity?

Insecurity is a general lack of confidence or a long-lasting feeling of anxiety, discomfort with uncertainty, and unsureness. It can play a big role in self-esteem and self-worth as it makes you question your abilities and values as a person. General insecurity can sometimes spread over into relationships (romantic and otherwise) and work or career-related things.

How to Not Be Insecure

By working on self-esteem and focusing on your inner self, you can gain the emotional strength needed to manage feelings of insecurity, combat these feelings when they arise, and regain power in your own life.

Three ways to overcome insecurity are:

1. Practice Self-Care

By making yourself a priority, you tell your inner self it matters. By honoring yourself first, you heal the parts of you that need the most love and attention. Some ways to care for yourself include exercise, being in nature, getting enough sleep, having nutritious meals, taking a break from social media, spending time with meaningful relationships, and engaging in creativity.

2. Try Gratitude Journaling

There is power in writing and putting your feelings down on paper. Gratitude journaling specifically helps you challenge your negative thoughts and reminds you of the good stuff. Giving yourself kudos and expressing your pride in yourself is uplifting. It also creates “proof” of all the things insecurity tried to rob.2

3. Read on the Topic

Just like writing, reading and hearing stories about others who have grown through adversity, whether external or internal, can be healing and encouraging. Reading memoirs from people who have had to work through their negative thoughts can offer reassurance that you are not alone.

3 Tips on How to Stop Being Insecure In Relationships

Insecurity can spill over into relationships including friendships, familial bonds, and romantic partnerships. Fortunately, you can overcome these insecurities by communicating openly, keeping a feelings journal, and learning each other’s love language.

Here are three tips to overcome insecurity in relationships:

1. Communicate Openly

Having an open line of communication is critical for any relationship to thrive. Discussing feelings with your partner is a healthy way to build trust. To strengthen your bond, create a time to share feelings and discuss what is happening inside as it relates to the relationship. Of course, there comes a time when speaking with a therapist individually or together can also be helpful.

2. Keep a Feelings Journal

Like gratitude journaling, keeping a feelings journal can be helpful in managing relationship insecurities. It helps you remember how you were feeling in any given situation, understand where certain feelings come from, and know what triggers negativity. By keeping a record of your feelings and perceptions, you learn a lot about yourself.

3. Learn About Love Languages

Sometimes, relationship insecurities come from forgetting that everyone is different and experiences love differently. We all have experiences that shape who we are, so learning about how you and your partner differ is important. Sometimes, insecurities arise from making assumptions. It’s important to have deeper conversations about what brings us a sense of safety and security.1

3 Tips on How to Stop Being Insecure at Work

Insecurity can also affect you at work, whether that means you don’t go after a promotion because you’re scared, you constantly worry you’re in the wrong profession, or you lose sleep over important phone calls. Try taking a break, speaking to a trusted colleague, or putting time and effort into professional development.

Here are three tips to deal with insecurity at work:

1. Take a Break

When you feel insecure with work, take a step back and evaluate your feelings. It can be challenging to manage other people and personalities in the workplace, so taking inventory of yourself and what you bring can be helpful. Taking a step away to gather yourself is a chance to think about how you want to approach the situation, whether you need to be part of it at all, and if there are other issues at play.

2. Speak to Trusted Colleagues

Having a supportive director or trusted colleague to speak with about general insecurity at work can be helpful. Nearly everyone has felt this way at some point in their career, and by sharing, you help them too. Recognizing insecurity and being able to discuss it can normalize these feelings, which may be signs of imposter syndrome.

3. Engage in Professional Development or Coaching

It’s no secret that people who are early in their careers feel insecure. Despite internships and schooling, there is only so much preparation you can do. Some companies offer professional development or supervision to help you become more confident in your role. Seeking professional development or coaching outside of work is also a great way to reach your goals.3

Can Therapy Help Me Be Less Insecure?

Meeting with a therapist is a great way to work through insecure feelings, learn where they come from, and understand how to heal. Regardless of whether your insecurity is more general, relationship focused, or work related, therapy can help you sort through difficult emotions and learn new coping mechanisms. There are plenty of resources available to help you choose a therapist, including online directories. 

Final Thoughts on How to Not Be Insecure

We all deal with insecurity at some point or another, and it manifests in many ways; fortunately, there are just as many ways to manage, cope, and heal. This problem is unique to you, but you’re not alone. If you feel like you need more guidance on how to stop being insecure, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Virtual Psychiatry

Hims / Hers – If you’re living with anxiety or depression, finding the right medication match may make all the difference. Get FDA approved medication prescribed by your dedicated Hims / Hers Healthcare Provider and delivered right to your door. Plans start at $25 per month (first month)*. Get Started

Mental Health Newsletter

A free newsletter from Choosing Therapy for those interested in mental health issues and fighting the stigma. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up

Reduce Drinking

Sunnyside – Want to drink less? Sunnyside helps you ease into mindful drinking at your own pace. Think lifestyle change, not a fad diet. Develop new daily routines, so you maintain your new habits for life. Take a 3 Minute Quiz

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Sunnyside, and Hims / Hers. *Hims / Hers Disclaimer: Subscription required. After first month, price is $85/month for a monthly subscription or $49/month for a three-month subscription ($123 for first order, $147 billed quarterly thereafter). Subscription automatically renews unless you cancel at least 7 days before renewal is processed.

For Further Reading

  • Best Books on Confidence
  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov

Stop Being Insecure Infographics

How to Stop Being Insecure 9 Tips For Success Insecurity Defined Ways to Overcome Insecurity

How to Stop Being Insecure in Relationships Effects and Impacts of Insecurity to One's Life Getting Help for Insecurity

How to Deal with Insecurity

Sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Conradi, H.J., Noordhof, A., & Kamphuis, J.H. (2021). Satisfying and stable couple relationships: Attachment similarity across partners can partially buffer the negative effects of attachment insecurity. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 1-16.

  • Khanna, P., & Singh, K. (2021). Stress management training and gratitude journaling in the classroom: an initial investigation in Indian context. Current Psychology.

  • Montani, F., Courcy, F., Battistelli, A., & Witte, H. (2021). Job insecurity and innovative work behaviour: A moderated mediation model of intrinsic motivation and trait mindfulness. Stress and Health.

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